Healing Power of Resilience, Optimism, & Hope: Moving... - NRAS

NRAS

36,574 members45,183 posts

Healing Power of Resilience, Optimism, & Hope: Moving Forward from Trauma, PTSD, Physical & Psychological Abuse & Illness — Dave Pelzer

Kai-- profile image
41 Replies

.

Healing Power of Resilience, Optimism, & Hope: Moving Forward from Trauma, PTSD, Physical & Psychological Abuse & Illness — Dave Pelzer

.

Dave Pelzer (40-minute) audio podcast, 'Weekly Infusion' (with Dr. Drew Pinsky & Dr. Bruce Heischober): drdrew.com/2017/weekly-infu...

[Consider starting at ~minute 1:10 to bypass adverts.]

.

Podcast description reads:

"Dave Pelzer, bestselling author of "A Child Called It", describes how his picture-perfect childhood spiraled into a hellish nightmare of physical and psychological abuse when his mother became a raging alcoholic. Nearly killed by her on several occasions, Dave’s case was one of the worst be documented in the state of California at that time. Dave is now a popular motivational speaker who extols the healing powers of resilience, optimism and hope."

.

______

Overlaps with Cathy777 's "Trauma" post (last year): healthunlocked.com/nras/pos...

Thought this might shed some light 🕯 🔦 💡 on what we've personally experienced and/ or witnessed & might be of interest (deeply insightful) to some. 😌 🙏

A mature, balanced ⚖ perspective from an individual 'putting into context' their early life experience 👶 👦 — reflecting back decades later 👱 👴.

For those of us who've been traumatised 😦 😲 😱 (no matter at what stage of life or by what means), re-framing our experience & attempting to understand it 🤔 , may help us 'move forward' positively, productively. 🙏 👍

.

__________________________

7️⃣5️⃣ Chiropractic, Massage, Physical Therapy to Help Manage Pain: Matthew Redman: healthunlocked.com/cure-art...

7️⃣4️⃣ JIA-er Katy Shares Her Progress: From 10 Months Old to 26 Years Old: healthunlocked.com/jia/post...

7️⃣3️⃣ Quality Deep Sleep: Physical/ Mental Restoration & Improving Health: healthunlocked.com/cure-art...

7️⃣2️⃣ Oats as Cooked Oatmeal or Fermented Overnight. Rolled, Steel Cut, or Whole Groat. Prebiotic, Probiotic, not Idiotic via Dr. Richard Matthews.: healthunlocked.com/cure-art...

7️⃣1️⃣ DMARD Infographic: Methotrexate (MTX), Leflunomide (LEF), Sulphasalazine (SSP), Hydroxychloroquine (HCQ): healthunlocked.com/cure-art...

7️⃣0️⃣ Paddison Program (PP): Clinical Trial, Rheumatologist Contacting Clint Paddison, 'Guide for Rheumatologists', TEDtalk, etc.: healthunlocked.com/cure-art....

▫️

▫️

6️⃣9️⃣ Journey To 100: Evolution of Medicine (Functional Medicine & Importance of 'Community'): healthunlocked.com/cure-art...

6️⃣8️⃣ Dr. Michael Greger ('Sense & Sensibility') Shares "How Not to Die": healthunlocked.com/cure-art...

6️⃣7️⃣ Journalist Sumit Bose, Another RA-er Who's Documenting His RA Journey: healthunlocked.com/cure-art...

6️⃣6️⃣ 'Microbiome/ Gut Health Book List' from AARA: healthunlocked.com/cure-art...

6️⃣5️⃣ Practical, Brief Video Tips for RAers/ Autoimmuners: healthunlocked.com/cure-art...

6️⃣4️⃣ Supplements/ Nutrients (B12, Vit. D, Potassium, Protein . . . ) for RAers/ Autoimmuners & Plant-Based Dieters (Vegans, Vegetarians, . . . ): healthunlocked.com/cure-art....

6️⃣3️⃣ Sally, 'The Galloping Grandma': healthunlocked.com/cure-art...

6️⃣2️⃣ Why Does the Medical System Ignore the Importance of Diet? A Fable Told by John Robbins: healthunlocked.com/cure-art...

6️⃣1️⃣ Dr. Brooke Goldner's Free 3-Day Webinar, '6 Steps to Reversing Autoimmune Disease with Supermarket Foods': August 3/Thu, 7/Mon, 10/Thu 2017: healthunlocked.com/cure-art...

6️⃣0️⃣ 'No' to Fish Oil Too?: healthunlocked.com/cure-art...

▫️

▫️

5️⃣9️⃣ Top Rheumatoid Arthritis Blogs & Websites (from 'Feedspot'): healthunlocked.com/cure-art...

5️⃣8️⃣ Psoriatic Arthritis & Skin Psoriasis: Nicole S. O’Shea's Journal (& Journey): healthunlocked.com/cure-art...

5️⃣7️⃣ Anyone experience with Pulmonary Nocardia (Nocardiosis)?: healthunlocked.com/blf/post...

5️⃣6️⃣ Osteoarthritis: Prevented with Diet & Exercise? University of Surrey (U.K.) study in 'Nature Reviews Rheumatology': healthunlocked.com/ra-warri...

5️⃣5️⃣ "Guide for Rheumatologists" V 1.5.6 (for 'Paddison Program'-ers): healthunlocked.com/ra-warri...

5️⃣4️⃣ Life is all about how we see things. Context is everything. Perspective is everything.: healthunlocked.com/nras/pos....

5️⃣3️⃣ 2017 Food Revolution Summit: April 29 (Sat.) to May 7 (Sun.) Now Underway: healthunlocked.com/ra-warri...

5️⃣2️⃣ Reg, Coordinator of 'Redcar Arthritis Care Group', Shares His Thoughts about Movement/ Exercise & Arthritis: healthunlocked.com/nras/pos...

5️⃣1️⃣ Cornetto Trio? From Maya Angelou to Confucius to 'Oprah'!?: healthunlocked.com/nras/pos...

5️⃣0️⃣ "What Doctors Don't Know About the Drugs They Prescribe" by Ben Goldacre: healthunlocked.com/nras/pos...

