Giving in and giving up: Well, this is... - Weight Loss NHS

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Giving in and giving up

Well, this is certainly not the first time I have come on here to get advice from all of you wonderful people who have struggled through the ups and downs of life and STILL managed to stay on your regimen. Months ago I was introduced to the 16:8 diet, and thought that was going to be the one thing I could stick to. NOT. So now I'm just trying it my own way again, but healthier eating with more fruits and yogurt. So last night I ate a light dinner. I told myself-NO MORE after this. No snack. BUT-I had a yogurt. Then, late last night, I couldn't sleep, and was depressed. What do I do?? I go get Oreo cookies and eat them about 12:30 at night. 🤦‍♀️WHY??? I wasn't hungry. I guess because I was depressed, and said-oh well-unfortunately I have no one to impress, so what the hell. No-it's not enough to just impress myself and feel better. That's never an option. Seems it always has to be done for other people. I'm at my wits end. I'm fat, depressed, and have absolutely not one thing to look forward to. I feel.so out of control of my life. Eating is the one thing that I SHOULD BE able to control, but apparently not. It has a power over me that I cannot explain.

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I'm sorry to hear you sounding so low. How do you think the forum could help you? What would you like to get involved in? Being involved with other members and their journeys and ups and downs can be really helpful, and you'll be able to offer support as well.

If you're up for coming here every day, just for 10-15 minutes, replying to, say, two other posters, offering them encouragement, I'm sure it will help you feel more positive. If you also join a weekly weigh-in and support people there, I'm sure you'll find it strengthens your motivation, especially in the down times.

So, while you're here today, take a few minutes to read some other posts and give a little boost to a couple of other people and I'm sure you'll find others supporting you :)

These FAQs will remind you of everything on offer healthunlocked.com/nhsweigh...

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After all I have read here, I feel like such a failure every time I come back here. All of you people seem to have gotten your s☆☆☆ together. I remember being SOOO MOTIVATED about reading all of the good news about the 16:8. That was going to be it for me. Sure- I can do this!!! This is my way to FINALLY be thin again!! Then what happens-it works for a few days, and then I fall flat on my face. The diet just doesn't coincide with my working hours. Who knows if I'd be able to stick to it even if it did. No disrespect-but I don't visit this site very often because I feel even worse about myself when I do.

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There are no tricks to it. Different ways of eating, like 16:8, are only likely to work when you're eating the right things.

Please don't go trying the same thing that hasn't worked for you before. It hasn't worked not because you're a failure but because it wasn't right. Take up the advice from moreless and TheAwfulToad.

And there must be a reason you come back here so give it a go this evening, look out for another couple of people who are struggling and give them a few kind words :)

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Welcome back, Downandout123 :)

You're pitting your willpower against nature and you're doomed to come off second best. We are hotwired to eat the things that give us the quickest boost of energy and that's sugar and by eating it, we feed an addiction and our physiology forces us to 're-offend' Have a look at these, the first was my saviour healthunlocked.com/nhsweigh... and well.blogs.nytimes.com/2013... supported by phcuk.org/wp-content/upload...

Follow this link to our chat thread and a list of all the activities we run. We've found active participation to be key to success, especially with our weigh-ins and Daily Diary.

healthunlocked.com/nhsweigh...

To make navigating the forum easier, we've put all the information you'll need in a newbie pack and here's the link

healthunlocked.com/nhsweigh...

Please take the time to read it carefully, so that you're able to enjoy everything that we have on offer.

We ask that you also read this important information about internet privacy and security.

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Wishing you all the best :)

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Don't feel despondent. You can fix this, but you need to let go of the idea of "controlling" your eating. Stop punishing yourself. You've done nothing wrong.

Why would you expect to be able to control your eating? It's purely mechanistic. You might be able to override your immediate urges for hours or days, but that's about it. Humans are no different to dogs or cats or beetles: when you're thirsty you drink, and when you're hungry you'll eat.

Get some proper food in your cupboards and stop buying things like Oreos. If they ain't there you can't eat them! And don't eat "light meals" and snacks (fruit, yoghurts). Eat until you are full. I know every diet book you've ever read says that the key to losing weight is to eat less, but they are wrong. The key to losing bodyfat (not weight) is to eat enough: and if you're eating proper food, your body will know what "enough" is.

