I'm overwhelmed and scared

So first of all I would like to say this is not my first day of quitting smoking in fact I haven't quit as yet but I need help.

A little bit about me, I'm a 29 yo mother of 3 sons on of which is a teenager for the past 12 months I have been begging for help with quitting smoking I took it up at age 22 for what reason I'm not sure. So far I have tried patches had major nightmares and stopped using them after 2 weeks of no sleep and still smoking, gum inhalers, lozenges, cold turky and therapy. Have spoken to my gp about champix but due to a family history of mental illness it has been refused gp kept telling me I would quit if I really wanted to and offered nothing more in the way of help.

So today I went to see my dentist within 2 mins she asked me how many smokes I smoke a day and she had a very worried look in her eyes I was ashamed to tell her and cried as soon as she asked the question out of shame, she then sent me to see the spe******t across the street and rang him to get him to see me straight away she attended the appointment with me and then come the words I so feared! We think it could be cancer I instantly burst into tears and felt more shame than I ever have in my life. They have done a biopsy and have also made an appointment with another spe******t in my major city and to be quite honest I'm scared stiff I know I don't know for sure and I just have to wait and see what comes up but I'm scared I'm angry at myself and my doctor for not helping me and I'm ashamed. I want to quit smoking but I can't do it on my own I need help and I don't know where to start or how to tackle it.

Why did I do this to myself why can I not quit on my own how could I be so dam stupid and how the hell do I explain this to my kids?? I am honestly scared to death but I don't know how to fix this.

I have booked an appointment with a hypnotherapist tomorrow morning but I need to do into this prepared and not just scared.

Any tips on what I can do or where to start I don't want to smoke another cigarette ever but I'm to weak to do this on my own.

13 Replies

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  • Hi sears, like karri i am very sorry to hear you are having a rough time. I also can understand why you are scred but the reality is that you just dont know yet. You dont have the results. Doctors always hedge their bets when discussing things like this and they will always be thinking of themselves and their liability when diagnosing and giving out prognosis. Its easy for me to say, i admit, but try not to worry about what you dont know. It is just as liely trhe results will come back all clear. Focus your energy on that as it is futile doing anything else.

    As for smoking, i agree with karri again, evidence seems to show that the most succees in quitting comes form thse who want to not smoke more than they want to smoke. If you truly deeply want to quit, it can be done. You perhaps need to search deep in to your soul and understand what is happening first. Are you scared of quitting? whats the worst that can hapen if you dont smoke again?? nothing. The craves dont hurt at all - its painless.

    Its a mind game thats for sure and i can see how you feel that its the last thing you can do right now what with the results unknown. However, whether you smoke or not, the results will be the same.

    Good luck and keep talking

    x

  • I'm sorry you are going through this. Fingers crossed everything will be ok with the spe******e.

    But the others are right, you can be the only one to make the decision to stop smoking. It is a battle and the first few days in particualar are rough.

    The first thing you need to ask yourself is why do you smoke? Because without looking into the psychology of why you smoke it can be difficult to change your behaviour towards smoking.

    I used to smoke because of a bad day with the children, or because I'd had a glass of wine. Because it was nice toi have one after the school run with a cup of coffee..

    Hope you are ok?

  • Im hoping that your scare turns out to be nothing sinister.But this is the wake-up call you need to stop smoking for good,for your kids and for your health.

    Just stop!!dont smoke anymore.Its that easy when you make the decision,Stop.

    No-one is saying its easy,but its not painful.you wont die if you dont smoke and after a week you will feel amazed with yourself.Theres not a person on here who didnt doubt there willpower but they did it and you can too!!!

    Hope everything is fine with you :)

  • So first of all I would like to say this is not my first day of quitting smoking in fact I haven't quit as yet but I need help.

    A little bit about me, I'm a 29 yo mother of 3 sons on of which is a teenager for the past 12 months I have been begging for help with quitting smoking I took it up at age 22 for what reason I'm not sure. So far I have tried patches had major nightmares and stopped using them after 2 weeks of no sleep and still smoking, gum inhalers, lozenges, cold turky and therapy. Have spoken to my gp about champix but due to a family history of mental illness it has been refused gp kept telling me I would quit if I really wanted to and offered nothing more in the way of help.

    So today I went to see my dentist within 2 mins she asked me how many smokes I smoke a day and she had a very worried look in her eyes I was ashamed to tell her and cried as soon as she asked the question out of shame, she then sent me to see the spe******t across the street and rang him to get him to see me straight away she attended the appointment with me and then come the words I so feared! We think it could be cancer I instantly burst into tears and felt more shame than I ever have in my life. They have done a biopsy and have also made an appointment with another spe******t in my major city and to be quite honest I'm scared stiff I know I don't know for sure and I just have to wait and see what comes up but I'm scared I'm angry at myself and my doctor for not helping me and I'm ashamed. I want to quit smoking but I can't do it on my own I need help and I don't know where to start or how to tackle it.

