Hi, I am back,

Hi to all of those who remember me. And to those that are new quitters. This will be a short post as you know I can ramble on. Can't even remember my last quit, think it was a few weeks ago. It went really well for 12 days and then after a glass of wine or 10 (exaggeration) with my chain-smoking sister, I cracked and gave up giving up. Total failure. But I was having a look at the forums for inspiration over the last few days and decided to give it one last go. Thanks to those who notified me and asked how it was going. Only saw them today (Jamangie , was one and maybe pixie?, sorry only glanced at it). Thanks a lot, appreciate it. This concern really helped me and so here I am back at day one. I am nervous due to being a serial quitter, but am determined to succeed this time. I have so many reasons to quit, they wouldn't fit on a page. My health is pretty good, which is one of them. I disgust myself by actively ruining my body with poison when I think of all the people with illnesses not self-inflicted. It is not clever or cool.

So I now have my trusty patch on. This is fine during the day as a security blanket, but when I go out to a party, my first thought is "damn I am not smoking and everyone (or so it always seems) is. I usually end up ripping it off and feeling a sort of relief that i am free of it. then I light a fag and actually feel sick. Crazy , isn't it!!! A powerful drug to be sure.

Anyway, to all other back to square oners, let's do it this time. My mantra now is "I am not allowed to smoke" This worked for me when I gave up for 10 years (although , only needed to use it in the first few days). My mental strength has obviously diminished drastically since then, so i hope it works this time round.

Thanks to all of you, without this forum, I honestly don't think I could face another attempt. Giving up fags has to be one of the most lonely things you ever do in life. Quite ironic as smoking fags is one of the sociable activities since the smoking ban.

Said I wouldn't ramble, but feel better for it.

Thanks for all your help and keep going!

xox

8 Replies

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  • Hi Rachel

    I do remember your name. so pleased to see you back :D:D

    you sound so determined this time and I am sure that your resolve is even stronger now after your slip up. A bit I think like seeing that old boyfriend after a breakup. Dont want it- dont need it - but hey ho -just had to see:confused:

    The mantra - not one puff ever is such a good one - and I mutter it all the time when the demon is on my shoulder .

    good luck. this forum is a godsend xx

  • Welcome back Rachel and congrats on your decision to quit again. Don't feel bad about any previous failures, i think most people take several attempts to quit for good. I remember back in the day when i tried patches for the first time, i think they were new out then as well. I think i managed a few days before caving in while down the pub with my mates. Quite memorable because i only smoked 3 cigarettes while still wearing the patch and had to run to the toilet to be sick because of a nicotine overdose. I ripped the patch off there and then and have never used another one since.

    I tried gum after that and managed to quit for a year although it took me about half that time to get rid of my nictone gum addiction. When i did eventually start smoking again i started to use the gum to supplement my habit during times when i couldn't smoke.

    And now here i am. Only my third serious attempt at quitting in 22 years. This time cold turkey and this is the first time i've truly educated myself in what to expect while quitting. I've found the forum to be a great help, i can moan about how bad i feel and people understand me! :D

    Be positive and make this quit your last. I'm only 8 days into my quit and already i feel sure that i won't smoke again and a lot of that has to do with reading the forum and the support received by others when posting.

  • Hi to all of those who remember me. And to those that are new quitters. This will be a short post as you know I can ramble on. Can't even remember my last quit, think it was a few weeks ago. It went really well for 12 days and then after a glass of wine or 10 (exaggeration) with my chain-smoking sister, I cracked and gave up giving up. Total failure. But I was having a look at the forums for inspiration over the last few days and decided to give it one last go. Thanks to those who notified me and asked how it was going. Only saw them today (Jamangie , was one and maybe pixie?, sorry only glanced at it). Thanks a lot, appreciate it. This concern really helped me and so here I am back at day one. I am nervous due to being a serial quitter, but am determined to succeed this time. I have so many reasons to quit, they wouldn't fit on a page. My health is pretty good, which is one of them. I disgust myself by actively ruining my body with poison when I think of all the people with illnesses not self-inflicted. It is not clever or cool.

    So I now have my trusty patch on. This is fine during the day as a security blanket, but when I go out to a party, my first thought is "damn I am not smoking and everyone (or so it always seems) is. I usually end up ripping it off and feeling a sort of relief that i am free of it. then I light a fag and actually feel sick. Crazy , isn't it!!! A powerful drug to be sure.

    Anyway, to all other back to square oners, let's do it this time. My mantra now is "I am not allowed to smoke" This worked for me when I gave up for 10 years (although , only needed to use it in the first few days). My mental strength has obviously diminished drastically since then, so i hope it works this time round.

    Thanks to all of you, without this forum, I honestly don't think I could face another attempt. Giving up fags has to be one of the most lonely things you ever do in life. Quite ironic as smoking fags is one of the sociable activities since the smoking ban.

    Said I wouldn't ramble, but feel better for it.

