Sooo angry!!

Why can’t I just make my hands work!! Already lowered my expectations for today. Just thought I would make an easy meal. That appears to be too much to ask. I have spilt things, dropped things and made a mess of the oven which my husband kindly cleaned last week. Feel so useless.

76 Replies

  • Hi food-lover

    Guess we all know how that feels; I broke two more items in the kitchen last week.

    Cheer yourself up, read Gnarli’s post today titled Barrier method.


  • Thank you I read some of it first thing. It was great. I have cheered up a little now. It’s amassing when such small things can unnerve you when you they relate to your own expectations of yourself and your previous abilities.

  • I know how you feel , when i have a flare my hands can get very painful and clumsy. I take time over cooking now as i cant rush . I use a battery tin opener which is great and a grip for opening bottle tops . If things are really bad i get pre- cut veg , i also tend to cook one pot meals which aslo saves washing. Don’t beat yourself up about it xx

  • Believe it or not I was only making a hot pot and rice pudding. This is one of my go to can’t do any more meals. Even had trouble with that. Changing the subject to a happier note. I was taken to market harborough at the weekend and found an amassing cooking shop. The new gadgets looked great and so pretty. I will ask for some for my Christmas stocking. Last week I had to ask my grandson for help when he was off school with flue.

  • You obviously enjoy cooking! I hope things start to improve for you . Maybe someone else will have other ideas to make things easier. I have to bake a large Christmas cake for my mum-in-law but im leaving it for a weekend so my husband can do the mixing.

  • Yes I know the feeling. Last year I soaked everything in the mixing bowl with cling film over then sprinkled the flour straight over. Mixed the liquid separately and husband mixed the last bit. It turned out well enough I suppose Christmas cake must be very forgiving. They are very expensive to buy. Good luck for the weekend. And thank you for your support today.

  • I also buy prepared veg, especially onions. The only meals I cook are in my slow cooker because I’m better in the mornings. My oh cooks everything else. I also use slow cooker liners to make washing up easier.

  • Thank you for your response. I have yet to get a slow cooker due to demand for space in a cluttered kitchen. I tend to use the oven in the same way as a slow cooker it is always nice to have a meal cooked slowly easier for the cook and tasty. I am cooking chicken,carrots with cauliflower and cummin, roast pots with spinach all on one try sprinkle d with curry spices. It’s a beautiful meal very easy. However my OH is at home so he will take the roasting try out when needed.

  • That’s making me hungry! I also would need help taking out the roasting tin. I’ve just made cottage/shepherds pie in my slow cooker. My oh cut the onions, carrots and potatoes and I then browned the meat and veg and assemble it. He will then put in the oven to brown off the sliced potatoes later. He understands that I need to feel independent so I always decide what we’re to eat and he allows me to play my part to maintain my independence.

  • Oh gosh no my husband is allowed to carry, chop , mash but no more we don’t work well together in the kitchen. He decides what to eat or chooses from a choice. If he cooks very very rarely I leave him to it. Xx

  • My husband usually cooks 4 or 5 times, and I do the other days. Funny thing is we have a caravan and when we are away I do all the cooking!

  • Yes we caravan to. I still do all the cooking and he collects and empties the water, we do the washing up, walk the dog together, shop together and eat out more. It’s all great, but harder than at home because things are not there to help you from home. Also pain increases because it’s often cold and you don’t rest as much. X

  • I do the cooking and washing up and oh does all the ‘outside’ jobs even including using the washing machine when we were away for three weeks in June. Unfortunatelyour caravan was stolen in July so that’s put and to that for a while!

  • Oh no .. So sorry to hear that. I am sad that despicable people take others' property and especially when it was a source of your holidays. Some people are disgusting. Hugs.

  • We got it back with minimal damage, but it doesn’tfeel the same. The thievestook almost everything from in it- including our dog’s toys and my husband’s underwear! We’ve traded it in for a new one but can’t collect it untilMarch. The sad thing is that we boughtthe stolen one, brand new, in March 2017!

  • Rotten lot! That would spoil it for anybody, having your personal space invaded and desecrated. You might have been better off if it hadn't been found and returned. Better luck with the new one. Himself has anchored ours down with what looks like a bit of the Titanic's anchor chain buried about 4 feet into the soil.

  • We’ll be doing something similar on the new one! I’ve buying new things, but at the back of my mind there’s always ‘am I buying it for me or the traveller!’

  • Let us hope it will be like lightening and not strike twice

  • That's crazy .. Dog's toys and hubby's underwear. Roll on March and your new one. Yes as Gnarli says .. Anchor it down and they won't be able to move it. x

  • Himself has had one stolen before. Once bitten and all that

  • So very sorry. There are some horrid people about. X

  • You let your oh use the washing machine? No. No nono nono. My territory, fiercely guarded, because I really dislike grey-blue scanties from where he puts jeans in too.

