Stresses of life: Well, my ex husband only... - Weight Loss NHS

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Stresses of life

CautiousK
CautiousK5lbs

Well, my ex husband only has to say a few words and I slip back to my comfort eating. I am really disappointed in myself.

I know it's not the end of the world and I must pick myself up again and get back on track but I wish I could stop doing this.

48 Replies
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TheTabbyCat
TheTabbyCatAdministrator

i'm sorry to hear that. Just a suggestion, is it possible that you avoid him? Coming on here with a rant is always a good outlet.

I hope you've picked yourself up!

CautiousK
CautiousK5lbs in reply to TheTabbyCat

Thank you TabbyCat,

I will be fine now. I am just disappointed in myself as I set out to be a new me a few days ago and everyone has been so positive and supportive on this site.

I just need to have more respect for myself.

Thanks again for your support .

Lytham
LythamSuper Host 3st 7lbs

Pleased to hear he's an EX husband ! Would you like to join our weigh in today? Here's the link, I hope to see you there! :-) x

healthunlocked.com/nhsweigh...

CautiousK
CautiousK5lbs in reply to Lytham

Hi Lytham ,

Thank you for your reply and support,

I am a bit cautious about joining a weigh in incase I put too much pressure on myself and a bad week becomes a catastrophy.

I will have a think about it.

😊

Lytham
LythamSuper Host 3st 7lbs in reply to CautiousK

It's ok hun, but I usually find that I need the support of the team more when I'm having a bad week so I don't throw the towel in! :-) lol

You know where we are if you change your mind! :-) x

ChickenLicken57
ChickenLicken572020 July in reply to CautiousK

That's how I feel about joining a weigh in, so haven't yet. I joined this site 11 days ago and all I can say is that reading through the many posts had me motivated and I've managed a 5lb loss to date (it took me a while to get started...)

I really feel for you, but I reckon its your ex who has a problem not you, by coming back to you and then being so cruel. He certainly knows just how to press your buttons.

If you can motivate yourself to get going, you will be amazed at a new found confidence, especially as the weight drops off and any thoughts of him will disappear into oblivion - the last thing he would want, is to see you slim and confident... you go girl, you can do it, and don't give him another thought - be very unavailable to him. Take care :-)

IndigoBlue61
IndigoBlue61Administrator in reply to ChickenLicken57

I understand your hesitation regarding the Weigh In but it’s good to see you reading posts and replying to people 😊

CautiousK
CautiousK5lbs in reply to IndigoBlue61

I did it!

Thanks for supporting me .🤗

IndigoBlue61
IndigoBlue61Administrator in reply to CautiousK

Woohoo 😊👏🎉

ChickenLicken57
ChickenLicken572020 July in reply to IndigoBlue61

Thank you, I'm sure I'll get there in the end :-)

CautiousK
CautiousK5lbs in reply to ChickenLicken57

Hi ChickenLicken,

Thank you so much for your kind reply and support. If you ever need a rant or just to talk things through then I am here.

I took the bull by the horns and joined the weigh in today. I realised that I have to accept that all the kind people supporting me really are interested in helping.

It has been a long time since I had that kind of encouragement.

I have only been on here about four days but already certain people are looking out for me.

Think about it, there is no judgement there at all.

Kim🤗

ChickenLicken57
ChickenLicken572020 July in reply to CautiousK

Thank you so much, I will definitely think about it. I'll probably break all the rules if I do, I'm not really a social media type person and have very bad anxiety at times, but I have my good days too lol. That's the time when I'll log in and reply, so hopefully speak soon :-)

Subtle_badger
Subtle_badger17kg in reply to CautiousK

When I joined a weigh in in January, I was uncertain, suspicious, defensive and 13kg (roughly 2 stone) heavier than I am now.

Try it. If it's not for you, you can stop. If you put on weight, or don't want to get on the scales, you can join in and say you aren't getting on the scales, or you aren't posting your weight. The people on your weigh-in day are your crew, you will find them very supportive. Or you can take a sabbatical.

I had a weight loss stall that went on for months. I actually got tired of people being so nice about it, that I stopped posting my numbers. Said I would start again when it dropped. So each week I would bleat about the doldrums and everyone would humour me.

It got me through!

CautiousK
CautiousK5lbs in reply to Subtle_badger

Hi Subtle Badger,

I really enjoy your comments. The information and life experience that you give helps me and it touches me that you can share this with me .

I hope if I can ever help you you will ask , though it sounds like you are doing really well and know what you are doing.

