Rant alert! Sorry...

[jlmack]

Not often I need to rant. I'm generally an optimistic pessimist, so Im a realist! But I've had a busy couple of days. My 20 year old cat (my constant companion I've had since she was 8wks old!) is very poorly and almost had to make THE decision, but she's on the mend...this meant driving a lot yesterday on an already painful right knee and wrists. Taking a lot of tramadol, a horrendous nights sleep then a busy (but very positive morning with Homestart- the helper starts next week For 2.5-3 hours 😀😇) then out to a local NRAS meeting and I'm now sat here with a huge pack of peas on my kneeto try to reduce the pain and swelling before driving to my best friend for a curry and Eastenders (yes, I am an unashamed Eastenders fan!). Discussed wth my garage about getting an Automatic car and my FIL cared for my toddlers whilst at the NRAS meet. The reason I'm so grumpy is because when my FIL asked why the Homestart lady was coming, I explained eg to help me in the afternoons to get the children out and generlaly support me. If I need a sleep, she can watch them and I can have a nap. His exact words were "well, if you need Selfish time, like a sleep then, I suppose that's a good use of her time". I'm enraged. So enraged. I've told my husbands family about NRAS, discussed with them that my disease seems to be out of control and what symptoms are. Im very open. He does say things but to say that me having a sleep is Selfish. Im not a selfish person and my children come first. Always. Im enraged that he even used that word to describe me. I wanted to shout at him "if you spent more time here supporting me and your son with our 2 year old twins, you would see how I struggle every day". Sorry, but Grrrrrrrrrrrrrr😡😤😡😤. Theres a lot going on at the moment with us, not to mention writing a letter to my GP surgery complaining about my old GP.

[RAinK]

Rant away. What a couple of days you had! Hope tomorrow brings a better day.

Hang in there, RAinK

[sylvi]

I would probally have said those words if he spoke to me like that,rude man,i hope you told your hubby what he said. Don't let him make you feel bad you are doing the right thing and if you have your hubbys support thats all that matters. Big gentle hugs from me.xxx

[Jora]

Good heavens, what a cruel thing to say. Unfortunately, when one faces such prejudice, one wants to prove how wrong they are (well, I'm speaking for myself). It is so hard to let it go, to convince oneself that their attitude is their problem. I can't imagine how you cope with little twins, but I'm delighted you are getting some support. I do hope that works out well for you. Jo

[Patsy-57]

Hi,

The rant always feels good when you are doing it and you know the response will be from like minded people who also are struggling. As always our problem isn't visible and when you get limited sleep you have to catch up when you can. I am not surprised you were angry of all words to use - selfish! People don't understand the effects this disease has on our lives and bodies.

You take care.

Patsy-57

[Beverley-NRAS]

Hi jlmack,

oh gosh, rant away! You are not the only person who has problems getting family members to truly understand what RA is. We have a number of publications about RA. I have put a link to the one that describes the condition and its symptoms below for you. Do you think if you downloaded it and printed it off for your FIL it would help him understsand? You most certainly are not selfish:

nras.org.uk/what-is-ra--wha...

Hope you had a good time at the NRAS meeting. If you need to have a chat about things please feel free to call the helpline:

0800 298 7650 Monday - Friday 9.30am - 4.30pm

Regards

Beverley (NRAS Helpline)

[sheltielife]

I don't blame you ranting, you have to it's a form of release or you would let it build up inside you. Believe me I have done enough of it myself recently! The trouble is if you are the type of person who tries to do things even when it makes you end up in agony people including doctors think there isn't much wrong if you can do those things, whereas the ones that go in to see the doc with a long face and moan about their problems and stop at the slightest bit of pain get all the help. It also seems to be the wrong thing to have a laugh and a joke about things for the same reason. Nothing wrong with watching Eastenders even though I don't watch it but I do watch Coronation Street and Emmerdale and a lot of people scorn on it, but it's light hearted stuff to watch. Definitely get an automatic car I have had one for a long time now. I'm so glad your cat is on the mend. I have always had a dog but my last one I had to have put to sleep a year last July. He was epileptic and the final day he was in a fit for 3 hours! The vet said even if he brought him round he would be brain damaged so I made that dreadful decision. I would love another little friend, as I am on my own now after losing my husband last year but couldn't cope at the moment, but maybe one day. I do the website voluntary for the RSPCA Cornwall Branch and so I will have first pick if I am ever well enough.