  • I sort the washing first and he just takes coloursor whites.

  • 😜😝

  • Flip. You can't have anything nice, can you

  • You can’t. The police were too scared to go onto the travellers site to find the car that had towed our van - it was left outside the travellers camp. It was our local police who said the police force who found the van were intimidated by the travellers!

  • Makes you wonder what the police are for

  • They are the thoughts of everyone I’ve spokentoo!

  • 80% of my smalls are black!! Just a few for under light things are cream /white! Less chance of a dye accident!

  • Given my age its a case of "bigs"

  • 😜 my smalls used to be smaller .....

  • Just a thought Helen. Have you discovered ‘great Scot dried onions ‘ yet they are great in anything with a sauce. I use them in the caravan. X

  • I haven’t! I’ll have to look on Friday when I do my supermarket shop.

  • I shudder to think how many blenders and food processors I've broken since this started. By and large, we no longer use crockery or glass for food preparation or service, where avoidable.

    I am a complete gadget hound but I need other people to move them - and I can pretty much only use the ones that are mostly made of metal and pretty robust.

    I'm a very keen hobby cook and most weeks used to cook on a scale that made other people wince but that is scaled back substantially until such time as my hands improve. E.g., most years, I'd make several hundred Xmas cakes (ranging from very small to family size ones) and vats of mincemeat. Most weeks, I made bread, cakes, and cookies for kayak club outings, friends and neighbours etc.

    ETA: gadgets that are worth their investment for me at present: the Instant Pot and the Lakeland version of the Thermomix plus my dehydrator, not least because I can set it to the temperatures I need to make my own yoghurt (streamlined by using the Instant Pot as well).

  • Pleased to hear that others also enjoy cooking. I seem to be accumulating so many cooking things it does not seem so long ago that I bought new things to smaller ones when the children left home. Now I also have difficulty and I have to ask for the mixer or processed to be put out for me to use. Thank you for your support.

  • Strewth but that is some output!


  • Some of the cakes are tiny - just 5cm single portion ones that my husband and I give out to colleagues as part of a Christmas package but between the heat of the oven and the vats of mincemeat, jam, and pickles, there's a reason my husband claims that our home is Santa's Sweatshop from the beginning of August. :)

  • Oh but I love that phrase. Please may I use it? You obviously love Christmas and baking. I was a little like that in my heyday. I still grow soft fruits and make jam because it's very satisfying - in both senses - and discovered that a pinch of finely chopped chili in picallili gives it a proper zing. Happy baking and if you have time to be bored a brisk tune on your mixing bowls would be great fun


  • I will remember the chilli tip and give it a try thank you. I seldom get bored when I am cooking but play the radio loudly and try to sing along isn’t it strange how some get such pleasure from cooking and others hate it to the same degree. Yet almost everyone loves to eat or at least talk about food.

    I tend to use words like soooo to express myself when the words in my head are too extream. Of course you may use the expression it is only words.

  • :) My husband has frequently said that we need to outsource some of our bottling, packaging, and gift decoration to school craft sessions as a win-win. (He's never quite got rid of the scissor grooves on his fingers from the year when *someone* had the idea that cutting out 200+ cherubs from holographic card as the gift tag would be a good idea. *whistles*)

    For several years now, I've pretty much converted all of my soft fruit preserve making over to freezer pectin because there's no loss of the fresh taste, there are no stupidly high temperatures and condensation, and you have great control over the sugar content. I lobbied Lakeland for some time to stock freezer pectin and assume others did as well. I was thrilled when they started offering it and hope that they never stop.

    I'm a keen fermenter and much as I like most of the vegetables done that way - there's no substitute for a good piccalilli. :)

  • High thanks again for the tips. I have considered fermenting. I love the taste of fermented food that I have tried. I even bought jars to use. However, todate I have not resurched recipients. Another task for a rainy day. I am sure they are very helpful when it’s too much trouble to make veg. Thank you again x

  • Good tip, that. Thank you, I shall bear it in mind for when I finally tackle the 20lb of frozen raspberries lurking in the depths of the freezer

  • Adult training centres for those with learning difficulties used to be a good source of manpower.

  • Hi Food Lover,

    I know exactly how you feel, I was Betty Crocker, Martha Stewart, and Cake Boss all rolled into a 5'3" feisty woman for many years, my family sang my praises to anyone who would listen! This time of year was spent mass producing gingerbread cities and pies of all flavors. Now all I can do is meals sometimes and I make about 3 cakes a year! My advice is find an occupational therapist to help modify your processes to suit your capabilities now, and stop beating yourself up! The more you stress or get angry the worse you will do! Oh and get metal mixing bowls that won't break when thrown!

