Hello peeps, just spent the last hour reading through everyone’s posts considering i did a runner for the last 5 days or so, so so busy at the minute, work, meetings, planning holidays, trying not to beat people to death with anything that happens to find its way into my hands.... but you will all be pleased to know, yes I am still a non-smoker.... there has been some trying times I tell you. You know my Ang is always amazed at my drama's and always says, "i have never met anyone where drama just unfolds around you, you dont do anything to create it it just happens... crazy" haha god love her, actually the devil should love her for deserting me, anyways. I am a non smoker so that is it.
Friday was a very eventful day, as always things are always sprung on me last minute, i booked a meeting in Sheffield and had it alllll planned out with times, plans, I even printed out a little map ( geeky or what ) I never do that, im the kind of guy who leaves for work, drives 30 miles gets to the office, realise my lap top is still on the kitchen table streaming grey’s anatomy, killing a bunny on the way in country lanes ( I swear he committed suicide! I was driving along singing to lady gaga when i saw in the headlights a bunny, he just sat there did not move when I beeped ( ok i was doing 60 ) i slammed my break on and swerved ( hero that I am ) and the little B xxxxrD jumped under my wheel, what more could I of done!
Anyways, of I go get the train station and my train cancelled! sh1t, i have 1 hour to get to St Pancreas International in the city fxxk, i went and waited for the bus only for that to be late.... at that moment, the stress was immense, that feeling of OMG what do I do and i reached for a smoke.. then i had that horrid burning and tightness in my chest of " OMG I JUST WANT TO SMOKE" I rang my partner (what did i expect him to do, ring the train driver himself and blast him ? actually well yes lol ) got to the bus and a billion people all waiting to get in due to this cancelled train, i seriously thought I was going to hit someone on the head with my tommy tippy cup i was carrying with my tea in it!!
why do we get or sorry why do I get like this? As I sat next to some smelly old woman who seriously must of used her knickers as a toilet, i thought derek, get a grip! a non-smoker would have the same issues and stress in this instance but their brain does not associate itself to cigarettes in this instance, that's all it is! So I gave myself a stern talking to.
All is well, manages to get to London 30 mins early so chilled for a bit, gets on my train and oh someone is sat on my seat, as I very calmly explained to her that she is in my seat and she needs to move, she very calmly back shows me her ticket ( appears duplicate ) she offered me seat next to her so I thought Ok sure, we gets chatting ( I like chatting ) it turned out 10 mins later after looking at my ticket I was in the wrong carriage... DOH!!!! Met a nice lady though....
I toddles of to my carriage after swopping life stories in 10 mins and some old wench is in my seat with bags and bags and refuses to move saying sorry I can move if you want but there’s loads of emptys ? " Excuse me ? i think you can move honey, in my world I’m referred to as a queen so I completely outrank you, MOVE YOUR BAGS B1TCH" yes that was a snap shop of my brain at that time but, I just gave her a famous look of disgust and went and sat in the disabled seat... well it had more room!
That was Friday, the journey home was more pleasant so had a lovely glass of wine in the hot bath rewarding myself that i did it, i overcome another difficult situation and did not give in.
You know, now I think back to all the times I stopped, the most valuable lesson I have learned is understanding, not wanting to give in when I get that feeling of wanting to batter anything in site! i take a step back, think and then act. It works, now this could be down to age, that or the fact i have tried absolute everything to stop and I mean everything, like when I was 13 my little friend Danny said to me " derek we should stop smoking you know as our mams will kill us" "I know" I said whilst taking another drag, " but I just don’t know how too Danny, what can we do" " well" he said as we sat down the ditch in the school field! " you should smoke the last 5 fags one after another out your bedroom window and put the dumps in half a glass of water, drink it, its proven to work" " oh yeah sounds great" I said ! what do I do that night?, i do exactly that and im telling you, that last mouth full still haunts me to this day, I have never seen so much projectile vomit all over my bedroom floor in my life, the crys of anguish, the dizzyness of smoking 5 cigs in one go, and that look of horror from my mother. the confused look when she came running in thinking im being murdered and seeing the fag butts mixed in honestly, I will never EVER do that again, I swear to this day, im sure one of my lungs was splattered on my wall! I never say daylight for the next 3 days, just thinking of what I did would bring it all back up, my mother called out a doctor and I blamed her fish supper that night! well I could not really say " oh yeah I smoked 5 cigs on the trot dumped them in water and ate the lot could I ? " poor woman still talks about that sometimes!
There are times when I think, what could my life be like if i continued to smoke ? What would my life be like if I never or if i never started in the first place ? Would i be a different person ? Would I have done the things I do if I did ? the chances are I would of been the same ditzy blond person but the big question is, if i had the chance would I go back and change ? The answer is no! Smoking has defined me as a person and I have thoroughly enjoyed that person, I just want a new person now, one that will go on to live a longer life with a lot more dramas no doubt.
I am going on holiday next week to the states, and on standby for next Saturday, however, that flight has gone as all you people with wee teeny boppers have decided to pull ya kids out of schools a week earlier and pop of to Florida. Grrrr, lol so I am now hoping to get on a flight from Bristol the next day but still coming back the same day so a 5 clear day instead of 6 BUT, BUT one the greatest things of stopping smoking, this b1tch has saved almost £180 ( my cigs were always duty free ) we can now go earlier on the Thursday and the money i saved will cover it, so hopefully i can now have a 10 day holiday instead of 6 all down to stopping smoking.... now that is a benefit I love to see. Just waiting on my partner to get of his flights he's working that day, he better