Having one of those down days when anything could set me off crying (and I'm not a cryer). I know that RA when flaring can affect mental health, not just because it sucks but I think because it affects hormone balance and causes mood swings (a trigger of inflammation and fatigue, I'm sure).
Anyway has anyone got tips for these days? Trying to tell myself that it's medical and I will get passed it, and that i'm not the grumpy moody girl I feel like, isn't really helping me get through the working day without biting the heads off of my colleagues. The worst thing is that a colleague asked if I was ok and I said I'm just struggling at the moment, because I feel like every time I take a step forwards towards managing my disease, my body sets me back a step - and her response was to tell me that that is just life and happens in any situation, not just to people with long term conditions and I've got to just be strong and not get down about it. She then went on to say how her best friend with JIA can't walk and still makes the most out of life and doesn't let it hold her back. Which, of course made me feel silly.
Whilst I know I probably needed the brutal honesty, all I wanted was a hug and for someone to say, "I know it's tough, let me help where I can, don't push yourself too hard." You know? Now after her comment I feel like I have to keep pushing just to keep up with my workload when I'm really not very healthy at the moment, in body and mind.
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Savannahseger
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Your colleague is clueless, bless her. If you lost a leg would you say it was no problem as your neighbour had lost two legs? I don't think so. She was just trying to make herself feel better, or comes from the 'pull yourself together' party. As a start try and give yourself the compassion you wanted from your colleague. Don't beat yourself up. If you are poorly you need to be kind to yourself. Talk on here. Lots of kindness available. Virtual hugs.
I did say that pointing out that her friend has it worse than me doesn't make me feel better, and she said that I'm not helping myself because she is just trying to help and I'm pushing back. I know she didn't mean harm, she just didn't say the right thing so I don't want to make her feel bad. It's just to me, it would be obvious not to say something like that to someone else who is clearly upset and suffering. I think empathy teaches you that.
That is really good advice though thank you. I need to remember my own strength in self-care! I'm going to have a nice bath when I get home and just try to relax, leave my to-do list to the side for a bit. It is really helpful to talk on here knowing that others understand.
Unless they suffer from it they have no blooming idea. If you want to go somewhere quiet and have a good howl do as it help relieve the stress. Then when you have done that go back to work paint that smile on your face and ignore those ignorant people who have no idea. Then i suggest you get all the info on your condition and then leave it on those peoples desk for them to read.Hugs darling.xxxxxx
Very true. I did feel like having a quiet howl in the bathroom this morning but I've managed to get through. I'm gunna have a nice cry with my boyfriend when I get home to get it out of my system, ready to face tomorrow stronger. Very good idea haha! It seems like the girl who made the comment should know more than all my other colleagues because of her best friend, but I guess even then only seeing one person with the condition doesn't give you an understanding of how vast the symptoms are and how it can affect different people differently. Thanks for the hugs and reassurance! xxx
I had a good howl in the batroom last night,i thought hubby wouldn't hear me as he was laying on the bed reading,but he did so he hugged me bless him. For someone who is deaf he always hears me crying.xxxx
im hugger sylvi she wont come near me now since l lost some weight she keeps making big pies but that wont stop me 2st so far still 21st but once i get bit between the teeth i am away
tell them sylvi your right the wifes murder at times TILL I GiIVE THE LOOK OF DEATH then she UNDERSTANDS just take the bag to bin please arghhhh it was not done by me holding onto worktop for dear life cant hold spoon frustrated and then they rub it in gets my goat up
I do wish I could give you a hug. It must be so very hard being so young. You mentioned you have gone to a plant based diet and that has been of some help you also mentioned that hormones may play a role. This in fact is very true in RA and checking your estrogen/ progesterone balance as well as thyroid would perhaps be an idea. Dysfunctions on the level of these hormones often make RA worse. Do take care and I hope you'll feel better soon but do not push yourself. If you feel sad, feel sad you have all the right.xxSimba
Hi Simba, thank you! In some ways, having grown up with it has made me stronger, but in others ways, I'm still trying to find my path and grow into adulthood that is a high pressure environment when also dealing with RA, so my stress is sometimes high. But I know from the past that I can get through any kind of day and I do always do my best to look after myself. I think getting my thyroid and hormone levels checked is a very good idea, I'm going to ask my nurse at my next appointment with her in a few weeks.