The stumbling block here could be this: virtually everything that you see in the supermarkets today is unhealthy rubbish. I've been out of the UK for a while, but I was absolutely appalled to see so much processed junk being branded as "healthy". Stick to the vegetable aisles and the meat freezers. If you venture into the dairy section, read the labels very carefully. Don't go anywhere else. I'm not kidding. There are bad, bad things out there, and they will suck you in and drag you down.

As for 16:8 ... you'll find it only works when you've fixed your appetite. If you do that first, it'll help you lose weight faster, but it doesn't work if you attempt to do it with inherently fattening foods.

Don't give up. What you want is within reach, but you have to reach out in the right direction.

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Question TaT - and I hope this ism’t unhelpful in the thread of advice to DaO: if we eat fresh stuff (not including fresh doughnuts) and enough for our appetite, will we actually lose weight or just maintain weight? How does our body know to curb our appetite to allow for weight loss, rather than maintenance? As it happens, I am eating as you advise (subject to an occasional oatcake & cashew nut) and losing weight, but why, and when will that stop? What if my body decides I have lost enough but my brain hasn’t!??

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And it's not like I have to lose THAT much weight. 15 pounds to look decent. 25 to look great. But it might as well be 150 pounds and 250 pounds!! It's like every time I have an event to go to, I'll try to really cut back, or if I'm meeting someone for the first time, etc. It's never that I can just do it for ME. Why?? Because it's TOO HARD. Just being totally honest here. And food is what I have always gone to for comfort. I'm bored-I eat. I'm depressed, I eat. You get the picture.

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Don’t be discouraged! I’m in a similar spot- got 15 lbs to lose but can’t seem to shake them!! It’s the hardest thing to just loose a little bit!! Try to hide away or stop buying unhealthy snacks and make sure you get a decent meal! I’ve found that taking an after dinner walk really helps to stop me reaching for that chocolate bar- plan activities for the evening - on your own or with friends - that arnt revolves around food. Meet for a cuppa after dinner - or read a book! If the cravings are too hard just get out of the house - the place with the food ;)

Remember you ARE doing this for you- solely because you’re on here trying to figure it out shows that you are!! Keep going you got this!!!

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Thank you! I definitely do find that the nights are the hardest. I feel lonely and even more depressed in the evenings. That's why the worst of my eating goes on then. I try to find something good to watch on Netflix or Amazon. 50,000 things to watch, and I can't find any more that I'm interested in! 🙄 I used to be an avid reader when I lived at my other place. But after moving here over 3 years ago, I dont know what happened. I can't get into it like I used to. Eh-I'll figure something out. Thanks!

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I would start by clearing the cupboards from all the oreos, crisps and other rubbish food there. If it is not there you cannot eat it. If you feel sad or bored, maybe you can phone somebody, or just spend time here chatting to other people as suggested by others. When you feel low, I would stay away from the Netflix or amazon, particularly if watching a film is associated with eating unhealthy foods. Reading sounds great, if you can get back to it. Or maybe if you are interested in languages, try and learn a language using an online app.

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Learning a language is a GREAT IDEA!! I had taken 7 years of Italian throughout school, and would LOVE to learn how to speak it fluently. I had tried one of the programs many years ago. It seems like you can't teach an old dog new tricks. :-(

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Watch a netflix series in italian! You can always switch on subtitles if you need them

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Good idea!

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suggested by my sons Spanish teacher!

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You can actually teach old dogs new tricks. :) So I reckon you should give the Italian another go! :)

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Hi and welcome, Charlie1313 :)

I hope you'll follow the links I've given Downandout123 and will also become an active member of our community.

Onwards and downwards! :)

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Good for you for trying it your way, that is the key because you take control and get to choose. You chose oreos, so choose something else next time. You get to choose what foods you buy, so already you are taking control. All the posts you see and read are from people who are like you, breaking away from the power that food habits have over us. Keep posting, I need you to give me strength to carry on with my weight loss

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Thank you! How much have you lost, and how much more do you want to lose?

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Thankyou for replying, I have lost just over three stone in five and a half months, and have another one stone and eleven pounds.

I have to say my worst times are when I have a day that just seems to stretch ahead and I don't know how to fill it. The I find myself plotting the course of my meals. Just constant thinking of food. Luckily it happens less often and I can recognise it and plot activities or programmes or exercise.

