I just don't know how much more I can take...

[nsd_user663_8857]

Hi all,

It's been a long time since I was here, I failed my last quit last year while on champix but decided to try and give up again but right out of the blue, on Monday April 4th It was like it just struck me to try again and by Thursday the 7th I stuck on a patch and It didn't even bother me not one bit! it was like WOW that’s was easy but now…..

After 6+ weeks I am feeling awful to the point of I'm afraid what I may do if someone pushes me the wrong way....I am so angry and full of anger and rage! I find myself getting the shakes and crying for no real reason! I want to scream all the time! My kids’ think I have been abducted why aliens! I just don’t feel like me anymore, This happens to me every time I try again quit and on my last quit attempt I kept at it for about 2 weeks when I felt so bad but I had to give in because I was scaring myself! But when I gave in and lit up that cigarette I felt a million times better though I felt guilty simply because I failed yet again. Now this is my 4th attempt and I just don’t know what I am meant to do to get past this I have tried everything but nothing will make this utter feeling of dread go away.

It’s as if the first few weeks are always an achievement but anything after that becomes a living hell!

Sorry if I am sounding dramatic but I can’t keep going on this.

[nsd_user663_16968]

Kerry

Welcome back Hun, your in the right place. Well done for taking control and quitting again. That took some guts and over 6 weeks in thats great too.

I am not sure why you feel the way you do, could it be the patches having an effect on you. What size are they, maybe they are too strong and you need a lower dose. I cant offer anymore advice on patches as i have never used them but someone who has maybe able to offer better advice for you. If it does continue then i think a trip to see the local quit nurse or gp may help.

Anyhow dont give up you have come this far and you can keep going, taking up smoking may relieve the symptoms to start then your back to square one and all this that your going through which will subside eventually will be all worth nothing and you would feel really bad. Try and if you can to stick with it, there must be a solution somewhere.

Good luck

[nsd_user663_3910]

Kerry, I'm really sorry you are feeling this way, but I can certainly remember that in the early part of my quit, once the first couple of weeks was over, I felt overall panic about the whole situation, and if I dared to even think of never having a cigarette again it would send me into a complete feeling of dread. I think that we feel perhaps the first couple of weeks, the milestone 3 weeks etc. will be the worst, and then it should get better, and when it doesn't all hell breaks loose.

I can't say exactly how I overcame it, I can remember listening to relaxation sessions on my ipod, talking a lot about it to really open up how I was feeling and having to completely rationalise it. Don't try to push every crave into the back of your head, think about it, what good will it do etc. and just tell yourself a short and sharp no, i'm not going to have one. Throw yourself into something and get busy. Try to find things to help you relax (not alcohol), music, reading, a nice bath, cooking, eating, anything to make you feel good because it is so important to have that feel good feeling. Do not for a second every think about it long term, if you are anything like I was, that would send me into a complete downward spiral, it's just today, this minute/hour/day. Tomorrow will be dealt with tomorrow.

You know 6 weeks is fab, so keep at it, get that MP3 player out, put on some headphones and dance around the house like you life depends on it (and if you haven't got an MP3 player, go buy one with all the money you've saved not smoking!)

Don't give up giving up.

Lorraine

[nsd_user663_25698]

Cor it is scary where all this rage comes from isn't it.

My situation is a little different. I got crazy when i came off the patches completely. I could literally feel my body shaking and suddenly hated everything and everyone.

I went for my little boy once and it scared the living daylights out of me because i wanted to hurt him. :eek: I grabbed his arm and pulled him off the sofa. I was as strong as an Ox I could have broken his arm???

Thats when i started to shut myself away when it was happening. I couldn't risk hurting someone. I was crazy but scared.

It happened suddenly and without warning but i caught the last one.

I was drying my hair with the hair dryer and it wasn't going right at all.

I could feel the anger rising up and was sitting there praying no body would come in the room because i knew i would go for them. I was taking so many deep breaths i was making myself dizzy and i kind of 'rode the wave' lol.

Sounds silly but i really think you could ride it out. It might only last for a few days or a week. I'm assuming this is where the quit usually stops?

I think you can do this.

[nsd_user663_25498]

Hey Kerry

Sorry for stealing yor subject line! Can't offer you any suggestions, cos as you'll see I'm struggling myself.

What I can do is send you heaps of good wishes and hope you get through ok.

Steve.

[nsd_user663_24753]

Me too

Hi Kerry, what can I say except I am feeling exactly the same!!! I am seriously considering smoking again!!! It's been 103 days since I quit and for some reason the past maybe 2 weeks have been a nightmare!!! All I can do is think about how much I want a ciggie!!! I think that is what is making me so angry the fact that I still want to smoke!!!! When I ask myself whybi want to smoke I have no answers, apart from I just want to feel normal and me again. I just don't want to feel me again smelling like a dirty old ashtray!!! I do what you do and take myself away from everybody when I feel mrs angry popping in, better safe than sorry eh? I'm giving myself another week or so and if I still feel like this I think I will probably give in . Sorry if this hasnt made you feel any better I just wanted you to know that u r not on ur own x

[nsd_user663_8857]

Thanks for all your comments :o) I did give in amd smoke a cigarette but felt awful, amd it made me remember why I didn't want to smoke, though I did enjoy the first half it just reminded me of how good this are without smoking! now I am back on the strong NRT and everything seems to be good, I am praying it stays this way but I am sure it wont but I am hopful.

Thanks again :o)

Kerry

[nsd_user663_24707]

Good luck Kerry, I struggle to get much past the one month mark so I'm super jealous of where you are. Keep reminding yourself of how far you have come and perhaps learn some deep breathing / meditation / yoga exercises to calm your mind and body. Best of luck with your continued success - and that cigarette you had was just the reminder you needed that you're on the right path! x