Okay guys. Having been a member of this forum for some time I have kept the majority of my posts simple. Doing this I have made a lot of friends and I think they will be friends for life. I hope you will indulge me with this post. I am a naturally creative person and one of the ways I express myself is through writing. It’s amazing how much you can get off your chest through writing and it also allows thoughts that may not otherwise be expressible.
The first 6 months of this year were total hell for me. And the cause of the hell was my ex. I was in a relationship were he was in full control and it looked to the outside world like I was happy. The only people who saw through this were my true friends and my family. It took me a year of being with this man to realise what her was doing to me. When I finally finished with him, after catching him cheating for the 3rd time and being put in hospital by him, I decided that my life needed to change. I decided that the real me was coming back and that I would never be controlled again. This is what led me to quit smoking.
I am just back from Dublin where I went to see Kelly Clarkson in concert. It was her latest album got me through the roughest time in my life. I was meant to go with my ex but rather than waste 2 tickets and let him ruin something I enjoy I decided to go alone. This was a mistake in one way but not in another. The reason it was a mistake was that I had a blip – yes, after 8 weeks of not smoking I had a smoke. Normally this would be the end of the world for me but this time it isn’t and below are my reasons why.
On my previous quits when I failed I would have automatically went right back to smoking and continued until I got to my next quit. This time that is not even an option. My brain just won’t let me think of myself as a smoker. My blip caused a revelation. I am a non smoker. I do not smoke. I have no desire to smoke and certainly no need. I did have times when I thought I was missing something but all it did was show me that I am missing nothing. I did not get one bit of enjoyment, real or false. Neither did I get a sense of relief. I have now seen through the trap that is smoking and I think I can safely say I have conquered it.
As the last song in her set Kelly Clarkson sang “What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger”. I have now realised this to be true. Not smoking is not going to kill me. Not smoking does not cause me any discomfort. Not smoking doesn’t mean I miss out on anything that smokers get. In fact, not smoking is the best present I can give to my body, my heart, my mind and my soul.
I know there will be those who say that I slipped and should go back to day 1 and I say now that you can have your opinion and are more than welcome to share it. I am not going to get in to any arguments over what day I am on because in the grand scheme of things it doesn’t matter. I don't mean to be disrespectful to peoples opinions, this is just how I feel. What matters to me is that I have now seen myself as what I truly am… a non smoker.
Years after reading Allen Carr’s Easyway to Stop Smoking I now get what he means. You get a moment where everything clicks in your head. This is what I imagine Magic is feeling when he posts. I am not a person who posts positive messages like his… he is just a positive person and someone who I hope to class as a friend on this forum for a long time to come.
I realise that this is quite a post and thank you for taking the time to read it. I won’t be as active on the forum from here on out but I am by no means leaving it. I have made a hell of a lot of friends here and this is the way that we communicate. And I would like to offer support to those who need it. And I have a great deal of gratitude for those who have helped me in my journey. Stay strong and you will get there guys.