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Motivation and self worth at an all time low

Hello, I have struggled with my weight all my life. I am now at my heaviest of 16st 12ib and am so ashamed. I feel enormous and clothes haven't fit for years. But what I am struggling with is that when I look in the mirror I don't see the 17 stone fat woman, It's like a have a mist in front of me and because I am not shocked anymore I don't have the motivAtion or urge to diet. I have lost all self worth and need a huge reality check. I want to diet and get healthy and be able to wear all my size 12 clothes again... is anybody else having this problem :( I feel so stuck and always avoid public outings and now holidays!!!!!! My biggest problem is that I binge eat constantly!! I rationalise eating takeaway because 'I'll start tomorrow' or ' it's my friends birthday in 2 weeks so I can't start until after that' it's ridiculous :( any ideas or advice would be appreciated x

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Welcome... you're used to hiding yourself away... time to step out into the sunshine and start living your life. You'll get great support here and encouragement. i wish you all the best for good health and happiness


You've come to the right place for support we understand and have experience of what you're talking about. Welcome and we are here for you!

Start by loving yourself as you are now. Difficult I know. Accept where you are starting and know that you're on the right path here.

Make a commitment to yourself what you want to change. Maybe aim for loose 1lb a week to start? The slower the better for long term sticking to it.

I highly recommend NHS 12 week program it's so useful with tips actions and a daily plan. Start getting active maybe only a little walk to start.

Don't try to change it all at once make small steps and you will get there. Good luck x



Yes, I can empathize. I'm in somewhat of a worse predicament, as I'm pretty much 20st, and recently gained 4lbs in the space of a week. It's very hard to pick yourself up and find motivation when you're being beaten down by poor self-esteem, and constant hurdles.

I tend not to muster up motivation this week. I try not to overthink about my diet and exercise. I just do it without putting too much thought into it, you know? Because when I do think about what's happened, and where I am, I always end up crying, and not doing what I set out to do. When I do make a good, healthy choice, whether that is a healthy meal, or even if I only managed to do half of my workout, I still try to give myself a pat on the back.

It's difficult, and I know how you feel. It hurts to go out to events, or sometimes just day-to-day life knowing that I haven't made much progress in my weight loss. My weight feels like a self-destructive shield preventing me from living a normal, carefree life like others my age have the privilege of doing. I know how you feel on that front, too. I try to tell myself that I deserve to be happy and live my life just as others are. I suck at doing that, but I try.

I'm tired of overthinking. Very tired. I've been overthinking for such a long time, and putting in so much effort, but I never get to enjoy the fruits of my labour. I'm unable to abandon this life, so I've opted to just go through the motions.

May as well eat healthily, because the happiness of overeating evaporates once the food hits my stomach. It makes you feel worse knowing that it's contributing to your unhappiness.

May as well exercise. There's not much else to do, and I have to admit, it sometimes makes me feel slightly better. I don't get much out of tv or social media anymore.

Basically, try not to overthink things. Rather, try your best to do them. Worked for me thus far.


Hi Charley6 - the previous writers have made some great points and you have come to the right place. I think you sound as if you are just at the threshold of taking action. You say you have no self-esteem but I bet if you sat down with a big cuppa and paper and pen you could make a pretty long list of things that you are good at, which usually put you 'up there' in someone else's eyes! Don't be modest. Be honest and list your qualities. Be your own best friend. You are not just about how you look or what you weigh. You are MUCH more than that. I can honestly tell you that once you set your mind to it and take action you'll begin to feel that you are great and can take back control of your life. Good luck!


Thank you - exactly what I need to hear and what I will do when I am home this evening :)

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Hi, I know exactly how you feel. I'm over 17st now and I wish I could get back down to a size 12. I've thrown most of my old clothes out but I've kept some in the hopes I'll fit into them again. I have the exact same rationale you do with take out too, I know how hard it is to break out of.

But you really need to try and keep going out, I know it's easier said than done. I have anxiety so I struggle with going out anyways but I always try to. Start with going out for say 10 minutes at a time and go from there. Just going for a little walk does wonders.

Just remember you aren't alone x


What a brace step to write your thoughts and face up to your problem , having done that you have not put off making a start in your diet but taken the first and most difficult step. So now forget the mirror and don't put off anything . No time like the present. You can lose some weight in that 2 weeks and you will soon find that success will spur you on and you will feel better

Clean out the fridge and cupboards buy healthy food and with all your new friends here to support you , you will be astonished what you can achieve

I look forward to hearing your success

Best wishes


Hi Charley6. I'm exactly the same weight as you and can so relate to everything you say. I find that I can get motivated but it doesn't last, and once off the 'wagon' I just keep going in the same old way by rationalising it in whatever way happens to work. Recently had a bug, during which I lost weight which gave me the reasoning to completely ditch my healthy eating... I'm good at recognising that my thinking is faulty, but the trouble is that sometimes there's no thought involved, apart from the 'Oops'!' afterward 😏.

This is my first day back on here for a few weeks, because I realised that just reading the posts once a day helped keep me on track. So I suggest we both accept that we are at the beginning of our journeys and maybe look for a more do-able goal than being back to where we were. Maybe a little treat to ourselves (not foody!!!) when the first stone is lost. Then continue with those short term goals. I'm rubbish if inside I feel the goal is unattainable, like, in my case, being back to the weight I was when I was 25!!!! So for me this is day one again. Take care, and good luck!

