In 20 minutes it'll be 13 whole days since my LAST puff on my LAST cigarette, that was smoked and savored like it was the most beautiful thing in existence, like i was saying goodbye to a good friend that hadn't done anything wrong. I then went to bed in a sulk, absolutely certain that I'd never be happy again, and with a niggling feeling that i'd probably just fail again anyway.
The one thing I had this time is determination, and shedloads of it for once. When I woke up that Wednesday I WANTED to stop. I knew I HAD TO do this, that there were a gazillion good reasons to quit, and only a few selfish ones to keep damaging myself and, ultimately everyone around me. It was like I was suddenly hit over he head with the reality stick.
It wasn't easy though in those first few days, where my nicotine-deprived mind started peace talks in an effort to stop the madness. All the old hits came back...
'You're a different person without fags, you're so angry!'
'It HAS been a bad day, why not have a couple and try again when things go back to normal?'
'One or two a day aren't gonna do much damage! Are they?' and many more...
All B******S of course and this time I knew it. I just went about way eating, and doing anything and everything to keep my hands busy, and got on with it, secure in knowledge that the feelings were TEMPORARY.
By day 5 i was well chuffed with myself, but i'd got to day 5 plenty of times before and here i was doing it again :confused: Then i stumbled across this forum, and it really does help. I read a hell of a lot of it and even if someone just says 'day 2, feel like death, but i'm still fighting' That helps, 'cos as corny as it sounds, I know i'm not alone, so thank you
So here I am a day off the 2 week mark. I know its still relatively early days but its a massive milestone because i feel I've come so far emotionally than I ever have done on a quit. I really do feel like I've said goodbye to the ol' cancer sticks for good, and i'm so proud of myself for getting this far that there's such a big part of me that doesn't want it ruined. How would I feel reading this post after a relapse???
Anyway thank you for reading and for all your support, you don't know me from Adam but you've helped me and supported me, and that means a lot. Tomorrow is another day and another fight (todays fight was won by eating 4 scones for supper!) And i'll see you on the other side