Fat Shamed By Doctor

Ok. I'm new to this site. First time to post. Wanted a little love to come my way. Had a horrible doctors appoint today. Didn't even want to go, because I have gained weight, but knew I had to. She told me my weight is out of control and that I have to have an honest conversation with myself and to stop making excuses. She asked me why did I gain my weight back? I said, if I knew, I'd be a millionaire! She's told me, you must know. You need to get honest with yourself. She asked me about exercise. I told her I am soooo exhausted after work. I walk a minimum of 10,000 steps a day. I also have fibromyalgia and autoimmune thyroid. She informed me that EVERYONE is tired after work. I can still exercise on a treadmill. To stop making excuses. She said I need to see a dietician. She also informed me, that I will have to have a joint replacement and who will care for me? I won't recover. (By the way, it's my gynecologist I was seeing) She also told me because of my weight, I have a 40% higher chance of getting uterine cancer and breast cancer. I was so beyond humiliated. I already struggle with self esteem and have passed on outings with friends because I have to remember what I weighed the last time I saw the group of people in question. I am 50 now and my life is passing me by. I am so beyond sad. Feel like just giving up.

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130 Replies

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  • No! Don't ever give up on yourself. I know how you feel. I am at great risk for diabetes since my meds started and my fat is around my tummy. You have to just start and do it. If we don't we'll be sorry. You'll find lots of support here. Good luck!!

  • Thank you for your encouraging words. I know I have to get back on track. Just feel bad when doctors see only one thing when they look at you. Your weight! I have plenty around my middle! I make my circumstance worse by losing and gaining large amounts of weight over and over again. I keep trying. Thanks again.

  • I know. I have done this before. Someday it will stick when we get enough of a health scare. We just have to do this before it's something permanent. I'm in the Healthcare industry for 25 years now and I have seen enough to know that it is now or never. You can do this!!! Just stay here with us and dont give up. Good luck to you!!

  • Thank you. I know I can do it! Just need to get back on track😊

  • Don't take any notice of that small minded dip @@@@. I was on the verge of giving up because whatever I eat has weight gaining consequences until I discovered Slim & Save VLCD. I have lost 2 stone so far and my tastes have changed so I don't crave fruit or carbsπŸ˜€. Give it a go. It works really well for Pcos sufferers .

  • Thank you for your encouragement. I'm gonna give it a go AGAIN! Ugh

  • Ugh. Doctors... I remember a doctor nonchalantly telling me to lose weight as I was leaving his office for an unrelated issue. I don't have a problem with that, but he didn't even inform me of HOW I would do that, because weight loss is NOT simple, especially not for a 17 year old (my age at the time). So many folks were telling me to lose weight when I was a child, but none willing to help me to achieve that.

    And, there were points in my mid-teens when I was only eating 300 calories a day, and purging. I'm grateful this didn't develope into anything more serious.

    ---------------------------------------------

    I'm shocked at the doctor behaving in the way you describe. I've noticed a lot of people showing a disdain for overweight people. It's crazy that they were dismissive of how your medical condition could impact your weight loss. They believe they're thin because they work hard, and we don't. <= That's what a lot assume.

    And I was watching a TedTalk on a guy talking about insulin resistance, and its link to obesity. He admitted that his colleagues held negative views about obese patients, in particular those suffering from diabetic health issues. He also described the nastiness he experienced from some other doctors when he gained weight (caused by his own insulin resistance). He even admitted that he held those views BEFORE falling victim to this himself. He suddenly realised the difficulty of controlling weight whilst going through a condition that inhibits that control.

    ---------------------------------------------

    Anywho, try not to let this bad experience dampen your goals for weight loss. Hopefully your dietician is more understanding. I would try not to entertain the doctor's antics.

    Good luck!

  • Thank you for your kind words. It's kind of hard not to let the doctors words hurt. I understand her point, her delivery was just quite harsh in my opinion. I'm so glad your eating habits didn't develop into anything more. I think unless you've been overweight, you can't fully understand how it makes you feel. My doctor is very fit and thin and has no idea.

  • I know what you mean. I had a horrible visit (with the family planning nurse!) who basically told me I was obese (horrible word) and needed to lose weight. And she was bigger than I am! So I switched to a family planning clinic near work and the nurse there (who IS thin) was a lot more understanding. She did explain the possible consequences of weight gain in relation to the pill, but she didn't judge or make me feel bad, just let me know what the options were. As it was, I found this forum and I've now lost weight, but it's definitely all in the approach!