I have had some weeks where I lost no weight even though I had stuck to my low carb regime. What stopped me sliding into giving up was reading the posts from people who have the t shirt.! There is no preaching here thank god (forgive the pun) but genuine experiences, sharing solutions and recipes, and I am looking forward to some pearls from you!!

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HA!! "Pearls" from me! I don't think so. Lol CONGRATULATIONS ON LOSING SO MUCH WEIGHT!! 👍👏 My hardest moments are at night. The other night-Oreos-last night, well, something not as bad, but STILL. I wasn't even hungry. I ate from stress and depression. I HAVE TO somehow figure it out. I'm one of those people who keep doing the same thing over and over and getting the same results. 🙄

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Hi have you joined one of our weigh ins yet? Here is the link for todays, hope to see you there! :-) x

healthunlocked.com/nhsweigh...

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Oh no. Not ready for that yet! 😰

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Just think about the loss you'll be able to report next week ! :-) x

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HA!! Don't I wish!

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A ha ! You will, trust me ! :-) x

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Too much pressure. When I have pressure put on me, I do the opposite of what is expected of me. ☹

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You know where we are if you change your mind ! :-) x

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Thank you!

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youre not on your own feeling this way. ive come on this forum as ive put back on after a long maintain but since Christmas I needed to lose a stone (then stone 2lb, stone 6lb, stone 2 then stone 8, you get the picture,lol) everyday id do well but every evening id eat with my nose in the cupboard or fridge, I couldn't stop myself and not cos I was hungry. I woke up in a morning thinking ,why?? I gave myself the reason I can start tomorrow.... and every evening was the reason to eat and think ill start tomorrow. I changed to grapes and bananas as something to have and now im thinking about the biscuit tin less and waking up thinking yes. one day at a time and this forum is brilliant,everyone here has been lovely and ive had some good advice. you can do it, don't be so hard on yourself.

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I definitely agree!! Everyone here, every time I come on, has been fantastic!! It's that pesky eating when you aren't even hungry thing. I know WHY I do it-to feel better. But how much better do I feel when I get on that scale in the morning and it either hasn't gone down, or worse-gone up!!😔 UGH!!!!!!!😫😫😫

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One day at a time is such a good point! I need to remember that more.

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Hey Downandout!

I'm sorry to hear how much you are struggling. I feel such empathy towards you because I feel like I know exactly how you feel. I have a very similar relationship with food.

My relationship with food is very disordered, eating has been (for a very long time, maybe all time) the thing that I enjoy the most, more than anything else. Food has such a hold over me and has had for such a long time. I have been very skinny on a ridiculous diet where I barely ate and was terrified of 5 calories in a bottle of diet cherry Coca Cola, and I have been overweight where I have been mindlessly eating all day, looking forward only to eating and feeling a cycle of fat, ashamed, helpless and underneath it all, terrified.

Having got to a place in my life in general where I have worked through a lot of mental health issues, anxiety and low-self esteem, it seems my relationship with food is the final thing I need to deal with. I eat when I'm not hungry because I don't like to "sit" with the feelings that I have. Eating is soothing, and if we haven't been given the tools to know how to sit with and process our feelings without food, we end up using food as a tool to do that.

Bearing that in mind, I think you're being way too harsh on yourself. The way I see it is this: you have used a tool (food) to soothe yourself when you needed to. How clever of you to find a way to calm and soothe yourself, this ultimately shows self-preservation and survival. However, you're starting to realise that perhaps that tool, whilst it protects your feelings, is maybe not working for you overall, because it is damaging your health and leading to weight gain that is in excess of what is good for your body. So, you need to find a new tool that enables you to manage your feelings, but also allows you to put down food as your safety net and embrace a healthier lifestyle, which you absolutely do deserve. I view it as a type of addiction, and I know I personally need to learn new responses for boredom/sadness/guilt etc than eating, as that tool is not working for me any more and overall, is making me unhappy in the long term. That's where I'm at, and I've only truly accepted it just now and every day is scary but I survive it, the feelings pass, even if they feel like they won't.

Are you in any type of therapy / counselling for your depression? I think it could be fantastic to work on these overwhelming feelings and learning some new tools to help deal with them so you can move forward.

Please don't be so hard on yourself. You have done everything you have until now to cope, and that's commendable. Now it's time to accept that the relationship with food needs to change and that is possible, but may need some help (I know I'm only just able to face this with much of my own therapy having given me the right "tools").

