4th Day

Well here I am at Day Four of quitting. Yesterday seemed a little easier than Day Two.

I'm still very upset with myself that I allowed myself to start smoking again after three and a half years of quitting. What on earth was I thinking!? When I gave up the first time I was prepared and armed with knowledge. It gave me the ability to see it through as well as the arrival of my baby daughter which gave me an extra kick. Having mulled it over the last couple of days I realise that there was one crucial bit of knowledge that I wasn't aware of and that is the "addict for life" bit. I thought that I could puff a cigarette once every few months on a night out and then go about the business of being a non-smoker again. What I was actually doing was leaving the door open for a more permanent return.

This time i'm going to leave the door firmly shut behind me, I swear. I just read an article on a guy who died of lung cancer who was exactly the same age as me, 33 with young children about the same age as mine. My partner and kids are upstairs having a bath and i've just stopped crying in front of my laptop looking at the pictures of the guy when healthy, and just 66 days later when he was on his death bed.

I've now totally convinced myself that I have throat cancer as i've had a nagging bruise type sensation under my chin and down the side of my neck for 2 weeks now. It feels like it's inside. I feel like I need an MOT to be reassured that I am OK health wise. And all this because I started smoking again.

4 Replies

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  • Hi Craig,

    Sorry no one has popped by to say hello, so you got me instead lol.

    Look, you stopped smoking for some time & started again. I stopped for 2 years once. Found out I had cancer during that time, did not start, hard chemo/ radiotherapy still did not start. It was not until into my second year after a 3 month battle I started back on the road to hell. What I am saying is & I have realised, always a smoker. Doesn't matter how long you have been quit, it is always there.

    Don't beat yourself up over something that has already hapenned. Learn from it, that is what is important ok? As far as thinking you may have throat cancer? I am sure you are ok but if you are at all worried get yourself of to gP for referral. Even if the worst was true an early diagnosis like mine means the difference between life & death.

    I have COPD & the more I worry about it the more I smoke which is so the wrong thing to do as that is what causes it. You have to learn to face what is happening to you ( me to) because there are somethings that are in your power (&mine) to change. Things are not always out of your hands so while they are not, you grab them & makes those changes to save your life. You only have one, chances you can make are few & fair between so grab tham. I will take my own advice to lol.

    You bored now????

    G xx

  • Hi G

    Thanks for the words of wisdom. I guess it shows just how savagely addictive smoking is if someone who develops a condition such as yours keeps smoking. And yes, I will use the experience of starting again after over 3 years to make sure I don't start again anytime in the future.

    As for the cancer fear, I am a self confessed hypochondriac and just so scared of anything unusual that occurs in my body. It always has to be cancer! I will see how it goes after the weekend and if there is no change I will go to the GP.

    Almost 5 days quit now so I guess all the nicotine is out of my body but I wanted to smoke quite a bit today, more so than yesterday. Here's hoping day 6 will be easier. I am longing to get back to the stage where I just don't think about it anymore. I had it for years and let it slip. And I will get it back...

  • Hi Craig

    Well done on your day 5 mate i think you do get one bad day in your first week like day 3/4/5 when the last of the nicotine is leaving the body. So im sure tomorrow will be a lot easyer. Just take one day at a time things will get easyer with time honest. look at me telling you and you have do it all before sorry.:D Good luck with it anyway.Linda xxxx

  • Cheers all,

    Day 6 today. The sun is shining, i've got another week off work and i'm going to cook a roast pork belly for the family today.

    I'm going to have to start my exercise routine again though. I've put on about 5lb in the last week!

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