R.I.P. Smoking??

Is that what the sense of loss is? That smoking is dead for me? No idea. I was trying to explain to my lady that smoking belonged to me, it was my thing done only by me and f*** anyone else's opinion. Now I have a hole where smoking once was; it's like grief and I "know" it'll go away with a fag. But here's the paradox - I never ever want to smoke again one day at a time. So why the hell am I not enjoying being a non-smoker?

I am 51 years old and started smoking when I was 16; I have tried Hypnosis, Accupuncture, Zyban, Patches, CT, Gum, Reiki, Allen Carr (both books) urgh it feels so shaming to look at all these failures over 35 years. This is the only time I have ever felt that I might just have a chance but it is so sad that whenever I think of enjoying myself my mental picture shows me smoking and smiling. It's not good.

I feel so lost in the mornings. I used to get up before everyone else, let the dogs and hens out then sit on the back step with a coffee and a fag - my favourite time of day. Now I lay in bed awake for an hour until my lady wakes up and we go down together. An hour laying there trying not to think about how I don't know what to do with myself.

I have put up some right miserable-arsed posts lately and I sincerely apologise for the tone but I am where I am at the moment.

The good bit: Not had a single puff for 5 weeks.

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  • You sound very much as if you are in the same place as me at the moment. I feel an enormous void in my life. I feel flat and very existentialist. I have worked my way through eighteen weeks of not smoking with the help of ever decreasing amounts of nrt. I have now been nrt free for over a week.

    In a way I feel I have dealt with all the triggers, except maybe first thing in the morning. But I am getting over that with a yummy breakfast being the thing I look forward to.

    So why this down feeling? I don't b****y know! Never sworn on a forum before. Like you, I smoked for many years, 48 or so. It feels like I am free from the smoking but it has taken a bit of me with it.

    I suppose all we can hope for is that "all this shall pass"?

    I like the extra lung capacity, taste, smell, cash etc. but it does not seem to lift the mood.

    I am starting to think that as smoking was such an enormous (and I'll admit it, enjoyable) part of my life, I need something new that will take a lot of concentration to fill the gap.

    Don't apologise for the tone of your post. I'll keep you company in Jean Paul Satre land!

  • York you have smoked for 35 YEARS! It has been a part of your life-nearly as much as your WHOLE self. It has now been gone for 5 WEEKS of course there will be a hole/grief/missing as its almost like losing an arm or leg I should imagine.One site I visited said that it takes 8 to 12 weeks to start getting used to your new lifestyle and 6 to 8 weeks for the Nicotine receptors in the brain to go back to normal.It also said that Nicotine desensatises the dopamine receptors so that we dont feel pleasure from other source so easily.I am wobbling too and have been so depressed sometimes Ive had to force myself to get out of bed.Ive looked at the options and they are 1) Start smoking again and be really pissed off with myself,feel ill and probably die from it. Or 2) Stick with the hell and give it at least 12weeks and then see how I feel.I suggest you try 2) as well.I think its called being between a rock and a hard place.One site I went on suggested having a "funeral" for smoking so that you can grieve properly. Stay strong York please try and sit it through you have come so far please dont waste all your work.All the best x

  • I am in the same place. 17 weeks tomorrow and most of them not worth living. Only advantage I've had is the money. Today is my birthday and next year ill be 70 so I'm beginning to think it isn't worth all this misery

  • I am in the same place. 17 weeks tomorrow and most of them not worth living. Only advantage I've had is the money. Today is my birthday and next year ill be 70 so I'm beginning to think it isn't worth all this misery

    Happy birthday una

  • The good bit: Not had a single puff for 5 weeks.

    That's definitely good! What's great of course is that this feeling you describe will not last. Our minds are amazing, after a period of adjusting, your mind will slowly accept that you're not messing around this time, and since it doesn't want to keep suffering it adjusts and reprograms.

    In the meantime, read up about smoking, learn about those phases you are going thru, read on this site, tons of information to show you that you are not alone in this. What you feel is normal but it will not last. You'll create new routines and you'll get back in the swing of things. This is only temporary and part of quitting, so embrace it and look forward to better times cause they are coming :)

  • I am in the same place. 17 weeks tomorrow and most of them not worth living. Only advantage I've had is the money. Today is my birthday and next year ill be 70 so I'm beginning to think it isn't worth all this misery

    Happy Birthday Una. You're giving yourself a great gift, you've come so far already, don't start doubting yourself now. I hope you have a great day!

  • York. Its not always going to be like that. I felt the same. I used to plead with anyone who would listen......when? when? when? I would ask, when will I stop caring? I knew I never wanted to smoke again. I knew I wouldnt....but oh my God I cared. I had a gap.....an itch.....I cared. Funny. I cant even tell you now when I stopped caring.....feeling the gap....the itch.....but I did. I didnt even notice that going really. All I can tell you now is that I've been stopped exactly five months yesterday.....and I really cant remember the last time I cared about fags...so it must've been a long while since I stopped feeling what you are feeling now. Hang in there Yorky lad. Hang in.

    One more thing. why dont you just get up anyway? Get up. Go let the dogs and chickens out and sit on the back step with a coffee. See what the day is like? Bet you'll find the fag bit isnt such a miss after all. Break that trigger my friend. Thats all it is. x

  • One more thing. why dont you just get up anyway? Get up. Go let the dogs and chickens out and sit on the back step with a coffee. See what the day is like? Bet you'll find the fag bit isnt such a miss after all. Break that trigger my friend. Thats all it is. x

    That is so true and that's exactly what I'm going to do.

    Thanks everybody - nearly at the end of another day without smoking.

  • When I was in the process of giving up smoking I used to think that somehow I couldn't or wouldn't be 'me' to try to do normal day to day things without a cigarette. You will. It's just a process of overcoming the addition. Go through it and you'll find you are still 'you' and a happier you as a result.

    Sue

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