[Hidden]

Omg what an idiot!! You should be hugely praised for having the sense to get home start involved. Well done you! I have a MIL who in 21 years has never acknowledged my RA. To her it just doesn't exist luckily my hubbie is a wonderful man and can see how hard his mum is on me ( otherwise I think we would be divorced by now). Hard as it is try to not dwell on his very unhelpful comments. He is ignorant. I am very sensitive and take things to heart so my mum bought me a fridge magnet which says " no one can make you feel inferior without your consent". I am still learning lol.

Come to us anytime you need to chat, rant, querie, celebrate. That's what we are here for.

Take care. K x

[jlmack in reply to Hidden]

Thankyou so much Kikideelili. As ever you are vet thoughtful with your response.

[Jeanabelle60]

MEN!

[Karen77]

Oh man, I am soooo with you on this one! That is completely uncalled for. He just really doesn't understand at all, and obviously is making no effort to understand. Forget what he said (easier said than done!).

I'm really glad for you that you KNOW what you need, and that you are taking the steps necessary to get it. When I took sick leave from work, I had colleagues ask if that meant I would keep the kids home from daycare. Ha! Fat chance! I could hardly manage to stand, let alone care for two active kids. It's enough to drive you mad. You NEED to be "selfish" - otherwise, you'll never get a chance to really be with, and enjoy, your children. Please, ignore him, and do what you need to do.

Gentle hugs!

[nomoreheels]

How very dare he!!! You're a mum to twins, have RD & done a practical thing getting help. The more they have a happy mummy the happier their childhood & the memories they'll form won't be of a grumpy mummy because she can't play with them or is always cross because she's tired all the time. Sounds like you've got your head screwed on the right way to me & not at all selfish. He obviously doesn't understand how RD affects you & he'd do worse than to see if he could cope given the limitations that come with the disease. I wish at times like this there was a "suit" that people who are ignorant of how it is to live our lives could wear for a week, something like the pregnancy suit for men. Grrr, I'm annoyed for you.

I watch Eastenders, it's the only soap I watch & had got a bit fed up with the Lucy story but obviously been gripped this week. I'd considered Bobby but I couldn't work out how he'd have been in the park & not missed! Think they took a big risk though, a child as the central character, only given half an hour to rehearse then live action, tonight as well! The biggest surprise to me was Phil meeting up with Kathy, explain that one! Will she be coming back into it do you think?

As for changing from manual automatic, go for it. We did a few months ago it's brill. Took a bit of getting used to as as I'd never driven one before but it's made such a difference.

[jlmack]

Thankyou, as ever, for all your wonderful comments. this group is so supportive. I mentioned it to a friend who knows my FIL too who said she knows how concerned he is about me and probably used the "wrong" word?! Ha. There's no right word in my opinion for any comments except saying "what a great support this lady will be and what a positive step for everyone". On the up side he has offered to childsit so Hubby can come with me to my appt. that's a positive.

[hatshepsut]

The man needs sorting out. How dare he say something so crass and insensitive! I don't know how you cope, I hate my RD, but the saving grace for me is that it didn't hit until my children were grown up. Just make sure that you use him as a sitter as often as possible, he might then get some idea how wearing two children are, even for someone who is fit!

As for the car, go for it! I got an automatic 4 years ago, and the difference is magic!

Look after yourself, and take as much "selfish" time as you can!!! M x

[allanah]

Grrrr, he wouldn't like me when I get mad lol! Well done you getting the much needed support. You should be congratulated! Xx enjoy YOUR time x