    Horrible doctor you had, they really need more training in dealing with people rather than just diseases and conditions!

  • So true! Sorry you had to experience this treatment too. Unfortunately, it seems all too common. No filter! Thank you for your kind words. I'm so glad you found another nurse that could help you. Like I've mentioned before in a few other replies, I know they have an obligation to discuss health concerns. They need to be professional and respectful!

  • Everyone on here has been overweight at some point so we know how it hurts, but you can fight back 😊

  • Yes! I will keep fighting back! It is a rough journey. Unfortunately I've lost and gained hundreds of pounds on and off! Certainly humiliating. I'll get there. One day at a time. Thank you.

  • Lovely response DiDiZia 😊

  • She has no right to be so harsh! Yes, give advice but advice that is constructive and motivating - not making you feel like that. Use this as a motivator to show her but do it for you! I to have lost and gained weight over time, with nothing sticking. I am know following Joe Wicks and feel this is a lifestyle that I can maintain. I am not weighing myself but basing it on how I look and feel instead. You can do this! I am the same with not going to things because of my weight - my friends are having a spa day and I have said I am busy because the thought of my friends seeing me in a swimsuit. I am regretting it now because I haven't seen some of them for a while. It's never as bad as how you imagine, it's us stopping us, the other people don't even notice half the time! Take a little steps at the beginning - for example drinking more water, eating breakfast etc. You can do this!!x

  • Hello and welcome NoMoreJunk 😊

    Please read all the suggestions made by cracker10 below

  • Thank you! I can certainly use all the help and suggestions I can get. Ready to get back on track.

  • Thank you!

  • Thank you again for your encouraging words! It's so nice to receive such wonderful support here! Glad I reached out. I know I can do it. I've done it before. Just need to commit and do it!

  • Welcome! And I love your user name, NoMoreJunk . :)

  • Thank you!

  • Thank you for your kind words. It funny how part of myself believed I deserved to be talked to that way. I guess that's what being overweight does. Damages your self esteem. Please go the next spa day with your friends. Breaks my heart to hear others pass up on events. I know how it feels. I recently saw an old friend whom I haven't seen in 3 years. I was mortified, because the last time I saw her, I was 90-100lbs less!!!! Not one word did she say. She just hugged me and said how glad she was to see me! Now that's a true friend. Of course I stated the obvious, my weight gain. She said who cares, I've reconnected with you and that's all that matters. It sure did my heart good. I realize not everyone will receive me like she did. One day at a time.

  • I am so sorry you had this experience- doctors are all too human and sometimes they forget this themselves. They don't know you well enough and don't always listen or believe. And aren't mature enough to empathise with someone who is doing their best but getting nowhere. You might consider dropping the doc a note just explaining what you've told us here. I've got no solutions but you will work through this and figure it out. Don't despair.

  • Hello and welcome Gillma 😊

    Please read all the suggestions made by Cracker10 below 😊

  • Thank you! All resources are wonderful learning tools! Ready to get working on it!

  • Thank you. I know reaching out was the right thing to do. So many encouraging posts. I am really grateful. I understand what she is trying to do. I just think she could have delivered her message with not so much ridicule. I'll get over it. Certainly not the first time I've had people say something. It just hurts.

  • Sounds just like a doctor I have seen told me I was too fat there was no excuse for it and to go back when I had lost weight needless to say I did not go back to that doctor I have mobility problems can barely walk some days but my Fitbit and I are managing a few extra steps each day I am now up to 7000 a day I am also counting my calories and hopefully one day I will get there I take one day at a time all you can do is your best

  • Hello and welcome back RUBEE2013

    Afew things have changed since you were last here so pleased have a good look around and ask if you have any questions 😊

    I will give you a newbie badge anyway 😊

  • Thank you 😊

  • I am sorry for the way you were talked to. They really don't understand. I already beat myself up about my weight and have low self esteem. Makes you want to drive off a bridge! I won't actually do that😊 I think 7000 steps is awesome. You're right. One day at a time. Thank you for your encouragement.

  • That's really great RUBEE2013

  • Hi and welcome - sorry to hear of your experience with your Dr

    This is a very supportive forum and hope you will take the time to read below to help you get around the forum and to start your healthy weight loss :)

    Take a look at the Pinned posts section to the right of your screen (bottom if you're using a mobile), or in the drop down on the 'Posts' page (it says 'arrange by'). Read the Welcome Newbie thread, then move through to the challenges, where we hope you'll find at least one that will appeal to you.

