When your weight controls your entire outlook - Weight Loss NHS

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When your weight controls your entire outlook

I'm back again. Failed again. I simply cannot do this on my own, no matter HOW MUCH great advice all of you have given me. The truth is ( no -REALLY), I don't eat all that much. I just eat too much of the wrong foods. I can't stop. There is no amount of substituting this for that that will stop the cravings. That's not why I'm writing today. I know what I have to do, but can't do it. I'm wondering if anyone else's weight controls EVERYTHING in your mind and affects all the things you want to do, but won't because you feel you are too heavy? That number on the scale dictates my mood for the entire day. I have been diagnosed with depression many years ago, but I know for a fact that the weight has A LOT to do with it. I can't look forward to anything because of my weight. (.Not that there's much to look forward to anyway) ☹ I put off trying to date because I know that men want stick figures. That's usually the case anyway. I don't even have THAT MUCH to lose, but on a very short person, EVERY POUND shows up. My every day problems are just compounded by the weight, if that makes sense. If I could just get it under control, that would be one less problem to worry about. Please,-no more advice about dieting. I have tried everything and it just doesn't work for me. It's a lifestyle change that I just can't / won't accept. So I know what you're thinking. -Either lose the weight or just ACCEPT who you are and be happy with it. Well, none of that is happening any time in my future. Here goes another summer of dresses unworn in my closet. Year after year after year. I will never be happy or happy (er), until I lose the weight. So if that's never going to happen, how do you live out the rest of your life with this underlying pain that affects EVERYTHING in your life?

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Hi Downandout123,

You are not alone ,I've got suits for work that I can't get Into. i just need to drop a few pounds but it never happens.

I always say don't go looking for love ,love will find you.

Somebody will love us for being us ,we don't all want to love a certain body type.

You are an individual and that's what matters ,sometimes we look too hard .

Mark my words the right person is out there .

Good luck.

Gary

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Thank you Gary. Truth is, if I don't go looking, no one will find me. I work from home, so am never out and about in the world. The problem is-should I even bother anymore? I met a guy in May who didn't even think I was heavy, but he had a whole host of problems. It didn't work out.

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Sometimes things happen when you least expect.

Good luck and take care .

Gary

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My husband found me online, I was over 50 overweight, but we fell in love, that was 15 years ago, today I am trying to lose weight for my health, and it is working. Do not give up, you say you work from home, you do not say how old you are. I run a club for pensioners and lonely people. I also visit shut in people. Enjoy yourself and love yourself was the best advice I was given, years ago, my daughter suffers from depression and has not spoken to me for years. I am enjoying life despite of this, hope you start enjoying life soon, find somebody to talk to, friend family. Good luck

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Thank you. I am sorry to hear about your relationship with your daughter, but am glad that you found other outlets to keep you happy. Continued success to you! Thanks for replying!

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You sum it up exactly: "Either lose the weight or just ACCEPT who you are and be happy with it. " You either change, for good, or you keep doing the same thing and accept that that's how you are. No-one can make that decision for you. I hope you can get it clear in your mind and move forward

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The problem is-I'm STUCK because I REFUSE to accept it, but cannot make the change in eating that is needed.

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I'm not sure how to answer this Downandout123. To my mind, if you always do what you've always done, you'll always get what you've always got, which is a downward spiral.

Cutting out those foods that once you start you can't stop is not the same as cutting out everything you like for instance. In fact, that's a good place to start; enjoy everything you eat, but accept you may not be able to eat everything you think you might like.

God bless you!

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Can't do that. That's the problem. Not much choice here. I realize that. I guess I just needed to vent.

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It's not my position to sit in judgement :-) .

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I know you're not judging. Just trying to help, and I thank you for that! 😊

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"Cutting out those foods that once you start you can't stop"

Excellent.... StillConcerned.

I hadn't heard it phrased like that before

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Hi D

I don't know you and I have to be brief but I want to reply now.