▫️

▫️

4️⃣9️⃣ 2017 Food Revolution Summit: April 29 (Sat.) to May 7 (Sun.): healthunlocked.com/nras/pos....

4️⃣8️⃣ "People who say it cannot be done should not interrupt those who are doing it.": healthunlocked.com/fibromya....

4️⃣7️⃣ "When someone shows you who they are, believe them.": healthunlocked.com/fibromya....

4️⃣6️⃣ Ankylosing Spondylitis (AS): healthunlocked.com/nras/pos...

4️⃣5️⃣ Have you been on the "Paddison Program Forum"?: healthunlocked.com/ra-warri...

4️⃣4️⃣ Anyone on the "Paddison Program Forum"?: healthunlocked.com/nras/pos...

4️⃣3️⃣ "How U.S. Health Care Became Big Business": Medical Journalist, Dr. Elisabeth Rosenthal talks with NPR's Terry Gross: healthunlocked.com/ra-warri...

4️⃣2️⃣ Quinoa, Buckwheat, Sweet Potatoes, Leafy Greens, . . . 'Baseline Phase' of PP Diet Fulfills Nutritional Requirements (Diverse & Complete): healthunlocked.com/nras/pos...

4️⃣1️⃣ Healing Power of Resilience, Optimism, & Hope: Moving Forward from Trauma, PTSD, Physical & Psychological Abuse & Illness — Dave Pelzer: healthunlocked.com/nras/pos...

4️⃣0️⃣ Warm welcome, Hopeyj19!: healthunlocked.com/nras/pos...

▫️

▫️

3️⃣9️⃣ From Wheelchair to Bikram Yoga (in 10 Months): healthunlocked.com/nras/pos...

3️⃣8️⃣ "A Kitchen Fairy Tale" by Iida, How She Healed Herself with a Plant-Based Diet (according to 'Tribe Magazine'): healthunlocked.com/nras/pos...

3️⃣7️⃣ Can I Avoid RA Drugs or Should I Go On Drugs? 'Paddison Program' FAQ Opinion; Also: Methotrexate Explanation & References: healthunlocked.com/nras/pos...

3️⃣6️⃣ EarthToLor: Psoriasis, RA, Depression, Weight Gain; Triple Therapy & More; Potatoes & Rice: healthunlocked.com/nras/pos...

3️⃣5️⃣ New Arthritis Podcast: "Can Arthritis Potentially End a Musical Career?": healthunlocked.com/nras/pos...

3️⃣4️⃣ Cardiologist, Dr. Monica Aggarwal, Reduces Her RA Inflammation via Plant-Based Nutrition, Diet, Lifestyle: healthunlocked.com/nras/pos...

3️⃣3️⃣ AndySwarbs Shares His RA Hero's Journey — Joe Campbell Style: healthunlocked.com/ra-warri...

3️⃣2️⃣ Olive Oil — not Popeye's 'Olive Oyl': healthunlocked.com/ra-warri...

3️⃣1️⃣ Our Beloved AndySwarbs, a Hero's Journey: healthunlocked.com/nras/pos...

3️⃣0️⃣ Erika's Rheumatologist Confirms Erika's CCP Reduced (from 144.3 to 27) via Diet — turning_pain_n2_purpose: healthunlocked.com/nras/pos...

▫️

▫️

2️⃣9️⃣ "Super Juice Me!" Documentary by Jason Vale: healthunlocked.com/nras/pos...

2️⃣8️⃣ "Fat, Sick & Nearly Dead" Documentary by Joe Cross: healthunlocked.com/ra-warri...

2️⃣7️⃣ Juvenile Idiopathic Arthritis (JIA): Jenn, Cole, & Joseph Share Hope & Practical Experience: healthunlocked.com/nras/pos...

2️⃣6️⃣ Jenn, Cole, & Joseph: JIA-ers Who Share Hope & Practical Experience: healthunlocked.com/jia/post...

2️⃣5️⃣ Empathetic 'Knee Photo' for Deejojo: healthunlocked.com/nras/pos...

2️⃣4️⃣ "Tis but a scratch . . .": healthunlocked.com/ra-warri....

2️⃣3️⃣ Placing Dietary & Lifestyle Approaches 'In Context'/ 'In Perspective': healthunlocked.com/nras/pos...

2️⃣2️⃣ Roxana, 'The Sofia Vergara of Peru' (& now 'The States'), Improves Her Hashimoto's (Hypothyroid) & Rheumatoid Arthritis (RA): healthunlocked.com/thyroidu...

2️⃣1️⃣ Any 'Ankylosing Spondylitis'-ers (AS)?: healthunlocked.com/ra-warri...

2️⃣0️⃣ Catching Up with 'Healing Josefine' -- Over 2 Years & 80+ Vlogs: healthunlocked.com/nras/pos...

▫️

▫️

1️⃣9️⃣ Dr. Pam Popper on: Hypothyroidism; Iodine, Thyroid Function & Thyroid Disease: healthunlocked.com/thyroidu...

1️⃣8️⃣ Self-Management Event in Southampton on Feb. 14 & 15 from 'Arthritis Action': healthunlocked.com/nras/pos...

1️⃣7️⃣ X-Ray Yoga: healthunlocked.com/ra-warri...

1️⃣6️⃣ Gentle Chair Yoga for RA, X-Ray Yoga for Wonderment: healthunlocked.com/nras/pos...

1️⃣5️⃣ Suicide -- Career & Otherwise: healthunlocked.com/nras/pos...

1️⃣4️⃣ Meditation, Mindfulness, Movement, Breathing, Relaxation, Stress Reduction . . .: healthunlocked.com/nras/pos....

1️⃣3️⃣ 13 Bite-Size Thoughts for Autoimmuners -- Newly Diagnosed (or Not): healthunlocked.com/ra-warri...

1️⃣2️⃣ "When You Know Better, You Do Better!": healthunlocked.com/fibromya...

1️⃣1️⃣ Dietary/ Lifestyle Considerations for Rheumatologists to 'Ruminate On': healthunlocked.com/nras/pos...