Good luck, and if you want to message me, please do :)

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Thank you so much for your response! We seem to have so much in common. I have been in and out of therapy for depression. I do not have health insurance, so it is expensive. I do think though, that my depression has a lot to do with circumstances in my life that I cannot change right now. For instance, I HATE my home. Everything about it, and the neighborhood. But right now I am stuck here. So just being here day in and day out, ( I own a day care center upstairs), so I am literally here 24/7, is depressing as hell. And as much as my weight depresses me, I simply CANNOT get out of that cycle. What I'm doing does not work for me. And I've been doing it for MANY years. I MUST be crazy!!! I don't even talk to friends or my daughter about it anymore. It's quite embarrassing to have kept saying over the years-THIS TIME I'm gonna do it!!! Only to keep on failing.

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That all sounds like a lot to deal with. You sound very frustrated, stuck and low with the current situation, that must be really hard for you. I'm sorry to hear how difficult you are finding things.

When you say you are stuck where you are at present - what is stopping you from moving? What exactly do you hate about your home?

Money is certainly a barrier for mental health support. I assume you are based in US and therefore don't have access to NHS? What I would suggest is seeing if there are some communities you can join, for example you may be able to locate an OE (overeater's anonymous) group that's local to you and form a support system that way? Definitely use this forum as much as possible to find like-minded folk. You are not alone in this.

In regards to talking to people, I think you absolutely SHOULD be chatting to your friends! I know you're finding it embarrassing to talk about your weight, so maybe you could talk to them in general about how your depression is making you feel, "I feel bored and stuck and don't know how to fix it"? I actually think the depression is the root of the problem here, and the eating is just a side effect.

Spend some time really focusing on those moments you want to just reach for some food and ask yourself "what am I feeling right now? What just happened in the last 10 seconds/minutes?" then try to write it down. Often we soothe ourselves without really knowing what it is that we're soothing, so the underlying feeling never really gets dealt with.

For example, today I am feeling stressed, upset and annoyed but I don't know why. My immediate response is I just want to eat some nice treat food and why shouldn't I be allowed to! But instead, I'm trying to sit with it and ask myself "what's happened that's made you feel like comforting yourself?" It is not easy and sometimes you won't always find the answer but it helps to at least acknowledge the feelings are there. I think today I might be feeling a little bit low because I lost my first 1lb, which is great, but I'm used to restrictive diets where I see a big change week to week, and even though I'm doing a healthier weight loss this time, I think a part of me was hoping for a dramatic loss in just a week! I'm not sure, but I think that's why I'm feeling a bit p*ssed off today!

When you are about to reach for food outside times you're hungry, just pause for a few minutes, let yourself know you can still eat it if you want to but try just to pause for a few minutes and maybe write down what you're feeling. I think it would be really helpful for you to focus on your feelings rather than just attacking yourself for how you have dealt with those feelings. If you can sit with it for a few minutes, then the next time a few more minutes, you might start to be able to last for longer and longer without using the food for comfort.

What do you think of giving that a try?

Sending you, genuinely, all my best x

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Thank you so much! I started to respond a few hours ago, got distracted, then lost what I wrote. 🙄 I am stuck here because I can't sell the house right now. I have my day care upstairs, which is my livelihood. So basically, I'm not going anywhere until I retire, which is no time soon. And I don't want to sell it and work for someone else, because at this stage of the game, I'm not going back to working for someone, if I have my own place. I could be here for DAYS listing everything wrong with this house. In a nutshell-it's a very old house, needs updating, ( which I have no money for), and the apartment where I live is very tiny. The day care upstairs is a nice size, but where I am-no. And it's not feasible to try to switch it around, for several reasons. I live in New York, so no-no access to NHS. I've been to 2 different groups of OA during the years, and didn't like them. It feels "cultish". I do talk to friends about the depression, but I never bring up the weight anymore. I sound like a broken record. You sound exactly like me-do you have an " all or nothing" attitude? Do you want to lose 10 pounds in one week, and if you don't, you give up?? Well, that's me. The wonderful people on here have talked to me and told me their stories, and let's face it-we all know that that is not the way to go, because even if you DO lose weight quickly, you'll gain it all back just as quickly. But I STILL in this STUBBORN mind I have, want to do it that way! I KNOW it doesn't work, but I STILL keep hoping. Crazy, huh??😔 I do know exactly what is making me reach for food. It's just so much worse at night because there are no distractions. No kids, no doorbell ringing, no phone calls. I think I need to keep my hands busy. I like to craft, but I don't know-too much of it is making me bored with it. All my best to you also! 😊

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Sorry for delayed reply Downandout.