I am not proud of what I will admit. I was there - everything and every potential relationship was marked by how I was fat, and measuring myself up to the side of other people - I saw myself only in physical proportion to others. I never saw myself for who I was and I never got the most out of relationships because I thought first and only of how big I believed I was, and how inferior that made me. That of course became self-fulfilling, and I became bigger still.

You are right you cannot do this on your own. Your body and mind are responding to something else. It's not about the food.

I got a book called A Course in Weight Loss which seemed to speak for me, to read my mind, and to teach me to rely on something bigger and more powerful than my own sense of control - because I had come to accept that I could not have control. Ever.

And it helped me to find out what was really eating me, making me eat to try to shut out the real noise of my troubles.

I would encourage you to look this book up, and find excerpts to see if they ring true to you - then take the time and go through the pain of working through it. I cried and cried, and journalled, and prayed, and now I genuinely feel the best result of my journey is that I am released from that self-loathing that held me in its control, and held me back from every other good thing I wanted.

I found this forum 18 months later. The process of full healing and the eventual weight loss were slow. But you know you have gone far from where you know is healthy, and you need to give yourself time to get back. Including forgiving yourself.

Stick with the forum. Do your best. It will be hard, but you can get there. Forgive yourself, over and over, and forgive other people too. And find a way back.

This book will help with the personal, private, unspeakable things - and we'll encourage you as you go. You're worth the hard work. Sending you blessings xxx

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Hi Traisee, and thank you so much for replying!! I see that you have lost 21 pounds!! CONGRATULATIONS!!👏👏👏 That's WONDERFUL!! I am so glad that you have found your way back!! I am DEFINITELY interested in looking up this book. Can you please provide an author's name??

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Sorry yes it's Marianne Williamson. She wrote it for Oprah, as a letter to her, initially. (She is now an American presidency hopeful! A bit weird, given how heartfelt this book is.)

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Oh yes thank you! I remember her! She wrote a lot of books but I've never read them before. Many, many, many years ago I saw her on what I THINK was the Oprah show. She said something that I just NEVER FORGOT. She walked out on stage and the whole audience was quiet. She said-" If you could HEAR pain, this whole room would be screaming". Profound I thought. I never forgot it. I'm going to Amazon right now to look up that book!! Thank you!!

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I'm going to check that book too :) I can relate to all the feelings in your post, I've been there, I'm trying to work my way out so anything that can help is welcome.

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I'm so glad you'll find it useful. It's so personal to me I've not shared it before, but I know it could help. Best wishes on your journey.

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Also I have lost that, but I had gone on to lose up to 4.5 stone - so i am on thy journey back. I don't want to get that small again. I wasn't happy.

Keep in touch. Don't give up x

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AMAZING!!!! To be honest, do you credit most of the weight loss to that book, to this forum, or other things as well?

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I just ordered the book on Amazon. I get it tomorrow!! I'm SOO looking forward to reading it!! Thank you so much!!

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Please keep us posted.

Thanks

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I went through much journalling, reflection, and prayer - for years - and I'm not sure I would have been ready for the book had I not been through all that. I can give full credit to the book for guiding me to a place where I could set my torments aside, but the sacrifice of beliefs and habits and hurts is entirely personal and isn't done by just reading a book. So I don't credit the book with the change. That came with my faith and with letting go. The book isn't necessarily about one faith but it is about taking the step of believing that there is someone bigger than us who can help. And in the end, it's pretty grim to think we are in this ourselves, that we're as good as it gets, especially when we have messed up as much as we do.

The forum then showed me about calories, and encouraged me to keep going. I had had the will but did not know the way, and it was here that I found the technique and encouragement to cut through all the noise and stop my cycle of starving and bingeing. It has been a many years process. I'm still in it, and I want to lose 1st 2 to get just under my original goal weight.

Recovered alcoholics never get to the point of thinking they're completely cured. They stay on top of it. That's where I'm at, or getting to. Give yourself time.

Start now: do ten things that will make your life better. Tidy a drawer, buy a lipstick, sew a button back on. You'll have got started, and the next ten will be easier.

Be well x

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I was 28 Stone 7 lbs in Jan 2018. I was unhappy. Work wasn't great, i didn't have much of a social life apart from a few friends and i needed to change something.

