Day 59 And Struggling again

Hi all.

Im on day 59 and im starting to find it hard going again, I thought it was getting easier, I posted on day 48 that it was but im struggling again.

The problem is, My quit buddy who relapsed after 2 weeks. I thought I didnt mind, I didnt feel that he wanted to stop anyway.

Thing is he has just switched to roll ups and since has found his ADDICTION much cheaper, Hes got a new world of buying Zippo's and tobacco tins and its really getting to me.

My drive was that so far stopping smoking has saved me £204. Which is great! What a saving, What an achievement. But in the back of my mind all I can think is that if I smoked roll ups it wouldnt cost me that much and really I havnt saved £204 at all????

I really wasnt expecting this massive crave to come, I thought I had got everything under control and im really dissapointed with myself.

I know I dont want to smoke again, I want to quit (which is why ive gone through 59 days) but im getting really tired.

I have some weird delusion of what smoking rollups is like, I know what it was really like because I used to smoke them back a few years ago.

It was great when you were sitting at a table in a pub, getting all the gear out and rolling a few, but what was it like when driving! Bloody deadly! what was it like when you were walking, Can you hold this? How many times have I said that?!

I dunno, Hold in there for a good day I suppose

4 Replies

  • Hang in there Quitter - to get to 59 days is a brilliant achievement. It's interesting you are having a "moment" because your quit buddy has given in. I can really understand the craving you describe and it's fascinating how vivid a picture you paint - true testament to how deeply ingrained this addiction is in the mind. The only advice I can offer is to be utterly and completely selfish about it - it's your quit, you've chosen to stop choking the life out of yourself and regardless of what anyone else does, that's the road you'll walk. Maybe do what I had to do tonight and look at some of the really grim medical stuff on - it really got my focus back on what this is all about. I love reading other people's experiences and I'm now at the stage where I look forward to the Fab Febbers's posts to see how they are doing BUT when things get rough I have to remember it's my decision to stop and I have to do everything Ican to protect my progress. The notion of having to go through the first three weeks again just fills me with horror! Good luck :) Al

  • Thanks chrissie and aliG123

    it's not so much that my quit buddy has given in, like I say he gave in 2 weeks after he stopped and I was fine with it.

    Problem is that he has switched to roll ups and is finding it much cheaper, which is great, good luck to him. He's not ready to quit and I can't blame him, I wasn't ready to quit on my previous attempts.

    It's just kind of undermined my main reason for quitting, saving money.

    I watched the videos from YouTube and they helped but Since I'm young (24) health isn't really my main drive, I mainly stopped smoking due to the cost and because I was sick of the hold that it had over me. Like not being able to sit in a restraint after eating. I was always are we going to pay the bill. And rushing everyone out.

    Thanks everyone for the support and I just need to get a grip, I'm just having a bad day the last thing on my mind is starting smoking again but I'm just so dissapointed that I thought I was over these craves. I mean it's 2 months at 7 am tomorrow when I last smoked. I kind of thought that after 2 months I wouldn't get all this crap!

  • Hi again Quitter, I can understand how money would be the prime reason for your quit - when I was your age (old fart bit) I was completely skint and would scrape butts to get a nicotine hit. To me, the most important thing you have said, is your desire to get rid of the "hold" cigarettes are having over you. I only wish I was I'd been as clued in as you are at 24. I always saw cigarettes as my choice, my freedom of expression but after about the first few months of smoking I had no choice in it at all - a fact that took me 30 years to finally get my head round! I have a son who's 18 and a smoker and I know how much of that is my fault because of the wretched example I've set him. Although you're young and are probably fit and healthy, smoking is going to eat into that very quickly. I used to run cross country races at national standard but I'd probably struggle to run a 100 meters now. Stick at it and you will do yourself a whole lifetimes worth of good. Tomorrow I have to go to the doctors to hear the results of a load of tests they have done on me and I'll get to see what 32 years of smoking have done to me. As you can probably imagine, I'm really nervous about what I'm going to get told - you have the chance to not even go there :) Take care Al

  • Chrissie V - thanks for the links, they made very sobering viewing

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