Holidays, smoking & more darn psychoanalysis...

[nsd_user663_8607]

Ok, so im just back from my weeks holiday in the sun. I headed off only 1 week into the big quit which i knew would be seriously challenging as for me, the sun/holidays = smoking.

So, the bad news first.

I caved in and had 3 cigarettes over the course of the week.

The good news:

That would normally have been 20 a day + so being so early on in my quit I am darn proud of myself and refuse to beat myself up. Yes, ideally it would have been 0 but hopefully next time (which is only 3 weeks away).

But heres the thing, I am seriously struggling with a few parts of this whole process - i would sooo appreciate if anyone can resonate with any of this.

1. I still long to smoke every single day.

2. I still feel like i am grieving the loss of something very special to me and am struggling to see that i have gained something

3. I really enjoyed those 3 cigarettes (expecting to hate them) which highlights what a dangerous path it can be

4. please dont think i'm crazy on this one - I've realised that smoking has been a huge part of my identity. Being abroad, I would often spend time outside puffing away with the locals - not doing it anymore actually made me feel isolated and almost weak, not empowered. Suddenly i didnt want to do it anymore. How could i sit there and enjoy my little coffee with no cigarette? It felt like part of "me" has been removed. (yes, i know i sound crazy but its the truth)

5. I just need to crack through this ongoing battle of smoking = enjoyment and realise that no smoking can also = enjoyment. the question is - how how how.

Even on holidays i found myself toddling off to bed earlier just to avoid smoking. Wow - writing it down makes me realise how powerful this drug really is.

In a nutshell, I feel darn miserable not smoking.

Help....

[nsd_user663_56712]

hi NS, I totally know where you are coming from and I too am very scared about my holiday next month. I have given up for 11 weeks at the moment, when we go away t will be about 16/17 and we are off to cuba the tabacco capital, but I will make it ..come on, lets crack this holiday smoking malarky together and say NO!!!

[nsd_user663_56712]

and also you are just about to hit the third week, come on you can crack this and beat that nicodemon away and out of your life!!

[nonico 7 Years Smoke Free]

Grieving

Hi Newstart

Yes, I resonate with your post 100% - you're grieving for a "false friend".

It's similar to breaking up a relationship & you're the one that didn't want to move on. It was a large part of your identity - at least you thought it was - but it was like a "friend" who wanted to possess and own you.

I would also go to bed early, or even if I could, just go to bed and want to pull the sheets over my face and want to hide from the world.

One good thing though - it isn't called the grieving "process" for nothing. It's a process - something we go through - it has an end. Just hang in there & I promise you it gets easier.

[nsd_user663_8607]

Thank goodness for this forum.

I am NORMAL

I was starting to feel like i was going to a bit loopy. I've also discovered that the worst people to mix with at the beginning of quitting are smokers. They will give you EVERY single reason/justification not to quit and often very subtly "oh you are doing soooooo well but it will be hard when you have a glass of wine or when you go on holiday blah blah"...

Thanks Trea - yep, lets go for it - lets crack this ridiculous holiday "thinking" on the head now. As someone on here wrote - NOPE - not one puff ever. I love it. Well done you - 11 weeks in, fantastic. Hope you are planning to treat yourself to something on holiday that you normally wouldn't justify. I bought some good jewellery with my cigarette money - it felt good.

Nonico - wow.........so true. Its like being in a controlling relationship, knowing its so bad for you but something keeps you there and when you finally get out you dont know how to move on albeit you do on a logical level.

See? We are a great load of psychologists - who needs the NHS

[nsd_user663_56712]

mmmm, jewellery, I am liking the sound of that,,,fingers twitching as |I try to decide, earings, necklace....after this evening, everything