I've spent the entire day having arguments with myself about having a cigarette.
I didn't want to post something negative but I'm feeling quite desperate. I even got this 0 nicotine eCig out and have had it in my mouth almost all day. Apart from when I have to recharge it. I think I've worn the poor thing out....
Actually I have to be honest and say that I would definitely have had a smoke if I could've laid my hands on one. I suppose it's fortunate for me that I live in such a remote spot and while my husband's at work with the car I have no way of getting to a shop, the nearest one being 6 miles away.
I know why I feel this way. It's nothing to do with a need for nicotine. It's because I've always relied on cigarettes to calm me down, cheer me up, comfort me etc.
I woke up feeling so homesick for Africa and walking through soggy fields looking at grey skies didn't help one bit! Eating didn't help. The eCig didnt help. And this is all because I have this mindset that only a cigarette will make me feel all better. (It won't!)
Ok enough moaning. Just need to get that off my chest.
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The feelings of loss, depression and the constant questioning of the decision to stop smoking is really common at the stage where you are Becky.
You need to stay strong.
I've made the mistake of giving into the junkie talk many times and always end up smoking again.
From the science point of view by week 5 is actually when reality hits you. At week 5 you are left with a large amount of neurotransmitters in comparison to a non smoker, they will be at you like zombies waiting to be fed.
They will start reducing in number gradually and by week 12 you should really have similar amounts of "feel good" neurotransmitters as a nonsmoker.
At this stage of your quit (my worst nightmare) you really need to do whatever it takes to survive.
Again, and taking the risk of over repeating myself, you need to address the issue as it comes.
You can go to your Gp and get prescription medicines or you can go for the alternative route.
Pm me if you wish, I'll be more than happy to help out...there is a light in the end, you will never see it if you lite up.
I had many days like you are having at this stage of quit and I too woke in the morning wanting badly a cigarette for whether it was the thought of going into work, life day to day worries etc..,
What I done was asked myself what can I do to relieve these situations and not cave in to that one smoke for 2 minutes and feel horrible after it.
You say you woke up homesick, how can you relief that - smoking won't, maybe a skype call or phone call to a relative in Africa (may make it worse for you and think you mentioned previously family didn't know you smoked so you cannot tell them the good news you are over 5 weeks smoke free). Let your husband know you are having a bad day, its good to talk. Sometimes we just need someone to listen, and cry if you need to, its perfectly normal and good way to release tension. Maybe put on a comedy movie that will make you laugh hard (recommend Bridesmaids , hilarious!)
You are doing great Becky and have got through previous bad days, good luck, will be around here throughout the evening so post as often as you need to.....xx
Thanks so much Mmaya and Rowens for all your support and advice.
My husband's home, which helps. We're watching a comedy, which also helps. We're eating, helps lots !!
I understand what you're saying and I know I've got many more weeks to get through. I need to make a plan to avoid or overcome these triggers.
Right now the only solution I can think of for my homesicknessi is an air ticket and that's not going to happen. So I'm going to have to make some changes in my life to take my mind off the problem.
Smoking is NOT an option. I know that. I don't fancy prescription meds either and the natural remedies just don't do it when I'm this desperate. But making changes might just be the answer.
You don't need a plan to overcome the triggers, you need to embrace it, there is no way around Becky...the only way is through it!
It is proven that a 2 minutes proper hug releases more "feel good" hormones than the joy of getting a big news....
That's probably why you feel better when your husband arrives
When I was desperate I went to sleep literally!
The triggers will disappear slowly... At the moment I'm able to sit down surrounded by smokers and don't even think about having one.
Baby steps...quitting is horrendous, by far the worst task I've ever completed and I hope the memories of quitting will keep me away from the cigarettes in the future
Good for you Becky, that is what I done was to put a plan in place for these situations, work was a big thing for me as from June to end of October was very stressful but I changed my whole attitude to work since I quit, if I was not coping or stressed smoking literally like a train every half hour at work was my coping mechanism, since I quit, I decided to ask for help and speak up if not coping and it worked, with lifes stresses, I kept telling myself why did I quit, do I want to do this over again and for something that will pass, every bad day you get through you will become stronger to deal with the next one.
PS I finished off my christmas shopping in the shopping centre after work this evening - 2 hours of going through crowds and shops, my god, I would have killed for a smoke, but by the time I got home, it passed and I am now sitting in front of a roaring fire, with a glass of wine and pizza in oven listening to storm Desmond wind and rain belting outside! Hope its not too bad where you are in England...
I was thinking about Desmond just a few minutes ago....imagine now if we were still smokers lol
I opened the outside door in the building to leave at 6 and nearly went flying. Imagine now the poor souls tonight going outside on the wind and cold just for a fag.....
