It's always in the afternoon that withdrawals hit me for some reason. Then I sit here behind my computer, freezing and sweating, muscles clenching and relaxing nonstop, and just wait for the storm to pass. Luckily it seems I'm down to only this one withdrawal session a day. The rest of the day, every day, passes easily with barely even a passing thought of smoking.
Today, during my torture session, as always I kept telling myself to not worry, it's just a withdrawal, I've survived many of them and all I have to do to survive this one is sit still, relax and wait for time to pass.
Then I got to thinking about the word 'withdrawal'. What does it really mean?
Obviously it must stem from the verb 'to withdraw'. This is not normally addiction related either, but has many connotations. Mainly it means to remove something from something else.... to retreat, in a way. And that is precisely what I am trying to do. To remove myself from the dangerous and toxic situation I spent so much time putting myself in.
I just absolutely love the idea that every minute that I spend in 'withdrawal' literally means not that I am taking smoking away from me, but also that I am taking myself away from smoking - from the lifestyle, effects and ultimate suffering that it promises me. It's not going to get me if I can help it.
From this definition I can only say that the more time I spend in withdrawal, the farther I will be from this addiction. And I do want to be as far as possible from it. Bring on the withdrawals!! I want them now!
Nice to meet you all!
I thought I knew better!
