Hi, I have been on and off this forum since October 2009 and still have not managed to stay quit. I have tried all sorts of methods: NRT, champix, hypnotherapy, cold turkey. I do well for serveral months and then I get this overwhelming sense of fear and urge to smoke and then I'm back to square one.
I then go on smoking again for a period of time and think I really need to quit but I am scared, scared of never smoking again, scared of all the weight gain and scared of not being able to mingle with my normal circle of friends. Nearly all of my friends and family smoke. I then reside to the fact that I am a smoker and do I really want to put myself through it again to start a few months down the line.
People I know have quit for well over 12 months then one day gone back to it.
I dream of myself of being this slim, fit non smoker with a whole heap of confidence but the truth is that I seem more confident as a smoker than a non smoker and I don't think I will be slim again as I just can't seem to stick to a diet either although I used to.
I have a very close family friend terminally ill and still smoking and when I asked this person why they said 'we have to die of something.'
I know I can quit but I just can't stay quit. I see all the inspirational things on here of people's lives changing, taking up new hobbies, etc and think wow I could be like that. Then the other part of me says you are who you are and you will never change.
Are there people who have to reside to the fact that they are a smoker?
Tinks
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Nobody has to resign themselves to being a smoker. You can be anything you want within reason. I've been quit almost 5 months and sometimes odd thoughts pop into my mind that I would love a cig. It isn't any more than that and I hope I never ever smoke one. I would hate to go through the first 3 months again. I am happy that I have given them up. Have another go!!!
I've known you on the forum for a long time (I remember you being so supportive to me when I first quit!), and am sooooo willing you to find your permanent quit. I want to preface what I'm about to say by giving you all the sympathy and support in the world - I think most of us have thought we would just always be a smoker, even if temporarily stopped. I know I did.
But now I'm going to give it to you straight.
First of all, your last question:
There are people who *will* resign themselves to always being a smoker. But that is because they *choose* to do so. Every time you get a prompt to smoke you make a choice: light up, or don't light up. A long way into a quit, although it does not happen with such regularity, something may well happen to prompt you to smoke. It may be dreadful news, or drunkenness, a feeling of 'I wonder what it would be like if I had just one', or a sudden overwhelming feeling of fear and loathing such as you describe which provokes it. And when that happens, you have a stark choice - give into that feeling, or not. Light up, or don't light up. People who start again after a year are not doing so because of addiction to nicotene. They are not smoking because someone has a gun to their head. They're just making the wrong choice. I doubt many of them are happy about it. But as long as you keep making that choice, it keeps getting easier. Those thoughts and feelings do go away. Really.
It's true that some people find the journey harder than others. But I wholeheartedly believe that every single person is capable of making the right choice, and able to keep making it for the rest of their lives.
Secondly, the 'you have to die of something' argument:
Yes, true. But think about the quality of life in the run-up to biting the big one. If you could choose, would you pick a strong possibility of spending your final months and years struggling for every breath? Of course these things are a lottery and it might still happen even if you quit. But you have the option to reduce the risk - life is so precious, don't you owe it to yourself?
'You are who you are and you will never change'.
But smoking is not who you are - smoking is something you do. It took me MONTHS to figure this out. I really thought smoking was part of my personality, that it defined me, that without it I was somebody different. It took a period of adjustment, but hand on heart I now realise that just wasn't true.
The confidence from smoking thing takes some time to get over - it's part and parcel of that readjustment - but after a while you do realise that having a fag in your hand makes sod all difference to your ability to have a conversation or be sociable. I mean logically, why would it? It's just another part of the habit that needs to be broken. A tough one, but it is doable!
I thought I was addicted and couldn't change that aspect of my personality but clearly, I was wrong. And with respect, so are you. You are FAB Tinks, and you can do whatever you put your mind to!!
I hope you don't feel like I'm lecturing you. I'm not at all, but I remember feeling like you do now - that i was just one of those people doomed to be forever addicted - and I wanted to give you my perspective.
Really hope you choose to climb back on that wagon, you know yourself that there are plenty of people on here ready to help if you do.
I'm on day 3 but have gone back so often that there is a voice saying why bother. The easier it is to stop and the better I feel will only make it more inexplicable when I fail again. But I'm carrying on because the truth is I like myself more when I dont smoke, Less guilt, less worry, better looking fragrant and rich. And this time I am going to make sure I remember that. Why not find some new friends? It is not true that smokers are more interesting or that they have more fun. I think I am fun and kind and interesting, but when I am smoking that is all I want to do and I am no fun at all.I remember you too, although I had a different name before and cant remember what it was, so obviously you are interesting and lovely and worth it. Best of luck
What you said in that post is spot on. It makes total sense to me. There were no wasted words or waffle - and it warranted the length that you gave it. I see it as being valuable not only for Tinks, but for others who may well be struggling with any one (or more) of the thoughts she described - and you demolished! These weasely thoughts have a compelling power. They need to be ruthlessly confronted and seen for what they are: NONSENSE. Thanks for your post.