🔟 Spoon Theory, Spoonie, Spooning: healthunlocked.com/nras/pos...

▫️

▫️

9️⃣ Douglas Lisle: 'The Pleasure Trap': healthunlocked.com/nras/pos...

8️⃣ Dean Ornish, Neal Barnard, T. Colin Campbell, Caldwell Esselstyn, John McDougall, Michael Klaper, Michael Greger: healthunlocked.com/nras/pos...

7️⃣ "Poofed" Info, References, Links, Your Replies, etc. (at ALL 'Kai-- Posts'): healthunlocked.com/nras/pos...

6️⃣ FREE Whole Foods Plant-Based Diet/ Lifestyle (WFP-BD/L) Info for Interested Autoimmuners/ RAers: healthunlocked.com/nras/pos...

5️⃣ Vogons, Vulcans, Vegans: healthunlocked.com/nras/pos...

4️⃣ Microbiome, Pooing, Toilet Humour: healthunlocked.com/nras/pos...

3️⃣ For All Autoimmuner's: FREE 7-Part Documentary with Tom O'Bryan: healthunlocked.com/nras/pos...

2️⃣ FREE 3-Part 'Serology (RF, ACPA, Anti-CCP, ANAs, ANCA) in Rheumatology' Series from Dr. Robert Coughlan's 'Rheumatology Toolbox': healthunlocked.com/nras/pos...

1️⃣ "Live Your Life. . . ": healthunlocked.com/nras/pos....

Kai-- Profile: healthunlocked.com/user/kai... [Click on blue "Read more" text (at top of page) to read full profile.]

.

Written by
Kai-- profile image
Kai--
To view profiles and participate in discussions please or .
Read more about...
41 Replies
Kai-- profile image
Kai--

[Notes: Part 1 of 2]

.

Sequential memory-jogging notes that may be of interest (or use) to some. (Kindly by pass if disinterested. 🙏 )

.

• 'Adverse Childhood Experience'. 'Target Child Selection'.

• Stealing time, surviving, thinking for oneself. Doing things for yourself.

• Bystanders/ onlookers doing nothing.

• Maslow's theory of survival ('Hierarchy of Basic Needs': en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mas... )

• Manipulate the situation out of fear/ desperation.

.

• Passive observer. Knows what's going on. Refuses to intervene. Fear of fight or assault.

• Heartbreaking hollow promises.

• Mental illness, alcoholism . . . , 'perfect storm' of factors . . .

.

• "Absolute evil" — revel in the control, revel in inducing pain . . .

• M. Scott Peck ( google.com/search?as_q=&as_... ) 'The Road Less Traveled'; "On Evil" (see below for excerpt).

• Evil — psychopathy(?) biology in brain of people who were abused: lose all empathy. 'Revenge factor'/ 'bully factor'. Getting even, feeding off that anxiety & sense of control.

.

• Resilience. Bad things happen. Get the help that you need.

• Not trying to offend anyone, 'walking on eggshells'.

• Live a good life.

• Ostracized for speaking the truth.

.

• Kind, gentle, polite, laugh, & feel good about oneself — whilst not offending or hurting anyone. Being true to oneself, yet inevitably people will be upset.

• James Fallon — research on psychopaths/ psychopathy ( google.com/search?as_q=Jame... )

• 'Psychological voyeur': What makes people great? What makes people bat-💩 crazy?

.

• Secrets. Opening Pandora's box.

• Family history. Scandal. Controlling. Scared. Follow trail of breadcrumbs. Understanding to 'cure' — not 'excuse'.

• Avoiding PTSD. Luck?

.

• Programming self.

• Resiliency factor. PTSD — anxiety thing? Psychopaths lacking anxiety?

• 'Special forces operators' coming from 'broken homes'. If you can survive this (early childhood trauma), you can survive that.

.

Kai-- profile image
Kai--

[Notes: Part 2 of 2]

.

• DavePelzer.com website:

Bio: davepelzer.com/about.html

Videos: davepelzer.com/media.html

.

• Family secrets, minimising, denial of what was really going on, victimising/ scapegoating/ ostracising the 'truth teller'. (Generational traumas.)

• Catharsis.

• Appreciation of good luck.

.

• 'Make your luck.' Live by personal code of ethics/ standards. Lead by example.

• Problem is keeping secrets & once they're exposed becoming the black sheep again & having to prove yourself over & over & over.

.

• Take things "1 day at a time". Do all that you can for the now. Hopefully have a sense of appreciation.

• See so much anger in people . . .

• Do 5 things today that make you happy. Be appreciative of the life that you have.

.

• Through growing older, 'not taking a lot for granted'.

• 'On the back 9 of life'.

• Elements of luck.

.

• Resilience: How can you 'survive' whatever difficulty besets you.

• Try something. Don't live in fear.

• Do 3 nice things a day.

.

• If you can survive tragedy, you can survive something that is not so bad.

• A child trying to survive — creates a hyper-vigilance. Autonomic nervous system always on high gear. PTSD comes in. Shatters the regulatory capacity.

.

• Inability (not the strength nor courage nor guts) to escape the perpetual victim — couldn't escape the 'abusive husband syndrome' per se. Hated self for that.

• Losing sleep, anxiety off the charts.

• Hyper-vigilance. We want to relax.

.

• Embrace things. Give it your best.

• No quick fix. No overnight or instantaneous fixes.

• Committing to something & making the steps.

.

• Affect regulation, self-medicating.

• Push yourself. Adventure of life.

• Live a good adventure, live a good story.

.

[Maurice Sendak: "Live Your Life. . . ": healthunlocked.com/nras/pos.... ]

.

• See so many people who are 'The Walking Dead'.

• Be happy. Be happy now & do something.

• Look at your situation for where you're at & hopefully move forward.

.

• Residual effect: problems with trust, intimacy. Anti-social (keep to self & close family, friend).

• There is no 'normal' — no 'normal life' — there's just life.

• Savour a great day.

.

• 'When the going gets weird, the weird turn pro."

• You do all that you can as much as you can.

• Gratitude — important for happiness.

.