    Move down to the Topics, to find a variety of threads, collated into specific topics for ease of access and we ask that you also 'file' your own threads, so that others won't miss your important news.

    Have a look at the NHS 12 week plan, as many people have had success with it. Also use the BMI (can be found in the pinned Newbie post) to find your target calories, it's important to eat enough. This was a major turning point for me, realising I could eat anything I wanted as long as the calories are accounted for 😊

    Don't forget to take your starting measurements and a 'before' picture, as they can be very motivating on days that the scales refuse to co-operate 😊

    To the right of the HOME page (bottom on a mobile), you'll find Events. In there, you'll find links to our daily Weigh-in's (you will choose just one day per week), our Daily Diary, where we post our menu and exercise plans, for accountability, advice and support - which is great to get ideas of what other people are eating and I have to confess to nicking some of their menu's :) and our β€œWhat's happening today” thread, where we pop in for a chat.

    Be aware, that the HU app doesn't give you access to all of our important features, so we advise that you use the full website page

    We've found that to get the best out of this community, we need to be active on the forum, as it's where we exchange information, get motivation and inspiration and make friends. We hope that you'll join us here, regularly, too 😊

    Wishing you all the best on your weight loss journey - YOU can do this :)

  • Thank you so very much. It sure is humbling to receive so much support. Grateful I posted. I will work on finding my way on this site. There is so much to offer. It's really helpful to be able to turn to others for support.

  • Doctors often don't deliver their message in a very compassionate way. My advice is channel your anger and frustration into your goal....one day at a time. Don't see it as a mountain but one small step after another. I was in this position once and went back a month later having lost a good amount of weight. Think how good that will feel!

  • So true! It's just hard to hear the "tough love" approach. I understand what her intentions are, I really do. Just caught me off guard. I'm sure the conversation only lasted 3 mins. Feels like an eternity when you're being reprimanded. I'll get there. One day at a time. Thank you for your encouragement.

  • I don't agree with the way your doctor spoke to you. However... I think you should use it as motivation. Everytime you feel too tired, think about this experience and use it to motivate yourself when nothing else will work.

    I hated my similar experience with my doctor. Went to see them when I was... 20? About an infected cut I had. This turned into a 15 minute conversations about my weight and accusations about much cake I was eating and how much kfc I ate, which was humiliating and I made a complaint.

    As much as it sent me home crying... My doctor is the only person who ever told me my weight was a problem. And that's what I needed. It obviously wasn't a magical fix. Because it's so hard to lose weight. But it did help to motivate me. If I hadn't had that experience and my parents and friends continued to tell me I was fine, I would not have changed my eating habits (they certainly weren't what the doctor was implying but they were not very good) and I sincerely believe I'd be really unwell right now.

    Doctors need to learn the right way to support someone, and I'm not defending their delivery of this 'support' they gave you as it sounds appalling. Don't let it bring you down!

    You said youve lost weight before, you just can't keep it off, so you know where your biggest challenge is. Lose it in a healthy way and change for life :)

  • Thank you so much for your encouragement. I'm sorry a doctor spoke to you poorly too. I wish they would work on their delivery. I would never speak to someone in this manner. I guess that's why I found it so hurtful. Going to start again. Hoping to get back on track.

  • I have little to add to the wonderful answers you have had above 😊 This gynaecologist obviously knows nothing about weight issues or the psychology of encouraging people!!!

    If you feel able, please take the offer of a dietitican, in my experience they are much more knowledgeable.

    And welcome to the forum STTM67

  • Thank you very much. Everyone has been wonderful. Makes you feel like you matter. I'm ready to do this!

  • Sorry to pour cold water on this but I had a terrible time with a dietician. Firstly she was annoyed that I was there in the first place because in her view I wasn't fat enough, a BMI of 34 was not fat enough? In the end, I had to ask her to explain what constitutes a 'portion'. I was supposed to go back and see her again a month later but cancelled the appointment. I wanted advice, not a patronising lecture and ticking off. I think most of us are pretty clued up about what you should and should not be eating.

