Please excuse a ramble, I just need to type this down to reaffirm it. I will NOT use my children as an excuse to fail, I won’t- the irony would be too much. They are not being any naughtier than they were a few weeks back, I am no more stressed, I am not shouting at them any more, therefore there is no NEED to smoke. I wasn’t some uber calm earth mother when I smoked (uncomfortable as that may be to acknowledge) who turned overnight into a screaming stress head- I was a screaming stress head with annoying kids when I smoked- as I am now, the smoking has no bearing on it. The bottom line is, if I want to smoke, I can, but blaming the kids would be no more than an addict’s lie, and I don’t want to smoke, so I won’t.
The addict thoughts form in your head before u can stop them “you kids are gonna drive me back to the cigs if you carry on like this” (nice tack, blaming 3 yr olds for my own would be weakness) “I’m gonna have to have a fag before I really lose my rag”. And u have to be so careful to see it as addict behaviour, get on top of it, see how actually funny it would be give up for your kids and then blame them for your failure. Then the next thought “oh god, how long am I gonna have to keep being this self aware, I don’t know if I can keep it up” which is actually more addict thinking, giving myself permission to fail. But I will NOT FAIL, I will not use my kids as an excuse to fail- even if I have to say it to myself non stop from now to bedtime, god let it be bedtime soon, Pols xxx
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With self-awareness like that, you're gonna be OK. I really admire you doing this with a three-year-old! Keep it up, then at least you won't get to the point I was at when my kids were young where I pretended I didn't smoke anymore, but I smoked like a chimney at work and snuck outside every night after they'd gone to bed - did that for years. I felt such a hypocrite, and it was so disappointing to them when they were in their late teens and I finally admitted I smoked.
They're now in their 20s and I haven't told them yet that I'm quitting, I want it to be a nice surprise.
Amazing the secrets (lies?) we can pull off to maintain an addiction isn't it. I bet your kids will be dead chuffed when you tell them what you've acheived, must be a great motivator too.
Spare yourself the hassle- keep going now, I like that, it may be my mantra next time there is a hour long tantrum over being asked to eat two peas! Pols xxx
Hey pols ure post makes a lot of sense. Your doing very well i think because you know deep down what the addiction thing is all about & you know you can do this quit without you acting or being any different at all. Im so proud im on this quit with you. What a wonderful post to read & just remember smoking is just a thought the thought goes as soon as you head gets absorbed into something else...you can do this. You know it
BTW Pols, when my kids were little they wouldn't touch anything resembling a vegetable. I had to find very creative ways to hide them in other foods! Now they've both left home, cook for themselves and make really healthy meals. It's hard to have this perspective when they're so young, but try not to stress too much over meals with toddlers - they'll survive. Your sanity is more important, especially if you're quitting!
Hi Pols.....I know what you mean it happened to me early in my quit. I picked a really bad time, my parents came to stay at about 4 days quit (they are quite testing) it was half term the following week (I have very normal, naughty children 5 & 7 who fight like cat and dog) and I had the usual hormonal issues due to the monthlies. I had never felt so wired, anxious, ready to scream in all my life! I could have very easily started again and blamed my children. But you can get through it cos I did. So dig deep and get through it cos its gets better every day from then on.
We should have a mums half term forum all of our own just to come on and let off some steam!
I remember previous quits i had were like this.. you look for any excuse to push you to the breaking point so you can rush to the shop in an 'oh well at least i tried!' gesture.
It is the addict/junkie thinking that pushes you there though, which is why you do well to always recognise it, and vow that the nicotine demons dirty tricks are not going to work on you.
You are totally right that the stress you see now is not new, its always been there in one form or another, its how you manage that stress that makes all the difference, but being an addict to mask it and hide it is something that is not the answer. It never was. You do well to be free, and continue to be so, and eventually you will cope just fine. In fact, the stress levels will fall to lower levels when you've been quit for quite a bit longer.
Pols, I think you have the right idea. So often in the past, I have grasped any stressor to use as an excuse to start smoking again. This time I am determined not to fallow the same old path back to my addicts existence.
Pols, we know that there are no excuses, it comes down to us in the end, it's our choice and bloody good for you for seeing that during a stressful time.
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