• Perpetual victim:

2 words that will change your life: "grow up".

3 words that will change your life "grow up now".

Be happy. Be happy now.

.

• Grow up = complete your developmental process. Don't get stunted.

• Take accountability for your actions & your inactions.

• Become an adult. Be autonomous.

• Take action where you can, take a form of action.

.

• Looking at the psychosis (in a sense), the more you involve into yourself, become more depressed, there's no outside world.

• Watch kids play, go outside in the sun, take a walk, take some form of action.

• Do 3 nice things a day. Live outside of yourself.

.

• Get the help you need so you can live a happy fulfilled life.

• Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT).

• Learn to put things in perspective. Think about solution & action.

.

• The brain loops Learned behaviour. Doing things the same way. Break that cycle.

• Tendency to look at problems for what they are rather that what they truly were.

• Dissect as much as can the potpourri of problems.

• Habits: habit of thought, of action, of gratitude. Need to be practiced daily — regularly.

.

• Trust issue. Salacious article. Truth is known in our heart.

• If someone thinks of you in a certain way, you can't really help that.

• You don't need to engage in the negativity. All you can do is be the best person you can be every single day.

.

• "That's his side of the street." Very 1-sided & very negative.

• People don't read behind the lines. White noise.

• Let the horses run the race. The truth will come out or their character will come out.

.

• You're character comes out not when everything is perfect when you're at the worst of the worst of the worst — that's when your true character comes out.

• Swallow it & move on.

• Father's fire badge# 1522; son's fire badge# 152-A.

.

• "In the course of a life one never knows what events may transpire, so you kind of have to make your own life as best you can."

.

in reply to Kai--

Best advice to give to live by & give to your children---

"In the course of a life one never knows what events may transpire, so you kind of have to make your own life as best you can."

Kai-- profile image
Kai-- in reply to

Agreed, suzannedale. 🙏 👍

Exactly & giving to our children. 👍 Not necessarily an abundance of 'material' things, but the love, care, attention they require/ deserve. And, setting a good example for them of how to behave towards others & how to think/ reason for themselves. 👍

[Think what we do towards our children is reflected back to us down the road. 😌 It can bite us on the 🌙🌙 or be a blessing 😇. Perhaps we do indeed 'reap what we sow'. 🤔 ]

.

Kai-- profile image
Kai--

"On Evil" by M. Scott Peck: gurteen.com/gurteen/gurteen...

.

Excerpt:

"There really are people and institutions made up of people, who respond with hatred in the presence of goodness and would destroy the good insofar as it is in their power to do so. They do this not with conscious malice but blindly, lacking awareness of their own evil -- indeed, seeking to avoid any such awareness. As has been described of the devil in religious literature, they hate the light and instinctively will do anything to avoid it, including attempting to extinguish it. They will destroy the light in their own children and in all other beings subject to their power.

.

Evil people hate the light because it reveals themselves to themselves. They hate goodness because it reveals their badness; they hate love because it reveals their laziness. They will destroy the light, the goodness, the love in order to avoid the pain of such self-awareness. My second conclusion, then, is that evil is laziness carried to its ultimate, extraordinary extreme. As I have defined it, love is the antithesis of laziness. Ordinary laziness is a passive failure to love. Some ordinarily lazy people may not lift a finger to extend themselves unless they are compelled to do so. Their being is a manifestation of nonlove; still, they are not evil.

.

Truly evil people, on the other hand, actively rather than passively avoid extending themselves. They will take any action in their power to protect their own laziness, to preserve the integrity of their sick self. Rather than nurturing others, they will actually destroy others in this cause. If necessary, they will even kill to escape the pain of their own spiritual growth. As the integrity of their sick self is threatened by the spiritual health of those around them, they will seek by all manner of means to crush and demolish the spiritual health that may exist near them.

.

I define evil, then, as the exercise of political power -- that is, the imposition of one’s will upon others by overt or covert coercion -- in order to avoid extending one’s self for the purpose of nurturing spiritual growth. Ordinary laziness is nonlove; evil is antilove.

.

M. Scott Peck, Psychiatrist & author"

.

Kai-- profile image
Kai-- in reply to Kai--

Scroll down to "Evil" heading for additional explanation: en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/M._...

.

"Evil Definition Scott Peck":

m.youtube.com/watch?v=gNG_M...

.

in reply to Kai--

I don't know... I think evil is methodical, slow, conscious and deliberate - not something that someone doesn't truly know about themselves. Even if they don't know they are doing it, unless the person is a sociopath, they have to know at some of the deepest levels of their soul and heart that the things the do to others is wrong (not just people but all sentient beings). To say that they don't recognize it in themselves is to give them a "pass" for their behavior, and I am not inclined to do that.

Kai-- profile image
Kai-- in reply to

I take your point, CaerylUSA. Definitely see your point. 👍 🙏

Agreed, giving "a pass" for poor/ egregious behavior is hard to swallow.

Hard to "forgive 'n forget" — especially with the harm the perpetrator leaves in their wake affecting multiple lives (inter-generational 👪 👨‍👩‍👧‍👦 trauma, yada, yada, yada . . .) . . .

.

______

Think if we're coming from the point of view of a non-sociopath, a non-psychopath — we can't imagine it being remotely possible there's a lack of awareness/ willfulness in harming another sentient being! 🤔 (Simply impossible for us 'to do' or imagine!! 😳 😨 )

Yet, my understanding is, there's enough of a proportion of the population who are indeed 'sociopaths/ psychopaths' (or have some 'pathology') that we question their ability to even care about the harm/ cruelty they inflict upon others. 😳

.

______

They appear to be so removed from care/ concern about 'others' that, they really 'don't care'.

They are so absorbed by their own needs/ drives/ 'inner demons' 😈 that they've no qualms about scapegoating 🐐 , projecting their frustrations 😖 / issues onto others, & enacting those aggressions 😡 on to others (innocents 👶 ) to relieve their own inner turmoil 😩. 😱

.