It certainly sounds like you have a lot of barriers to change at the moment, and that sounds incredibly frustrating. I also know what you're saying about OA meetings. Seeing as everything feels a bit helpless - what stuff can you change for the better? What DO you like about your life? Crafting is one great example.

I am indeed like you in that I'm naturally a very black and white, all or nothing kind of person, however I have changed a huge a lot and am now able to embrace more of the grey (which came with a lot of therapy and self-work) and like you, I have acknowledged that slow weight loss is actually what I need to do to sustain. I am learning to be comfortable with that concept because I am focused on changing my disordered relationship with food one day at a time. Each day that I feel myself waging an internal war of frustration and disappointment at there not being an instant change, I am trying to accept that it will pass and that I have to take it one day at a time. It's too much otherwise, too daunting. This may sound like I have it figured out, I do not! I am just as terrified, worried of slipping back etc, so I am trying not to think too far ahead of myself, just now this moment, this morning, this afternoon, this evening.

For ages, I almost liked being dependent on food and didn't want to be a person who didn't binge, I know that might sound funny but I would look forward to eating loads. But I knew I wouldn't change because I wasn't ready to embrace the fact that I have this disordered relationship and changing it would mean feeling a lot of boredom, upset, frustration etc. However, I'm sick of being dependent on food. I'm tired of it controlling so much of my life. So, one step at a time.

I was interested to see you said you know what causes you to reach for it, but I don't know how you felt about what I said about sitting with those feelings? What do you think might happen if you felt lonely and just allowed yourself to feel that way?

All best to you my friend! x

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That black or white , all or nothing attitude is definitely killing me!! Not even just with weight loss, but in every area of life! Let's see-what do I like about my life? Well, I have a very good relationship with my daughter, and she lives only 10 minutes away. Of course, my 3 beautiful dogs!! I LOVE the fact that I am with them every day for a lot of the time. When the children are napping, or I have a break, another teacher takes over, so I get to spend time with them. Also, I HATE this house, but I have a very large yard for the dogs to play in. I do love living alone, but it does get lonely-at night usually.But I like the feeling of coming and going without answering to anyone. About being lonely and just allowing myself to feel that way-I've been very good with my eating for the last few days, and there is a change on the scale. So I've been handling it well.

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Three dogs! You lucky thing. What type are they? I adore dogs (perhaps you can tell from my pic!) and I look forward to having my own some day.

Have you ever thought about teaching them to do Flyball? That could be a fun, relatively low cost activity.

Well done on the last few days!! That is AMAZING. Let's just pause to think about that for a second, really well done to you. Hurrah :D

Yes people who are black & white tend to be like that in all areas. I always have been, and criticised for it. I have OCD, so I very much struggle with just being like "maybe it's this way, maybe it's not, I guess we'll never know", I like things to b 100% certain either way. However, I'm slowly getting better at it though, and the world never comes to an end when I give a little! I feel CBT helped me with that.

I've had a small chocolate treat today and it made me very panicky but I'm trying to remember that treats are ok as part of a balanced diet, and it doesn't mean I have to now eat 100 of them!

x

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Thank you!My little girl is a purebreed Chihuahua( only 5 1/2 pounds). My 2nd is a Chihuahua mix ( Lots of breeds), she's about 22 pounds, and my 3rd is a Shih-Tzu, Pit Bull mix, about 24 pounds. I know-sounds weird right? She looks like some kind of Terrier! ADORABLE!!! ( I just tried adding a picture of them, but see that there is no way to do that).Whose dog is the one on your avatar? They were all adopted. Flyball-I'll have to pass on that. I don't need ANYTHING ELSE to make them more hyper! Lol I was diagnosed with OCD many years ago. I don't think it's that bad though, and if anything, it has gotten better. For chocolate treats-I like the Stello D'oro Margherite combination cookies. They come with chocolate and vanilla in the same package. 130 calories for 2 of them. Not bad in the scheme of things, if you really need something sweet. The good thing about my body is that it doesn't take a ton of time for me to lose weight, while dieting. The bad thing is that once I stop dieting, I can pack on the pounds SUPER QUICKLY!! I'm doing well so far this week, so I'm just gonna take the ball and keep running with it!! I am only 5'0, so even a few pounds-lost or gained, really show up. 😩

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Wow they sound super cute! Hopefully you find a way to post a pic as they sound adorable. The one in my pic is just from a free image site lol. Flyball like any exercise will actually wear the dogs out and make them LESS hyper at home! But I understand if it's not your cup of tea!

