So tonight I had a bit of a shock as my 13 yr old confessed to self harming and showed me her arm all cut up quite deep. I will be booking a gp appointment for her tomorrow.
In the past few weeks we have been having clashes. She has been getting home later from school and I have had to reiterate how I need to know where she is or is going to be in case of emergencies. Then she lost her set of keys and didn't notice until a week later as she hasn't been bothered about taking them anyways. I was pretty angry about that one and made lots of threats about taking away her phone and computer etc because she -to me - seemed so blasé about it and not sorry. Her attitude was well you can easily buy another set. In the end I didn't punish her and it turned out they weren't lost and she found them. Then yesterday she lost her iPhone 7! In the river she thinks. Again, I think I was pretty calm all things considered. We agreed that I would get her a cheap phone because she needs a phone for safety but she would have to do 30 chores to 'pay' for it. But yesterday she couldn't be bothered to do the chores. She wants to do them all in one day and I was annoyed, explaining there is not 30 chores to do in one day so they have to be spread out!
Anyways I don't feel I am unreasonable. But she came home today saying her friends think I am too strict. This made me mad as she never does chores and gets everything she wants eventually (keyboard, computer, phone, Xbox, bike etc).
She accuses me of being too busy all the time because of exercising (and work and chores). She says I had more time and was less stressed when I was fat!
I countered that if she helped with chores maybe I would get more time with her. (As a typical teenager she doesn't actually ever seem to want time with me or time with us as a family so generally she gets left to her own devices by her own choosing).
This may sound selfish but my plate is very full! I try to fit in my exercise (95 mins a day) work and chores AND study time for my hope of getting a career when my kids are older. I have my own stresses! Also with the puppy both kids have pleaded for for years - now we finally have one - I have to get up three times in the night to let him out for a pee so I'm more grumpy than normal. Often I run out of time in the day to study. I get up at 6am to try to get more things done in a day.
And yes this is all me me me so I feel bad now because maybe I have neglected her? But she stopped wanting my attention long before i started dieting. And I am fearful of my weight going back on if I don't exercise as much as I do!
She is also self conscious of being fat and doesn't eat breakfast or lunch (but eats well after school). She doesn't like eating in front of her friends and she hasn't eaten breakfast for years as she says it makes her feel sick to eat early.
Tomorrow she has agreed to come on an early morning walk with me and try eating some breakfast. I told her to try for a week at least as exercise is good for depression and with all her hormones not eating might be worsening her mood. Hopefully she won't be too tired and change her mind in the morning!