______

Some (it appears), lack true emotional feelings 😶 , therefore are (frighteningly) incapable of genuinely feeling empathy towards others . . . (Scary, scary 💩 ! 😱 )

[Yes, they can put on a 'public face/ show 🎭 ' of emotion — but genuinely do not (cannot) feel 'feelings' that you or I do. Yes, very, very difficult for (genuinely feeling) people to comprehend/ imagine such a thing . . . 🤔 ]

.

______

Should you ever have the misfortune of being in the presence of (true) 'evil' 👿 , their bone-chilling cold wind ❄️💨 will inform you. 😨

.

In best Pythonesque fashion: run away . . . run away . . . 🏃 . . . 🏃 :

m.youtube.com/watch?v=tgj3n...

.

(Beware they live amongst us! 🐇 🐇 🐇 ) 😆 😂 😉

.

Keep well, CaerylUSA. 🙏 🌺 🍀 🌞

.

in reply to Kai--

Ha ha ha ha - I was about to argue with you on a couple of points and then you took all my steam away with Monty Python - Ha ha ha - Have a great night!

Kai-- profile image
Kai-- in reply to

👍 😂 🙃

in reply to

Some people go out of their way to cause chaos & pain to others...See how many bruises they can give their child that is hidden under their clothes....and the child is happy because buises heal....emotional pain doesn't.

------Sad to admit I just describe the 2 people that were supposed to nurture my husband...yes his so called parents

Eiram50 profile image
Eiram50

Phew- all feels like a bit of an assault !

It's strange - I was adopted at 9 by my aunt and uncle and for some reason (I guess she was forced into the adoption), she hated me. She beat me every day for 9 years until I hopped a fence at 12:30 at night and went to live with my best friend and her family, and then into the Army. But I would say that unless something jogs the memories (like this post), I generally don't think about her. I had a right old argument with a friend one time about forgive and forget, and I told her I could forget my mother, but I would never forgive her. She kept trying to tell me I had to forgive too, and to this day, I still don't think so...

It never occurred to me however, that there might be a connection with my past in the AI diseases I am dealing with. Hmm Interesting thought Kai - thanks!

Kai-- profile image
Kai-- in reply to

Very sorry to hear, CaerylUSA. 😔 🙏

Sounds like you're in a much better place (psychologically) now. 👍

Just as an aside: I've heard it said many a time, it helps to 'forgive' the other person (offender) — not necessarily for them, but for ourself. 🤔 (Merely something I've heard. 👂)

That doesn't necessarily mean 'reconnecting' with that person (in any manner) — merely meaning 'forgiving them in your heart 💔 ', attempting to understand their 'pathology' 😶 . . . 🤔

.

______

Agreed, 'forget'?! 🤔

'Forgetting' is an impossibility. Seared into memory forever . . . 😳

Yet, perhaps seeing/ understanding what a deeply troubled person that was & what perhaps was 'done to them' (at some point in their 'innocent' life) to push them to a point of losing their humanity (taking out their anger, frustration, disappointment, etc. & projecting it all onto a youngster . . . 🤔 😦

[How smart 🤓 you were to 'exit' the situation & how fortunate 🍀 your friend's family kindly took you in 🏠. 🙏 Your instincts allowed you to survive. 👍 Thank goodness for that!! 🙏 👍 🤗 ]

.

______

Think what the perpetrator's 'inner life' must have been like — to have such hatred toward a young innocent!! 😳 😯 (To actually go so far as to repeatedly beat a youngster?! 😱 🙃 )

A troubled soul indeed. 😧 (Pity them all the more . . . 😔 🙏 )

[The damage created/ perpetuated by unwell minds . . . unwell individuals — very, very sad, unfortunate, all round . . . 😞 ]

Very glad you got through it, CaerylUSA with your wits about you . . . 🙏 🌺 (Am so sorry such an awful trauma was inflicted upon you. 😔 🙏 )

.

______

If you visit Cathy777's post, "Trauma" ( healthunlocked.com/nras/pos... ), you'll see a string of horrific traumas so many of us have lived through . . . 🙏

Guess no one in 'this life' escapes trauma, misfortune, etc. . . . [Think it's doubly, triply (exponentially) . . . horrific when inflicted upon an innocent. 😔 😦 😪 ]

Glad you survived it, are able to talk about it, & can reflect back on it with equanimity, CaerylUSA. 🙏 Brave, brave, lady. 👍

[My heart 💓 goes out to you, dear lady. 🙏 Wishing you continued healing as time goes on & this trauma fades further & further into the distant pass — even though we can never forget . . . 🙏 ]

.

______

Think what strength 💪, resilience 😌 you had within you to get through it!! 🤔 👍 🤗

And, think how you'd re-summoned that inner strength to get through your military career, your current battle with disease . . . 🤔 👍 🙏 (Battles not for 'the faint of heart' . . . 😯 )

Give yourself a hug 🙅 & a pat on the back 💁 for getting through it all, CaerylUSA. 🤗 👍 🙏

.

______

Yes, I too think these personal traumas we endure, 'sets something in motion' (triggers?) within us? 🤔

Prolonged stressors 😣 😖, deep, profound grieving 😞 😓, etc. is just too much for our body 🚶 , mind 🙇 , spirit 👻 to bear . . . Simply overwhelming 😫 😩 😲 .

Perhaps a catalyst/ trigger to switch on the cascade of bodily 'self-attack'/ autoimmune disease . . . ? 🤔

.

Wishing you the very best, CaerylUSA. 🙏 🌺 🍀 🌞

.

[Yes, think Dave Pelzer gives us an awful lot to think about how to heal — to move through & to move on from these psychological, spiritual, physical traumas/ wounds . . . 🤔 Think (like everything) —'it takes time'. ⌛️ ]

.

in reply to

So sorry to read this CaerylUSA. How anyone could hurt a child is beyond me.

I never liked the words forgive & forget until I thought of them another way.

I will never forget the wrong done to me, but I will forgive the pain that I held. The pain was emotional and it kept me "frozen" in emotional pain. So I forgave myself for keeping myself in emotional pain...as for the perpetrator of the pain?....no forgiveness there, may they burn.....

