Help - I'm going mad!


Firstly, I am new to this forum so hello!

To give you some background, I am 36, have smoked since I was 12, smoked 20 a day and have tried to give up many times....I've tried patched twice in the past, gum, lozynges, micro tabs, hypnotherapy three times, zyban, champix and cold turkey!

Out of all of these, it was one of the hypnotherapy sessions that worked the best for me, and the only thing that made me start again after three months was my grandma dying (who I was incredibly close too) and my boyfriend leaving me for one of our mutual friends (after 5 years) in the space of a week.

Anyway, a couple of months ago I decided I needed to stop. I booked a session with a hypnotherapist but they had to cancel at the last minute so it got delayed. They got back in touch to say I should contact them on 10th Jan and we will set up a new appointment. I fully believe that this will work.

However, in the meantime I decided to have a go with on Monday I put on a patch but still smoked 4 cigs, on Tuesday it was the same but with 2 cigs, Wednesday, Thursday and today it has been patches, and gum and no cigs. Oh and I am also using an electronic cig now and again.

My body must be getting loads of nicotiine from all the NRT (probably more than when I was smoking) but I feel like I'm going mad!

I'm not sure whether I should have just waited for the hypnotherapy or whether that's just my brain trying to convince me to smoke a cigarette. I just don't believe deep down that I'm going to (or can) stick to it before having the hypnotherapy.

I feel like I'm going out of my mind, am I'm CONSTANTLY thinking about cigarettes no matter how hard I try not to.

Sorry for the long post and slight rant, but I just want to sit, cry, smoke etc until the hypnotherapy, but at the same time I don't want to have wasted the last few days.

I feel pathetic, that something has hold of me this much. I hate smoking and I love it all at the same time.



8 Replies

  • Hi Sarah

    Welcome to the madhouse!!

    Congrats on your decision to quit. The thing to remember is to do whatever is required to keep away from cigarettes.

    If this is hypnotherapy then great, but think of this - you have been without ciggies for 3 days now and it would be a shame to lose this excellent start.

    I can tell you from experience that browsing around this site and reading, reading, reading will help take your mind off the cravings.

    You are doing great girl don't give in I promise it will get better!

    Also you might find it helpful to join the January quit group where there are loads of people who are at exactly the same point in their quit as you!!! :D

    Stay strong!!!

  • Wow, you poor thing. I think you need to sit back and take stock for a minute.

    You've got high anxiety levels combined with - it sounds to me - a lot more nicotene than you actually need. And high anxiety and stress are terrible psychological triggers for the ex-smoker, so the whole situation is driving you to the edge.

    Do you really need the gum and the patches AND the electronic cig? Maybe you need to replace one of these with an alternative - perhaps ordinary gum to help with the restless mouth, or snacks. You remind me of a soldier who's surrounded with such huge piles of ammunition it's actually collapsing on top of him!

    You need to find yourself some relaxation techniques, until you can get to the hypnotherapist. Try youtube - I've heard there's a thing called' EFL tapping' which can help calm you down. Or there are plenty of yoga/breathing tutorials on there which could help. And try reading 'tales from the quit' - it's a really good quitting blog with lots of things to help focus your mind.

    Have a hot bath. Play a computer game or do something else with your hands that will pass the time. Try to get a good night's sleep, it'll be easier in the morning.

    Take care x

  • Hi sarah,

    Welcome & bless you. Sounds like you are in complete turmoil my love.

    You believe that the hypnotherapy will work for you but because you can't get an appointment you are going for other means which you probably don't believe in, so much anyway.

    I can quite understand your desperation to get started come what may, I have been there many time. In retrospect you may have been better to wait for the appointment that you where happy to think would work for you. ( Hypnotherapy worked for me once as well but like you had some really bad things happened).

    Take a step back hun, some deep breaths. Some may shoot me down for this but if you believe the time NOW is not right for you & you would rather wait for your hypnotherapy session then do just that. You will just be in torment otherwise. We all know that to quit you have to really want to do it (it doesn't matter how). We & this forum will be here for you no matter what you decide. If you want to see this thorugh now, before going, brilliant we will all help as much as we can.