I'm feeling very proud of my new status tonight...thank you Desmond lol
Yeah, storm Desmond is horrendous, awake most of the night with the wind, hate thistype of weather, give me freezing temperatures and dry anytime! On my way home from town last night, my sister in law was out for a smoke with gusts of 100km an hour, it did feel good that I am no longer enduring the elements for a smoke!
Awwwr stop! I spent the all day shopping and don't even have half of it done! I hope the storm is gone by tomorrow, I really need to finish my shopping list tomorrow. I don't like to leave it for the last days.
I felt like this for 3 days solid it was nasty, thing is you have to remember you are never going to feel the comfort and until you have squeezed all the discomfort out. Your brain has to learn a cigarette is never coming again. I know its nasty, believe me when im in that mind frame I am not saying what I am saying now lol but you have the clarity when it stops and think 'thank god I never gave in and smoked!'. from 4/5 month mark these become a lot less intense and just become periods of glumness rather than craving, and if you look at posts from people 3 years down the line its a NEVER situation! im yet to experience that but im keeping the blind faith it will happen. good luck xx
I think it's important to have those tough days - it's no fun living through them, I remember them vividly as days of brain-clenching and teeth grinding and fidgety feet and tears. BUT for every day like that you get through, you're showing yourself how strong you are, and you're beating that monster. You might not think you are. But you are, and it's after testing days like that, where you survive and move on without smoking, that you can really really be proud of yourself and know you're getting somewhere.
Becky...Ja sorry the Africa technology let me down and only saw your suffering today.....Stay strong and yes definitely smoking is not an option...you will be so proud of yourself if you can win this one...
Hope it cheers you up a bit ....We boiled yesterday on a lovely 46 deg Celsius and 90 % humidity... It was HOT..The aircons could not keep up set on 20 deg....(Still homesick ??)
The bad news is that still there is no rain and the cattle, Impala, warthogs are dying in the fields....I had two little duiker came into my yard to enjoy the something green. Even guinea fowl befriended the chickens and enjoy the good life...
Hope this allowed you to forget about that cigarette for a while...Strongs Becky !!!
Thanks Hercu. Haha you remind me of my family in South Africa who, knowing how homesick I get, spend hours on Skype telling me all the bad stuff!
Hmmm guess what, it doesn't make any difference. My crazy mind misses even the bad stuff.....
Instead of feeling sorry for myself I'm making plans today. If I have something to aim for I'll feel better. If I feel better I won't want to smoke.
Your temperatures sound bad I must say and on top of that the awful drought. I hope you get rain soon. Wish I could send you some of ours
Shame all those poor thirsty animals.
Thanks for your support Hercu. Have a lekker weekend and hope it cools down a bit.
That's what kept me sane all along... Whatever is going on... And there was a lot going on...smoking was never an option...actually, although some say if you relapse you can always try again and it's not failure.
This time I took a different approach because honestly I was getting too comfortable with that idea.
For me Smoking is failure, and failure is no longer an option.
If you keep that in mind, that one cigarette is history now! Xxx
in reply to
...and like I said in this post..I used to think it was ok and was getting too comfortable with the idea! I still think just the fact that anyone is trying makes them a winner regardless of the outcome.
But myself and myself only, I had to come to this otherwise I would keep going finding an excuse to have just one.for me and again myself only, smoking is failing.
Karri every post I write is from the heart, every word I post is how I feel / think at each given time...that's how I'm feeling now....I might change my mind in the future again...who knows?!
Yes, I think I should try a different approach. Be a bit harder on myself. Because at present my thinking is "oh well, just have one, or just a few.......it won't make a difference. You'll feel better and then when you're in the right frame of mind you can start the quit again".
Of course we all know that story. I'm kidding myself. Feeling sorry for myself I'm trying to find some comfort. Why oh why does that comfort have to come in the form of a cigarette????!
I still feel sorry for myself...it's our nature! thank god for that, we're human and we have feelings...we feel down, we feel happy.
Like you Becky, I'm away from home for 16 years, my parents are getting older, I miss home.
I miss the food, the weather...there's a storm outside, I've never seen any of this weather at home....it makes me homesick and depressed.
Christmas is coming, I'm not going home...it's sad!
It would have been sad regardless of with or without the cigarettes and having one is not going to take the sadness away
I am a 40 years old well educated lady, not a junkie! Therefore, I will not give in
It does get easier, I have no cravings at all.I had a bad week the week before...there's always going to be a day here and there...but overall I only think about smoking when I'm in the forum.
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New here and need some support please!
Newbie in need of some support please
Diary of a quitter - Day 36
