Weight Loss NHS
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Motivation

Got dumped by girlfriend & told I was as too

chubby. She said I was handsome, charming

but she thought I was too fat. Heartbroken.

45 Replies
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So .. is your motivation to come on here to get her back?

Or to lose weight for yourself?

Sorry for being a bit blunt.

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Thought a lot about your question. The look into real heart makes me not want her back. Do secretly hope she sees me lean however. Shallow Gal this one

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You should do what's right for you. If someone didn't like me for me (way I looked), then it's their loss-- not mine.

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If you want to lose weight and be healthier, do it for you. :)

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Hey WeentzieDad, I'm so sorry to hear that and know you must be feeling awful right now.

It'll pass but I know that won't be much consolation at the moment.

It's important you understand that you mustn't let it ruin what you're trying to achieve with your weight loss journey and perhaps this weekend you'll have some time to treat yourself to some 'me time' and get some good healthy home cooked meals made and stocked up in the freezer. Be a bit experimental and think what your kids might like to eat too. This will help keep you on track as well as keeping yourself busy, so you can slowly get over the heartbreak.

I'm new to the forum and don't want to sound too much like a self-help book, but try to understand that some people have problems accepting others as they are, while others out there actually wouldn't want you to change for the 'better' (whatever the better is!) as they might find that threatening! In other words humans are strange creatures, so don't let this throw you too far of course, because you and your family are what are important, not what another person thinks of your weight or how you look.

Just keep on keeping on! You'll find love again with someone less judgemental and more supportive when the right moment strikes!

Good luck to you!!

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Hi and welcome, Poopsy :)

You seem to have slipped under the net and we've missed you. I hope you've had an opportunity to explore the forum, to see what we have on offer. You'll be made very welcome at any, or all of our events, clubs and challenges :)

Here's the link to our newbie pack, just in case you've missed anything

healthunlocked.com/nhsweigh...

Wishing you all the best :)

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Thanks very much moreless, I'll have a good look through the newbie pack this weekend! 😊

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Just ask if you have any questions 😊

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Thanks seriously. Weentzie is a cat I took after Sister passed unexpectedly. On a VLCD & do 100 push ups a day. 3 sets of 35 on SEAL method. Blew out ACL during SEAL training years ago. Never made it.

Broken heart is worse. I am finished whining & digging deep.

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Lol sorry to assume you were Dad to human kids 😊

I'm not a parent to anyone or anything so I definitely shouldn't have made that step!

I don't know what VLCD is nor Seal method, but it's clear you're getting your head together and mending your heatbreak the way you know how, so good on ya! 👍☺️

All the best!

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Very Low Calorie Diet ( 1000 ) calories a day. SEAL method is board stiff, on fists & touch chest to floor. Body weight, i.e. push ups, sit up, pull ups, are effective in toning. Also relieves frustration.

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Please don’t be frustrated. Give it time. Exercise routines do help.😀

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WeentzieDad I totally agree with others who have said 1000 cals isn't enough for you! You will feel utterly wretched for a start, but your body will go into starvation mode and you won't lose an ounce after a few days on that. Feed your body and mind right!! Check out the BMI calculator to see what you should be consuming and do it soon! That's an order, sir!! 😀 (oh and thanks for explaining VLCD!) 😊

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Firstly. Very sorry you have joined us here because of a broken heart. Just know that you have joined a great group of people who know what it is like to be or have been too big, so we will be supporting all your efforts to become healthier.

Which brings me to my second comment. If you want to go down the VLCD that is up to you, but in my opinion, it doesn’t work long term, your body will think you are starving it and hold on to every calorie you give it, and you will not be learning new habits in body or mind to set you up for a healthy and sustainable future eating.

Better to go for slow, steady and sustainable, which will retrain you and keep you enjoying your food.

Have you used the NHS BMI Calculator yet?

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Time to show them what you can do . massive support on this forum.

Why should anyone be loved more or less because of thier weight ?

Love them yesterday today and tomorrow.

Your day will come .

Good luck

Gary

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I think being less fat is more attractive tho Gary, being less overweight makes life easier too, well for me anyway, this 56 old bird feels a lot better fir bring lighter 6 yrs on,!

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Hi Diana ,

I'd like to lose about 9 lbs and get under 12 st that would make me happy.

Nice to hear from you .

Gary

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goodness! more fool her for letting her handsome and charming man go! maybe she will regret it. I know it is horrible to feel heartbroken no two ways about it. I think you should put yourself first, look after yourself and be kind to yourself till you feel better. You can lose some weight with us here if you do actually need to and want to do it for yourself. Good luck either way :)

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Hi WeentzieDad-frankly I wouldn't want her back if she can say something like that. I have been in a bad relationship and it makes me mad to think of what I put up with and the hurtful comments but I now have the most wonderful supportive man who always compliments me-you had a lucky escape!