🤗Kim

Subtle_badger
Subtle_badger17kg in reply to CautiousK

Thanks Kim.

I have many problems, but somehow even here in an anonymous forum, I like to keep the illusion of competence.

But I am having real success in weight loss. Hopefully I a right that my approach is sustainable.

I love to help, but I can be a little - ahem - snippy sometimes. Hopefully I keep that under control, because it's not helpful here.

CautiousK
CautiousK5lbs in reply to Subtle_badger

I just saw your weight loss pictures! Go girl!What an achievement!

You have worked hard.

Am here if you ever need an ear.

Kim

Subtle_badger
Subtle_badger17kg in reply to CautiousK

IndigoBlue61
IndigoBlue61Administrator in reply to Subtle_badger

I think I prefer ‘forthright’ 😂

Subtle_badger
Subtle_badger17kg in reply to IndigoBlue61

Thank you. I like to think I am forthright.

But on two occasions I have taken it too far. One of them caused someone to delete their account. I really regret that. In my defense, she literally said "I am glad it has shortened your life", but apparently she doesn't know what shortened your life means. I should have taken a walk around the block and then reported it. I took a different path.

But please, keep calling me forthright!

PS even writing this was hard. I want all you anonymous strangers to think I am flawless. That's just weird.

lucigret
lucigretAdministrator in reply to Subtle_badger

Nobody is flawless S_B, you don’t need to try to be anybody other than who you are, admitting that you have flaws and knowing it, means your half way to dealing with it and at least now you are shouting for help, instead of jumping in when you think you are at a point of taking it too far. That way we won’t have a repeat of that regrettable incident 😊

Many of us have many problems going on in the background, you’re not alone in that 😊

jd65
jd651 stone in reply to Subtle_badger

I like you just the way you are. Flawless people are scarey. 😃

Midori
Midori2020 July in reply to Subtle_badger

Actually, its a very normal thing; I feel like it too, one reason I haven't joined in yet. I don't want to let myself down.

siggie
siggie7lbs in reply to Subtle_badger

You snippy? Never!😉😉 Good humoured, knowledgeable and supportive? Yes, blunt and to the point? Absolutely😊

BridgeGirl
BridgeGirlAdministrator

Is he only recently ex? Keep giving yourself positive messages and come here for more, then that will drown out the negativity from him. Acknowledge the positive changes you've made in all areas of your life. Keep company with people who are on your side :)

CautiousK
CautiousK5lbs in reply to BridgeGirl

Hi Bridgegirl,

Its 18 months since he left but he came back for a few months telling me that it was a big mistake and it was me he wanted etc etc

He told me yesterday that it was cruel but he hadnt meant it. He has someone new and though I dont want him back now, I miss my partner. We were together 30 years.

I am doing well and intend to sort myself out ( it was a packet of maltesers and some peanut butter).

Sorry for the drama, I just so want to turn myself around.

🤗

BridgeGirl
BridgeGirlAdministrator in reply to CautiousK

That is very difficult and hurtful. Even if you wouldn't want him back now, this is not a position you expected or wanted to be in.

You will find your way forward. There will be blips and that's when you need to call on anyone and everyone you trust and who cares for you.

Take care :) x

CautiousK
CautiousK5lbs in reply to BridgeGirl

🤗

jd65
jd651 stone

He's an ex for a reason and you do not owe him the space in your brain. These are your personal achievements and he is not allowed to scupper them.

You can do this. You need to keep reminding yourself of that fact and remember to be kind to yourself.

Thank you jd65,

Hes somebody that I used to know now.

Take care

Kim

Subtle_badger
Subtle_badger17kg in reply to CautiousK

You sent me off to YouTube

youtu.be/8UVNT4wvIGY

🖤

CautiousK
CautiousK5lbs in reply to Subtle_badger

Someone gets me,🤣

Sorry to hear that CautiousK - but as they say Rome wasn’t built in a day 😊 - it takes time to rebuild a new you - you’ve just had a bit of a wobble - we all get them for many different reasons. Hang in there and it will pass - you should be proud of yourself for acknowledging it as this will help you move forward 😊

Dfatone
Dfatone2020 June

The people who or have been closest to us are also often the ones most effective at pushing our buttons. Your consciousness of your ex's ability to do that, with only a few words, can be the first layer in the psychological armour you need to gird yourself against future hits and slights.