    Why did I do this to myself why can I not quit on my own how could I be so dam stupid and how the hell do I explain this to my kids?? I am honestly scared to death but I don't know how to fix this.

    I have booked an appointment with a hypnotherapist tomorrow morning but I need to do into this prepared and not just scared.

    Any tips on what I can do or where to start I don't want to smoke another cigarette ever but I'm to weak to do this on my own.

    You are not weak! You are a mother of 3! You have probably been through all types of cravings, body changes, pain and highly charged emotions just bringing your family up not to mention the challenges of a teenager!

    I am sorry to hear what you are going through. You clearly wanted to stop smoking before you have had to have a biopsy. As a mother myself - I think this is your time to turn all your feelings of guilt,shame, resentment, to smoking and the hold it has had on you and be angry enough with yourself to turn it into a positive and really commit to yourself that smoking will not control you anymore.

    I am really hoping your results are good but until then try not to worry too much until you hear for definate. This is another reason to hate the thing that is causing you all the worry. The doctor cannot make you stop and the replacement therapy will only work if your mind is ready and in the right place for you to be strong enough to see it through.This sounds like the right time for you!

    I am on my 13th day and 5th attempt and failed before despite using patches, gum, inhaler,lozenges. This time I am doing cold turkey and this forum. I'm really suffering with the withdrawel symtoms quicker than any time before. I think this is because there is completly no nicotine in my body but mentally this is working for me as I belive I am stronger than that poison. I need to do this and allow my body to go through the hell no matter how long it takes to rid itself of this poison. Some days are great some days are really bad and I know I will have to use my will to say N.O.P.E (not one puff ever) maybe for the rest off my life. I am sometimes like a mad woman repeating it to myself on bad days, well that and brushing my teeth over and over again! As a mother, this is really my reason to stop and that gives me strength. I was meant to stop 1st October but unplanned actually stopped on 28th September as I watched an interview of a couple who had 2 young children and they were both dying, one with cancer one not cancer related. I got really upset as I love my family so much and it made me think I have a choice, their choice has been taken away and they were so strong and positive, a real inspiration.

    I hav't had a cigarette since.Something clicked in me. This time I feel different. I'm not dwelling on my past failures i'm celebrating each day with the knowledge that I am stronger than this addiction and I believe I will crack it this time. This forum helps me when I am feeling weak.I am angry that the smoking has caused all the symptons I am feeling now. But I will not give in to it this time. I am wishing you so much luck with your results. If you can stop now, when you get positive results this will just spur you on to continue to stay a non smoker. Keep posting on here, people will always try and help and sometimes good to just rant. look forward to hearing how you are doing. best of luck.

  • Thank you all for the advice, ultimately I know it's up to me to stop and I know only I can do it I really want to quit but I am big enough to admit I need some help. Patches helped me quite a lot but I had the major effects at night resulting in more anxiety than I could handle and stopped using them. I have read everything I can on quitting and I want to do this not only for myself but for my children I want to be healthy and I want to be around to watch my kids grow regardless of the results I want to stop. This is not something I ever want to feel again its today I realized my life is worth more than this.

    Today I realized I don't want to die!

    I don't know how I am going to do this but I will do it I have to do it I need to do it and most of all I want to do it!

  • Fantastic! Exactly how I feel. Best of luck. Do whatever it takes but just don't smoke.:D

  • Sears, I'm so sorry you're going through such an awful time, and I really hope the results turn out OK.

    At a time when you feel powerless in so many ways, it might be the ideal moment to take control back over at least one aspect of your life, seize the day and stop smoking.

    As others have said, we've all been there and we'll all tell you that no, it's not exactly easy, but there's really no need to be quite so terrified. After all, what's the worst that can happen?: you will want to smoke (crave). Possibly quite a lot at the beginning. But this is beatable. With the right mindset, it doesn't even have to be painful, you just embrace the craves and look at them as part of the healing process. You keep yourself occupied, you take one day at a time, and before you know it you're a week into your quit and feeling proud.

    As to using Champix/NRT etc, my attitude is that you must do what is right for you. They can help take the sting out of the early stages of the quit. But ultimately, quitting smoking is 99.9% a psychological process. You spend many years building up a habit, so that every situation/emotion sets off a mental trigger to smoke. Quitting is about breaking the associations and undoing the habit. With perseverence and positivity it truly can be done. And you won't believe how good the freedom feels.

    Smoking doesn't enhance any good situations, and it doesn't improve any bad ones. Life without breathing smoke in and out is absolutely achievable. I really hope you can do this and move on with your life - whatever may come - free of the smoky prison.

