Michael continued

[maven123]

Continued from above. Michael. I am 76 Lost my wife to covid.I dealing with my own covid for one and one half years.I have had two types of cancer and I am still here. Sometimes you say enough. A family not helping.

[Bet117 NKF Ambassador]

Hi Michael,

First of all, my deepest and sincerest condolences on the loss of your wife. Losing a loved one is never easy.

Adjusting to a " new normal" in your daily life takes time and will show different faces as you move

through the grieving process, which comes in waves.

I'm sure that your wife was a wonderful woman who possessed many special gifts which she shared with both her family and the world. Keep her gifts and view of life close in heart to help when patches get tough.

Unfortunately, not every family is able to support due to their own issues and problems; don't personalize it.

Instead, have you considered speaking to a friend who has been through loss of a spouse ? Does your local Council on Aging have a Life Coach to talk to or a grief group where you will be able to meet other folks who have been widowed after a long marriage?

You may be giving back if you spend 5 minutes to talk to someone else who has experienced covid and a covid loss.

Some have no living family and are left alone. Being a friend is a gift in itself.

Covid took so many and in varied types of families.

You are still here because despite all of your medical challenges, you still have work to do. Your courage, experiences, and knowledge as hard as they are; could help another who is alone. You are a wonderful person and brave.

I know that my words cannot take away your pain, but I hope that they let you know that you are not alone.

You are in a wonderful community and among friends. Please feel free to reach out at anytime and I assure you that one of us will always reach back.

My thoughts and prayers go to and with you.

Bet

[maven123 in reply to Bet117]

Thank you.I will try to find a rainbow.

[Bet117 NKF Ambassador in reply to maven123]

No thanks ever needed. Your rainbow is there.

[Jayhawker]

Hi Michael🙂

First, I am so sorry for your loss. May your memories of your wife be a comfort and a blessing.

Second, it sounds like you are doing what your kidneys need. I say that because your renal function has been stable with GFR of 24 for seven years. I’m sure that’s the last thing on your mind right now. However, it is good news overall.

Finally, your post really resonates with me. I am the last person alive in my family. So, I cherish friends. I consider them my adopted family. They have been with me throughout my journey with CKD.

In fall of February 2019 I learned that my best life-long friend, Cindy, had a fast moving form of dementia. By Dec she was placed in long term memory care. By April of 2020 she no longer recognized her husband or children. In March of 2021 she suffered a series of brain bleeds. She had surgery. It helped with the brain bleeds but she’s had no language since. Earlier this spring she suffered a series of mild strokes. Her doctors have said this is what happens as the brain shuts down.

Cindy was the person I called when I was debating whether to go through transplant eligibility testing in June of 2019. At that point there were no signs of this very fast moving dementia. She had known my parents so it wasn’t surprising when she asked me what my parents would advise in this sort of medical situation. My parents were Old Order Mennonite, very similar to Amish. Cindy and I both knew what they’d have advised me; to seek God’s guidance. After I said that Cindy just simply asked whether I was letting God guide me or making all the decisions myself leaving God out of the picture. After that conversation I knew I needed to pursue all viable treatments and rely on God to open and close treatment doors, so to speak. My mindset shifted from one of doubt to, “God’s got this.”

A few months later I called Cindy again to let her know all the testing was done and the results were good but I was waiting on an answer from the transplant team. She was sure they’d approve me. In fact she was so sure she said, “I’ll come and stay with you after as you recover, roomie.” (We’d been roommates throughout our undergraduate degrees at university.)

Sadly, Cindy is no longer able to come and stay with me after the transplant. But her spirit surrounds me as I wait and prepare for this surgery. I’d give anything I have for her to be with her family enjoying her children and grandchildren. Why am I, with all my medical issues, serious medical issues, still here as she fades away? Indeed, why am I still here as other close friends have pass away? I, too, have asked myself these questions over and over again.

I don’t know. But I do cherish my memories of these friends. Their influence in my life lives on. Your wife’s influence in you life and others she knew lives on too.

For me, after loosing the last living member of my family, it was one step at a time; one breath at a time. The grief gradually gave way to a sense of peace and ultimately to memories. My family and I spent our lives creating good, happy memories. So did my close friends and I.

So, my prayer for you is that you may find peace and eventually joy as you remember your wife.

Jayhawker

[drmind in reply to Jayhawker]

What a beautiful story, jaywalker, and one to inspire others. Thank you for sharing it. I lost my sister and long term best friend within the last three years, both of whom were major support systems. I truly miss them and especially their closeness, but I treasure the memories I have with them and these help me carry on.

Maven, I hope some of these posts and your memories do the same for you. And, sorry for your loss. Life isnt easy and especially when their are major losses. Hoping that rainbow isnt too far away.

[orangecity41 NKF Ambassador]

I have similar situation , lost my wife of 53 years, a year ago this month. It is important to establish a good support group. Hospice offers virtual seminars on grieving. Pallative care likely has them also. Learned we do not all grieve the same. Thoughts are with you.

[maven123 in reply to orangecity41]

Thank you. The hardest part is to find a reason to continue.

[orangecity41 NKF Ambassador in reply to maven123]

please contact your Doctor for a referal to a grief counselor who could help you. There is a reason to continue. Prayers are with you.