Arghhhh! Frustration!!!

Hello guys, Lisa here - hope you are all well and fighting fit!

I am coming up to five months and this is getting easier and easier.....I have now fallen in love with chocolate as well and can't believe what I have been missing. It is a good job I have taken up daily exercise otherwise I would be in for trouble.

Anyway, confession time - I have cravings today and have had since Saturday night. I went to a friends birthday party and felt really left out of things when the group I was with kept disappearing outside to smoke.....they looked like they were having a good laugh as well! I know, I am looking at this all wrong but I can't seem to stop torturing myself!

Anyway, that evening as I went to go to the "powder room", I thought that it would be nice just to have a couple of ciggies that evening and to just smoke socially every now and then........then I woke up! I know if I have just one cigarette it would:-

a) Knock me sick

b) Make me dizzy

c) Make me stink

d) Make me anxious and quilty

e) Make me hooked again!!!!!

So as I stood outside the loos looking at the laughing smokers, I remembered to feel pity for them and each one of them will have to go down that long, hard road called "stopping smoking street" whether they like it or not.

I think at this point I realised I am a non smoker because I chose to be but now the choice is out of my hands. I just cannot afford to smoke, even if I want to, I can never go back because (time for another list):-

1. My asthma has gone - I don't need my inhalors anymore.

2. I am so fit now and was the only person jumping around on the dancefloor for an hour at high speed!

3. I can't afford to smoke, literally! I have now acquired expensive tastes for clothes/restaurants/exercise equipment/treats since I started to care about my well being so there is no way I can afford a fiver a day to kill myself slowly!

Basically, the head says "no smoking" but the heart is still yearning. I know it is a no brainer and I won't smoke but it is so annoying sometimes!

Yesterday, the day after the party, I had a very small "mini" hangover. Much less than they used to be because I don't have the smoking sore throat hangover and because I don't drink very much now......anyway.....normally, I would nurse myself through the day with cigarettes......which used to make me feel worse by the way.

So why did I smoke for twenty odd years and why am I here bleating on about not smoking? Sometimes, I physically feel like there is a hole, a gap inside that I cannot fill up - not with coffee, chocolate or chips or anything else I force down my gob! Why did I ever start????

There is a still a little part of me that wishes smoking was not harmful so I could go back to it.....even though I don't need to smoke anymore! I am such an idiot sometimes and still can't accept that I can never smoke again. Botheration!!!! Boll****! Fishooks!

Thanks for listening, feeling a bit tired today and a bit sorry for myself but still glad I DO NOT SMOKE!

And, it is No Smoking Day this week so we can all hold our heads high and breathe a sigh of relief that we are not killing ourselves anymore. Besides, I got me a new addiction - shopping!

And as Tony says, keep the faith my non smoking pals!

Rant ends.

Lisa xx:D

5 Replies

  • Lisa,

    What you are experiencing is totally normal, over the years of smoking we built up strong associations between smoking and situations or emotions. For me driving and boredom are the points where I sometimes feel like I'm missing something, for other people it may be so******ing, stress etc.

    It would be lovely to think that we can undo all the psychological knots we have tied over the years in just a few months, and indeed the vast majority are untied within the 1st 3 weeks or so, but in reality we will experience the odd weird point for some time, resisting them is not that hard providing that you have your mind in the right place and do exactly as you did, reminding yourself why you must not give in to the call for "just 1"

    Don't feel guilty or annoyed, take it as a demonstration of how easy your quit is 99% of the time!



  • Hi Lisa

    What a wonderful post I am about 3 weeks behind you and feel great and I think most of us if honest have not exactly craves but yearnings now and then I hope my real craves are behind me but I still don't and probably never will trust those sneaky little b..........d Nico :eek:Demons not to try again

    Sorry you feel tired today but tomorrow as they say is another day

    I am keeping the faith and also as Tony say's keep :D :D :D :

    Love Margxxxxxxx

  • Hi Lisa,

    Loved your post,I can identify with it.

    Don't want to smoke but feel something is missing sometimes.

    Hope you feel better now.

  • Hello, well today is another new day and the slight yearnings have gone again!

    I suppose as Nic says, it is realistic that I will still having cravings every now and then (however slight they may be).

    I do feel better so thank you for your encouragement.

    On another note, my mum smokes and it is starting to really affect her chest now (she is 65 and has smoked over 40 years). I am working on her and I keep saying that if she gave up, she would feel better and more energised within a couple of days!

    I will keep trying!



  • Hi Lisa :D

    So glad you're feeling better today and those yearnings have gone

    Lisa as for your Mum by all means try as you are gentle persuasion but not so much that she digs her heels in

    Softly, Softly Catchee Monkey approach may work with her she will quit when she is ready as you did



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