I can't cope with this anymore

I've hit a wall and I just don't have the energy to scale it anymore. This illness is killing me, physically and psychologically. I have no strength left to fight!

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  • I know how you feel! I have felt this way a number of times on the journey...I only get thru by puttting one foot in front of the other each day, telling myself how lucky I am. It is the PMR and the medication telling us it is hopeless. No one is allowed to be sick this long. Distraction is a good antedote....doing something for someone else...when you can😊 You are not alone in wanting to give up. Keep in touch with your friends on this forum..they understand💕

  • Sorry you are feeling like this. I have felt like this on occasion, we all have days when it just overwhelms you. Do you have someone close you can talk to about how you feel? Have you been feeling like this for a while? Maybe you need to speak to your Dr about it and consider anti depressants if this feeling of hopelessness doesn't pass? Can you go out and take a walk or go for coffee with a friend? Do something that takes you out of your home and have a different perspective? I usually have night sleep, (I say that with my tongue in cheek as I haven't slept a night through for years) and try and wake up and be positive. It is hard, it is a real battle some days, but if I actively make myself think of things that make me feel good or happy it can help. Please talk to someone if you feel you are not coping any more, I wish you all the best.

  • It is ok to feel like this, we have all been there. The constant pain and fatigue is draining, but please remember you are stronger than you think and will get through this. Have you tried an antidepressant or even asking the doctor for something to help you sleep at night? Please talk to someone you trust about how you feel or contact someone like Mind. Try to do something to pamper yourself or you could try mindfulness. Every morning when you get up look in the mirror and tell yourself "I can do this, it will get better" and do the same before bed.

    "Promise me you'll always remember: You're braver than you believe, and stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think." Carter Crocker

  • Don't you dare give in darling,it is hard now,but it will get brighter. Go back to your drs and rheumy and let them have it as to how your feeling darling. Ask us on here if there is any questions you want to know the answer to. Also feel free to tell us anything that is worrying you. We are all here to support you. Hugs coming your way darling and i hope this morning is brighter for you.xxxxxx

  • Hi we've all feel this way at times, and at the moment me too. But we can fight through it there will be a break in it. But for now contact the Rhuemy dept, I did on Friday and will get a call tomorrow.

    It's ok to ask them for help. No body knows this disease better than people who have it, people who don't Just can't comprehend it. So you've done the right thing talking on here. Battle on through you are stronger than you know. We know the pain at times is just unbearably difficult to control but reach out for help!


  • You get in touch with your rheumy or doctor and tell them how you feel and plead for help.You are in a way we don't like people to be in but alot if has been there.I used to tell my husband that I didn't want a go on and life wasn't worth living and crying that I wanted my life back.I can't work and kids now don't bother but I also have my 2 wonderful sisters who I can talk to and thankfully have bossed me about .I wouldn't of done anything but used to always used to think of no end to it all.Ask your rheumy for more help with meds and maybe a pain clinic. I am lot better and don't scream in pain now I am on hydroxychlorine with lot of other drugs.It has really helped me

  • Please try to stay positive. Its hard and we in this group understand & I thank everyone on here who listens & offers help.

    A few weeks ago I would sit and cry for no reason that I could fathom. I saw my GP who suggested anti depressants (I wasnt keen coz I didnt want to become addicted & didnt want even more pills to take). Anyway I tried a months supply but Doc had also given me info on a Psychological Wellbeing course. Its an 8wk CBT course to help with Managing Pain & Fatigue.

    Im a trained counsellor myself even tho I havent practiced for several years so I had it in my head that "I should be able to help myself " to know all the triggers. However I thought "it will be with a group of people in the same position as myself & it will get me out of the house to meet other people, regular appointments that I cant miss once Ive commited.

    I have recently had to take retirement becoz of this illness, I dont have a hubby or partner but I do have a daughter, 3 grown up g/children & 2 lovely g/grandchildren. I have a circle of friends but Im udually too tired to meet up often. But I still couldnt see a future for myself.

    The course is helping me to understand my thoughts, feeling and motivates me to do things although I already knew about pacing myself but found it difficult to "accept" this is the way my life is going to be from now on.

    Its putting into practice daily what I am learning on this course & being grateful that I am still alive as I have lost so many friends & people I grew up with (Im a young at heart 66yr old).

    Please speak to your Dr and see if tbere is any other help for you. Xx

  • You described it perfectly.

    That's how I feel. Sometimes it's really hard to keep going .

