So here I am back at day 1. I never in a million years thought I would end up back here, but hey ho that old nico demon is stronger than I gave it credit for.
One of the strange things I have encountered the last fw days is fear. I wasnt scared when I stopped last time but this time I am terrified. I think its because the demon beat me last time.
The one thing that comforts me is you. You were all so supportive until my stumble and I know that I have this great network of online friends who will pull me through the first few difficult days.
So I have reset my quit counter, although the money I saved in the last few months did me well with my move, it paid for a man and a van and a nice new bed.
I know Im trying to be positive but Im so angry at myself, you cant believe how angry I am. I, and no one else, am to blame for being back at day one. I can justify it all I want, but the simple explanation is that I CHOSE to smoke. Im scared, after nearly 3 months I CHOSE to smoke and that scares me more than anything.