Thanks Una and thanks Hels and no you don't go on, you make complete sense but I am bricking it.
Another part of me is really embarrassed - I stop, all going OK then it's tail between the legs again as yet again I have failed.
The older I have got the crapier?? (don't know if word) my willpower has got, I don't know why but I give up too easily on these days on everything, which I never would. For example last year when I quit I decided I was going to learn to knit, brought wool, needles, book and away to go I still have a 6cm scarf nearly 12 months later as I was rubbish at it and gave up. Silly example I know. These past few years seem to be a stuff it I can't do attitude, rather than I will. Or it's I'll do it next week, the week after, the month after.
I think the way to go is appointment with doctor's again and go from there.
I do want to do this, I am just scared.
When I do go for it I don't think I will be publically announcing anything on the forum until at least 8 months in...
Tinks x
P.S. Thanks MrsM and BigGrin - soz hit the button to submit post before I had read yours and MrsM - 'you are interesting and lovely and worth it' - that has made my day...nicest thing anyone has said to me for a long time
Here is a guess: The reason why you haven't done much knitting is that you don't really want to do it. If so, that does not make you a failure, or hopeless, it just means that you aren't really that interested in it!
As I have got older it seems like my willpower has diminished. However, I'm not so sure that it really has. When I was younger, I was full of idealism and blind faith that anything was possible. Also, I didn't have much life experience, so couldn't see why there would be any drawbacks or problems with some madcap idea. Consequently, I could keep going blindly onwards, regardless of the merit (or otherwise) of the destination.
Nowadays I might expend willpower to stand still. There might be an urge to move. However, if at the moment I can't see anywhere worthwhile to move to, I might as well stay where I am. Movement and willpower are not the same thing! And neither guarantee progress!
Rather than losing willpower, I suspect that what has really happened is that you have gained discernment. Congratulations!
It's okay to be scared Tink.... you face your demons and in time you realize those demons are not all that scary. The thing is, that letting go of smoking and as Hels said, readjusting to it, takes time..... you give it time and you'll be free. You'll live your life never thinking of smoking and when you do occasionally there will be no negatives associated with it. It takes time.... it's not even that hard after the initial shock.... time, persistence, and simply not allowing yourself to falter.
As for gaining weight.... yeah it sucks but it's better to be a bit fatter than being ruled by fags... it's just how you look at it.... and with a bit of effort, the weight will actually come off, just got to make some changes to your diet, no big deal.
It's the thinking about quitting that is the scariest part..... don't think, just do
I think the same my self some times. This is my 4th Quit. The forst time many moons ago I quit for a year. The other times its bin 3 to 5 months. So this time I was praying I got past 3 months and I did. And now I'm back to craving again as its at this point I give in too..
I'm so trying to stay strong I'm scared I will fail as if I do..(I'm a person that says, never say never) I'm not quitting again.. As I don't think I could do this again as iv had a terrible time quitting this time. And really wished the other times a quit that I found it a breeze why didn't I stay quit? I don't no the answer to it tbh.
So if I can do five whole months I can get past a month. A months nowt.
Just try to stay positive and focuse and relax into it
Shelly, you seem to be having a really tough time with your quit at the moment. I'm full of admiration for your strength and determination. You're doing great.
the givin up parts bin not so bad its just the anxity, and someother stuff its left me with like i tend to get the shakes if i dont eat regular. and my nearves in my arms and spine just havent settled. i just try see it as im still healing. 15 year of putting crap in me aint gonna go in a few months
Same with me Shelley. I've halved the antidepressants and coming off them. I will never go on them again. I've used the app every day. Sometimes 2 or 3 times a day and it certainly helps. .
Same with me Shelley. I've halved the antidepressants and coming off them. I will never go on them again. I've used the app every day. Sometimes 2 or 3 times a day and it certainly helps. .
Iv cut my anxity tab from 2 to 1 a day. And used the app daily. Really good aint it
Tinkerbell, I can so relate to this but please keep trying, it really is achievable.
I have smoked for approx 40 yrs and have had numerous attempts to quit which all failed miserably. In between quits I used to tell myself I will try again in a couple of months. The couple of months turned into a couple of years - at least. I almost convinced myself not to even try again as I was so afraid of failure, again.
This time I have managed 7 months, which I am still amazed about. I don't know exactly what is different this time, apart from taking it one day at a time, and the support of this forum, but I think it is as simple as - I still don't want to smoke more than I want to smoke and the realisation that - if I don't do it now - I never will:eek:
I was one of those people who thought I would always be a smoker and would never be able to give up. I was scared, terrified of what I would do without cigarettes in my life. I started smoking when i was 21 and smoked for 20 years. Well I stopped smoking 37 days ago and my previous belief that I couldn't stop has been completely unfounded!
Keep trying and believe in yourself - leap and the net will appear
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