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Thankyou for all your comments it really is very helpful, probably more than you would realise. I printed the 12 week plan off last night and sat up and read it the whole way through. It has some very useful tips and food swaps and also a few nice sounding recipes. I also came across change for life recipe finder πŸ˜€πŸ˜€ very pleased with that. So it's now 9.30am and day 1. My first goal I have set is to get through day 1! It may seem silly but if I get through day 1 I know I will feel chuffed!! I plan on having 2 weetabix with semi skimmed milk (no skimmed in the house yet) for breakfast. If any of you guys are just starting or in the first couple weeks of your journey then I would love to 'follow' your journey with you.. I feel that a 'pen pal' so to speak would also be a fantastic boost and somewhat motivation to succeed with them. Thankyou guys x


Good luck with the rest of day 1. Good idea to work with others at the same point as you.

You've started right with week one actions eating breakfast and fibre to help you feel full.

Change 4 Life recepies are great very straightforward and full of veg!

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Your journey starts today ,

You have come on this forum saying how you feel,time to change that .

Slowly but surely it will happen,you will get great support and advice on this forum.

Good luck ,it will be worth it .


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Hi Charley6,

I was disgusted with my weight this time 4 years ago - I was the same weight as you - then my daughter got engaged and I swore that for the year before the wedding I would cut out all the 'baddies', biscuits, sweets, ice creams etc. I was doing really well for 3 months then was diagnosed with Breast Cancer. At my 2nd session of chemo the nurse overheard me talking about my diet with my daughter and I got a severe telling off - NO DIETS! - and 2 stone went on almost immediately! I'm now well (just had my 4th year all clear mammogram) but have been stuck at 18.5st since. I am on Tamoxifen and have been told I won't loose weight whilst taking it - I probably have another 5 years on it at least. On one shoulder I have a voice saying to me "Be kind to yourself, you've been through a lot" and on the other, "You've been through shit - don't waste your life/health now!"

About 2 months ago I got my daughter to measure me and I weighed myself and wrote it down. It has taken all this time but I have lost 0.5st. I still like to binge, and snack in the evenings, but I've tried to reduce the number of times I do this, and the amount nibbled. I've also tried to change from bad stuff - mainly biscuits - to not such bad stuff - Last night I lapsed, but at least it was only salted popcorn!

I care and live with my nearly 90yr old Alzhiemery mother and I find it quite depressing. I am having sessions with a counsellor - and to cut a long story short - she asked me why I thought I could always remember my mother's medication and appointments, but regularly forget mine? Realization I put her before myself hit me like a bus!

I now have to write down my goals down (short, medium and long term ones) and do a chart of things to-do; things for me are written in green, for my mum in blue and for others in red - I have to learn to say "no" to reds, also concentrate on tiny steps to reach the goals, I HAVE TO PUT MYSELF FIRST. Luckily this has given me the biggest boot up the bum and the motivation I have needed in many parts of my life for at least the last 4 years.

Since I started this I know I've been 'good' getting tasks done, eating better food and taking some exercise so when I was totally exhausted yesterday and just craved anything, I really felt as though I could be 'kind to myself' - and today I'm again motivated to get back on the wagon! - (the scales telling me I'm UNDER 18st has also helped! - It has taken 2 months, and it is only 0.5st - but it's a milestone and I don't feel as though I've "dieted"!)

I found making a to-do list, and writing down my goals really motivated me - (I even wrote down tasks like hanging the washing out, a necessary task, but at the end of the day I could see that I'd been really productive!

It is really difficult to get out of the rut you find yourself in, but once you have found a good way, it'll work again and again. I just needed that boot from someone who was totally impartial. Good Luck finding your way Charley6 - and please let us know what works for you - it may help the next person. C

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Although you may have a long-term goal, it's what you do from one day to the next that allows it to be achieved.

Despite current weight, it's nothing more than a starting point, one which will reduce through the introduction of a daily calorie deficit (of up to 500Kcal), reduced consumption of simple/refined carbohydrate and increased activity.

It's good to see that you've downloaded the 12 week plan, as there are many who experience success with it, particularly since it provides an insight into the kind of food that ought to be eaten and that which should be avoided. Additionally, be sure to make use of the BMI calculator, to ascertain minimum/maximum calorie recommendation, based upon current measurements (age/weight/height) and level of activity.

If you've already calculated both, be sure to maintain a daily deficit from maximum allowance, ensuring that the deficit introduced doesn't exceed the difference between the two figures.

With each 7-10lb reduction, re-assess your figures. As the body begins to weigh less, on the assumption that level of activity remains the same, fewer calories will be needed to fuel daily endeavour.

Don't become too fixated upon the figure presented by the scales, either, since it doesn't take into consideration the weight of skeletal or existing muscle mass. Even if you only lose 1-2lbs each week, if clothing begins to fit more comfortably and noticeable improvements are eventually witnessed in your body composition (which they will be), body fat is reducing.

Most importantly, don't overwhelm yourself by attempting to change everything overnight. In the initial interim, simply concentrate upon maintaining a daily calorie deficit, reducing consumption of cakes, sweets, pastries and white varieties of bread, rice, pasta and potato, while increasing level of weekly exercise, allowing everything else to gradually fall into place along the way.

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