Before the end of today 30/08/17

Today is my first birthday without my mother and it was hard. I purposefully ventured off the wagon even though I did not celebrate because there is nothing to to be happy about. But I got the calls and texts which made me cry.

When I was a child she would bake the best cake the day before and spent the evening decorating it with our help. We'd have ice cream and strawberry jelly before we had cake. I wish I had a time machine.

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39 Replies

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  • I just popped on here to look at the daily diary. Sorry to read your post. What lovely memories you have. Hope they sustain you. Take care and Happy Birthday!

  • Ahhh thank you x

  • Mothers are such special people. Your fabulous memories of those lovely cakes and lots more things can never be taken away from you. You will always remember your Mum with love, there is nothing more special than than.

    You are allowed to miss her, I miss mine more that 20 years after she died.

    Take care

  • Sending you hugs.

    My mum told me many times of how much she missed her mother years after my granny passed. So I can say I understand. Hugs to you as I must have stirred up your memories too.

  • So thoughtful to think of me in your hour of need. That is what is special about this forum, people really care about each other.

  • Life is too short to just think about my grief. We all one day or another will feel this raw horrible pain of grief. So hugs to you and all who feel or have felt this pain.

  • Aw panther,

    Happy birthday to you, sorry to hear that you are sad also.

    Crying is a good thing ,I cry when I least expect it.

    Gary

  • Thank you honey. I think I overdone the tears my eyes may look like prunes in the morning.

  • Do what you need to ,we all deal with grief in our own individual way.

    Take care

    Gary

  • Oh sending so many hugs xxxx I remember cakes too especially the puff the magic dragon cake I had on my 7th birthday. You will get to the point where you can celebrate those memories but it takes a long time. Do what you need to do. Cry, laugh, smile or all of them at the same time. The firsts are so hard. Keep putting one foot in front of the other xxx

  • Thank you so much. My mother never broke the bank on our birthday, but she did pull out all the stops on the birthday food. I'm doing my best Homer Simpson impression right now. :-D

    Oh the happiness of being a child of the pre internet era.

  • HaPpY BIRTHdAY ๐ŸŽ‰ fitpanther xx

  • Thank you xxx

  • Happy birthday fitpanther, sending you hugs. Remember the happy times๐Ÿ˜Š

  • Thank you so much the hugs are greatly appreciated. Xxx

  • Hello stranger, hi Lucigret I have popped on for a few minutes.

    Hopefully you are doing well and having a nice day.

    I still remember the first time we met on the group forum.

    You were going shopping for something for the tea.

    It's going to take ages.catching up with everyone.

    Have a nice evening.

    Kind regards to your Family.

    George

  • It's difficult isn't it but it sounds like you have some wonderful memories of your Mum and the love you had for each other will never go away. My Dad died just 21 days before my birthday 4 years ago, everyone told me it will get better but all I can say is I've just learned to cope with it but like you I have some amazing memories of a fantastic childhood & I know I was truly loved & cherished. Sending you my best wishes.

  • Oh no, you poor thing. Please don't associate your birthday with tragedy, as on the day of your birth both parents were overjoyed to welcome you into this world. Hugs to you Xxx

  • Happy Birthday for yesterday

    Still early days for me since losing both my parents but as everyone says allow yourself all the emotions you need to cope with loss - not always easy, having lots of loving family and friends around too is always good.

    Big hug xxx

  • Sound like we both need hugs, it's getting easier though. Xxxxx

  • Hi Kath your still being nice and kind, we will get a catchup soon as.

    Hope you are doing well today.

    I love the shades.

    George

  • I lost my dad a week before my birthday last year and mum the year before it is so hard to celebrate anything even my birthday

  • I know it's a cliche @RUBEE2013 but time is a healer and there will come a day when you can celebrate special occasions again. I'ts very early days for you at the moment. Big hugs to you.

  • (Rubee2013)Oh no honey I am sorry for your loss. I know you have now associated your birthday with grief. Please don't it's not your parents wish. The day you were born you became the most important thing to them. So pull out all the stops next year and enjoy yourself as if they made the plans for you. Next year I may do just that for me.

  • Happy birthday even though its a sad occasion for you missing your mum, at least its bringing back memories of a happier time when you were a kid. As all of the others of said grieve as you need whether its talking about your memories of your mam or crying or both- hope you have family & friends who are close to you that you can turn to

  • Thank you RG07 I thought I wanted to be alone, thankfully a few friends passed by at different times and today. They were a great comfort. So have all these wonderful people on this forum. I have shed tears of comfort while reading the responses. Thank you xxx

  • Oh Fatpanther I do feel for you. I'm sure your dear mum would not want you to be sad on your birthday, but unfortunately the grieving process takes time and there will be many occasions when you just have to get through the day as best you can.

    She will live on in your memory. It's clear to see how much she meant to you but take comfort in knowing we are all here thinking of you today. Anytime you feel you want to share your memories or you just want to talk about your feelings then remember we are all here to listen.

    Take care

    Much love Cath xx

  • You're right I could imagine her saying "pick up the tissues and dry your eyes. I'm not suffering any more." She'd love the flowers I received. Thank you so much sweetheart thank you. Xx

  • I feel for you. I lost my mum when I was 24. I'm 77 now but still miss her. Try not to think of the loss but of the many happy times you had with her especially the times she made you laugh. First anniversaries of loss are hard but though you'll always miss her, it will get easier.๐Ÿ’๐Ÿ’

  • Thank you so much. Xxx

  • Belated Birthday wishes for yesterday Fatpanther . It is hard to celebrate without your loved ones but hold on to all the lovely memories that you have. Your Mum will always live on in your heart Xx

  • That she does indeed. Thank you for you kind words.

  • What would we be if we didn't have deep feelings for our mothers... it's ok to be sad and to let yourself be overcome by the special memories.๐Ÿ’–๐Ÿ’•๐Ÿ’”

    Sounds like you had a fantastic Mum.

  • She was: she had a huge welcoming smile. Her smile was bigger then her. If we were horse riders a Shetland would be too big. :-D. She was 4.9 before old age but always had a 6foot smile.

    She had this look that she gave us which meant behave. Lord help us if we didn't fly right with that look (she was so strong)

  • You paint a beautiful picture of a fabulous woman.

    No doubt you've inherited some of her strength and her big smile... bet you're smiling right now!!๐Ÿ˜Š

  • Yes I am, I recall if something embarrassing happened to either one and we saw the funny side which was always we'd share it and just have those long belly laughs. After her stroke I take her shopping pushing her wheelchair go in a clothes shop wheel her to the underwater section and pick up thongs drop it on her lap. She'd look at them and say "What do I want with these strings?" My reply with a grin was "I need a step daddy" (my dad had already passed by then) she would laugh and tell me to go away I'm too bad."

    I loved teasing her like that. When my back gave out completely. We spent a lot of time comforting one another.

    I miss her I know she is not suffering any more I never wanted to say goodbye even though we talk about it often enough.

  • Wonderful memories ๐Ÿ’œ๐Ÿ’˜๐Ÿ’š. Treasure them all!!

  • Hi, my thoughts are with you and I will wish you a special belated birthday wishes.

    George 56

  • Thank you. Hon xx

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