    Here is an idea that may or may not work for you. Your best friend is coming to stay with you this next week. She/he is slim, smart and looks after herself/himself. (This best friend is the inner you) Every time you prepare a meal for yourself, your friend will have the same. Are you going to offer that friend a meal of chocolate/chips/crisps? Are you going to expect her/him to stand at the fridge with you grazing, or eating the kids leftovers from the plate as it travels from where it was abandoned to the dishwasher? Will you serve a mis-matched plate piled so high you need a knife,fork and a bulldozer? I think you would make light nourishing meals, cooked to the best of your ability. Your friend may even have a small glass of wine, but I bet she will appreciate cool sparkling water served in a pretty glass with ice and maybe a slice of lemon. I dare say, this friend will eat slowly, obviously enjoying your offering. Are you going to spoil your friendship because he/she cannot clear the plate?

    This approach may or may not work for you, it is a bit of an eye-opener when we realise how little we attention we give ourselves.

  • So true. Such a different perspective. You're right, we would take careful attention at what we served our friend. It really makes you think! Sorry to hear the dietician was unhelpful. She should have never been annoyed, no matter what your weight is! As a dietician, you would think her goal would be to discuss healthy foods, portions and ideas! Sounds like she didn't even want to contribute to the conversation! Good grief, I might ask around before I go. Want someone who can help me get on track. Thanks again.

  • Please don't give up you've took the 1st step by coming on here. I'm sure you felt totally humiliated by the doctor but try to put that to the back of your mind & look forward. On this site there are some lovely people who will give you really helpful words of advice & encouragement. Good luck πŸ‘

  • Thank you so much. Yes, I felt humiliated. I felt so bad. I'm so glad I've reached out and found this site. I'm sure by no accident. Encouragement is so much better than what I received at the doctor. I will put it in the back of my mind. Thank you

  • The doctor should be ashamed of themeselves. It is fair enough for them to gently bring up something they're concerned about, but should never make you feel humiliated! I've had this experience before when I finally dregged up the courage to talk to a doctor about my anxiety and it sidetracked to a conversation about my weight, which I'd gained because I was struggling with my anxiety!

    Just remember that your weight does not define you, you're so much more than a clothing size. Agree with the guys above suggesting to use it as motivation, but don't let it bog you down. Doctors know objectively what is best for us but they don't know everything about you xxx

  • Thank you so much. You hit the nail on the head for me! My weight has always defined me. I know that is very wrong, but it has. I'm sorry you're had this experience before. Sometimes I think they have no filter! Yes, please discuss your concerns regarding my weight, but not in a way that make me want to drive into a tree! I'll get back on track. I know I can. One day at a time.

  • oh honey don't let the "I think I am perfect" people get to you!!!! I am 50 and I am loving life. it is difficult as I have a tough job on my feet all the time but everything else is great. I do NOT let narrow minded people who have never struggled with their weight make me feel bad. no one understands what you are going thru unless they have been there before and all of us have. I am struggling with many pounds right now and unless I get healthier, not just slimmer, I will have joint problems and all that as well. I am borderline diabetic now and so I have a long way to go. but chin up darlin!!! we are here for you like no one you have ever met before so when you get sad or down, come here and read and post to others like you and me that are having a tough time too. I promise by the time you are finished, you will feel better.... I know I do. CHIN UP BABY!!!!

  • Thank you so much. The support I have received has been overwhelming. Makes you feel others actually care. Not feeling so good about myself these days. Makes me teary-eyed. I know I can do it. This support has been wonderful.

  • You so can! You are exactly where you're meant to be here!

  • Thank you. I know coming here was not by accident. So grateful for all the support!

  • Hi sorry to hear of your bad experience with the doctor 😑 put that where it should be in the past. Today you can start to improve your life, start with the 12 week plan, get your calorie allowance using the BMI calculator and write all foods you eat down, give yourself a small goal say your first half stone I am putting Β£1 away for every 1lb I loose then at the end I will get myself something to remember my journey. 😊 Do this for you because only you can do it and you are so worth it, believe me from someone who was told throughout her life she wasn't the slimmest, prettiest or even the most helpful person ( spent my life being helpful by the way). You finally feel it's your time and this is yoursπŸ‘, think what you want, how much weight you would like to lose not what society says you should be but what you feel you could cope with and start your first mini goal. As you progress the benefits will show, less aches, moving around more easily, comments from others the list goes on. Choose a weighin day and any advice pop on here you will soon be the one giving advice as you learn all about a healthy lifestyle.

    Today is the beginning, forget even yesterday it's now and tomorrow that count, your tomorrow to a fitter you.

    Best wishes I look forward to hearing how like the rest of us you are finding the new lifestyle benefits, good luck for your first week πŸ‘ next week how many lbs lighter?

