I really need and want to stop this time!

On the 27th January this year I quit smoking and drinking at the same time. I can make do without the drink but the smoking is killing me. I feel so ill from it. I've smoked since I was 16 and I will be 31 on April 6th! I've hated it for years. I found a girl online long distance in Ireland November last year and she was amazing in every way (or so I thought), chatted every day for hours on end, she wasn't into the whole smoking lark and went to the gym regularly. After previous bad relationships and the most recent one leaving me having very little time with my 2 year old son, I believed she was the one and I just quit! The first 3 days were really hard but she was really supportive and I started loving the fact I could hang around with my workmates who smoked and be happy I wasn't having one. I joined the Gym and started going 3 times a week and started eating healthy. I felt absolutley amazing!

To cut a long story short I found out that the girl wasn't as perfect as I was led to believe and coupled with the stress of my job and the upset of not being able to see my son regularly enough I went out last Thursday, got completly hammered and started smoking again. Nearly 5 weeks off beer and more importantly smoking! I am so angry at myself. I hate myself for my flat smelling of smoke again and my clothes. I hate standing around with people and smoking at work with them asking me what went wrong and most of all I hate the fact I feel so ill again :(

Every morning I wake up and think "maybe today" but when I just luckily stumbled on this site tonight and realised that there were loads of people doing this tomorrow then I couldn't believe my luck! Maybe I can do this after all, and for good this time. But the most important thing is that I have to do this for me, regardless of all the negative situations I have to deal with, they will still be there, but I know from the time I quit recently, they are a lot easier to deal with when you're not a smoker. Sorry for the rant guys! :p

7 Replies

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  • Hi MBN :D

    No worries for the "rant". Many of us have stumbled and fallen while trying to get rid of tobacco. Most importantly, you need to forgive yourself for having started again after you stopped. No point dwelling on minor mistakes, and besides, there's no better starting point than right now.

    Alex.

  • wow, life is pants sometimes innit? It's been pants for me, and it's been pants for a load of smokers on this site. But it's also been pants for a load of non-smokers also. I think we smokers think that fags will make our lives less pants but they don't, do they? They just give us something more to stress about, worry about etc...I really really hope you stop smoking. I am using patches and have not had a fag for 2 weeks, today has been a killer (I feel down, I want to smoke, I know I'm not going to sleep etc...) but I'm not going to smoke. Our choice is: smoke until we die. or. stop. neither are appealing, because stopping is so horrible. But the consequences of smoking are horrible too.

  • Hi MBN,

    I am with you in that I have had recent quits that failed. 50 days, 1 month etc but I am quitting tomorrow as what better day than No Smoking Day :D Hopefully there will be a lot of us, and I don't know about you but smoking doesn't exacltly 'float my boat' anymore, it feels revolting :rolleyes: So here's to tomorrow, wishing you and me all the best, and all newcomers too!!

    HAPPY NO SMOKING DAY GUYS AND GALS!!!!

    We can do this :D

    Love,

    Zoe xxxx

  • Hey guys! Thanks so much! Can't believe there are so many like minded people on here. Tomorrow morning this is gonna be done! Good luck to everyone! The messages there proper meant a lot guys, thanks, I'm behind u guys every step of the way too :)

  • Must be now(Alex76)

    Good evening Alex, no apologies necessary. I have the feeling that this time round you need and want to do this for yourself you've sort of had enough. In another fellowship I attend we have a saying " I was sick and tired of being sick and tired" Once you demonstrate to those around you that your serious about stopping you'll find in my experience that you'll get every encourgement. Myself I'm 21+ years sober and 50/51 days nicotine free and if it's any consolation to you I found getting off the fags harder than kicking the booze into touch. Have you considered smoking cessation classes they helped me no end.

    Remember it's one day at a time and it's that first cigarette that does the damage!!

    Regards

    Michael(a.k.a:-lefoy123) Glasgow

  • Erm lefofy, Alex 76 quit smoking on 8/11/2010 so what are you on about???? Just thought I point this out :rolleyes:

  • Welcome to the site. It can be done, and doing it for yourself is the most important thing.

    The freedom is fantastic, and worth the fight. And you'll find all the support you need on here, from people on day one and people who have been quit for years. I'd never be where I am now if it weren't for this place.

    Happy quitting!

    Helen

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