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No Smoking Day
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"Just one" I hear you cry.....get real

This is a post made by CatWoman in Jan 2009, I bumped it up in the "general" section, I believe that it is more suitable in the "Tips" thread, so here it is copied in full.

My tip.........if you feel like a cigarette read the following :-

Ok, you want a cigarette, you are craving for one and its all you can think about. Well, you can have one ...

Imagine unwrapping the packet and feeling the sting in your nose as you get the first whiff of a freshly opened pack of cigarettes. Slide one of the little beauties out and put it in your mouth. Try and get over feeling vaguely stupid with a long white stick hanging from your lips and rasp your thumb down the rough wheel of your lighter. Hold the flame to the tip of the cigarette and take a deep breath in as you light it. Ignore the smoke clinging to the skin on your face and making your eyes water. Feel the path of the noxious burning chemicals as they slide down your clean throat and imagine what is being absorbed by the delicate lining of your throat. Feel the smoke hit your lungs, each chemical in it travelling their merry little way wherever it can sneak, feel the black beads of tar attach themselves to the thin walls of your lungs, clinging there for dear death. Repeat the suck on that ridiculous looking white stick at least 15-20 times. Try not to smell the dirty stink thats attached itself to your skin, hair and clothes like the cloud that travelled round with 'Pigpen' in the Snoopy cartoons.

Repeat the above between 20 and 40 times daily until you build up a nice yellow furry coating on your tongue, really attractive brown stains on your teeth and the insides of your fingers turn an appealing yellowy orange colour. Don't forget to turn your head slightly to the side when speaking to people because they don't really want to smell the noxious fumes on your breath and make sure you choke everyone you pass with the amount of perfume/after shave you have to wear, not only to cover the smell of stinking smoke, but also because your sense of smell has dulled to the point you don't realise you are overpowering everyone you meet. Oooo, and don't forget, when you eat, smother everything in extra salt and pepper just to make sure some flavour can work its way through the slimy yellow coating on your tongue to reach your dulled tastebuds.

Now who still wants "Just One"? .....

3 Replies

spot on really isn't it. Thanks for re-sharing some previous well written knowledge material.


This is excellent and so true too!


Brill! this needs to be turned into a televison advert straight away!

SPAM! Reported. :eek:



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