Too old at 56 to donate to my 79 year old mom? Long term effects?

[KellyLS]

I am a 56 year old, active mom of 4 kids ages 17-28. About 6 months ago my 79 year old mom informed our family that she is in end-stage KD due to kidney “trauma” that occurred 10 years ago when she underwent chemotherapy to treat her breast cancer. She also told us that doctors recommend starting the search for a living donor (for optimal results) or she will be facing dialysis. I immediately raised my hand to be a donor—maybe prematurely. I am not worried about the immediate down time and recovery after surgery. What concerns me (and my husband and kids) is how it will affect my health in the future. They need me to around for a long time (and frankly, I want to around to see my kids and grandkids lead long happy lives too!) They are not ok w a compromised version of me. It seems callous to make my mom’s age (almost 80!) a factor in my decision to donate, but I also need to consider the opinions of my family

I have scoured the Internet, read everything I could get my hands on, listened to every podcast, etc to be as informed as possible. It seems that 99% of donors donate to their children. (And I wouldn’t hesitate for a second to save one of my kid’s either—that’s a no-brained). Donors are also of the mindset that you only need one kidney, we are born w 2, so why not donate? Are they over-simplifying this or am I making the decision to give my mom a chance at some healthier/happier years more complex than it has to be????

[FThomp]

God bless you for stepping up and wanting to save your moms life. It takes an extremely strong person to do that.

You researching and being informed is awesome as well. What did you find out?

I would think as long as you are healthy it would be pretty cut and dry as far as how well things would go but at your age it may be beneficial to get a few opinions from nephrologist’s in addition to personal research. I think the criteria for being a donor is pretty strict so you could always go through all the testing and work with the transplant team and social worker who would help you decide on that final decision of if you should or if you even can donate.

Ultimately it is in fact a personal decision that’s up to you. I wish you and your mom and your family the best of luck with whatever you choose!

[Bassetmommer]

What a hard decision. But many people live very long lives with just one kidney. The thing to think about it that no one might mention is that there are so many advances coming in kidney research that are not present now. So if you do go through with the surgery and something down the road comes up for you there may be a perfect cure that is not out there now. At the same time, the risk for surgery for you mom at this age is a big factor to consider. Talk with as many people and providers to make sure you get all the facts and know what the life your mom is going to be facing either way, with surgery and without. To be honest, I am surprised they are even going to do a transplant at her age.

You say she is end stage. What level of GFR does she have.? There are many of us who have extremely low GFRs who have stayed off dialysis with diet, exercise and lifestyle. They are so quick to go to transplant or dialysis, so make sure there is not a more natural way still for her. And also learn about some of the different forms of dialysis such as PD that might be good for her that won't be as difficult as hemodialysis.

[LZBTH]

I donated a kidney to my best friend’s sister in 2004 when I was 56 years old. I have a website now because my husband of 5 years needs a kidney On the website kidneykarma.com

You can click on a video where I talk about my donation experience. I am fine as is the woman whom I donated to

Elizabeth

[Hidden]

Lovely mother-daughter photo! I do not think there is an issue with your age in terms of being a donor. As I am sure you are aware, you will need to be tested for compatibility first and foremost. If there is a good match, then your health needs to be assessed. I presume your mother is in good health for a transplant. Correct? Her health will be thoroughly assessed, too. In the event that things do not work out, be aware that people can function for a long time on dialysis. My nephrologist told me of a woman close to your mom's age, who has been on peritoneal dialysis for 17 years. Wishing you both the best!

[WYOAnne NKF Ambassador]

I would make an appointment with your Mom's nephrologist to start with. Make a list of questions you may have...and ask away. He is the expert and can give you an honest answer.All of us that have had a transplant live life with one working kidney. I am 71 and had my transplant from a deceased donor 22 years ago.

I know if my kidney failed my daughters have said they would be my living donor.

Only you can answer the question if this is something you really want to do.

Dialysis saves lives but "can be really rough."

Best of luck to you and your Mom! Let us know...

[Nullity]

I was told age 70 was the limit for donation.

[SophieSkye]

Hi Kelly. I have replied to you in the past. I’m the 64 year old lady and donated to my son six months ago. I hope you met with a nephrologist and got the answers you need. Best wishes to your mum and you.

[KellyLS in reply to SophieSkye]

Thanks for reaching out again Sophie. I went through the testing process and wasn’t deemed eligible. Fortunately two more of my mom’s friends are stepping up to try. Im praying someone will be able to help her.

[SophieSkye]

Kelly, so sorry to hear that but here’s hoping and praying one of the friends will be a match. Please send your mum my best wishes. Look after yourself too.