Oh yeah - What I went through was traumatic at the time, but about the biggest effect it had on me was to make me afraid to have children for fear that I would be the same kind of mother =(

I am so blessed that I have a wonderful husband who is as gentle and understanding about everything as he is tall (6'7"). I love tall men, which is probably why I am crazy about Wheeler Dealers' Edd China.

Nope - I can forget, but I don't think anything in my makeup would allow me to feel better just by "forgiving" her. I didn't deserve what she did and it's past.

Anywhoooo, interesting discussion!

Kai-- profile image
Kai-- in reply to

Think the mere fact that you were concerned about being the 'same kind of mother' may well have reduced the probability of your ever becoming that — especially avoiding re-enacting those sorts of behaviours. 🤔 👍

(Thinking people who lack awareness/ 'consciousness' are the folks who have a higher probability of defaulting to those 'poor' behaviours — unwittingly becoming 'perpetrators' themselves? 🤔 )

.

______

Well, you've a lovely 6'7" 😳 'bouncing baby boy'!! [Imagine carrying that inside you for 9 months!!! 😳 🙃 😂 Oy vey!! 😱 Gawd bless his mum!! 🙏 😂 ]

You can pamper & lavish affection on that darl'n boy of yours, dear lady. 🙏 🌺 😘 💕

Love & spoil each other to bits . . .💗 💑 🙏 (What better gift 🎁 is there than that?! 😌 )

.

______

Agreed, no need to forgive her. 🙏 😌 It's a blessing you can put it in the past & move on. Absolutely, you didn't deserve any of it! (There are some frightfully 'sick' people in the world who do a lot of damage. Sad, sad, scary, scary thing . . . 😔 😨 )

.

.

Read this shocking obit quite awhile back: RGJ archives: Full text of Marianne Theresa Johnson-Reddick's obituary: rgj.com/story/news/2014/06/... (Don't know if you ever stumbled upon it, but it may strike a chord — perhaps even be 'cathartic'? Fully understandable feelings. 😔 🙏 ) The damage inflicted upon innocents tender psyche is horrific.

[Bit more context/ explanation: I Wrote The "Scathing Obituary" About My Mother, And Here's Why I Did It And Have No Regrets: xojane.com/it-happened-to-m... ]

.

.

Thankfully you'd the inner strength & fortitude to 'move on', CaerylUSA. 🙏 💪 👍 You didn't get stuck in a 'synaptic groove'. Blessedly you carried on & left the past behind. 🙏 🤗 👍

.

______

😂 😂 😂 Wheeler Dealers' Edd China! 🤗 😄 😁

Okay, okay . . .

The 3 of you are out on a boat 🚣 . You 👩 prancing about in your 👙 , your beloved 👨 is 🎣 , & Edd China 👱 is working on a small 🚗 . (It's a very large boat. 😉 😆 )

The boat capsizes 🌊 & you're the only one who can swim 🏊 .

You can save only 1 of the men: 👨 or 👱 .

Who do you save? 🤔

.

😳 😂 😯

.

Only 1 now . . .

.

😂 😂 😂

.

[No worries, neither your beloved nor Edd China, will be informed of your decision. 😁 (It's not like this is out on the Internet or anything . . . 😳 😂 😉 ) We're all sworn to secrecy. 😁 🙃 😆 ]

.

in reply to Kai--

It's interesting - I went so far as to have my tubes tied when I was 27 out of that fear of being a hateful mother. But I have had so many friends and family that have told me they really wished I could have had kids... Maybe I would have been okay - As it was, I ended up adopting 4 legged kids instead. We tried to adopt 2 legged kids, but at the time it was taking years and you had to agree to take an interracial family of at least three children with the oldest being at least 9. My hubby was only 28 at the time and we weren't sure how well that would work so we dropped out of the program.

I actually had seen that obituary. First I laughed because it made realize that I will probably do the same thing when my adoptive mother is dead. And I completely understand the son who won't keep pictures of her because they make him nervous. For me, it would just flaming p*** me off every. single. time. I saw it. so, nope there.

Ahhh, that is not even a choice. I love watch Edd, but I would give up my life in a flash, no thought required for my love. And in your scenario, I would just hold my honey, he could hold Edd and we would all survive or maybe none of us would. But I dang well wouldn't just leave anyone at all to drown. =) Not my style

Kai-- profile image
Kai-- in reply to

Oh my goodness! How awful to be so frightened/ terrorised to make such a life-altering decision at such a young age. [Truly wonder if people ever realise the impact they have on others lives. 🤔 (Head-shaking shame. 😌 )] Oh well, your beloved 4-leggeds have reaped the rewards!! 🤗

.

_____

Wow 😯, asking a young couple to take on *3* children all at once sounds like asking an awful lot for prospective new parents⁉️ [Good grief. 😳 😱 Unless your birthing twins or triplets, usually new parents start off with 1 at a time — to at least get 'adjusted' over time.] To ask a young couple to take on 3 children (of varying ages) 'all at once' sounds like being thrown into the deep end of the pool‼️ 😱 🙃 Yes indeed, backing out of that program sounds perfectly sensible. 😌 🙏 (Smart lady. 👍 )

.

_____

😂 😂 😂

Love your answer❣

Fortunately the car 🚗 Edd was working on (on the boat 🚣 ) was an aquatic vehicle, so after you held on to your honey, Edd came round, scooped you both on board 🚗 & brought you all safely back to shore. 🏖

🤗 🤗 🤗

.

_____

Your 4-leggeds 🐈 . . 🐈 . . are damned lucky to have you, CaerylUSA!! 🤗 You are a good mum. 😇

Think you're getting 'the best love in the world' from 'the critters'.

Perhaps they 🐱 🐶 🐹 🐥 are one of the keys towards healing our broken hearts, minds, spirits?! 🤔

Hmmm . . . 🤔

.

in reply to Kai--

Ahhh - Good answer - I actually have seen that amphibious vehicle show about four times - it is always a great one. Ha ha - Thanks for the other option to the question!

Well, I've seen several studies that indicate that animals are healing to us physically, mentally, psychically... They truly are little wonders.

Thanks for the nice thoughts

Kai-- profile image
Kai-- in reply to

👍 🙏 ☺️

.