Thank you for the advice and kind words! I think society makes us feel like we cannot ever be sad but actually being able to reflect and then move forwards anyway makes us strong right? Take care, sending love xx
Oh sorry to hear that! Take care. These days do pass fortunately, that's what I keep telling myself and from past experience, it's just a roller-coaster so we've got to be going back upwards for a bit soon.
I do have the opportunity to work from home on really bad days, I just find it harder to justify working from home on days when physically I can get to work but mentally I'm not really here.
Bless you I get what your saying love x I have plenty of these moments x cry you will feel better x even my most caring friends and family don’t get it ? It’s such a shame we can’t have local coffee mornings together so we can have a group hug,from those that know 💕💕 At least we have each other on this site 😘😘😘 That truly no Big hugs xx
Yeah It's nice to know how much you understand though. Even if it is shared pains! It would be lovely to arrange a coffee morning with people who are local. I recently made friends with a local girl from a rheumatoid arthritis group on Facebook and we've become quite good friends
Hi there, Sorry to read your feeling low just now. I tend to not say how I'm feeling to people outside of here now because of replies like you have had. When your feeling low and maybe slightly vulnerable you DO want a hug, support and understanding. Not someone to say ' that's life' 'you have to be positive and strong'. That's not helpful. But in fairness, many people simply don't know what to say so just say anything! When your feeling as you are just now no one else matters , you matter. Don't feel you have to push yourself further because of a comment. It's not your colleague who is going through how you are feeling. I used to have terrible PMT. I needed solitude during those times and didn't speak much at work. Colleagues got to know what was wrong. Moody was an understatement! I know it's tough working when feeling rubbish. RA is draining at the best of times. I would advise you to take time off to relax and recharge. Tearfulness is normally due to tiredness and low energy. You sound like your needing a break. Be kind to yourself. Sending a huge hug. Xx
Hi there, thank you for your kind response! I have only just been back on here so I had missed this comment in the past week. I am definitely in need of a break, luckily going on holiday in 2 weeks so it couldn't have come at a better time. Hope you are feeling well! Thank you xxxx
Totally sucks when people do things like that, cos you’re not feeling fragile enough already 🙁 no consolation but bet it’s happened to loads on here. I don’t think people realise the impact it has on your mental health having this you’re right. No good at time but I do little mindfulness meditations ( YouTube: mark williams good) 10 mins at most a day to yourself if nothing else lol. My GP referred me for 6 week cbt course for long term conditions (yeah nothing’s gonna cure this at mo’ but lots of it was useful). I am so sorry you’ve had it for so long & at such a young age, life’s not fair and I think your marvellous for coping at all. Xxx
Hi there, thank you so much and sorry I've only just seen your comment! I have really been considering mindfulness so I will definitely check out your recommendation, thank you We all do our best don't we! It's not always easy but for the most part I feel stronger for it. Sending hugs, hope you're well xxx
I can see who's the silly person here and it's not you. I'm afraid your colleague could do with a lesson in empathy, sympathy or any human reaction to someone in distress. I know I sound like a broken record but someone else's suffering does not diminish or invalidate yours. Have a good cry, indulge in a rare treat and a warm bath. The virtual hugs are coming to you if that helps.
Hey there, thank you and I'm sorry i've only just read this! Feel much stronger after reading yours and other's kind words on here, it's such an uplifting community I've been trying to brush my colleagues comments off my shoulder and get on with focusing on myself. I'll get there! Hope you are well, sending hugs back xxx
That’s the thing: normal people have no idea what it’s like to live with a chronic illness, to be in pain 24/7. And people ask me why am I so moody, when in fact I’m just in severe pain. Pain makes me moody. Every day something else hurts. Every single day. I can also be very down when I have bad pain. Take care of yourself. Don’t let other people’s insensitive comments get you down. You are doing the best you can.
Yes I totally get it, they just don't understand so they say the wrong things. It's best to just ignore their comments and focus on myself and the ones who do actually help me. We'll get there! Hope you are feeling ok! Thank you for your reassurance xx
Hi there, thank you so much, I've only just seen this. It does pass, I'm getting there now and starting to feel stronger. I think you're right, the best thing to do is to tell them you are fine regardless.
Insensitive of her to tell u that u need to be stong etc and rather patronising. That is why when people ask how I am I always say "fine" as u r not going to get what u t looking for from friends. Also it's so annoying when they tell u about someone worse off. I mean u know this already and how is telling u supposed to make u feel better. Anyway she probably meant well but made u feel worse.
