Deja Vu or Stupidity? I know the answer.

[nsd_user663_49670]

Hello everybody,

OMG I never thought I'd have to say this but tomorrow my quit begins........again.

I was on here a few years back and with the help this fantastic forum I screamed, laughed, cried and almost drove myself and everybody else insane until I finally clawed my way to freedom.

I never thought I'd ever smoke another cigarette again but somehow, after over 2 years of being completely smoke free, I made a fatal mistake one night ...............I think you can guess the rest and why I am back here again.

I've got 2 cigarettes left that will go nicely with the remains of a cheap bottle of wine that's going off in the fridge............OMG how sad do I sound but I know what's to come in the weeks ahead so when they're gone, they're gone for good.

I'm sorry I'm back again, after my failure I'm hardly a very good role model for anyone who's trying to quit for the first time.

I will just be stopping the cigarettes dead and going cold turkey like last time. I'm determined that this quit really will be forever.

The forum was a massive help to me last time so I hope you'll support me again. See you all tomorrow.

[Hidden]

Honesty... I like you already! Welcome back

I'm half way through week 9, I've never gone past week 7 before, so this is great for me.

I'm curious if I may ask you, after 2 years what in the name of God would bring you back to the cigarettes?!

I see a lot of people relapsing after long term quit and I can't get it.

Is it that you are so comfortable being a non smoker and underestimate the just One? Or is it that you were struggling all along and eventually gave in...

Pls don't take my question as criticism, I've been wondering a lot about that, is there an end to this?

Will I ever be able to go one day even without thinking abt stupid cigarettes?!

It's not like I spend all my day thinking abt tabasco sauce, and believe - I love it!

You are a role model indeed, on my books at least.

Deja vu, yes certainly! Stupidity? Nahhhhh! Stupid is not one that doesn't know better, it's the one that doesn't want to know better xxx

[Nozmo Valued Contributor]

Hello Evie,

There's no need for apologies - plenty of quit breakers here, myself included on several occasions. Enjoy your wine and fags....and then go for it tomorrow.

[nsd_user663_49670]

Thank you Mmaya, I thought nobody was there so it's lovely to hear from you.

The only way I can answer your question is to say that it was a stupid moment of madness. I was at a birthday celebration and we were having a good time outside. I admit to having a couple of small glasses of wine but no way was I drunk so I can't make that excuse. I was offered one and I don't know why but I was tempted. I can't say that it was because I was in the company of smokers because that had happened many times before. I was enjoying myself and feeling relaxed................I took one and lit up. At first it tasted strange but I smoked it none the lesst thinking that it would be a one off.

I went a few days after that without thinking of smoking but then I bought a pack of 10 on impulse when I stopped to get a lottery ticket. It sounds so stupid now and I know I was much happier with myself when I didn't smoke. I did find smoking relaxing though and even though I knew I was making a big mistake I allowed myself to continue in what I thought was a small way.........only smoking about 6 or 7 a day. I know that even 1 is too many.

I've been smoking on and off for about a year now. I have one or two friends who still smoke that I could blend in with and being able to do that eased my conscience .....................I'd worked to hard at quitting though so I don't honestly know why I did it.

I would like to say 'Never underestimate nicotine' but really I should say 'Don't be a bl**dy idiot' because that's what I've been. I think I have learned from my mistake though and I won't be doing it again. I've told everyone I'm quitting and I mean it.

I've got one cigarette left now and then I'm done...............I know I should throw it away but I probably won't.

Tonight I'm feeling foolish but invincible but I know quitting's hard. I'm hoping that because I know what to expect that I'll find it easier this time but who really knows??

I'll find out tomorrow but I won't ever be smoking another cigarette from then on.

Thank you again and I hope you're well over the worst. I've been trying to do some reading and it certainly looks as if you're winning your battle. I hope I'll be able to do the same. x

[Hidden in reply to nsd_user663_49670]

Of course you will! You'll be flying it and we'll be here to help you out anything you need.

Your description above confirms what I thought to be right, it's when you get too comfortable... Note to myself: never get too comfortable

Good luck tomorrow and do smoke that last one.

Make it one to remember as your last one lol

[nsd_user663_49670]

Hello Nozmo,

Sounds like you've got me sussed when you say "Enjoy your wine and fags" lol. I sound like an alcoholic, chain smoking hag and that's probably a good description - only joking lol.

It is easy to make a mistake when you've been a smoker but I've made a BIG one and I wish I hadn't.

The hardest part for me is convincing myself that I can feel relaxed and laid back without knowing that there's a cigarette handy should I want one.

I've done it before so I hope it will be easier than last time. Anything's better than being a smoker so I'll have to get used to it.

Anyone can quit if they really want to but the hard part is making sure we stay quit for good.

[CocoaXChange Valued Contributor]

“Success is not final, failure is not fatal: it is the courage to continue that counts.” - Churchill. Everyone enjoy the weekend.

[nsd_user663_64457]

Hi Evie. I'm fairly new on here, just two weeks into my quit now.

I too had a previous quit but mine was for TEN years. I never even thought about smoking. Then something happened, I was miserable and reached out for that crutch. All the time I thought I'd just have one and told myself that a few a day couldn't possibly harm me.

But also most of the time when I smoked a cigarette I felt angry with myself, worried about what I was doing to my health and guilty, hiding as though I was committing a crime. So not really enjoyable!

But there's a lesson to learn there......never underestimate the hold smoking has over us.

For the rest of my life I will be a smoker, but I won't smoke.

[nsd_user663_49670]

Hi Becky,

Wow.....you managed 10 years and then smoking still managed to suck you back in!

It just does go to show that it never really lets go of us and that we have to take charge and let go of it.

I'm glad you've taken the plunge and made the decision to quit again.

[Hidden in reply to nsd_user663_49670]

There seems to be a lot more cases like yours...I just had a guy asking me for a cigarette this morning and I know he stopped smoking abt 10 years ago! When I told him I'm not smoking anymore, his answer was...yeah, you are right! And he walked away.

If I gave him the cigarette, he would have smoked it...but he is off them for so long...I don't quite understand how it works...