My sister lives in the US, so I know how many delicious-looking treats you guys have in your supermarkets!! I find it really difficult when I'm visiting her not to buy everything! I like all the stuff that's bad for you like danishes and donut holes! I love those goldfish crackers you guys have, so salty! Luckily I also enjoy healthy food!

I am 5' 10 so I can carry a bit more weight before it shows, but the downside of that is actually by the time I really notice, I'm a lot heavier than I should be! I'm glad your OCD has gotten better, I find mine exhausting.

Some things I've thought of that you could try for fun:

1) Going on Youtube and looking up tricks and trying them with your dogs (Zak George has some good vids) (I love dog-training and have a certificate!)

2) Writing short-stories - look out the window for inspiration, maybe someone is walking past your house, where might they be going? Where have they come from? What if they have a secret and what could it be...?

3) Find a healthy recipe of something you would never usually try and give it a go

4) do a puzzle

5) listen to an audiobook when you go for a walk

6) paint your nails!

Can you think of any suggestions for me? x

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The goldfish crackers-they are in my face every day because a lot of the kids bring them in for a snack. I can't even eat just one. Have you ever tried Sun Chips? Don't know if they have them where you live. They don't even have them all the time here. Well, one day a little girl brought them in for a party. I became addicted. So addicted that I had to say-,forget it. I can never even have them once in a while. Fun things-there really are SOOOO many hobbies. It just depends on what you like to do. They actually have coloring books for adults now. Don't know if you have seen them. ( You can find ANYTHING on Amazon!😊) They are supposed to be relaxing. There's photography, gardening, crocheting, knitting, meditation, yoga, scrapbooking, origami, decoupage ( I've done this-came out gorgeous!). candle making, soap making, mosaics. ( I did want to get into that, but it was just too expensive). Plus I have WAY TOO MUCH stuff in terms of crafting. I like to make things for little girls. Mainly tutus, barrettes, headbands, you know-girly things! Lol. I have ideas for a few Victorian shadowboxes for my apartment, but never got around to it. :-( Plus I do a lot of simple crafts with the kids, for every holiday.

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Thanks for the ideas Downandout! Maybe I’ll try some more crafty stuff, I do like to draw! How has your week been so far?x

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It's been pretty good actually. I lost a few pounds last week and am in the 140s. If I could break 140, I'd be thrilled!! How about you?

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That's fab Downandout. Wow. You must be really pleased with yourself??

I had a tough weigh in - put on 1 1/4lb even though I've been doing really well with eating + exercise. I feel slimmer so I'm hoping it's because I'm due on that time of the month! Fingers crossed the scales look more in my favour next week!

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Well, I WAS pleased with myself, up until last night. :-( I got into some serious snacking on a food I said I would never eat again,, because I KNOW that once I start, I can't limit the amount. It is only in the house because I buy it for the kids at my day care. And I ALREADY put weight on. :-( Your screen name fits me to a T.😣 I also came thisclose to ordering Italian food. I have a serious craving for pizza and spaghetti. I DIDN'T do it, but that's coming down the line. I can feel it. 😩😬

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But that one day doesn't undo all the hard work you've already put in! Just pick back up today as normal. Plan a date for the italian/pizza night in a month or so for you to actually enjoy it. You can do this! :D

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Thanks, but it's too late. The cravings are too strong, and I won't be happy til I get it. I know, I know. I'm ashamed of myself. 😳😳

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But that's not true. Remember why you started. You absolutely can stop yourself. It is possible for you to say no, even if it feels extraordinarily hard. Unless you want to eat the food more than you want the weight loss? In which case that's fine but you'll need to be honest with yourself that's why you're doing it.

Remember you're making a choice here. If you have it, you might be happy whilst you're eating it...but how long until that passes? The way I see it, you're not truly happy eating it and you're not truly happy NOT eating it. So...why not pick the one that will ultimately benefit the weight loss? x

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This is a great reply to Downandout123, HWGAgain! I’m going to read it myself next time I reach for unplanned wine or cake! I might even print it out and pin it up somewhere!!

