Nearly had a disaster

[nsd_user663_2176]

Had a big argument after a couple of pints on wednesday night and had the biggest craving I've had for months. It was awful, all I could think at the time was that smoking would make me feel so much better, that it didn't matter anyway, that I might as well just smoke as I deserved it - all the mad things that you tell yourself when you first stop. I haven't thought like that for so long and it's really depressing that those thoughts are not only still there but are clearly so close to the surface. I didn't smoke but instead of feeling pleased with that I just feel disappointed and annoyed - I kind of feel like I did smoke as the urge to was so strong (if that makes any sense?!)

[nsd_user663_2291]

But you didn't so it goes to show that you dont want too. From what i have been told by ex smokers you will still get these thoughts and feeling but they will only last a moment.

You are doing so well xx

[nsd_user663_2176]

You are doing so well xx

Thanks.

I really don't feel it though, I feel like a huge failure in everything.

[nsd_user663_2291]

I bet your not. Sounds like your having a bit of a down moment which we will all understand.

Youve got to remember you may thought about smoking but you didnt. We all think about it and there isnt anything wrong in that xx

[nsd_user663_2176]

Just wish I could get out of this down moment. I feel really cr*ppy - all I want to do is go home and cry my eyes out.

[nsd_user663_2162]

That's probably because you had the argument, not because of the smoking cravings. Of course you're down, but an urge to smoke, even a very strong one, is likely to happen especially in such occasions...all we have to do is not be too hard on ourselves when that happens, we are strong but not necessarily that strong

I've recently had a veeery similar thing happening to me and I can guarantee honey that bad feeling does go away and you'll be able to be proud of yourself again

[nsd_user663_2176]

Thanks you guys, it's not just about the smoking - although I'm still shocked by just how much I wanted one the other night - just feel like sh*t in general now. I feel like I've messed everything else up so I might as well just smoke, can't do anything else right so what's the point in trying to do this. I am a big useless failure at everything.

[nsd_user663_2595]

Hbav, I can feel like that sometimes even without having had an argument LOL... sorry you are feeling down, hope it all blows over soon.

[nsd_user663_2595]

Being quit for near on 4 months is far from useless it a major life changing achievement!!! Keep going.... we all get low days and it sounds like you having a bit of a bad one... things do have a habit of turning around for the better given time

[nsd_user663_2162]

Thanks you guys, it's not just about the smoking - although I'm still shocked by just how much I wanted one the other night - just feel like sh*t in general now. I feel like I've messed everything else up so I might as well just smoke, can't do anything else right so what's the point in trying to do this. I am a big useless failure at everything.

Aw don't say that. That is not you talking, it's the Nicotine demon trying to emotionally talk you into smoking again :eek:

Look honey how many poeople here did cave in in similar situations only to come here back again trying once again to quit and painfully regretting ever caving in? you' don't want to go there too. Clear your mind, focus and stop saying you're a failure cause you are not, you're a smart person going through a rough patch but this will work out.

hugs xxxx

[nsd_user663_2136]

Hbav, hope your day has got better as it's gone on.. arguments are rubbish especially when they leave you feeling like that. What's great is that you didn't give in and that is the key here in my view. You felt like s/h/i/t but kept yourself focused and even came on here to talk about it. That's strong and committed not weak and indecisive. A failure you are certainly not.

[nsd_user663_2291]

Thanks you guys, it's not just about the smoking - although I'm still shocked by just how much I wanted one the other night - just feel like sh*t in general now. I feel like I've messed everything else up so I might as well just smoke, can't do anything else right so what's the point in trying to do this. I am a big useless failure at everything.

You have given a lot of support to a lot of people and for that i want to Thank you. xx

[nsd_user663_2176]

Just wanted to say a HUGE thank you to everyone for putting up with my indulgent ramblings the other day. This place has proved itself a lifesaver yet again! I was shocked by the vengeance with which the smoking thoughts came back last week but I seem to be on a more even keel again - for now at least. Was v stressed for a few days there and I have to admit, I thought about smoking more seriously than I have done for a long time, but I didn't do it. Yesterday at about 5pm it occured to me that it hadn't crossed my mind all day so hopefully am back on the right track again now - 4 calendar months tomorrow.

Thanks again for listening to me rant and for all the support.