    Sending you my thoughts and prayers for a good outcome.

    Helen x

  • Sears, there are a lot of people rooting for you here. Lots of people have scares and they turn out to be nothing. Giving up smoking is something you need to do by yourself. Nobody can do it for you. I didn't think I could do it. I didn't expect to last 10 minutes and now it's 4 months.

    You read lots about nicotine being more powerful than heroin. I've seen people going through heroin withdrawal on TV and nicotine withdrawal is nothing like that. There is no comparison at all.

    I see you are going to a hypnotist tomorrow. I don't know how you prepare for that but there was a post about a week ago from Mimi who has been stopped smoking for 3 months since using a hypnotist. You can do a search on that

  • The only way to stop smoking is to not smoke.

    Such a simple concept but bloody hard to put into practice as you know from you're own experience and from others on here. I think it's a matter of finding that deep reserve of determination that makes you know you're worth more than a fag.

    Use every aid and technique that you can to help you, just don't pick up the first fag.

    My thoughts and prayers are with you.

  • Sears..I have had cancer. It was 11 years ago. So that makes me a survivor.

    As far as the patches go, try taking them off at night. Try step 2 instead of step 1. Have a bunch of something else around. With me it was chewable candy. Others use a ball to knead when the urge hits. I also loved cheese puffs. Find whatever works for you and then

    DO IT!!! If you fall, pick yourself up and start again....you are never a failure until you stop trying!! I didn't quit after I got Cancer ( not for good anyway). I didn't quit after I got COPD. It took until I couldn't breath anymore. I couldn't care on a conversation with anyone for me to decide...enough is enough!

    I pray you don't wait that long, look at this as a wake up call and put a stop to the hold the cancer sticks have on you. I was up to 60 fags a day when I quit. I used the patch for 8 days 24/7, then only during the day for 3 more days then cold turkey. Honey if I can do it after smoking for 44 years, you can do it. IF YOU REALLY WANT TO!

    Good luck and know that we are all here for you..ppat

  • I saw your op. I was telling everyone I don't have enough strength to do this myself. My guy I am with is anti-smoking. Makes all the difference to me.

    I hope you have support here that tips the scales for you -- so you have strength to quit you haven't had by yourself. For ppl to say that you have to do it for yourself -- and you don't have enough self-motivation -- that always made me feel defeated and like a loser to hear. You know, to hear I'm sposed to do it for myself not anyone else -- and I am not self-motivated to quit.

    I'm a person who needs external motivation to make me strong in this. I hope you find your anti-smoking ppl around you and it helps you quit.

    I read the op and will go back to hear about your health issue. The body heals cancer every day -- so remember that. Your body can heal cancer if you have it. It would be nice for you to quit smoking so your body has more strength to fight all sickness.

    Best wishes in your efforts.

  • Im sorry you were so frightened (quite rightly), and wondered if my tuppence worth will make you feel a little less "im a bad mum" ish

    I have 2 fab kids, and a non smoker partner, I used smoking as "my time" i knew the kids would leave me alone if i had one, instead of just saying mummy needs a minute,

    thats pretty bad, & thats my shame

    whats worse was i was scared to quit, i was scared of not having that thing to do when im bored /stressed /tired/ drunk/sober/happy/sad, Ive used smoking to rebel and fit in, and im 36 but had smoked for 23 years, (only on day 18 non/S just now)

    A little off topic = I am using champix, and yes they are great for taking the edge off, but ive had nausea daily (solid 10 mins over the loo within 5 mins of taking one) and mood swings and rages like an out of controll toddler, ive dropped my dosage (didnt tell the doc just did it) and changed the time i take them, and the reasons ive not quit them is i know that if I had to have serious medical treatment i would feel 10 times worse than that 10 mins a day, and any bad dreams they give me cant be as bad as the uncertainty you are facing just now. they are good - they are not the be all and end all.

    Back on topic , i hope your news is good and I hope you can work through such a bad time to come out stronger and nicotine free, and with the right help in place to get you sorted

    xx

  • Feel better fast-READ

    Oh bless you. I think that this is very difficult because you have been scared for your health and wanting to stop for ages and now the worst has happened. Obvs, smokers smoke more when they are worried. I have stopped smoking today, suddenly . I have had a chest infection for a week and have just carried on smoking even though I got terrifying breathlessness and a cough that would crack ribs. After a nonsensical 4 hours this am when I thought I couldn't stop because I still had a full packet, I realised I would just have to throw them away, and that , although this is wasteful, it is more sensible than smoking the things. What a relief, all the pain and self loathing you are feeling right now could, like mine ,just float away. It really is a no brainer. Flush them down the toilet and start to love yourself again. I have- after a week of feeling like a junkie loser.Good luck

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