I started to cook all my meals from scratch, eat sensibly and take care of myself a little.

A year and a half (bit more) on .. i am 15 stone 8 lbs, have changed jobs, taken on an extra job on a weekend working in Hospitality (serving drinks / food) and i'm loving it.

I've never considered myself to be "on a diet" and i've done this for myself, no one else.

I've had great support on the way, especially from the great people on here but it was a decision i made to try and be healthier and try and be happier that started me off on my journey.

I hope you find that inspiration to set you on the path you wish to lead.

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Steelad that's a remarkable story. I'm so glad you've found a new way of living. It can be about one decision - like your resolving to cook all your meals - resulting in so many more benefits and new positive behaviours, too. I'm so pleased to hear you've got a new life that you're happy with x

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Thank you, and what a fantastic job you did!! CONGRATULATIONS! I'm glad you found your way back! 😊

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The power of intention, gets results.👍👍👍

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I hope you don’t mind me asking but what is your current BMI and how much weight are you hoping to lose? I ask because you write that the guy you met in May didn’t think you were heavy and yet your weight is clearly really upsetting you and is very hard to lose.

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My current BMI is 28.5. I weigh 146 pounds, and I stand at only 5'0 tall. I'd like to get down to at least 125, ( much lower if I could, ). but would be " happy" at even 130.

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The main thing is to be in a calorie deficit never mind about Keto/vegan or anything else you could have one main which you really love keep your other 2 meals relatively healthy people can eat really healthily but if they're eating to much the weight will go on, keep a diary and see what your triggers are and try and stay in deficit good luck x

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I think I might have said to you before that a good place to start would be changing your name to something more positive? OntheWayBackUp maybe? There’s been some tremendously helpful replies for you to consider from people who understand better than I do where you are at the moment. The one thing I would like to add is with regard to getting control of the cravings and I wondered whether you had considered it might be an addiction to sugar. I think that’s becoming known as a similar problem as nicotine and alcohol, and treating it as an addiction may help you find a new approach to getting back control. The cravings and binges because of sugar addiction can put you in a vicious cycle that you need to break.

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YES!! I have a DEFINITE sugar and carb addiction. I cannot beat it, even with all the help I have gotten from this.forum. Just being honest here. I don't know what else to do. As I said, I'm not looking for diet or meal plans advice. I've gotten it all already. Just a rant I guess. Looking for people who are where I'm at, where nothing helps, and trying to.find out how they cope.

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Then having a rant here is a good place to start, at least you know you are amongst friends. I wonder if there are any support groups for tackling addiction in any form, whatever the substance involved.

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Unlike an alcoholic, or a person who is addicted to drugs, and HAS TO cut it out altogether, HONESTLY, I don't WANT to stop altogether. I enjoy food. I look forward to it. There would be not much else in my life to look forward to. As I have said before, I REALLY don't eat that much, it's just the WRONG food choices, that I cannot give up. Fruits and vegetables do not fill me up. I need something more substantial.

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Something to consider when you are in a ‘stuck’ place, is irreducible minimum. Cutting out all sugar & carbs is too hard right now, and so setting yourself a goal that is insanely easy (can’t get any lower - that’s the irreducible part). This will help you do 2 things, one lots of minuscule changes add up to a large change over time, but also you practice control in a manageable way & give yourself confidence that you can change. So, my suggestion would be to try something like this:

- pick your go-to stuff-your-face food & not eat it today. Let yourself eat anything else at all, but just not that. Eg suppose Cadbury’s dairy milk is your weakness, don’t eat that. Any other chocolate, just not that. Then, you can say hmm, that wasn’t so bad, I can make choices & am not wholly controlled by food. Tomorrow, I can give myself another tiny weeny goal. Alternatively if you start eating your go-to food at 2pm because it’s an after lunch slump time, hold off until 3pm.

The idea is that you make it really easy for yourself & practise controlling your food or actions in very tiny tiny steps. Waking up & suddenly going all Gwyneth Paltrow is too hard for most of us.

