Ok, stop thinking about smoke. Take your mind off it with some of these .....
BIG QUIZ (LBC)
Gary King: Name the funny men who once entertained kings and queens at court.
Contestant: Lepers.
QUIZMANIA (ITV)
Greg Scott: We're looking for an occupation beginning with 'T'.
Contestant: Doctor.
Scott: No, it's 'T'. 'T' for Tommy. 'T' for Tango. 'T' for Tintinnabulation.
Contestant: Oh, right . . . (pause) . . . Doctor.
DANNY KELLY SHOW (RADIO WM)
Kelly: Which French Mediterranean town hosts a famous film festival every year?
Contestant: I don't know, I need a clue.
Kelly: OK. What do beans come in?
Contestant: Cartons?
BEG, BORROW OR STEAL (BBC2)
Jamie Theakston: Where do you think Cambridge University is?
Contestant: Geography isn't my strong point.
Theakston: There's a clue in the title.
Contestant: Leicester.
BBC NORFOLK
Stewart White: Who had a worldwide hit with What A Wonderful World?
Contestant: I don't know.
White: I'll give you some clues: what do you call the part between your hand and your elbow?
Contestant: Arm.
White: Correct. And if you're not weak, you're . . .?
Contestant: Strong.
White: Correct - and what was Lord Mountbatten's first name?
Contestant: Louis.
White: Well, there we are then. So who had a worldwide hit with the song What A Wonderful World?
Contestant: Frank Sinatra?
LATE SHOW (BBC MIDLANDS)
Alex Trelinski: What is the capital of Italy?
Contestant: France.
Trelinski: France is another country. Try again.
Contestant: Oh, um, Benidorm.
Trelinski: Wrong, sorry, let's try another question. In which country is the Parthenon?
Contestant: Sorry, I don't know.
Trelinski: Just guess a country then.
Contestant: Paris.
UNIVERSITY CHALLENGE (BBC2)
Jeremy Paxman: What is another name for 'cherrypickers' and 'cheesemongers'?
Contestant: Homosexuals.
Paxman: No. They're regiments in the British Army who will be very upset with you.
THE WEAKEST LINK (BBC2)
Anne Robinson: Oscar Wilde, Adolf Hitler and Jeffrey Archer have all written books about their experiences in what: prison, or the Conservative Party?
Contestant: The Conservative Party.
BEACON RADIO (WOLVERHAMPTON)
DJ Mark: For Pounds 10, what is the nationality of the Pope? Ruth from Rowley Regis: I think I know that one. Is it Jewish?
RICHARD AND JUDY (ITV/C4)
Q: How many wheels are there on a unicycle?
A: Three.
THE WEAKEST LINK
Anne Robinson: In traffic, what 'J' is where two roads meet?
Contestant: Jool carriageway?
UNIVERSITY CHALLENGE
Bamber Gascoigne: What was Gandhi's first name?
Contestant: Goosey, goosey?
You want some more??
Good luck, Jeremy