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Glad it's helpful to you Eleanorba! I'm a big emotional eater (no pun intended!) so I totally know what it's like to want to give in to the pull of treats/comfort eats. But the problem is, the eating is treating the symptoms (sadness, boredom, anxiety etc) but not the cause (lacking connection, low self-esteem, relationship friction). So I need to eat more and more to sooth myself, and there can never be enough food. When really I need to focus on the underlying feelings/reasons which is HARD WORK.!

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You’re right that kind of work on yourself is really hard. You sound like a very brave person. I eat the wrong things for 2 reasons. 1. Boredom. Stupid eh? Go and do something more interesting instead I tell myself! But sometimes nothing seems to beat the sugar hit. 2. I let myself get too hungry and need a sugar rush. Have learned I HAVE to lose weight slowly, starving myself is disastrous.

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That's very kind, thank you. I have had lots of therapy which I think was brave! And has given me some good insights into myself but I am always learning. I never discussed my disordered eating in therapy however so I am sort of applying what I've learnt on other things to this!

Agreed - starving yourself doesn't work, isn't natural and will pile the weight back on anyway! I boredom eat too at my desk when I can't do anything more interesting. I've realised that the eating only passes a few seconds however, so trying to remember that when I'm thinking of reaching for a treat (of which there are always thousands in my office!!)

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Speaking of cake, there is going to be a birthday party for one of the kids here on Friday. We all know where THAT'S going.😣

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So have a small slice. But eat beforehand, veggies to fill up your tummy and then have a small slice, enjoy it, then let it go.

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What really stinks about all this is that I DO NOT eat a whole lot of excess calories. ( Even when not dieting). YES-I eat the wrong foods, but not big portions at all. I think it has something to do with me being only 5'0 . I can't eat as much as most people can.Even if I eat normally, the pounds pile on. I almost have to starve to see a result on the scale. I'm not making an excuse because of my height. I'm just saying that I don't eat THAT MUCH to keep gaining weight or even staying at a plateau weight.

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What's the NHS website saying your calorie allowance should be Downandout for your height? Are you using My Fitness Pal or something to log your calories? x

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No. Not doing either. Last week I knew EXACTLY how many calories I was eating. I even went out to dinner on Friday night and just had a salad! Just a salad!! I was so proud of myself!

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A salad is great, full of lots of goodies too! I suggest doing the calorie calculator & my fitness pal as it will help guide you and give you an indication of what amount of cals you can eat for exactly your height. I agree you will not be able to eat as much as some people because your body does not need as much energy as a tall person. It's tough but it's just facts. For example, I am 5ft 10, which means I will need more calories than you but a man would need more calories than me and so on.

My fitness pal is good to help you track. Sometimes there's lots of calories in stuff we have no idea like a tablespoon of olive oil to cook or something healthy like chia seeds can be packed with cals.

good luck!

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Thank you! Same to you!

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That’s really annoying for you, sorry to hear that. I can eat a reasonable amount as long as I’m walking 5 - 6 miles a day, swimming regularly and choosing all the right stuff - that’s big salads in this weather!

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That's wonderful!! A large amount of exercise!!👍👏

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Smarttexercise, I hope you can see this. I received a reply from you this morning. It showed up on my phone. I'm able to read part of your post. When I pressed "See reply", it gives me everyone else's, but yours is not to be found. This is strange. Didn't want you to think I did not acknowledge your post.

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That person was a spammer and has been restricted from using this forum, Downandout123.

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Oh my goodness! Thanks for letting me know! Nothing seemed strange about it. I couldn't read the whole post, but it just seemed like an honest response.

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They were trying to sell you a fast weight loss plan!

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Knowing me, I would have bought it!! 😂😂😂

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Sadly, it's the vulnerable that are preyed on! :o

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😔

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Hello and don’t feel like a failure for coming back here. In a different perspective you want to change so that’s positive certainly no shame should with wanting to improve ones health.

We all been there on and off the wagon I been struggling for the last 2 months back on the wagon hope the motivation lasts but we see. Like the admin say weight loss is not linear we all have our ups and down, but with the support here I think we be ok.

Good luck and be kinder to yourself I’m sure if it was a friend in a similar situation you wouldn’t be so hard on them, thinking they were a failure for eating some Oreos.

Have a good week

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Thank you, same to you and good luck on your journey!

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