I feel like I haven't been allowed to be honest to anyone about how very down I feel. Being ambivolent about accepting renal replacement therapy has led to wild accusations from doctors - that I am begging for money, manipulative. They don't seem to get it - some of us have been so bullied by bad partners and lousy jobs and isolation growing up as a renal patient, and even bad memories of being strapped down and catheterised as a child, that I frequently feel I don't want to go on living. This doesn't make me a beggar or a criminal does it?
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