A very red faced and embarrased person here. Just read back my horrible postings from Friday night.....my God there should be a padlock on the computer to stop me putting things like that out there.....
Anyway, as you all predicted, yesterday was a write-off. I was on the sofa most of the day, didn't get dressed out of PJ's and phoned a Chinese take-away for dinner
However, the good news is that it was just one cigarette. Husband does not know and I think my feeling of him being dissapointed with me is what stopped it going any further. I've been preaching to him so much about how relatively easy it has been I couldn't be doing with him knwoing otherwise.
Yesterday was murder as I really wanted another, especially with the hangover, but I couldn't give in and importantly didn't.
Will be back later but other half back & don't want him to read whats been going on
BYE!!
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Im so very pleased it was only one. at least now you know its you that is leading this quit because you want and need it. Get rid of the stash. Hope your head is a lot better today, Dont worry no body knows about my last slip only you lot HEHE.xxxxxxxxxxx
F2Q: well done on keeping it to just the one-as you said in your other post, maybe you just needed to have that 'last cigarette' to stop the feeling that you were denying yourself something.
I think you've done incredibly well and I admire your honesty about Friday-it shows that deep down you really do want to maintain your quit.
Alcohol is certainly a huge factor in these things-I've actually decided not to go to my works do this year, mainly because I don't want to have to spend a minute longer with some of my colleagues than I absolutely have to but also because I don't trust myself not to tell them what I really think after a few drinks which might then in turn lead to me losing my quit through stress and desperation!
Just take it one day at a time and keeping reminding yourself that you are a non smoker.
I knew it wa a mistake trying to put Christmas Decorations up whilst Mother in law was here and also trying to feed her and other half.
I've finally got some peace and a half decorated Christmas Tree!!
So, Popsiesgirl thats exactly what I've been thinking about all day - the forbidden last cigarette. I've finally got it out of the way! You made me laugh with not wanting to spend a night with collegues I was a bit like that too - we were at Murrayfield Stadium with other companies. A table behind us was whooping and cheering. Our response to that was - must be civil servants, no-one in the private sector is shouting for joy at the moment. Right enough it was Edinburgh Dental Hospital!! We had empty places at our four tables because of redundancies we've had this week.
Anyway, back to Friday night. I'd been okay all night but this was also the first time I'd been out since hospital and I didn't know what to do once I got home. I used to really look forward tokicking off the high heels and having the first comfortable fag of the night having suffered outside all night. Well I wandered round and round the house thinking "what do I do now then?!" I knew what I wanted to do and did have the sense to fire up the computer to try & distract me - but it was really hard to concentrate on the keys!! I've read back the mess that I posted and believe it or not I thought I had checked it all over before I posted!
The thing that (even in my drunken stupor) scared me most when I was doing it was that it didn't seem to affect me - I had wondered before if I'd hate it, it would feel weird, or something else.....actually it still felt very natural. And thinking about it 20 years vs two months it will feel natural still.
It was a bit like sleeping with an ex (hope thats not too offensive). You know what it's like, you still actually enjoy it, but you know its bad for you and you shouldn't be doing it!
So having not being in the camp of "OMG it's now disgusting", I am sure that I cannot afford to lapse. Also it's made me realise I've moved from not really wanting to stop but knowing it was a good idea, to really determined to stop - and I didn't realise it.
Linda - I'm so glad we are not alone in our privacy surrounding slip ups. I don't like deceiving but I also don't think I've stopped quiting - just had one slip.
So - Saturday was 8 weeks - I'm still going to celebrate and I've got two calender months to go next week.
Night everyone - don't know what I'd do without you ;)
It is scarily easy to lose a quit..the behaviour is all there and, as you say, just so familiar. I think, for me, part of the reason I fell back into the smoking habit was the effort of not doing something so familiar..a routine, like brushing your teeth.
That said, the 'routine' aspect is not something that should scare us..it's hardly the big 'I can't so it' monster !
So, all the best with the next step..and maybe think about Christmas so you can manage it without too much of a struggle.
Oh, and by the way, I thought your comment about sleeping with an ex- was very interesting. Helps me to understand some things.!
I truly hope that "just the one" stays just the one... I have a feeling you are going to have to be very strong for the next few days though. I hope not, I hope it just blends away as you move forwards.
All the best with it, and make sure you post often on here if you do struggle... it's just a shame no one was online that night
Oh, and by the way, I thought your comment about sleeping with an ex- was very interesting. Helps me to understand some things.!
Bill X:rolleyes:
In what way Bill?
Anyway - I'm fine really now. Being occupied at work today and not at all tempted to go and find one outside.
Christmas will be difficult because everyone in the family is a smoker - however I keep going by playing the smug superior person well. That is why I cannot fail in the quit - they would be onto me in a flash :eek:
I'm not going anywhere so will be back - I've got my two calender month this week and I'm not missing out on that
yi forced2quite,..thers an old saying,. never give up ..givening up..it might take just that one fag for you to realise,...one was to much,,.say after me,,im talking to you ,i can do it [AGAIN]AND AGAIN],,AND YOU WILL BE OK,like i say keep the faith all the best tony...p.s well done
F2Q, I am sure if I had cigarettes in the house, there are still times I would be tempted - yesterday was one of those times.
I am lucky - my partner doesn't smoke, and I live on my own anyway and the smell of smoke usually makes me feel sick now.
Anyway, I threw all my lighters in the bin!!! My hob is electric so it would probably take two hours to light a fag anyway!
I am not looking forward to Xmas day though - my mum smokes (heavily) and she smokes roll ups and they reek. She is coming to my house for Christmas dinner and I don't want her smoking in the house but if I say she can't she may have a strop and threaten not to come! I might just ask her to smoke in the kitchen with the back door open.
I am also on week 8 and Christmas Eve is two full calendar months so there is still much to celebrate.
There is the dreaded Christmas fayre though - I was always more interested in smoking than food and this year will be different.
I haven't put on any weight yet and I have been very careful but I do feel like I am obsessed with food because I really enjoy a nice meal now! Food used to get in the way of a cigarette but now I appreciate food more now and today for instance, I have eaten about ten pralines!!!!! No tea for me this evening!
I digress.............keep going and stay smug (like me)!
Back to feeling fine again this week. Have been shattered at work though and the Christmas spirit is defo missing at work with redundancies in every department.
Anyway - still feel stupid about the one, but it won't happen again (until the next time:o)
Reading other posts, lots of us seem to be struggling, I am assuming it's the time of year as it doesn't seem to matter what time you are at.
I'm moving on up to the next room tomorrow and it feels good.
Lisa - you are lucky re the food, my indulgence of choice is food and I substituted food with fags to try and control weight. The snacking is now completely out of control however I don't seem to have ballooned like I expected - added to that no gym now for two months. Very strange.
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I was a bit like that too - we were at Murrayfield Stadium with other companies. A table behind us was whooping and cheering. Our response to that was - must be civil servants, no-one in the private sector is shouting for joy at the moment. Right enough it was Edinburgh Dental Hospital!! We had empty places at our four tables because of redundancies we've had this week.
Day FOUR and still alive and so are those around me!
I'm here and still going strong!