    Sending you calming peaceful thoughts and prayers,


  • Yes gave me a good laugh. I think I might have to.

  • My steel bowls all have dents in them. :) No throwing involved but I swear that some of them look like they could be played in an oil drum band! Mandy8175 food-lover *blush*

  • I now have my own field of gravity. No matter what it is, if it's within 1 foot of me, it hits the floor.

  • Hi food-lover. I'm so sorry you are in pain and suffering such frustration. That was me last year, unable to shower or dress myself if it involved buttons or zips, hands so painful and swollen it hurt for the wind to blow on them and frequently sobbing with sheer frustration. Unable to follow my hobbies or live a normal life. Things looked bleak. Now it's so much better. Maybe not completely normal but certainly 3000% better. There is hope. If it can be like that for me, it can happen for you. Huge gentle hugs


  • Thank you for your kind encouragement. I hope one day that will be me. But as yet no meds to help. I have only been given vitamin D, rinitadine, and amatriptaline. I will see rheumatologist early December. They have said arthritis in hands and knees. No mention of elbows shoulders or feet. Hopefully they will give me something better at this appointment. I can understand their caution as I also have vascular and hreat problems. And react to medications.

  • I really hope that a med or meds can be found for you. I take the same as you plus methotrexate and folic acid. I shall keep my fingers crossed and wish you all the very best


  • So understand. It can be humiliating. I have trouble giving and receiving change at the shop and I feel such a dork.

    And yes, my cooking is messy too. I used to play guitar and cannot make a fret, it was something I liked to do.🙂

  • Greetings lovely people 😊I love cooking and baking too and break, drop, spill stuff in the kitchen when my hands are can totally empathise. When I manage to cook a meal from scratch when my family comes round, seeing them and eating together makes it all worthwhile. 🤗❤

  • I know that frustration but much has been made easier for me by carefully selecting what I use to help with things in the kitchen Wendy. Things like mixing bowls with really sturdy non-slip bases, drinking glasses with ridges (the really cheap ones from IKEA have been the best), Oxo Good Grips utensils, salt & pepper mills, storage canisters, measuring jugs, in fact everything I've bought in the range has been successful.

    I have also been referred to Occupational Therapy for physiotherapy specifically for my hands though this is jumping the gun in your particular instance as you're not yet officially diagnosed or on specific treatment yet I believe? Do correct me if this is wrong but once you're established on whatever is decided is best for you it may well be your hands start behaving better & do what they're told to do.

    Meantime if we can help with any other hints & tips just start another post, we all have different things to help us & short cuts which you could maybe try. 😊

  • Me too oxo good grips are brilliant. Have you tried their lemon press it looks like half of a lemon. It’s so soft that provided your lemon is ripe it’s easy. She said having asked OH to squeeze a segment over my fish and chips the other day. Let’s hope meds can help. I don’t even know if I will get them because my inflammation is low and negative for ra. Thank you for your advice re cookware andcrockryx

  • Has anyone tried the new silicone oven mits that look like a child toy bird beak. I think they may help because they have nodules on which may help grip. Thoughts great fully appreciated.

  • Yes, I have one of those in purple. They're fine as long as you don't need to hold the tray, pot or whatever for too long. They grip well enough otherwise. What I've found best are the super thick oven cloth or mitts, we have both.

  • I tend to use small cotton hand towels doubled over but not sure if it’s grip or just to heavy I do drop things. I will be ok several times and then normally as I am ready to serve it goes. Just as well I have tiled though now cracked floors. Thank you for your you help.

  • Aren't they just? Not tried their lemon press but I do always put lemons in the microwave for 10 to 20 seconds depending on their size which helps to get the most out of them. I have an electric lemon juicer that works really well, like this but mine is so old it,s gage ire ions design so not see through it's solid plastic.

    Plenty are diagnosed seronegative so don't worry. Rheumies know what they're looking for.

  • My hands have also started to go and lately it seem to be pretty bad. And it doesn't even happen when it hurts it happens all the time. The other day I dropped a bowl of sauce onto the table at a restaurant. Fortunately it didn't make a mess it just made a very loud noise.

  • It’s so terrible and embarrassing isn’t it. If no one is looking sometimes my hubby will swap plates having cut the food up first. You feel like a child.

  • Oxo good grips rocker knife works brilliantly. I got one a few months ago & it's made such a difference. I know what you mean about having your food cut up for you, it is embarrassing.

  • Boooooo and rude words! It is frustrating indeed .. I had years of my hands being stiff and swollen and I still drop things and fumble. Argh. Just be easy on yourself and on the better hands days go for it and on the not so good days ... Outwit it! I make a slow cooker casserole. You can always get ready cut meat and ready chopped veggies if it is hard for your hands to cut through. Then I add all my own twists and gravy/liquid etc and let it simmer away for many hours till it's all tender and lovely . I've a really lightweight but very effective slo cooker if you want me to check the brand and type. It washes like a dream too. Hope you feel better soon.