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As Poopsy said, you may want to just wallow for a bit - that's normal - but don't stay there too long. Throwing yourself into a serious programme of fitness training and weight loss may help get you through that grieving process and focused on the fact that life goes on.

I completely disagree with the comments suggesting that your ex was being hurtful and that you wouldn't want a gf who would make such a comment. She did what she felt had to be done, and it's wrong to assume she did it simply to be mean, or that there must be something wrong with her. I also think it's wrong to insist that someone should 'accept you for who you are'. We all have our own lizard-brain preferences which are completely non-negotiable - you have yours, I'm sure, just as she has hers - and part of a mutually-respectful relationship is ensuring that you look good naked ... at least within the limits that life's wear-and-tear imposes upon us.

Dumping someone is a very difficult thing to do; you know that whatever you say or do it will hurt, and the best you can achieve is to soften the blow. Give her the benefit of the doubt and assume that she still cares for you and was being honest with you because she cares for you. In other words, if you can look on the bright side here: your ex was telling you that if you improve your appearance, you'll be a 10/10 catch! In a few years, you may look back on this moment as a bittersweet one.

Depending on exactly how chubby you are at the moment, and how old you are, it's reasonable to expect a complete turnaround in your body shape within 18-24 months.

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6ft 238. Used to be muscular. 63 yrs old but feel 30 in my head. Never been on forum or chatted. Found by Google diet help. Amazed by you folks.

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Ah, you're not the usual new member!

>> but feel 30 in my head.

Well, don't we all! Unfortunately, our bodies do what they're gonna do. As MissisB said elsewhere, VLCD doesn't work unless you are still 30 years old (and SEAL-level active). You'll get back to where you were ... more or less. Muscle memory last a long time. However, for fat loss, you'll need to go low-carb. In my opinion nothing else will work at your age; we seem to just lose the ability to handle carbs as we get older.

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So. If you are moderately active, it would be better for you to be eating between 2,049 and 2,634 calories a day. Start at the top end, and you will lose weight nice and steadily.

1,000 calories a day for a tall guy like yourself is just starvation. 🙂

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Hi and welcome, WeentzieDad :)

I'm sorry you've been dumped and have been left heartbroken, but the positive to come out of it, is that you're here, all ready to embark on the next chapter of your life :)

To make navigating the forum easier, we've put all the information you'll need in a newbie pack and here's the link

healthunlocked.com/nhsweigh...

Please take the time to read it carefully, so that you're able to enjoy everything that we have on offer.

We ask that you also read this important information about internet privacy and security, especially as you've left your post unlocked.

healthunlocked.com/nhsweigh...

Wishing you all the best :)

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Best wishes to you.

Do you want to embark on a healthy lifestyle?

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I can almost guarantee that your body fat is not the real reason she ended the relationship. I doubt you were a stick insect when you met. Look at it as a time for change, time to find someone better for you and not someone who judges you for your size. Take your time, get over her and move on to a better place with your life.

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Your better off without her , people love you for who you are, not the size of you. Good luck in finding somebody who will truly love you. And you will.

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No!!! Never. Not a very nice thing to say! Try to stay positive. And wait for the real thing to come because it will one day. If someone loves you they can't just pick some of the parts they love about you they have to love all of you. And when you are at goal weight with another good looking girl on your arm, you will be able to tell her "her loss"

Good luck

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Hi Weentziedad

I am a relationship therapist and I know how sad you must be feeling right now. Let me assure you of one thing if this lady has behaved like this because she thinks you are fat, which is something you could choose to change.....she is not being truthful. If we love someone we accept them for who they are and encourage change for their health. We don't judge and walk away. In the long term other issues would be raised......perhaps this lady has her own problems and has the need for perfection at a physical level? That is a hard person to be with potentially. If you want to loose weight do it because you want to and not because of this. Handsome and charming is a good starting place....Good luck.

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I think you're right that the OP should only do this if he wants to, but I'm a bit bothered by this repeated idea that the gf must have had something wrong with her. Apart from anything else, it's a bit of a backhanded insult at the OP, since it implies he made a bit of a duff choice in the first place.

We don't know quite what happened here, but I wonder if she actually did just "judge and walk away"? People don't really do that, do they? We don't invest time and effort in a relationship and then throw it all away on a whim. I'm guessing she'd dropped several hints in the past, which were perhaps not taken seriously or weren't dropped strongly enough.

I also don't think it makes sense to assume she wasn't being truthful. Consider: what possible motive could she have for giving that particular reason, untruthfully, rather than (for example) the old standard "it's not you, it's me"? Generally speaking, people don't deliberately hurt their exes on a breakup, unless something really acrimonious has happened. Everyone has their own subjective version of 'truth' and it's not wise to dismiss as invalid someone's description of their own preferences.