  • Thank you so much for your encouragement. I've been blown away with how many people actually took the time to respond. So grateful. You're right, I need to put that experience behind me. I know I can do it. I will continue to use this forum for support. It's been less than 24hours and the responses have been wonderful. So glad I found this site.

  • I was so glad last year too as I sat inbed depressed wondering what I should do to help myself, someone up there was looking after me that day as I found the site by accident but it's been the best thing I've done to join, everyone is so helpful, encouraging and supportive even people who have reached their goals stay on here to support others, hope you find it easier now you have a community of like minded people to support you, as L'OrΓ©al says do it ' Because I'm worth it'. ❀️

  • You're so sweet. Yes, it's been so overwhelming. So many took the time to write encouraging words. A few days have past, and the sting is not quite as bad. I know I can do it!

  • Baby steps. You didn't put weight on overnight, it crept up on you slowly so it will take a little while to go away but stay positive and with the support on here you will succeed.

  • Thank you! You're so right. I know it was happening little by little. Just wasn't ready to come to terms with it I guess. It is a cycle for me. Lose weight, gain weight. Over and over again! Grateful for all the support. I know I can get back on track.

  • What a horrible experience - particularly as you are already coping with problems. Everyone knows when they are overweight and, as far as I can see, everyone in that position also wants to lose weight. If we are kind, we can only think that she was hoping a short, sharp tirade (shock) would help spur you on. It sounds as if it had the reverse affect.

    Try and push those words out of your head. Being here means you are committed to improving your weight - and here, although this is only my fourth week, there is so much support and understanding that I'm sure you will achieve what you want to achieve.

    There are so many, many reasons why we gain weight - from illnesses to personal/social problems and emotional difficulties to mention just three.

    To think that an abrasive tirade will help with any of those was naive and crass.

    Stand tall, put yourself in the driving seat, decide what you want to do and go for it. At least here you are in a community that understands and is keen to support you on every step of your journey. And sharing your experiences with the dr will have already helped others who have faced similar humiliations.

    I'm at the start of what will be a very long weight-loss journey and it will have lots of ups and downs as things/life get in the way.

    Knowing all this support is here is, I believe, going to help me along the way. I hope it will help you too.

  • Thank you for your words of encouragement. You're absolutely right. Her tirade DID have the opposite effect! But that is past now and I need to more forward to a healthier lifestyle. The support has been overwhelming. It's so wonderful to know other people take the time to care.

  • This makes my blood boil, even if there are no physical reasons, which clearly there are in your case, this really needs to be treated as an eating disorder. I have mentioned before that if Anorexics were treated in a similar way they would be told "eat more". The fact that there are so many overweight and obese people in my view highlights the need to understand and treat the causes. I do not accept that all overweight people are lazy, many are very active neglecting themselves, grabbing whatever they can inbetween caring for others. I totally understand your fatigue, I understand your sense of isolation and your despair having chronic physical conditions. On here you will find people who will understand and offer practical advice and support. We believe you are worth the time and effort to gently help you find and meet your true needs, soothe your soul and put the cruel people who evidently do not understand in their place. We are all on a journey here to help you along the way, this is your 'safe place' you will not be judged, we all want you to find what is right for you. Take care

  • Tears are rolling down my face. Thank you for your kind words. I need a little soul soothing! I think you're right. I don't feel I'm worth it. I spent most of my life feeling this way. So wonderful to receive such support! I know I can do it. One day at a time.

  • I too had a bad experience with a gynecologist and doctor not over weight issues but they were rude and I was upset. I went to see another gynecologist and now see another doctor within our practice. I was and am still upset . I can fully appreciate how you feel but there are some kind understanding people out there. Its just finding them. Its them not you good luck keep going.

  • So sorry you've had a bad experience too. I can't imagine speaking to anyone in that manner. So glad you have another doctor. That might be something I need to consider. I'm not disagreeing with her concern for my weight, just know it could have been delivered differently. Thank your for your encouragement!

  • You have autoimmune thyroid therefore that could be your reason for weight gain and will make weightloss a long journey. Don't give up, you say the doctor was a gynacologist so she probably doesn't know anything about thyroid, but that still doesn't give her any right to talk to you like that.

    You will find many of us on this forum with thyroid abnormalities, we know what its like to try and lose weight so remember your not alone.

  • So grateful for all the encouragement I have received. It's been overwhelming. I'm going to use that as a motivator and not her harsh words. It was just such a shock that seemed to last forever! I couldn't get out of that office fast enough. I'm ready to get back on track.

