guilt

[annaslyric]

just lately i have been feeling guilty that i had my two children when i have rheumatoid arthritus as it can be inherited, i found out this year that i was ra positive and my oldest is 11, i am adopted and when was planning to have my children went to social services to ask if there were any medical problems within my blood family, however no information like that is recorded so i was unable to find out, i cant shake this guilty feeling that i have as it breaks my heart to think that my two children could be in so much pain in the future.

[AgedCrone]

There are many schools of thought but most rheumatologists I have spoken to say RD is not inherited .....so enjoy your children & definitely don't mention your fears to them. The are healthy & happy & will no doubt remain that way.

Personally I know for a fact that nobody in my family going back to both my grandmothers...one of whom died at 97 ..had any sort of auto immune problem, but in my generation l & two of my cousins have RD ...so it has just popped up,out of nowhere, in my family.

[annaslyric in reply to AgedCrone]

wow you have made me feel a lot better, i honestly thought it was inherited and at the hospital they told me it was inherited, thank you

[AgedCrone in reply to annaslyric]

I firmly believe..worry about it when it happens....before then just ENJOY!

[helixhelix]

There is a very weak link to you being more likely to get RA if it is your family - but by no means a certain thing. So please don't think you have burdened your children with this as it's quite unlikely.

There is much more evidence that shows that lots of people have the factors to get RA, but for many it is never triggered. Triggers are stress, smoking and poor lifestyle choices. So the best thing you can do for your kids is to bring them up to eat well, exercise, stay a healthy weight and above all not to smoke! I am convinced that if I had done all those things my RA would never have woken up....

[annaslyric in reply to helixhelix]

Thankyou

[Caza in reply to annaslyric]

No one in my family has had RD & I can go back quite a way. I've always had a healthy lifestyle, ok smoking at age 17 to 19. I've never been overweight & ive always loved exercise. I've had a hell of a lot of stress over the yrs & I've put it down to that. Stress still happens but I try to handle it differently. Enjoy your children as a mum you can always feel guilty about something but cross that one off your list.

[Kai--]

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If this helps at all, annaslyric, doctors 👨‍⚕️ Dean Ornish & Neil Barnard speak about how ‘Your Genes Are Not Your Fate’ ( healthunlocked.com/nras/pos... ) — whether or not your children 👫 eventually manifest signs of autoimmune disease.

Perhaps that’ll go a way toward alleviating any guilty feelings? 😌 🙏

Please, kindly relieve yourself of such thoughts & revel in the love 💕 you have for them & the love 💗 they have for you. ☺️

Wishing you & your sweethearts a joyous Christmas, annaslyric. 🙏 🍀 🌺 🌞

.

🎄 🔖 🎁 🎅 ❄️ ☃️ 🌨

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[hatshepsut]

There is no genetic link for RD , but there can be a familial link Fingers crossed that your family prove to be clear.

I always observe my daughters and grandchildren

So far so good, they do have health problems, but not RD.

They are all aware what to look out for ,I have to trust that they would take the tight easures

[Cherub198889]

Oh, hun don't feel bad. RA is not genetic. It can run in families, but not always. Please don't waste your time thinking about your children developing RA. Enjoy watching your children grow up. If one of them develops RA in the future, they will be able to be diagnosed quickly & with all the new & up coming meds, who knows? RA could be a thing of the past.

[annaslyric in reply to Cherub198889]

thank you so much, i am starting to feel a bit better x

[BubbleMonkey]

Even IF they end up with it, there is nothing for you to feel guilty about. You did all you could to check. You didn't know you'd end up getting it later down the line.

If it makes you feel any better I don't think it's one of those conditions where it's likely to be passed on. Most I have ever found it that there "may be a genetic factor". Which essentially mean "dunno". And my issues have popped up out the middle of nowhere so hey it's totally possible they'd get it even if you were clean as a whistle.

I'll admit though, this is something I worry about in my early 20s with no kids in the near future so I can see why you're concerned too. Mums will always find something to feel guilty over cos their kids are so important to them. Most of the time though it's not something actually worth worrying or feeling guilty over.

Something will always go wrong in some way, but it's how you manage it that matters. If something like that were to happen to your kids A) it would not be your fault and B) you would be so well equipped to be understanding and caring.

Hope you feel better about this after all those smart responses and that your kids live long pain free lives.