Our physical appearance is as much a part of who we are as our personality, and in my humble experience, most women are physically attracted to men who look overtly Masculine. As you said, this is (to a certain extent) under our control, and the only question is: how much effort does one want to put into that? Whoever you're with, that effort needs to be more than zero. Assuming that one can settle into comfortable decrepitude simply because one is in a long-term relationship is deeply disrespectful to the person whose physical needs you're responsible for. Conversely, knowing that your body is pushing all the right buttons for your partner is quite a confidence-booster.

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"Assuming that one can settle into comfortable decrepitude simply because one is in a long-term relationship is deeply disrespectful to the person whose physical needs you're responsible for."

Keep coming back and re-reading this. You pull no punches, Ivan (the truly terrible, but not really horrible.). Never thought like this... ever. But you've forced it into my awareness, now it won't leave me. You're a bit of a radical thinker, but also a maintainer, so something's working. I'm going to go follow you.

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Thanks :)

I know I occasionally upset people here, and I'm sure I'm wrong on occasion. I'm not being deliberately offensive or provocative. I just prefer to say what needs to be said without tiptoeing around ... and of course somebody might come back with an appropriate riposte. That's fine. At least we're all being truthful with each other. If someone puts me in my place with a rational argument, then I've learned something; if they just get offended and storm off, nobody has.

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"I'm not being deliberately offensive or provocative."(really made me laugh).

Just comes naturally, does it?! :)

Yep, I love a straight talker as long as there is no malice and it's done with best intentions. I've always told my children to speak their mind but do it from a loving place, not just to be right.

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>> Just comes naturally, does it?!

Sadly, yes :)

Seriously though ... my personality type is high on agreeableness trait, and it's never served me well. Over the past 10 years or so I've made a conscious effort to not be so damned nice all the time, and I not only feel better for it, I get on much better with other people too.

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You’re so right, being nice all the time doesn’t guarantee that people will be nice back. It’s taken me a long time to learn that lesson, so I think I’ll be taking a leaf out of your book and develop a bit of an edge! 👍🏻

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I have to disagree. Only a parent’s love is unconditional; the rest of us judge. Evolution is based on competition after all. Obviously this couple were incompatible as the woman did not find her partner physically attractive.

It also depends on what stage the relationship is at. Having been with my husband for 30 years, what he looks like is less important than when we met. However it’s still really important that we make an effort to stay reasonably ship shape and that we each find the other attractive. I hope the OP will take this painful moment as the impetus to make changes and to find a happier place!

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Hiya. Take 10 minutes and watch a video on youtube by Guy Winch called How To Fix A Broken Heart, its fantastic. Go back to it as often as you need whilst you embark on this new healthy chapter in your life. All the very best to you.

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Ok but you are not a show dog......

You want to be loved for who you are.

If you want to lose weight then fine.

You are you whatever ; however you may well feel better abou5 yours3lf if you follow the programme.

Goo£ luck.

She wasn’t worth it!

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Hey there, don't beat yourself up. It is never too late to lose weight. You can try at any age. I think it is still better to keep trying now. You can still save yourself from many terrible diseases. Start yoga and workout now. Start doing a workout at a low pace and then go for cardio and heavy workouts. Eat healthily. Everything will be fine. xx

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Beauty is only skin deep . I have been married for 32 years . We met when we were young and slim but we are both older and larger now but our relationship isn't based on our weight . I do wonder whether this was an excuse . Take this as a positive . It may motivate you but don't go mad . Nobody is worth slimming down for . You do it for you . Find someone you can grow with in every way .

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Often the wisdom behind devastating events in our lives is revealed later on, when we are ready to appreciate it.

Welcome WeentzieDad, I wish you all the best on your journey!

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Welcome WeentzieDad. Sorry you have joined here under sad circumstances, you never know what's round the corner - there's good stuff waiting to happen too. Now you are here and you can start a new, positive chapter putting yourself and your needs first for a while. Do this for you and no-one else. Stuff what an ex said, get on with your new life but be kind to yourself, let your emotions out in dribs and drabs, plan stuff to do on your own and with others (supportive others) and look at this at long term and not a quick fix. Wishing you lots of luck!

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Amazed by intelligent caring people. Renews my faith in people

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What a nasty pasty.

If she can’t appreciate you at your chubbiest, she doesn’t deserve you at your skinniest!

If you’re going to lose weight, do it for YOU nobody else. People who genuinely love you, will love you for who you are, not just your looks.

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She wasnt the one for you if she dumped you for such a shallow reason. Get lean and fit for yourself then show her what she missed out on!

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