    Gaynor xxx

  • Thanks

    Thank you all for getting back to me, it is so good to know that people know how I feel and that I'm not the only one!

    johnj6922 - I agree, to lose the 3 days start would be such a shame (not that I can 100% guarantee myself that I won't but I will try as hard as I can) Thank you for mentioning the January quit group - I'll take a look!

    Helsbelles - Thank you for posting. I'm not sure whether I'm getting too much nicotine or not to be honest. I have the 21mg patch on which is right, the gum to be honest I've only had 7 pieces in 2 and a half days, and the e-cig I've only used tonight through utter desperation of wanting to 'smoke' something. I've heard of the EFL tapping so I'll take a look. I have a massage booked tomorrow, and tonight I am trying to sort out and clean the kitchen drawers, then I'm off for a soak in the bath!

    neverstoptrying - thanks to you too for posting. I can tell that you understand where I am coming from. I think that sometimes when you believe in one thing so much and not in others it is really hard to make things work. I'm going to try my hardest but no matter what happens I am having the hypnotherapy!

    Incidentally, the hypnotherapist cancelled initially because they had started smoking again themselves after a really bad time. They are back on track now though so feel ready to help me!



  • Big Hugs sarah

    Hi Sarah

    Well you have had some good old gos at stopping. So have I , so have lots of us.Looking back after 8 good weeks, I think that the panic and fear is NOT about wanting cigarettes- its about not wanting them but being terrified of failure.

    I read a book years ago, which led to an unsuccessful at the time quit, called something like Zen and the art of stopping smoking, and lots of the stuff stayed with me. It says stop hating yourself and relax, relax about smoking and then it wont be such a big deal and you can feel more in control. Of couse it is a big deal and that is why we are all here, but try to trust yourself a tiny little bit and believe a tiny bit that you just may succeed... and lots of us are succeeding every single day, even though we were just as addicted and just as scared as you, and we will be with you every step.

    Big Hugs


  • Thanks

    Thank you Sandymarsh

    Gosh I love this forum already! :D

    It just makes you feel normal to know that you aren't the only one, and that all of the thoughts and feelings are the same or similar to what everyone else gets.

    Sometimes I have felt like I am more addicted than anyone else, if that makes sense. I could be the exception to the rule and I will never be able to give up because I have some genetic problem that MAKES me have to smoke! :rolleyes:

    I know, it's crazy, but at times of desperation it is easy to believe!

    Thank you everyone!

  • 0h yes

    No, I have to be the most addicted smoker in the world. I have stopped smoking 3 or 4 times a year for the past 30 years, except when the stop lasted a bit longer. I stopped smoking 5 times last year, and before that they are mostly blurred except for the allen Carr quit, the zen quit, the heart attack scare quit and the hell of pregnancy quits.

    I am bloody going to win this time because I just cant go through the self loathing of failure again. Also I am 51 and the physical effects are beginning to show- wrinkres, receding gums, leg pains and I could go on...

    PS I know I'm not the most addicted, but...

  • haha

    Sandy your quit record sounds like mine!

    Because I have failed to stay stopped so many times, I sometimes just think it is totally impossible.

    I am only 36 and the wrinkles are already showing so at 51 I think you're doing pretty well!

    I think what has done me this time is the fact that my coughing has got so bad. The morning and bedtime coughs were bad enough (so much so that if was staying anywhere overnight I would dread people hearing me because I felt so embarrassed. But what was even worse was the fact that i had become incapable of having a conversation without coughing. I would get half way through a sentence and start or laugh at something that someone had said and start choking....awful and very humiliating.

    Plus, something else that annoys me is that the top end of my vocal range has completely gone! If I try to scream (not that I felt the need until the last three days!) I can't! Nothing comes out apart from air! This also means that if I try to sing along to songs in the car or at home my voice just cuts out completely! voice is that deep that a few months ago when my cousin answered the phone to me he thought I was a man!

    Strange isn't it....I can write all of this stuff down and realise how bad it is, yet the monster inside me still wants a cigarette! crazy!

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