    Thanks for all your help and keep going!

    xox

    hi Rachel

    Welcome back nice to see you, said this before but here goes i dont see anybody like you as a failure no matter how many times you try, to me your'e a winnner because you keep trying to quit ...those who stop trying are failures ...so come on head on it you can do this loads and loads of people on here in the same boat as you..... post regulary read signatures you know the drill ...focus Rachel and when times get tough remember you are quitting to save your life ...... so good luck post often and remember you are not alone in this always always someone here to chat too ....:)

  • Hi rachel, good to see you back :D I am sure this will be the one for you. Just keep whipping nicodemons a**e ok ;)

    Gaynor xx

  • Thanks, comrades

    Hiya,

    Just wanted to say thanks so much for the comments. I really think the advice you give is amazing. Everything rings true. Skylark, love the ex- boyfriend ****ogy, it is exactly like that. You just want to go back out of curiosity and then you feel sick (haha!) and realise why you should no longer be together. Or vice versa , of course. Having just the one ciggy is like having an ex as a friend. It is rarely possible, cos someone usually wants more. With me and the fags, it is me who always wants more and then I start to resent them 'cos thay are effectively killing my health, my time and hence my aspirations. A word of advice, tao, never drink alcohol with the patch on. Always take it off before you smoke. It made me laugh thinking of your nicotine overdose, though I am sure it was not funny at the time. Shame that put you off the patches. Good for you doing CT, although how you wean yourself off turkeys I don't know! Personally, I would often find my patch in my handbag the next day and feel amused and ashamed. But no more!!!

    Was out watching the italy match last night in an Irish pub in italy (!) and was grateful for the smoking ban. My BF went out at half time to smoke, and for the first time ever, I went out (cos it was so hot) and didn't smoke. No problem. but we only had a couple of beers, danger strikes if I have more than that , say at the weekend. But still, it seemd like a happy milestone and proof of a wee bit of strength on my behalf. I will just have to limit my drinking to a couple.

    Today I was nearly killed today by my Bfs desire for a cigarette. He came home from work early and had gone to the flat to rest. I was downstairs at the neighbours and he called me there saying "I have left my fags in the car. I will throw the keys down and you can bring them up with you. (we live on the 4th floor). Fine, I said and went outside. The sun was bright and he aimed the keys at me, thinking I would catch them, but I was blinded by the light and they landed right next to me with a loud bang. Quite funny. So smoking may have killed me on the second day of my quit. How ironic! He apologised but no harm done.

    He is so supportive of me in my quit and will be trying again shortly. Anyway, I am doing this for me, not him and he is not such a diehard as myself. I simply have to stop. I can literally picture my ailing days being wheeled out for a fag in front of the hospital. I just know this is my sure fate and one that I am determined to avoid.

    Thanks for reminding me of the mantra "not one puff ever." it is much more effective than "I am not allowed to smoke" It just isn't working this time. so i'll stick with the tried and tested. It is just so spot on. One puff and I am gone, trampled like an ant by the mighty force of the nicodemon army.

    So it is now day 2 and although i awoke with that familiar, Oh god, I have nothing to live for feeling at the beginning of a quit, I dragged myself up and even managed to make a cup of tea before searching frantically for the scissors for my patch. And after that, it was fine. I am going to stay calm and take each minute as it comes, the bad with the good, and not resort to the crutch. One thing I realised from all my failed attempts was that life is no easier as a smoker, it just seems that way. A ciggy appeared to be a reward for stress and a way of sighing and musing on the bad times and moving forward in a positive way. But, Allan Carr was so right, it is just an illusion.

    So thanks once again, everyone, for taking the time to encourage the newbies and the boomerangs like me. I take my hat off to you for your success and I will try to follow in your footsteps!

    xox

  • Rachel, good for you for giving it another go. Nearly all of us are serial quitters, but eventually the quit sticks. You sound upbeat and positive which is so much of the battle.

    Keep at it, onwards and upwards. Post often and read lots.

    Lorraine :)

  • Rachel, good for you for giving it another go. Nearly all of us are serial quitters, but eventually the quit sticks.

    +1 :D

    The reason it's hard IMO is that you never really want to quit 100%, yes the 99% of you brain that is rational says "its stupid, makes you feel awful, why do it" but there is always a very small part, the addict part, that makes you want more..."just one more hit, go on grub around in the bin for a fag butt :eek: just one more drag and I'll stop" mentality.

    Good luck, stay strong & don't listen to the voice of the addict!

  • Hi Rachel, I am so glad you have decided to give it another go, ok so maybe this want be the final quit who knows but that’s not something you can worry about at this moment all you can do is take it a day at a time and hope that the strength and resolve you obviously had before to be able to quit for 10 years is back in place to help you.

    I imagine that like a lot of us you have come to the conclusion that to be a none smoker you have to actually deep down decide that you never want to smoke again which is hard for anybody to comprehend or come to terms with.

    So could you not try to take your quit a day at a time, tell yourself this is not a quit more like an abstention for a time from smoking, maybe a day a week or a month whichever makes you feel most in control, then when you get a little further in to your quit you can maybe move it up a gear and think in terms of a more permanent scenario.

    Not sure if this makes sense to you but it worked for me and I now feel comfortable in my quit and can honestly say I never want to smoke again, I know this is not the same as I will never smoke again but at the moment that’s good enough for me, I hope you find a way to help you and that your quit is strong and with the help of this forum I am sure it will be.

    PS just to say I didnt bump this but cant be bovvered to remove LOL so will leave for future ref :D

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