I tried to explain to my estranged mother. About ra, and how much it's affecting and will affect my life and I get this as a reply...."we drinking, smoking and weight are not good if you have that, I've read about it online"
Wtf! Not only do I very rarely drink but I'm on an ecig and have put on weight due to being less mobile! She doesn't ever speak to me and I was hoping I at least got some understanding from her!
I used to be anorexic because of her and her issues she forced on me!
I feel so low, if I didn't have two amazing little girls who I adore I swear I wouldn't be here now! I now feel so low!
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Dolly84
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Not surprised you needed to rant. It does sound as though she has some deep rooted issues & has for some time. What does encourage me though is that she's looked online so it is of interest & will actually have some idea of how it affects you. Her reaction is possibly a defence mechanism for any hurt she's inflicted on you in the past & it's gone on so long she continues along the same vein, not knowing how backtrack. I fear until those issues are faced & resolved her reactions won't differ & you're on a hiding to nothing. Reading between the lines, as none of us know your history, you are not at fault & her issues are maybe stemming from another family member & you've been on the receiving end of the fallout all this time.
Gather up your girls & cuddle them. They're your world so cherish them. At least your experience hasn't clouded your love as a mum & your bond with them.
Oh no I'm 100% better mum than she was to me. Too many issues to air on here with her but I needed to get that out. I don't care if I'm a bit overweight, I can't help it....can hardly walk atm! She just knows how to jab a knife in me!!! Grrrrrr roll on tue when I will hopefully get some treatments going
Fully believe you are & for that I applaud you. Didn't expect or want you to expand but just looking at it from an outsider's perspective. Rant away any time, it helps & good luck for Tuesday. Keep us updated (if you're not on before venting!!).
Dolly,don't feel alone, you have us lot to moan too, your Mother sounds so familiar to me, mine was very similar, I'm 71 now and she passed on a while ago but still certain things she said or did come back to hurt me, so I know just how you are feeling, as nomoreheels says give your girls a cuddle and be proud that you are a good Mum to them.
Lack of understanding, especially from your family, can be very hurtfull. Often this can be an 'invisible' illness and they react with 'you look well' and you try and act 'normal'. Last months NRAS magazine was very good with the front page pointing out how much invisible 'pain' you can be in. I left it lying about on the kitchen table for my daughters to see and although they didn't mention it I think I can see a different attitude from them. Sometimes I think people can accept your 'brave face' as they don't know what else to do.
Oh Dolly4 I can so sympathise with you. My mother suggested I exercise and take antidepressants and I would be cured! hahahaha I really wanted to give her the same advice recently when she had a heart attack as it would be about as useful to her as it was to me. Can I suggest a wonderful Facebook page to you - toxic mum toolkit. There are lots of us out there who either limit or go completely no contact with our toxic mothers. They can destroy us in a few little words but only if we let them. Take no notice of her, believe in yourself, stick with sympathetic and understanding people and do not give her any power over you.
i think the best thing you can do for yourself is to stay as far away from you 'mother' as you can! i was in the same position as yourself and then one day i decided that enough is enough. i contacted the rest of my family and told them that i'd had it with her and that i wouldn't be going back to see her. i was given 100% support from them and you know something else.......i fell soooooooo much better just knowing that i don't have to listen to that crap anymore.......all the best.X
I don't see her, thankfully as I moved 300 miles away....part of that move was to leave her and all her crap behind! The only reason I had contact with her recently is my little sister is getting married and she wants me to travel 300 miles on train to go.....I told her until treatment starts I can't give a yes or no answer...hence why I explained how poorly I am. I wish I hadn't bothered lol. Toxicmums lol, mines nuclear hahaha
Hi Dolly, I very much sympathise. I've not had contact with my mother for years - the best decision of my life was to break contact with her. If she knew I had RA she'd just love it - a great excuse to put me down and say I brought it all on myself, eating the wrong things, etc. etc. Try not to let the frustration/negativity from your mother get to you too much - I've no doubt you notice how symptoms are worse when you feel down/ angry etc. What a blessing you have two lovely girls. Keep focusing your energy positively towards them, I'm sure the positivity in return from your girls must be magical at times (I don't have children but I work with them). Take care and rant when you need to! xx
Thanks for all the support guys!!!! I know I'm better off without her...She loves turning stuff on me too. Really suffered last night and nearly rang 111 but I have my first rhumy appoint on tues
They do say you can choose your friends but not your family. I can fully understand why you want your mum to empathise and show she cares but unfortunately not everyone has the parent/s they deserve. Please try not to let this get you down. The lack is with her, not you and she will be the poorer for her behaviour towards you. Sometimes we have to cut our losses and make out own little family anew. It sounds as if you've already made a great start x
Oh yes I fully understand where your coming from unless they walk in your shoes they will never get where you are coming from b there done that and yes have my grandchildren to thank for my sanity or I too would have gave up long ago u not alone chin up and away we go xx
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