Please help me remember

Worrying about going on a hike with my best friend because I thought "what if I have a heart attack"

Lying awake at night listening to the sound of my heart, thinking "it's beating too fast/hard/soft/etc."

Going to the doctor and finding out my blood pressure was 150/85

Checking my blood pressure to see if it was low enough for me to have a smoke

Checking it after and seeing how high it was

Being afraid of the pain in my back, shoulder, chest-ish area

Looking at my 5 year old son and feeling such an overwhelming sense of fear and guilt that one day, if I didn't/don't quit, he will wonder why I couldn't quit and if I loved cigarettes more than I loved him.

... I'm on day one. I'm 45 and been smoking since I was 16, with quits in between, off and on ... mostly with nicotine gum. I quit about two years ago, for a year and a half, no nic replacement for the first time ever ... started up again about 5 months ago. I don't think I wanted it enough back then. Or just didn't know that there was a way to not want it. A way to realize that it really doesn't do anything for me.

I think I'm there now. What I do know is this ... the past few days, I have really been freaking out about my heath. I am torturing myself with fears about it. And, then simultaneously tortured by the nicotine ... I don't want to wake up one day (or not wake up) with the self loathing that I could have stopped and didn't, and now it's too late.

I need to keep remembering that ... and that the last several months of smoking have been no fun at all.

It's been almost a full first day now. It hasn't been al that bad. After all, I did it once before. But I still get the cravings, and I really hate that.

This time, it just can't be an option to give in.

4 Replies

  • my last few weeks of smoking sound very similar to yours, every ache and pain was a serious illness i was convinced i had something bad in the end the night before i was due to give up i remember thinking i cannot wait to quit

    and its that i use now when i feel weak i look back and think of that night and remind myself i couldnt wait to quit

    i honestly beleive its most of what keeps me strong now coupled with the guilt i felt towards my kids because i was smoking and that is what keeps me going strong to this day]

    use it and make yourself strong really wanting it will make the difference

    as u felt so ill smoking and felt what it is doing to you [as i did] this will also contribute to a successfull quit as i feel it helped me

    i feel like a spring chicken that can do anything now lol

  • Russian Roulette

    totally identify with this thread. thing is cravings will pass. a serious health problem and all that remorse and regret about not quitting, Wont. and for me that sounds like a right bumma.... Russian roulette. cick, click click click kerlik .....................


  • Hi

    I know this is an old thread but OMG this is ME!

    I am so so glad there are others that are having the same thoughts and I am not alone and no going crazing.

    Thank you

  • Bloody hell

    Iv bin going they all that since iv stopes smoking..cardiologist app is made for novber I'm on bets blockers ATM too.,

    I'm just hoping its nowt too bad and its nowt do with a the years of puffing 30 strong Rollins a day.. Iv only just turned 30 I'm too young for this crap:mad:

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