Day 5 and... Oooh Shiny! *runs off*

I feel like cr*p.

I had problems with my breathing today. Didn't notice that I was holding it in half the time. I think I entered an anxious state from the combination of quitting, coursework, and a looming deadline that seems impossible.

I'm tired and my teeth hurt from grinding them together. But I got out and about for a break. Took my mum and sister out for coffee. It was wonderful because I got to pay for them... With the money I had saved from not buying smokes! Had a good time, and a strawberry milkshake to boot.

I didn't get out for my walk, nor did I get anywhere near the amount of work done that I needed to. Tomorrow would be great to do a lot of work on but unfortunately I have an appointment that takes about 5-6 hours there and back, and then I have to drive from mum's back home, which is another 2 hours or more (dependent on peak traffic).

Anyways I'll probably write more much later in the day... It's 2am here and I need to just shut my brain down... or scoop it out.

Night guys, thinking of you all and sending good vibes out to you to wish you an easier day in your quit :)

xo Exhausted Tal

3 Replies

  • Ok so today was interesting.

    I had an appointment at the hospital so I had to go all the way into the city by train and then all the way out to the end of a different line. Normally I have a smoke before the first train. About 5 in the city with a coffee, another 1-2 when I get to the hospital, and then I have to not have any at the hospital because it's grounds are no-smoking.

    Today I arrived at the station just in time for the train. At the city station I got a juice smoothie rather than a coffee. I was very early for my appointment, as usual, so I went to the cafe and had a hot chocolate (coffee is a trigger for me), and did homework for an hour. Off to my appointment with the neuro, then back home, with another juice at the city as I passed through.

    It was nice, though I still had the odd craving.

    I feel weird though, I have cravings but most of them are more like "almost cravings". I want one, or I wish I was allowed one, but most of the time I don't feel that physical need for one. When I do, I take deep breaths of the fresh air, or something slightly scented. I can smell perfumes on people now and they smell divine.

    Getting headaches alot too. Problem is, I'm undergoing a medication change. I hope to get pregnant late next year and I take a bad medication for my epilepsy and bipolar. So I've changed but the dose is still going up so half the time I don't know what the feelings I'm having are created by - the lack of smokes, or the drug change.

    That said it has been a positive change on the med side of things. I think it is working better than the old stuff I was on in every way possible. Added to that this quit I feel so positive about my quit. I feel like I'm just taking it as fact that I've completely quit. Like I know it's done, it's finished. I know it's not. I know I'm going to have cravings for months, maybe even years. So I don't know where this feeling of positivity and success is coming from but I think it is making it easier. The last time I quit when I was this far through the champix, I was in at my psych's office every 2nd day for critical damage control. This time I feel like singing I'm so fine with it all.

    The side effect of this is that I feel guilty. I'm on here parading around saying "Oh I'm fine do di do di do" and I feel bad that there are probably some people on here who may not appreciate it. No one's said anything at all! And I appreciate it. I know other people are having a tough time of it and I want to support everyone I can. I just feel like a bit of a hypocrite.

    So what I want to basically say is that I have been in the bad spot before. If you want to see how bad, check my posts from last time I was here in 2011. I went off the grid long before I slid back into smoking though. And even though I am doing well and good at the moment, I have had the bad times so I can relate!

    Bleurgh... It's hard to explain but I hope you all get what I mean.

    Also, in other exciting news! I found an app on my phone that I had forgot I had downloaded and started the second I put out my last cigarette.

    So far I have:

    Not Smoked: 120.07 cigarettes (potentially a lot more)

    Saved (Money): $61.53

    Saved (Time): 12:00hrs

    And it has been 6 Days and 6 minutes since my last cigarette.

    Guess I should make a Day 6 thread... :S

    Oh... this says I gave up April 9th... Still works, it was at 23:30(AEST) :D

    Hope you are all doing well with your quits!


    Rofl, just realised - 6 days 6 minutes and Day 6.... Hope that's a good thing? Not sure whether or not to laugh at the irony... or be worried...

  • No wonder you couldn't sleep last night!

    your post shows how hard you have worked on this quit, so strong and determined to do it this time despite everything that you are having to contend with.

    I am sure that nobody has thought badly of you saying that this time it has been easy for you. The opposite i should think- 'Great someone is actually finding it easy, good for her'. Your attitude and posts have probably given someone thinking of quitting the courage to give it a go. So sing and sing loudly..if we all said that it was awful and it never got easier etc (a) we'd be lying and (b) noone visiting this forum would ever give up!!:D:D

  • Last night I couldn't go to bed because I was stressed over homework. But I did want a smoke, think it really wasn't helping.

    I kinda love Champix for the dreams. I don't get the nightmares. Normally I don't dream at all because with the bipolar comes the mania/insomnia blah blah blah but basically I have a very strong sedative and as a result don't normally dram. Now I dream all the time and I'm going to miss it when I come off of it.

    Had a bit of a warning-from-fate today too.

    Was on the train - had someone coughing and wheezing the whole time... The next time I saw here she was outside the station smoking it up.

    At the hospital - I saw a woman who had had extensive surgery on her throat, had one of those in-you-throat-to-speak thingos and was also going through Chemo...

    Slammed in the face much.

    It's like someone was smacking me on the forehead for going "WT* WERE YOU THINKING YOU M*R*N. Unlike many people. I didn't just get hooked.

    I chose to smoke. It was a very conscious decision on my part. I didn't like it at first. But I knew it would get easier. So I puffed away.

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