Nearly two years but struggling....

[nsd_user663_22748]

6th Feb will be my two year anniversary and to be totally honest I really thought I was over it till about 6-8wks ago....

When i quit i had a few (full & sealed) packets and decided that keeping them was an insurance policy. With fags available any time i was CHOOSING not to smoke them rather than being prevented by not having any. It must have worked cos whenever a particularly bad craving hit i'd go look at the packets, sometimes looking was enough and sometimes i had to pick a pack up but i always put them back and thought "maybe later if i still want one bad enough" and i never had one

So, 6-8wks ago a big bad craving hit me hard so i followed my usual routine only (to my horror!) the fags were no longer there! Hubby had found and smoked them all! The struggle has gone on ever since but i've managed to stay quit then over Xmas family stuff has blown up and i have been under so much stress its like the first week all over again and the personal stuff isnt going to be quick to resolve so i see no end in sight.....

I can honestly say that if i wasn't posting this i'd be heading out the door for fags but i don't know why cos i know it wont make anything any better, if anything i know i'll feel worse cos the last two years will have been for nothing................ but i still wanna do it............

What is wrong with me? why now??

Thanks in advance for any replies

[nsd_user663_53202]

Hi Tamwill, sorry to hear that things are stressful for you at the moment. The urge to smoke maybe coming from the stress/anxiety - particularly as you feel there is no end in sight. Anxious situations - even lighting up before making phone call - would trigger a smoke for me in the past. You are now suffering major anxiety and, I'm guessing, is it the most intense anxiety you have felt since you quit? If so, its yet another trigger, although one that was hidden deeply. Since it is a trigger, it will pass, and then start to lose its power.

You are right, having a smoke will not improve things and will make things worse, as you will regret having one. It will also taste disgusting after nearly 2 years not smoking!

Hang in there, others will be along to offer support soon, so keep posting and letting us know how you are doing.

[nsd_user663_54586]

Hi Tamwill

Wow, congrats on nearly two years!! That's pretty amazing!

To tell you the truth, you must have the strongest willpower EVER to keep ciggies within touching distance and still not smoke them....but, if you don't mind me saying, you actually made it more difficult for yourself by keeping them in the periphery of your mind....just my opinion!

You clearly don't want or need to smoke, as you wouldn't have gone so long if you wanted or needed to smoke. It does seem like you have been toying with the part of your mind that you "may" have a ciggie at some point in the future...and that's the last demon, clinging on for dear life!!

Maybe it's time to let that bit go too now, seeing as you've kicked the rest of it out of the door with such strength. Your hubby may have done you a favour, as you can now live in peace that you don't need that little comfort blanket in the corner of your mind anymore.

You've done so well, and you shoud be proud of yourself.

[nsd_user663_53394]

Dont do it

Please please please dont smoke. There is no maybe about this making you feel worse. Its a full on dead cert that you will feel worse. You stopped smoking , while others around you carried on. That is massive. Everything is crap right now but at least you are in control. A cigarette is not a magic button that takes trouble away. It brings trouble. Loads of it. I stopped smoking 2 years ago, but then had a really bad time at work and lit up. I bitterly regret that. They did not help at all. When I lost my job I was beside myself wondering how I could find fifty quid a week for fags.

Reading your description of the craving ritual, I think you may like repetitions.Why not find a meditation on the internet?. If you cant find one, it is simple. Lie down in a quiet, softly lit space;Be aware of any tension in your body, eg jaw, neck, belly, and let that tension float away; breathe deeply into your belly, hold and breathe out. Do that slowly 5 times. Then repeat to yourself over and over a phrase that makes you feel good. EGs I love myself. Things can only get better. Tomorrow is a new day, Stay with it for 10 minutes

. Ha youre probably a black belt at yoga and know all this stuff, but I'm trying to be helpful. Please dont smoke

[NicFirth 10 Years Smoke Free]

1st a note to new quitters, struggling after 2 years is rare. Don't panic!! Hang in there!

Hi Tamwill

You are well, well beyond any chemical reliance on nicotine, so its not a craving this is a want or a memory it is certainly a psychological issue rather than a physical one.

Over the years and years of smoking you built up associations with smoking and relieving stress, however you were in reality just relieving (or preventing) the stress which low nicotine levels placed on your nicotine reliant system.

So what has happened now is that you are under stress and your body is remembering that smoking did relieve a form of stress, the problem is that it doesn't differentiate between real world stress and the stress caused by not having high enough nicotine levels.

It is clear that you are actually struggling to cope with whatever has blown up and your subconscious is trying to find a quick fix, the problem is that smoking would not make a jot of difference to your problems and would in fact lump the slavery of a renewed addiction on top of them. Something I guarantee you do not need!

These feelings will pass but you are best focusing your energies on how to sort out or live with your stresses, rather than let these lying feeling take hold.

I wish you all the best with it and please stay strong, smoking is not the answer and will never make anything better.

Regards

Nic

[nsd_user663_20558]

Hi Tam,

Some great replies here, with which I wholeheartedly agree, so I won't repeat them. But I want to add my voice of support. This is a psychological trigger which has come to the fore because of all the stress and - like every other trigger that you beat at the beginning of your quit- it will pass, it won't last forever, and it can be beaten.

Don't throw away two years of freedom. You know a fag won't help anything, and you'll just be adding some poisonous toxins and wasted money to the crap that life is throwing at you.

Two years is AMAZING. Reflect on that, be proud, keep your chin up, this too shall pass.

Helen x

[nsd_user663_54332]

Hi

I'm really sorry you're having a bad time and struggling with cravings again!!

Can't add anything to what other people have said 'cos they're a lot more experienced than I am *but* do think i can add this:

I stopped smoking in summer 08, thought I had it beaten then had a bad time and the cravings came back. Then I had a big row, thought "stuff it" went to the newsagents and bought a packet of fags, and am only stopping now. It's really not worth it, it doesn't help anything so please don't give in!!

You can do it!

Gemma x

[nsd_user663_53202]

1st a note to new quitters, struggling after 2 years is rare. Don't panic!! Hang in there!

Thanks for that Nic, nice one!

[nsd_user663_22748]

Thanks everyone! Since posting, I've managed to continue to resist the urge to go buy fags I think some of the resistance is down to the fact that everyone's comments made me look at the urges differently.... they make a bit more sense now and understanding them better seems to make them less threatening if you know what i mean?

Maybe i just needed some understanding - there is 5 of us in our household and i'm the only non-smoker so, even when things weren't bad at home, none of them really understood

I apologise to any new quitters that have been disheartened by my post. Please be reassured that this is my personal battle and not something that happens to all quitters nearing the two year mark!

[nsd_user663_53202]

Well done in keeping away from the cigs Tamwill. It must be especially tough sharing the house with 4 smokers, so very well done.

[nsd_user663_54586]

Top stuff

That's a really good point Tamwill, regarding seeing the urges differently.

Something I'd strongly advise to those struggling, is to read every bit of literature you can lay your hands on....some of it makes sense, some of it annoys you....some of it seems completely irrelevant to your own personal quit.....BUT, you will find something that helps, and that its really cool to find articles or other people who really "get" what you're feeling.

It's all out there on the interweb