  • Hi Suki. If you need to chat you are welcome to call me. Where do you live? Let me know and I will give you my number. Its OK to feel like you do. What meds you on? Please let me help.

  • Hi

    Sorry to your feeling so low. it happens, and we all hit that wall a breakdown at times when we can't catch a break.

    Just think that things won't always feel like this, they won't always be so bad. It will get better. Your absolutely going to have good times going forward, and you need to stick at it with the rest of us by your side and you by ours till you do.

    You owe it to yourself to get through this, and if nothing else pick up the phone and speak to Doc's bcz your obv needing either a change in your medical therapy, or in need of an add on.

    Don't give up!!


  • Anybody with a chronic disease is going to be depressed and lots of psychologists and therapists are great but they don't KNOW what it's like.

    Antidepressants should definitely be considered.

    It's a lot to take in and come to terms with.

  • Have you contacted your helpline or your RA nurse and asked for a depo steroid injection? Mine only lasted 3 weeks before flaring again but it was a welcome break from the constant pain and fatigue. I started really reading lots of posts on here which makes me feel I like I'm not so alone in this fight.. hope you are feeling brighter soon x

  • We've all had dark moments but each one is unique. All we can do is to know we're not alone and for others to say what helped them. I find light helps. My partner dragged me out of the house (literally often) for a picnic lunch in the car. I had to be careful of sunlight because of allergies but the light helped my mood. And having something to look forward to. I hope you can find just a small chink in your misery you could prize open. Nothing lasts forever although it feels like that at the time. Xxx

  • Sending 🤗🤗🤗 your way xxxx

  • Hi Suki,

    Firstly, gentle hugs your way. There are many of us who do truly feel like there is no quality to our lives and want to give up... and then something happens which makes you take a step back from the desperation of illness and pain, where you feel you can just float a while until a better day comes. A few months ago I was at the end of my tether... some know this on the lupus forum ... and having decided to stop all my meds except pain relief someone here gave me a smidgen of hope... and so far, so good. Even trying new meds and having to wait to see if they work gives a modicum of a little more hope that one day they will find something that helps - that is where I am at the moment.

    So for today, just try and float... instead of scaling that never-ending mountain, imagine you're abseiling, loosen your grip on the despair, and just float for a while until you have the strength to carry on.

    I know a few sound bites don't really help you through the horrible time you are having... but please do believe there really are many of us who feel, and have felt, in a similar way to you... so when you need to vent and shout or simply just talk to a bunch of strangers, remember we all have something in common so we can empathise with you. We can't fix anything, but we do understand.

    I'm floating right now... I'm 28 years below me scaling that mountain and who know how many years in front of me... could be a couple, could be another 40... so I'm resting up too until I'm stronger and can carry on.

    I know telling folk they are not alone may be just another sound bite too, but even in a virtual world online, you aren't alone because so many of us have felt these feelings. I have, I do. Try and let anyone in your real life take the strain and please try and rest.

    Sending you strength and some peace to wherever you are. Keep talking when you're ready, you won't be judged here, meanwhile, rest and sleep if possible. Wishing you better days ahead.

  • Hi Suki,

    I totally agree with all the advice you have beeen given by everyone here but I would also like to give you one small word of advice that may actually help you quite quickly.

    Have your vitamin D levels checked out !

    Many of us find that because we don't get out and about so much these days and into the sunshine (which is a crucial source of vitamin D,) our levels drop below the normal that we require to run efficiently.

    This is done with a simple blood test and the solution is to take vitamin D tablets each day with your normal meds. Your doctor will prescribe the right volume for you.

    Odd to think that such a simple drop in one vitamin could make you quite so depressed but this can certainly be the case so please get this checked out straight away and perhaps have a read up on the internet about what vitamin D does for your body and how it affects us if we don't get enough of it ! Lol

    Hope this helps you in a small way.

    Stay safe and well,

    Xandii xx

  • Sorry you are feeling this way, I understand. I have been taking CBD oil legal everywhere and I can tell a difference in my pain and down feelings. Its worth a try you can ask your doctor if it's alright for you to take. You can find it online and stores becoming very popular for those of us who can't take pills and have a need for alternative treatment such as myself. Hang in there let us know how you are doing.


  • First of all thank you all for sharing - particularly you suki as I am having a really low day and reading all your responses has really helped me . I am on the fifth day of a holiday and fourth day of a hideous flare up!!!