😽 💕 🐱 🐶 🐰 🐹 🐿

.

😄 🌺 🍀 🌞

.

Kai-- profile image
Kai-- in reply to Kai--

Apropos of nothing . . . found this delightfully funny obit of a fellow (Terry Ward) well-loved & (apparently) well-lived: geisenfuneralhome.com/m/?p=...

(May we each be remembered so fondly/ lovingly & pass with a wink & a smile in remembrance. ☺️ 🙏 )

[Oh, in memory of beloved, Crusee ( healthunlocked.com/nras/pos... , healthunlocked.com/fibromya... ).]

in reply to

My hubby was scared to have kids because of the abuse he suffered at the hands of his father.

Whenever our son misbehaved, my hubby would stop and ask himself "what would my dad have done to me?" ...then he would do the exact opposite.

Today my hubby claims having a good healthy relationship with his son is what he is most proud of.

in reply to

Awww - That is a wonderful approach - I should have thought of that. Good for your husband... Again, what a wonderful man!

Oh Kai...This photo you posted has such a profound emotional response from me. Thank you. I want to enlarge it and hang it on the wall in my family room. Love the way the plant breaks through the concrete to shine :)

Kai-- profile image
Kai-- in reply to

Perhaps few additional images you might like, suzannedale:

😌 quotesideas.com/wp-content/...

😌 quotesideas.com/wp-content/...

😌 quotesideas.com/wp-content/...

Kai-- profile image
Kai--

Additional substantive (audio) discussions about trauma, treatments, & healing (for those who are interested):

• Wes Chapman (Episode 280, 70 minutes): drdrew.com/2017/wes-chapman...

• Tom Arnold, Dr. Cheryl Arutt (This Life 86, 53 minutes): acast.com/thislifewithdrdre...

.

Kai-- profile image
Kai--

Another substantive, fascinating (audio) discussion about the evolution of the human autonomic nervous system, vagus nerve ('think' emotional regulation, trauma, connection to Wim Hof's vagus nerve work ( wimhofmethod.com/uploads/kc... ), etc.):

• Dr. Steven Porges (Polyvagal Theory), Dr. Cheryl Arutt along with Dr. Drew Pinsky, Dr. Bruce Heischober (Weekly Infusion, 44 minutes): drdrew.com/2017/wi-33-dr-st...

.

Kai-- profile image
Kai--

First half of audio (~28 minutes) — with Dr. Janina Scarlet, Wes Chapman, & Dr. Drew Pinsky — may also be of interest:

• Dr. Janina Scarlet, Tim Ryan, and Wes Chapman [Episode 281]: drdrew.com/2017/dr-janina-s...

.

"Dr. Janina Scarlet calls in to talk about Superhero Therapy and geek culture. Wes Chapman also joins the show to further investigate more evidence based treatments and the effects of a hero’s journey through acceptance. . . ."

.

Kai-- profile image
Kai--

Adding additional depth/ perspective to 'trauma' topic:

Psychiatrist Dr. Alan Schore: drdrew.com/2017/wi-35-psych...

.

"Dr. Drew’s favorite guest on his Dr. Drew Podcast. Dr. Allan Schore is on the clinical faculty of the Department of Psychiatry and Biobehavioral Sciences, UCLA David Geffen School of Medicine, and at the UCLA Center for Culture, Brain, and Development. His Regulation Theory, grounded in developmental neuroscience and developmental psychoanalysis, focuses on the origin, psychopathogenesis, and psychotherapeutic treatment of the early forming subjective implicit self."

.

[Apologies for not taking notes. 🙏 Rich in depth & meaning. Have been listening to a few times to wrap mind around concepts. Fascinating 'stuff'.]

.

Kai-- profile image
Kai--

Emotional Freedom Techniques (EFT)/ Tapping ( en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Emo... ) explained & demonstrated by Robyn Chuter*.

Rheumatoid Arthritis Relief Using EFT: m.youtube.com/watch?v=ccHWK...

(Transcript: paddisonprogram.com/rheumat... )

.

.

Another interesting technique to explore . . . 🕵️‍♀️ 🕵️

Kai-- profile image
Kai-- in reply to Kai--

Video Highlights/ Summary:

• EFT is a new technique that induces relaxation which helps people respond positively to negative emotions like pain, anger and frustration.

• The context in which we experience pain really affects how we experience that pain.

• Robyn observed that people with auto-immune diseases have highly sensitive temperament and EFT is a more effective technique of dealing with them.

• One of Robyn's Client was a young girl who was crippled with juvenile inflammatory arthritis can now walk after undergoing EFT.

• Many people's RA is triggered by chronic antibiotic use.

• Robyn observed that it is very challenging for many people to prioritize their health above fitting in, conforming and socializing

• People who have auto-immune diseases under control are still at risk of flares if they become very stressed because micro stress can destabilize the gut microbiome

• Even little kids can learn the EFT

• EFT is also helpful in unlocking creativity

• EFT is a great therapy for people with RA since it helps people deal with pain positively.

[Transcript: paddisonprogram.com/rheumat... ]

.

Interesting to observe demonstration of EFT tapping. 👆. .👆. .👆 . .

.

Kai-- profile image
Kai-- in reply to Kai--

*Robyn Chuter had previously explained the nutritional fulfillment of the 'Baseline Phase' of diet: Quinoa, Buckwheat, Sweet Potatoes, Leafy Greens, . . . 'Baseline Phase' of PP Diet Fulfills Nutritional Requirements (Diverse & Complete): healthunlocked.com/nras/pos...

.

🙏 🍀 🌺 🌞

.

Kai-- profile image
Kai--

A fascinating discussion on Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) from Dr. Lisa Palmer-Olsen ( drlisapalmerolsen.com/ ) & Dr. Sue Johnson ( drsuejohnson.com/ ):

drdrew.com/2013/015-dr-lisa...

.

A 1-hour "Weekly Infusion (with Dr. Drew & Dr. Bruce)" podcast:

" . . . an in-depth discussion on and ways it can be applied to our everyday lives."

