Diary of a quitter - Day 8

[nsd_user663_23520]

Well, here I am. First week behind me and haven't smoked. Feeling good about that.

There have been some close calls though, in the last two days the cravings have been intense. So much so, that yesterday I took some Champix for the first time in a few days. Big mistake! That stuff turns me into a raving loony of the first order, it does take the edge of the cravings though.

My nose has turned into a highly advanced radar system. I was leaving the hospital yesterday, and got a powerful waft of delicious smelling cigarette smoke, turned to look in the direction it was coming from, and to my surprise the gaggle of smokers responsible were standing at least 30 feet away! I can't even see that far sometimes.

I also now officially am a big girls blouse when it comes to spicy food. As a smoker I could have cheerfully snorted a chicken vindaloo up each nostril and washed it down with a pint of tabasco sauce without any ill effects. Now, show me a bag of midly spiced doritos and I break out in a sweat.

Report from hospital - My wife's op went to plan, and she is doing well after a tricky day yesterday. She managed to eat something finally, and the docs are going to try and get her out of bed for an hour today. Thank you for your messages of support everyone.

Onwards and upwards

[nsd_user663_22999]

Hi Hodges

Firstly really pleased to hear things are going well with your wife.

And the quit too! You certainly picked your time!! But I guess if you can get through this you can get through anything. So well done

Know what you mean about the food. I used to be bake to down a packet of extra string mints in one. Now that's all I can manage, one! They burn!!

Keep up the amazing work.

[nsd_user663_22968]

Glad to hear you wife is doing ok, wishing her a speedy recovery.

You are doing great and I agree with the spice thing. Everytime my husband cooks I moan it is too spicy and he says its the same as he always did it.

I am amazed at the smell of smokers, I never really smelt it before (unless it had been raining when all smokers seem to smell disgusting) but wow it stinks and from so far away!

[nsd_user663_2524]

Well done Hodges,

You've certainly picked a good time to start your quit, (NOT) lol. I reckon that if you can do a week smokeless, with the stress that you have been under, you have got it licked

I hope that your wife starts to feel better soon. Give her our good wishes.

Once again WELL DONE

Josie XXX

[nsd_user663_23520]

Warning - long rambling post alert, but i'm having a crave, need something to do with fingers, and have been meaning to write this down for a while. And after all, it's my diary, I can wax lyrical as much as I want.

So I was thinking today about the timing of all this, and how it came to pass that I make a serious attempt at quitting, right when my wife is having some pretty major surgery for a life threatening illness.

Holding the hand of a loved one as they go through chemotherapy and then surgery is a stressful time in anyone's book, and most folk's intuition, be they smoker or non-smoker would probably tell them it's not a good time to quit smoking.

But you know what? With the benefit of hindsight, I wouldn't have done it any differently, and here's why.

My quit wasn't a spontaneous thing. I planned it, and I actually chose my quit date (Feb 25th) in mid-January. My wife got her date for surgery at about the same time, so I've known it was on the cards that the two things would overlap for over a month.

It comes down to motivators. There are 3 in my case. The death of my mother last year from a smoking related illness, the fact I have a 5 year old son whom I want to do the right thing by, and my wife's cancer.

It's not just about the nature of the motivator though, it's also (dare I say mostly?) about the strength and urgency of it, and my wife's illness is the strongest, and most urgent by far of my motivators

My wife is a gentle and kind hearted clean-living person. She looks after her body, works out quite a bit, and doesn't smoke. Yet she is the one who gets diagnosed with cancer. I on the other hand am a beer guzzling, chain smoking dreamer with no regard for my personal health, and I can't remember the last time I even had a cold.

How fair is that?

So, there is pain present. The pain at the injustice of it all, the pain of watching your nearest and dearest struggling with cancer, and the pain from not knowing what the future will bring. And all of this stuff is happening right now. It's raw 'lemon-juice-in-a-paper-cut 'pain, not some dull ache from a while ago.

And here's the key. Your past experiences make you decide to quit smoking, but the impact of those experiences, whatever they were, fade with time. It follows then that any resolve to commit to a course of action that was based on those experiences also fades with time. The pain, the fact that this is all happening right now, keeps my need to quit at the forefront of my mind.

So my wife being so ill, far from making my quit harder, is shoring up my resolve not to smoke again. If she could read this (and she will one day) she would say...

"Stop wasting your time on that bloody stupid computer and take the rubbish out like you promised to 3 hours ago! - And make me a cup of tea while you're at it!"

and I can't wait for that day.

[nsd_user663_22999]

Powerful stuff hodges and thank you so very much for sharing it with us.

Clearly you feel lucky to have the wife you have, but you know what she's lucky to have you too. Life is so unfair and (hoping this doesn't come out wrong) whilst there isn't much we can do to change that, it's wonderful to see someone taking something truly awful and doing something good with it.

You have my respect and admiration as well as my thoughts. X

[nsd_user663_3282]

Congrats on your 8 days, Hodges

On occasion mere words just don't seem right and I don't bother posting. But nonetheless there are thoughts of compassion, support, awe, hope, that swirl 'round my dull and thick skull. So I'm posting this time if even just to show that there is another from this forum in your corner

Keep on keepin' on,

Cav