    Secondly I have heard a lot about cbd oil - how does one use it and can you recommend a good supplier please.

  • Only just read this post-- I have read all your wonderful replies and advice. There is nothing else I can add other that sending you my very best wishes x

  • Know how u feel. Crazy there are so many of us in pain yet so many people don't know or really understand about these illnesses. ( which makes it even more difficult) I also havn't found the right medication after nearly 3 years and steroid jabs or pills are the only things that have given me some real respite. Helps to get u through the worst bits. I'm not scared of them anymore like I used to be...careful and use them wisely...but without them kinda don't know where I'd be....hang in there and all I can say is push through and find the right med that will work ( there is something out there that will) and the right doc who is willing to help u find it....🌸

  • Thank you to all the support and kind messages you have sent me today. Being the emotional wreck I am at the moment I have cried through every single one and I am overwhelmed by all of your kindness. My boyfriend has helped me get through the day but I feel like I'm a complete burden on him and often I want to retreat into my own black hole and leave him to live a happier life because existing with me isn't living.

    I'm dreading tomorrow and I despise the "I'm fine" mask I force onto my face at work but It's the only way I get through a day. I just want to close my eyes and for it all to be over. I'm sorry for being so negative I just don't have the energy to pretend.

    Thank you all again.

  • Thank you to all the support and kind messages you have sent me today. Being the emotional wreck I am at the moment I have cried through every single one and I am overwhelmed by all of your kindness. My boyfriend has helped me get through the day but I feel like I'm a complete burden on him and often I want to retreat into my own black hole and leave him to live a happier life because existing with me isn't living.

    I'm dreading tomorrow and I despise the "I'm fine" mask I force onto my face at work but It's the only way I get through a day. I just want to close my eyes and for it all to be over. I'm sorry for being so negative I just don't have the energy to pretend.

    Thank you all again.


  • Can you take sometime away from work? I had to do that a few times when I was so broken down with pain and illness.

  • I visited my RA specialist who I see every three months a little while ago.

    And I sat with my head down and said to him 'I feel like it's winning' I can't beat it or push through it. The only thing that helps a bit is to go to bed. Sleep,read,watch a movie in bed. I am in an electric wheelchair most of the time, life sucks, and I can't see anything positive to look forward to.

    He wrote to my gp and we increased my antidepressants and referred for more psychology visits.

    This year I arranged a day out with my support person and looked forward to it for a month, then we visited a Black cockatoo rescue and rehabilitation centre and got to go in the aviary with them.

    For one day I was SO happy. I paid for it for two weeks after in a massive flare up but now I have something else planned for a few months time to visit a MAcaw breeder.

    We all have to have something positive to look forward to.

    Sharing with others on this site has made me feel better this week.

  • Dear Suki,

    I clicked like on your post here because it is great to hear a response from you to all the posts above even though you are still very miserable even after reading them. Please keep going, your post has been one of the most replied to that I have seen here since I joined a couple of months ago.

    You are not alone. Maybe think of your boyfriend as an angel who has been sent to you. I don't have RA, my teenage daughter has JIA and she has felt the way you have described very recently and it is torture for me and her Dad and it is double torture for her. A steroid infusion just yesterday has given her what will be a very short lift out of where she was but it is a help nonetheless. I believe that there is something out there that will help you to get out of where you are right now maybe something someone else has suggested here. Keep searching, (keep breathing first!!!), keep hoping, THINGS WILL CHANGE!

    Have you ever tried listening to hypnosis downloads for RA? There are some really good ones out there.

    Very best wishes to you

  • I'm not sure what it is you got but if it's an under active thyroid I found a herb that helps me and it's called Ashwagandah I get it from piping rock and they always give you to for the price of one! It's meant to be good for a whole heap of things and even helps my husband with his insomnia. Te

  • Wow !!! Such a supportive bunch we have here. Dear Suki, all of us have gone through such emotional drains. I particularly liked Xandii's reply, mainly because it is not habit forming, and does wonders, both to beat depression and pain. I personally have found that for me, maintaining my vit d level around 50, not only makes me cheerful, but also relieves my joint pain. Of course, I am also off gluten for the past 18 months or so.

    You will come out of this just like all of us.

  • Just know .... WE HAVE ALL FELT LIKE YOU at various stages throughout our illness. We will probably FEEL LIKE IT AGAIN at some stage. There's no easy answer as we all deal with it in our own way. So find YOUR OWN WAY - whatever that may be. Take care xxxx

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