Well here I am at Day Four of quitting. Yesterday seemed a little easier than Day Two.
I'm still very upset with myself that I allowed myself to start smoking again after three and a half years of quitting. What on earth was I thinking!? When I gave up the first time I was prepared and armed with knowledge. It gave me the ability to see it through as well as the arrival of my baby daughter which gave me an extra kick. Having mulled it over the last couple of days I realise that there was one crucial bit of knowledge that I wasn't aware of and that is the "addict for life" bit. I thought that I could puff a cigarette once every few months on a night out and then go about the business of being a non-smoker again. What I was actually doing was leaving the door open for a more permanent return.
This time i'm going to leave the door firmly shut behind me, I swear. I just read an article on a guy who died of lung cancer who was exactly the same age as me, 33 with young children about the same age as mine. My partner and kids are upstairs having a bath and i've just stopped crying in front of my laptop looking at the pictures of the guy when healthy, and just 66 days later when he was on his death bed.
I've now totally convinced myself that I have throat cancer as i've had a nagging bruise type sensation under my chin and down the side of my neck for 2 weeks now. It feels like it's inside. I feel like I need an MOT to be reassured that I am OK health wise. And all this because I started smoking again.