(They also discuss single parenting, schizophrenia, & post-traumatic stress disorder.)

.

🙏 🍀 🌺 🌞

.

Kai-- profile image
Kai--

Additional thoughts for Trauma/ PTSD sufferers from Dr. Janet Settle ( janetsettle.com/about-me/ ) Integrative Psychiatry in her presentation: "All You Need is (the capacity to receive) Love — Psychological Trauma & Mortality”:

Journey to 100 Session 2: Fresh Thinking - Dr. Janet Settle [Functional Forum] (22 minutes):

m.youtube.com/watch?v=Tenxd...

.

.

Kai-- profile image
Kai-- in reply to Kai--

References:

ACE quiz:

Take the ACE Quiz — and Learn What It Does and Doesn't Mean: npr.org/sections/health-sho...

CDC Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACE): cdc.gov/violenceprevention/...

Got Your ACE Score? acestoohigh.com/got-your-ac...

.

Dean Ornish ( deanornish.com/ ) "Love and Survival":

• Amazon: amazon.co.uk/s/ref=nb_sb_no...

• Lancet: thelancet.com/journals/lanc...

Dean Ornish, Neal Barnard, T. Colin Campbell, Caldwell Esselstyn, John McDougall, Michael Klaper, Michael Greger: healthunlocked.com/nras/pos...

.

🙏 🍀 🌺 🌞

.

Kai-- profile image
Kai-- in reply to Kai--

.

Here's the FULL 'Journey To 100' series that may be of interest & rounds out Dr. Settle's presentation (by placing it in a larger context). 🤔

(Merely additional perspective/ larger context. 👍 )

.

Journey To 100: Evolution of Medicine (Functional Medicine).

.

Another outstanding resource (Functional Medicine) via AARA. (Once again, many many thanks to AARA for her wonderful find & kindly sharing it. 😌 🙏 )

"A world-exclusive conference dedicated to living a long and healthy life. 30th June 2017 | St Peter Port, Guernsey"

.

Although the conference has passed, they've left wonderful free 🆓 resources for us to reflect on:

Journey to 100 websites: journey100.org/join , journey100.gg/#speakers

Functional Forum (YouTube Channel playlist): m.youtube.com/playlist?list...

Journey to 100 video (8+ hour video 📹 ): m.youtube.com/watch?v=G2lNR...

Video segmented at: Journey To 100: Evolution of Medicine (Functional Medicine & Importance of 'Community'): healthunlocked.com/cure-art... for ease of use.

.

🙏 🍀 🌺 🌞

.

Kai-- profile image
Kai--

.

Facing PTSD (start at ~ minute 5:00) podcast: podbay.fm/show/1058592078/e...

.

"Trauma expert Bobby Chacon @BobbyChaconFBI and Dr. Erin Foster @DrErinFoster join Bob [Forrest] and Drew [Pinsky] as they interview John and his new wife Moira after their recent harrowing experience on October 1, 2017 at the Route 91 Harvest Festival in Las Vegas Nevada."

.

Although the PTSD* conversation is in the context of a 'mass shooting', the working through the PTSD by each individual overlaps with techniques (EMDR, TRE, . . .) used no matter the catalyst/ source of trauma. (Merely food for thought for those who are interested.)

.

*PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder) — "An autonomic memory embedded in your body"

.

Trauma therapies:

• EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization & Reprocessing)

• Discharging from the cellular level, self-care, mindfulness, laughter . . .

• TRE (Tension, Stress & Trauma Releasing Exercises)

.

🙏 🍀 🌺 🌞

.

Kai-- profile image
Kai--

.

Worthwhile 'Trauma' post, thanks to Charisma7aj's 🙏 : 'RA link to childhood trauma': healthunlocked.com/nras/pos...

.

"Childhood trauma" search results in:

• NRAS: healthunlocked.com/search/c...

• HU: healthunlocked.com/search/c...

.

🙏 🍀 🌺 🌞

.

Kai-- profile image
Kai-- in reply to Kai--

.

📝 ACE quiz:

Take the ACE Quiz — and Learn What It Does and Doesn't Mean: npr.org/sections/health-sho...

CDC Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACE): cdc.gov/violenceprevention/...

Got Your ACE Score? acestoohigh.com/got-your-ac...

.

📖 "The Body Keeps Score" by Bessel Van Der Kolk: amazon.co.uk/Body-Keeps-Sco...

.

📹 How childhood trauma affects health across a lifetime

Pediatrician Nadine Burke Harris' TEDMED Talk*: ted.com/talks/nadine_burke_...

m.youtube.com/watch?v=95ovI...

.

📚 *"Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACE) study" google scholarly articles search results: scholar.google.com/scholar?...

.

🙏 🍀 🌺 🌞

.

Kai-- profile image
Kai--

.

Related: For trauma survivors (& others).

Kindly be aware one can become an unwitting magnet/ target 🎯 for ‘troubled’ individuals. 😯

Kindly take note 📝 — be aware 🤔 — of individual’s behaviours indicating:

Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD): helpguide.org/articles/ment...

Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD): helpguide.org/articles/ment...

.

If at all possible avoid, minimise, side-step . . . their orbit ⚛️ . . . 🙏 😌

.

[Many thanks to Someonesmother for spotting & sharing excellent resource: healthunlocked.com/nras/pos.... 🙏 😌 ]

.

.

Overlaps with:

"When someone shows you who they are, believe them." healthunlocked.com/fibromya....

"I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel." healthunlocked.com/nras/pos...

.

😌 🙏 🍀 🌺 🌞

.

You may also like...

A new day, let's see what we have learnt

reply to anyone who posted on yesterday's thread...

Newly diagnosed with RA - hopeful and happy!

only 10 months ago. I straightaway changed my diet to ‘plant based’. I gave up white refined sugar...

Recovery from Lupus & RA & Fibromyalgia

messages asking me to post. Today I break that silence and if NRAS wish to delete this post that is...

My wife is officially in remission

Hey everybody, I used to post here a lot, but stopped posting a while back because the angry mob...

Waking Headaches Part 2

the suggestions made by other NRAS members and different medications from the GP and I'm still...