  • Thank you for your support. I am very interested in which slow cooker you find helpful. I do try to freeze extra food if I have made to much. But I seldom want to eat it. My daughter and husband normally polish it off. I must learn to be less fussy about food.

  • Can I butt in and suggest that you take a look at an Instant Pot because they have metal liners that are easy to wash and have pressure cooker/slow cooker/steaming functions etc.

    I use my Instant Pot most days a week - you will need to be able to line up the pressure lid if you're not using the slow cooker/yoghurt function but it is an appliance that is enormously useful to me.

    ETA: I use mine so much that I have extra liner bowls (there are regular offers for both the IP and the metal liners on Amazon). You don't need to buy the IP glass lid for slow cooking/yoghurt etc. - i) you can use the standard lid if you wish; ii) you can use lids from standard pans.

  • Thank you will have a look. I may get back to you for tips if I buy one.

  • The MR one is just that too. Below are the details for Food-Lover as promised. It's better to go to somewhere like Curry's so you can get a feel of how light they are. That was my prime priority. 😀

  • Just going to check which one it is .....

  • Here we are FL.. Mine is a Morphy Richards Sear and Seal and costs about £23 (mine was from Curry's and currently priced at £23.49) Model no is 48702 but there are others bigger and with more features. Mine is a 3.5L which is perfect for my hubby and I and can cook enough for 4 people in that easily. The inner can be used on the hob if you want to sear meat prior to slo cooking but I haven't so far but might next time! It weighs just under 2kgs and I find it easy to lift which is the reason I got it. The inner cleans beautifully. It isn't digital but that doesn't bother me. I didn't want a huge elaborate one as I've a space issue here with small kitchen and storage. I could see loads of larger excellent ones in the MR range but this suits us perfectly. It has a strong oval glass lid as I like to see what's going on inside. No temptation to lift the lid and break the seal if you can see inside!

  • Thank you for your reply I shall look it up. Maybe I can see it at the weekend when we go shopping. There are several things that been recommended through this post so I shall be very busy looking at them all. Thank you for your help x

  • You're welcome. It's always best to go and lift them and see how easy they are for us as we often have issues pressing and turning buttons etc. as well as being able to lift. I love to know my slow cooker is making something beautiful and I've no need to hover over a hob etc cooking or checking the oven/grill when the slo cooker is doing it all. Lets you get on with something else or just sit with a cuppa and read!

  • A lot of you seem to have trouble with hands and feet joints that are painful and stiff, as I do, and my husband does. Because we are two silly so and so's who have both managed to get RA in our hands & feet and we argue every morning about who is most able to get the breakfast, we asked for some home care. Our Consultant laughed when we told him we were quoted £23.50 for someone to come in, in the mornings, when our tablets haven't quite worked, to make our breakfast! He said:- "B****y expensive cup of tea, that!" We have tap water for the painkillers now and never bother with washing, dressing or food until 1.00p.m., which is a privilege you can have when retired and it certainly saves on heating bills. It must be terribly difficult for those younger people who have to get ready for work, and have RA.

  • So sorry you are having problems with your hands, it is very frusterating isn't it? Hopefully your hands will get back to normal soon. I do think you have a wonderful husband!!

  • I know this! Not making home made mashed potatoes this Thanksgiving!!!

    Found some really yummy instant potato’s called Idahoans.

    Everybody is going to help! It will be a first! Learning to let go- it’s been hard since I have a bit of control issues...

    I am glad you’ve cheered up!🍗

  • Thank you for your reply. Things are so much easier with help, if you can let go. We can buy mashed potatoes fresh here in England although quality differs wildly. I have found Tesco the best for flavour even though we don’t normally shop there. If there are several people to eat that is worth making a visit to. I normally make my own for several reasons. We buy a large sack of potatoes at the beginning of winter to save carrying them home each week. Further I was trying to loose weight last year for an operation and started mixing mash potatoes with vegetables to cut calories. We have become accustomed to the different flavours and I have continued this trend. Hope your thanksgiving goes well. Kind regards Wendy

  • I've seen that range on sale in supermarket - I've heard so much about Idahoan potatoes that I must admit I'm tempted to try a packet:

    Oddly enough, one of the reasons that I want to try them is that unless you're in Scotland, it's very difficult to buy the UK's fabulous Golden Wonder potato for domestic use (they are mostly grown for the crisp/chip market).

  • I have started using my local markets for fresh veg as I am no longer grow my own. Here the local potato is Boston. I find them a very good all rounder. However the stand said they would try and get my requested variety should I wish from the wholesalers. Perhaps you could try on your market or veg sho and ask them to source some for you. X

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