A day to end all days

Last night I met up with an old friend from my childhood, we had a great night and I had my first drink in 4 months. I was drunk as a skunk and not once did it enter my head to hae a smoke.

One to me I thought. I was so chuffed.

Then today happened..........

Im not one for being very forthcoming about my private life, however many of you who read my posts will know that Im staying with my mum and dad as I recuperate from my op. This isnt totally true, I am staying with my parents but have been here for nearly 4 years, I was very ill and they persuaded me to move back with them.

Now my family isnt the perfect tv family, in fact we ae quite dysfunctional, none moreso than my father and my brother, mental is actually the word I would use to describe them.

Anyway today my brother said that if he saw me outside of my parents house he would give me a good smack, when I argued back with him my father threw me out, so now Im living with my son until I go and sort somewhere out for myself. Im hoping to do that this week.

The reason Im telling you this is because I was distraught while all of this was going on,I was sobbing and didnt know what to do, its so close to Christmas and Im homeless, not literally but I think you understand what I mean. So my first thought as I left the house was I need a smoke. I got into my car and drove straight to my sons, and just refused to go to the shop, I asked myself would smoking make me feel any better and the answer was no.

So why am I being so open about the shitty family life I have? Well the reason is this, I was so chuffed at not wanting a cig last night when I was out, I really thought I had gotten this licked. But today, when my life was falling down around me, well that was the real test. I didnt smoke and for me that means I really have kicked this addiction. If ever there was a time I was going to give up today was it. I didnt give in and now I KNOW without a shadow of a doubt that I really am a non smoker.

Lillie xxxx

12 Replies

oldestnewest
  • Ah, Lillie. How brave of you to open up and how strong to not give in...you're right, smoking certainly won't help!

    Well done to you, and stay strong! x

  • Hey Lillie

    On the one hand, brilliant that you didn't smoke under such terrible pressure. But on the other hand, of course you didn't, because you already knew that you had kicked that habit some time ago.

    It seems to me that in stopping smoking, you have discovered some inner resources that maybe you had forgotten about - strength of character, focus, determination and resilience. These are still available to use on other issues as well, and will help you to face your new problems.

    Sometimes, a crisis can result in some truly positive life changes - I so hope that this proves to be the case here for you. Good luck.

  • Well done you....must've been so hard....but look how strong you are

    cyber hug n strength your way :)

    Michelle

  • Thank you to all of you for your kind words. I hope you know that I didnt write about this for sympathy, as thats the last thing I want, but without telling you about the background of yesterday I couldnt explain why I knew I was never going to smoke again.

    I dont think for one minte that anyone has the perfect life, we all have things that are sent to try us, in my case it happens to be a family that I dont fit into.

    Well you know what they say you can pick your friends but you cant pick your family

    Lillie

    Once again thank you xxxxxx

  • Well you know what they say you can pick your friends but you cant pick your family

    ......smiling is only a symptom of happiness and can be faked......don't assume that everybody that smiles is happy......

    but you can be yourself on here, we're not in a place to judge....just support......and hopefully with a little help from your cyber friends you'll get through this :)

    Michelle

  • Oh Lillie, let's go find a beautiful island for a few weeks and forget about our dysfunction families...I've certainly got one, had a terrible weekend but like you didn't smoke so getting through it.

    I so admire you opening up wish I had the guts to do so, I'm sat at work and so wishing I didn't have to do this everyday and want a "normal" life and family, don't think Santa will pull that one out of his bag :rolleyes:

    To top mine off with the big Saturday night "show down" all the neighbours saw it, how wonderful :(

    Still from the outside the Christmas lights are twinkling so everything is alright eh?

    Hope you are ok, really I do and thinking of you, big big hugs x

  • Sounds like a rough few days - well done lillie star for not caving :D

  • Thank you Dave :)

    Sarah your post summed it all up. Its amazing how we will share any problems with our friends but never say anything about family.

    The one thing I always wanted was a tv family, mainly because I can never remember mine being anything but dysfunctional, and the thought of letting any of my friends know how I felt or feel, even tot his day is embarassing. Even though my husband and I split up we have worked really hard to make sure our children still have a mum and dad who loves them. We have made every decision together and would die rather than see our children hurt.

    But anyway I shall now stop going on about it or I might be on the tv news....woman arrested for killing shitty brother lol.

    Lillie xxx

  • Ah Lillie, sat watching Eastenders, thinking.....hahahahaha if only it were that simple :D

    Christmas has always been a challenge for me and I know many others in an emotional sense....

    We are getting through this and how amazing that stopping smoking has meant I've met some fantastic people and made me realise that I am not alone and nor are you.....going to stay strong, big hugs coming your way x

  • Aw Lillie man, sounds like the day from hell :(

    If it's consolation I dont think there is such a thing as a normal family. there's the one the tv trys to portray but doesn't actually exist

    xxx

  • *in absolute awe*

    i stayed off this site all w/e cause i was having a hissy fit and was gonna smoke and blame everyone for making me by getting on my last nerve................................reality check, was stressing cause i wasnt getting my own way and noone had any sympathy for me cause i was smoke free for 7 weeks, yes i expected rewards yes i expected pats on the back and yes i expected to..............ACT LIKE A SPOILT BRAT!!!!

    what a flipping numpty twit i was being, omg im so proud that i struggled through ermmmmmmmmmmm LIFE and then i read this you are AMAZING well done you im proud of you and so should you be, its official im gonna stalk you for inspiration lol (only joking).

    keep going huge admiration

    jenni

  • LOL dont be daft Jenni. We all have things that are sent to try us, what happened to you isnt any less major than what happened to me. You have to look at the circumstances. Im used to having a shitty brother and unsupportive parents so it should have been easy peasy for me, I dont know what your circumstances were, it may have been something you are totally unused to and it threw you a curveball.

    The only way I can really explain what I mean is....everyones pain is exclusive to them, you may be in pain every day but that doesnt mean someone elses pain is less valid than your own.

    Lillie xxxx

You may also like...