What I would also say is that sugar makes us want more sugar. The sooner you can give it up, the sooner you’ll get control - but that’s too hard for now, so a long term goal not today’s goal.

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Actually I’ve just googled and found that overeaters anonymous have support group meetings all over the world. Oa.org maybe they can give you the support you need to get back in control.

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I have tried them before-2 different groups-many years ago, and didn't like them. I found them to be "cultish".

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Irreducible minimum-YES!! That's brilliant!! Someone else ( sorry-I forgot her name AGAIN), mentioned that a few months back and I thought it was absolutely profound!! It works, but it's a S-L-O-WWWWW PROCESS. 😩😣 But I do LOVE that idea, and I apply it to other areas in my life. It's just that you don't see the results quickly, then I get frustrated.

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Well I do understand about the slow process & frustration thing. I want to look like Wonder Woman NOW! I seem to be in a pound a month weight loss groove, which is ridiculous and slower than a glacier. EXCEPT that it IS going down & I am sticking to my current diet (i mean healthier eating 🤣) whereas for the last decade I’d weigh a bit more each New Years Day and more clothes would have to go into to the ‘too small’ drawer. Sticking to my new ‘no sugar but plenty else & not remotely hungry’ approach, will mean I weigh nearly a stone less at the turn of the year. So I am have made small changes and don’t get the scales out much.

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Hi, Downandout123, Welcome.

I think that the solution to your problem is to eat more (you were not expecting that were you) ...eat more good (satisfying) food, including fat, at mealtimes.

This will stop you feeling hungry, and make it easy(er) to resist those sugary and high-carb snacks.

Then cut down on Grains, Potatoes and Sugar, and work towards a compromise between the Standard American Diet (SAD) and The Low-Carbohydrate, High-Fat (LCHF) diet (See the forum here on Health Unlocked).

Not Eating All Day is what we call Intermittent Fasting (IF). Start by setting a time in the evening after which you do not eat, and gradually narrow your "eating window". See:

healthunlocked.com/fasting-...

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So I feel like this is fate. I NEVER write on online blogs/youtube - nothing. I rarely care enough. But I read this today and it really resonated with me. I'm a homeworker too, so I massively understand your struggle. I am so miserable about my weight and I get it...go to the gym and eat less. But it's like all the good I intend to do I just CANT do. Food (and namely, bad food) is basically all I have to make me feel any kind of joy. I'm going on a big trip with friends next month, I've saved for this trip and I deserve to have fun, but my weight is on my mind constantly. I feel so ashamed. Every time I leave my house I feel ashamed. Like everyone can see how I feel/think. I don't need any advice, I know EXACTLY what to do...maybe we can do it together?

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I understand everything that you are saying also. But I don't know HOW to do it. I know exactly what to do too, but I just can't do it. 😔 Fighting this for me is a losing battle. Maybe when I wrote this I was looking for some people to tell me how they just accepted themselves being heavy, and were happy now. I don't know.

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Maybe this forum would good for you, Downandout123? healthunlocked.com/beyond-b...

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Thank you! I will definitely have a look at it after work.

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Hi, would you like to join our weigh in? Tomorrows will be open in five mins, here's the link, hope to see you there! :-) x

healthunlocked.com/nhsweigh...

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No, but thanks anyway.

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Could you face a gradual banishment of stuff from the house? If you don't buy it you cant eat it ... note the word GRADUAL!

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It doesn't work. I only buy it again.

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Before, yes but with a bit of encouragement from here may be worth another try? Pick one obvious crap thing to cut out and see how you go before attempting anything else? I can only ask the questions - not meaning to sound judgemental!

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I have tried that COUNTLESS TIMES BEFORE. No more ice cream, or no more chips, or no more candy. And I do well.for a while. Then months later-RIGHT BACK TO IT!! I'm so.sick of everything. It's not just the weight. It's everything.

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So sorry you're feeling very down - praps it's worth seeking professional advice?

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Thank you. Well, I was seeing someone but I had to stop. I have no insurance. The thing about my depression is that a lot of it is situational. Being in different situations that I cannot change right now.

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