[annaslyric in reply to BubbleMonkey]

yes your right, thanks for the advice x

[farm123]

I was diagnosed at 19, 32 years ago (only one knee at that time and for many years after) but still went on the have 4 children. The first was an accident at 21 so perhaps not so much thought then about the future and the second followed 22 months later. When it came to the third and fourth 10 years later I had been on hydroxychloroquine and reasonably settled I had forgotten what it was really like and still mainly affecting the one knee so still did not take it too seriously. Things accelerated later on so feel as guilty about having to have their help at times and not being able to do 'normal' mum things as about passing on the disease. The medicines have changed so much and many more are available since I was diagnosed that hopefully they can be more controlled if they do inherit it. The older two in their late twenties are so far clear. Farm

[annaslyric in reply to farm123]

you give me hope, thank you x

[jane1964]

Hello,my mother had very bad rheumatoid arthritis and her great fear was always that I would get it.I didn't I have other autoimmune diseases, no one else in my family has the diseases I have in fact I had never heard of the main one ,it may be connected somewhat to my genetics but I have read that it's thought to be genetics plus some unknown trigger which is then simply bad luck and I am sure my Mum would have been upset if she was still alive but I certainly would never have felt it was in anyway her fault or wanted her to feel in anyway to blame, it is just life no one could have predicted this and.I had a great example of how to live with a chronic illness from my very brave mother as I am sure your children will.No one can ever predict their future enjoy your children you have nothing to feel guilty for, you will always worry a bit probably but a good parent always does about something.You just never know how life will go but if you love and care for your children as you obviously do that's the best you can do.

[annaslyric]

thank you for your lovely reply x

[Geo-Lesley]

No, it's not inherited so please don't feel guilty. There is a possibility that inherited genes may pose an increased risk of developing it but that depends on a host of other factors.

New drugs are being developed so there is no reason to fear for them. As you have the condition they will be better screened and, as you know, the sooner it is discovered the faster the treatment can be administered.

Keep them healthy, stress free (which I am convinced is the trigger), and give them as much love as possible.

Big hugs xXx

[nessa11]

So sorry you are feeling guilty. Easy to say you shouldn't but you shouldn't!! I am the only one in my family who has RA so as lots of other people have said it is not inherited. I am also very glad to be alive and I am sure your children are too. The medications are always improving and if in the event your children do end up having it they will be really fast on the case with diagnosis and so get on meds really quickly. Release on the guilt if you can. There is no reason for it. All the best.

[Billybongos]

My gran had it but her children didn't .I have 3 sisters and 2 brothers they don't have ra .i think it's down to alot of things .don't beat yourself up enjoy your children xx

[Hidden in reply to Billybongos]

Similar here. Gran had it, but I'm the only other one in my family who has it. There are far worse things to worry about. As others have said, great strides have been made in the treatment of RA/RD, so there might be a cure in the future.

[Ruth12345]

I agree with all the above comments. Im sure you wouldnt want to be without your wonderful children to whom you have given life.

My niece and daughter have auto immune diseases and I only went down with RD 14months ago which is years after them and as far as anyone in the family is aware there is no famy history of RD. Its very complex. Enjoy your children they are a precious gift. Do be encouraged by those who have responded. You are obviously a loving mother and as such will worry. Enjoy these precious years with your children. I wish you all the very best for all of your futures.

[Padram]

Hi annaslyric,

Please check out the site aarda.org.

Also please ensure that your children's Vit D, Vit C levels are good.

Deficiency in vit D is definitely a precursor to Auto Immune Disorders.

Also if the mother is deficient in Vit D, and the children are breast fed, the children generally are deficient in Vit D.

I have found this in me, my children and my granddaughter.

My paternal grandfather had Psoriatic arthritis, my mother had RA, I have RA and ITP.

So ensuring that Vit D level, as well as Vit C level is good for them. And keeping my fingers crossed.

[Jeppy]

....yes. Guilt is such an exhausting and wasteful emotion for sure, I saw a therapist years ago and I was worried about a condition my dad had and I can hear him saying to me, even now , ' we all of us have predisposition to a host of ailments but we also have the power to change it, if it's. It one thing it's another Please take heart and great advice above, it's what we do today that affects tomorrow it's true. Xxxxx

[Jeppy]

Ps. No I haven't had the same as dad for sure (it's now 26 years later !, and had a good life even though I didn't know I was hypo ,.............mum had this I'm sure but didn't know and she had quality ninety three years.,!,,,,,,

[Jeppy]

I had psirosis after childbirth, I didn't take steroids or cortisone I let it be as an expression of what it was, and it did go away eventually and I wasn't left with white skin. Just trying to say your body has incredible healing capacity left to its own healing mechanisms, ignorance was bliss, I didn't know I was hypo and so I didn't worry about anything to do with it xx

[Terri1020]

Enjoy your children and don't stress over what could happen. There is no one in my family that has it. So, the question is , how did we get ra? Is it from smoking?Pollutants in the air? I read that they may be a factor. I never smoked a day in my life. Up until a few years ago, I was fine. Then I started coughing a lot- maybe second hand smoke from a new boyfriend? Don't know.

I know its not easy but try not to think about pain. Stay positive because when on the right medication the pain will go away.

[Mandy8175]

I have 3 children that are fine so far, one has been tested, and two that need to be. I don't recall anyone in my family having an AI disease, I think mine is caused by my parents being 41 and 50 when I came along. The older five siblings are healthy, I am the only sickling. Shoot, I worry more about cancer than anything else. All the chemicals, antibiotics, and genetic modifications to our food is a good trigger all AI disease.