Yes I totally agree with you now, it is easier to not have to explain to people who will never really understand. But yes, so glad you understand my frustration with her comments! I've just learned to kind of keep my distance and not get into any deep conversations with her now. I'm starting to feel a bit stronger though.
Hope you're doing ok! xx
Hi Savannah
We all deal with this disease in our own way the best that we can. The only advice that I can give is to stay as healthy and active as possible. Listen to your body and do a little every day.
I know that it is hard and we are all at different stages in this disease but we can live with it sharing with others.
Surround yourself with good friends that will listen and stay positive.
Hi there, yes getting active again is a big priority for me. I'm going away in 2 weeks and I'm going to do lots of swimming and hopefully carry it on when I get back
Thank you for your positivity and advice Hope you are well ! xx
I often come late to these posts because I look after my grandson so sorry for late reply. I’m a great believer in having a really good cry. It’s cathartic and I’m sure it releases hormones which have a calming effect. I was in the middle of a very bad flare when my father died and I was amazed how better I felt physically after several days crying.
So sorry for my late reply too, I don't have the app on my phone so I only remember to check on my laptop.
Totally agree in the power of a good cry and getting things off your chest. It sounds like you have been through a long emotional journey but thank you for sharing and I wish you all the best xxx
Hi, can I join in late as well? Not been on here for ages. Can SO sympathise as all on here can too, there just are days when you can't stop crying. I think we're all a bit conditioned to think "oh I shouldn't be crying there are heaps of people worse than me", but that's rubbish. I'm very blue at the moment, very sore as well, and living alone there's no-one around to give me a hug. Depression is never far away unfortunately. You are doing really well if you are still working, and your colleague shouldn't have said what she did. Hang on in there. xxx
Hey, sure thing but I have also been late with my replies ,guilty! I'm glad you understand even if it is shared pain! Depression is a pest but it's good to have a community like the people on here who understand and to talk to, it does help. Take care, ending positive vibes your way xxx
Most people are so clueless as to how we suffer with these awful illnesses. I have both RA and OA as well as fibromyalgia, degenerative disc disease, curvature of the spine, gout and many other problems and the pain often feels more than I can cope with. My husband and myself have just managed a lovely holiday (although a struggle for me) and we came back feeling refreshed but as soon as we arrived back it was to the news that my husband's cousin had died three days before very unexpectedly and that our brother in law is in hospital.
I often have low moods, especially the day after I take methatrexate and it just can't be helped. It is not a case of pulling yourself together, it is an illness.
I was very upset earlier this year when someone who I thought was a friend put on my Facebook page, "When are you going to stop whinging about your health problems? Our neighbour has just died of cancer and that is a real illness." I cried over that for weeks and find it hard to understand why anyone would be so cruel. There are a lot of unkind, ignorant and stupid people out there. I wish you all the best and think you are marvelous to be able to keep working. I cannot even do housework or cooking any more and my husband even has to help me to dress and undress. I never thought I would end up like this and I worry a lot about the future. Sorry for the long ramble, but I just felt I wanted to talk to you and wish you well. xxx
Yes I agree people are just clueless, I guess it's not their fault, as there is a lot of misinformation out there.
I cannot believe your friend said that to you! That is so awful and an honest reflection of the kind of person they are. It sounds like you are going through a very difficult time at the moment and I wish you all the love and strength to get through. Get some love from your husband and remember there are people who want the best for you and care.
Thank you for sharing, take care of yourself lovely. xxxx
Thank you for your lovely reply Savanna. It sounds as if we are two of a kind. As you say, I am going through a very difficult time just now. What has made it much worse is that in February this year, I had two nasty falls and ruptured two tendons in each of my shoulders. One shoulder is doing very well and almost back to normal, but the other one is so painful and is not improving at all. I have seen an orthopedic surgeon who says that in normal cases they could repair the tendons, but because of all my other rheumatoid problems it would be impossible and would tear again almost straight away, (he said it would be like trying to repair a piece of wet tissue. This means I can do even less than I already could and the pain never eases despite taking morphine etc. I feel as if bit by bit things are being taken away from me. I make cards that I sell for charity and like to play the piano, but with my arms like this now, it has become very difficult.
I was wondering if you are on Facebook as it would be nice to keep in touch and be Facebook friends. I am not sure how to send a private message on here. Keep smiling and look after yourself. xxx
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