My partner, who persists in bringing dangerous foods like ice cream, breads, and pastries into the house despite knowing that I have little if any self-control around these temptations, continues to do so despite my specific requests that she not. Instead of dwelling on her actions and assembling a blame-filled negative story around the whole issue, I've decided the best course of action is to take more responsibility onto myself. After half a century of battling and mainly failing to control my weight I realize now that my weight problem is my weight problem. It's not the 'fault' of anyone else -- or even me; but if anything is to be done it is up to me to effect the change.

That's why I've decided to never eat ice-cream. That's why I'm contemplating never eating cakes, cookies, breads and pastries until I have achieved and maintained my goal weight for at least a year.

If I can do these things, lazy and imperfect as I am, so can you! I am cheering for you!

CautiousK
CautiousK5lbs in reply to Dfatone

Ha ha, here's to lazy and imperfect people!

Thank you for your support.

As I have mentioned before to someone, I did lose most of my weight but with no encouragement from my then husband who carried on regardless infront of me and never cheered me on . I did it for him but it crept back on when I realised he didnt care.

This time it's for me 🤗

siggie
siggie7lbs in reply to CautiousK

and because it's for you is the fundamental reason you will succeed this time😊 you are so worth it x

Thank you for your support 😊

Midori
Midori2020 July in reply to CautiousK

Yep; Now you do it for Yourself!

IndigoBlue61
IndigoBlue61Administrator

So sorry to hear this ☹️ Someone once said to me, after someone had said something hurtful, do I REALLY care about that person? The answer was no. So therefore, why do I care what they think? Might help. I hope so. You are doing really well, you’re doing this for YOU, blow him!

Take care, we are all here for you 😊

Cp1965
Cp196545kg

I feel your pain. I first started losing weight some 6 years back, it took my ex 6 months to notice then she accused me of losing weight because I was "after another woman". 4 years or so fown the line after many such hurtful comments she told me, after 7 years supporting her trying to run her own business and then helping her get a job, she "didn't need" me. Since March she has been using the COVID situation as an excuse to stop me seeing my daughter. Sadly sometimes those we once loved are the worst ones for making us feel bad, seems to be some sort of spiteful revenge seeking somehow when we do stuff that they never had the gumption to do...

CautiousK
CautiousK5lbs in reply to Cp1965

Hi Cp1965,

It made me sad to see that your partner is using your daughter in this way.

All I can say is dont change who you are. It sounds like you are a supportive , loving person. Persevere for yours and your daughters sakes and try to keep things as light as possible.

It is true that ex partners do know our soft spots but I would rather have some soft spots than a cold heart.

Keep your spirits up and we can support each other.

🤗Kim

Cp1965
Cp196545kg in reply to CautiousK

Thanks, wish I felt like that but I don't. Suffice to say I feel the polar opposite.

She sounds cruel and things are still raw for you.

Keep your chin up and keep going.its the best revenge 😉

Pallyali
Pallyali1 stone

that has happened to me so many times xx believe in yourself not what he says. you are special and loved you can do this xx

Midori
Midori2020 July

Can I ask why you are listening to your Ex- husband? There must be a reason for him being an Ex.

Don't allow him to upset you with controlling you, sounds like gaslighting to me.

CautiousK
CautiousK5lbs in reply to Midori

Hi, I was silly enough to think I could cope with being friends with him for our childrens sake but I was wrong. I cant cope with how he has changed for his new partner but wouldnt take me anywhere or help me.

The comments he made were when I told him this.

It's taken a long time to get over him as I suffer terribly with anxiety.

I am really trying to be stronger x

Midori
Midori2020 July

Understood. I was lost when My abusive husband committed suicide, although I never mourned him, I was just so thankful that the children and I would no longer have to cope with his rages and tantrums.

I had to learn quickly that it was all down to me now.

I made a few mistakes, but the learning curve was steep, but I found my inner Warrior, and made it through, despite depression.

My Children are now in their 30s, my daughter is married with a son, and my son is my carer, as I am now disabled.

My current mission is making sure his future is assured, he wants to become a blacksmith, (Not a Horse Chiropodist!), but a metalworker. As he is dyslexic, I approve of his ambition, and hope I can find somebody to train him. Unfortunately, as a carer, he cannot take on a College course because of the hours.

Cheers, Midori

CautiousK
CautiousK5lbs in reply to Midori

I am sorry if I bought up bad memories Midori.

It sounds like you had a terrible time and unforgettable experience.

I am sure the strength you found shows through in your children. They sound very loving and able.

A blacksmith would be a fantastic career, so interesting. I hope you manage to find someone to help with this.

Stay strong.

Kim

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