It's 1.30 and I', in and up alone post works Christmas party. I behaved all night to the point where to be sure I sat on a table away from my normal smoking freinds.
But now I'm home I am desperate and the drink is making me think - just one won't kill you......
I am superman at the moment and invincable.......should that be superwoman?
Anyway if I had a line it would not be sobad - even a super -fag, but that still has tobacco - imagine I'm more scared of a fag than the efects of leval drugs....................
Anyway - is anyone out there?
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The tempation of the cupboard was too much - don't shout, I've had the last fag.
IOpening the cupboard to 4000 fas plyus my half smoked pre hospital packet & ligher was too much.
I've had one. It didn't make me feel sick, jus the thought that my hands were getting colder (is that the circluation?) was the only feeling. Felt nervous like the first one, but then the sense of relieve was amazing. Not going to have another - going in other room to watch Eastenders on Virgin replay.
The concentration needed to type is too much.
Feel realy bad but may hav got that "last fag" feeling away.
Wanted perhaps to prove to myself that could do it.
Son't shout - hope to god I don'r want another in the morning. Niw got to hide the butt from husband as he will be sooooo disapopinted in me - but I'm not superwoman really. I'm crap at work according to boss and now facing possibility thatI ca\n't behave and cannot get contact lenses out so will hsve to sleep in them.
I think it was a collegue twlling me they've always just been a casual smoker that did it.
Oh dear! Such a shame no one was online to offer a shoulder last night.
I truly hope it was just one. And the only person that can demote you to day one is yourself... it all depends on how you feel about it, if you feel your quit is still intact then there is no reason to go back.
I hope and pray that you are one of the few who survive "just the one"... there really aren't many who can. No-one is superhuman, and most of us have failed several times before... but your quit was strong and it would be such a shame for a drunken slip to lead to a full relapse.
So very sorry to hear about last night i was on here myself at 12:30.
Please be very strong and dont let it spoil your quit it will be hard for a few days now because Nic will be calling you hoping he as won dont let him Babe.
Also i think you should get rid of the stash soon as. You would not have had one last night if you never had any and would of thought different this morning. never mind whats done is done. just make sure you win not him.
$hit happens, what is important is that you don't let it happen again.
No body can demote you other than yourself, but speaking as someone who spent about 8 years trying to become a casual smokers it almost impossible to restrict your intake for any appreciable length of time and really all you are doing is putting yourself into permanent withdrawal.
I bet you have a sore head and feel really disappointed now, but don't use that as an excuse to have another. Stop and take back control. You complained that we had all chosen to quit while you had not had the choice, well now is the time to make the right choice!
Best wishes and although you may not be superwoman you can do this.
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I think I need help...
Sudden massive craving attack