  • Thank you 😊

  • You have had an awful experience and coming on here you will find lots of support and no judgement. Many people oh here have health issues and still manage to lose weight.

    Br determined, be prepared for it to be slow and make a lifestyle change don't go on a diet. Decide what one thing you can change, what one thing that is not good for you will you decide not to put in your mouth anymore.

    Come on regularly and chat, get to know people, support them. Also pop over to the Daily Diary thread and see what other people eat, it is really enlightening to see how creative people are with their menus.

    I guess you doctor is right that people get tired after work but it helps once the weight reduces and the biggest part of losing weight, for good, is choosing and then sticking to eating healthily. Cutting out any form of sugar and processed foods is a real big step forward.

    Enjoy your journey and good luck.

  • Thank you so much for the encouragement! I am grateful I have found this site. So many kind words I've received! I know it's going to be a long journey. Have to start somewhere. I'm ready!

  • And congratulations for making the start. I doubt you will regret it.

  • Thank you 😊

  • I would to thyroid forum and post your latest blood results. This is thyroid issue as far as I can see not a dieting one. The forum is called thyroid uk and is another health unlocked forum. You probably need some different thyroid medication and there is some but it is expensive for doctors to prescribe so we are not always told about it.

    You are not fat you are a beautiful soft woman and that doctor s probably jealous because she is one of the more common hard bony ones.

  • You're comment put a smile on my face. I'm soft alright! 😊 I will look into the thyroid site as well. I know I need to do better. Just hard to hear so much harshness at one time. I've received just the opposite here on this site. So grateful.

  • Holy moly what a nasty individual with no people skills. Perhaps we all have needed a wake up call but NOT by some nasty person thinking they have the right to be so down right nasty. Phew I'm angry for you...well I only joined this forum 2 days ago and it's lovely and caring and informative too.

    You'll do okay here so breathe in and out and remember you are worth it. Don't let some upstart ruin your belief in yourself. One day at a time and you'll regain your self belief and worth. Good luck for this week πŸ˜€

  • Thank you for your kind words. The support has been overwhelming. So wonderful to know there is so much support. Still finding my way around the site. I certainly feel encouraged. Ready to start again.

  • Oh please don't give up. I know how hard it is to lose weight. I needed to lose weight because of diabetes and heart disease. It was really hard getting into a routine. I used the my fitness pal app, BUT I had a free day every week. So this worked for 2 reasons. Firstly it was good for me psychologically. When I wanted or craved something I would put it away for my "day off". Secondly because restricting your calories slows down metabolism, so having a day off tells your body that there is plenty of food, so your metabolism doesn't slow down.

    So on the off day I ate whatever I wanted but made sure that I had good healthy meals do I didn't have to pig out on chips and chocolate. I ate them in moderation. The thing with the day off is you can eat whatever you like without feeling guilty. However don't have more than one day off a week and also the day off should be an exaggeration about how much you eat. It will take time but on your diet days count your calories and don't go over the recommended amount.

    Beauty comes in many forms and it seems to me that you are a truly beautiful person. Don't give up. That doctor didn't do her job properly. Not your fault, hers ! For being so insensitive. Good luck. I wish you all the best and know you're not alone

  • Thank you for your kindness. Many of these responses have made me teary-eyed. Yours included. To know there are people who are complete strangers, but actually care. So overwhelmed. Again, so grateful I've found this site.

  • I have done my fitnesspal and actually found the calorie counting really easy to stick too and I lost weight but for some reason I struggled to keep imputting all my food. I just got fed up with it. Not sure why.

  • I have a Fitbit. It is a fitness tracker with an app on my phone. Based on my activity levels, it will let me know how many calories I should eat. It also has a place on the app where I enter what I have eaten and it tells me how many calories I have left. I was very faithful about logging this information down. Gotta get going again. Thank you.

  • What an unhelpful approach from.your doctor You need support not to be yelled at. 10000 steps a day a day is brilliant That certainly counts as exercise You will get the support you need here Good luck x

  • Thank you for your support. This site has been amazing with how many people I have reach out to my post. Feeling grateful. My doctors approach was unhelpful. I understand her concern, her delivery could have been more professional. Either way, it made me find this site, which I'm glad I did 😊

  • You are welcome This is a fantastic forum where you will never be judged just supported x

  • Thank you 😊

  • It sounds harsh...and probably was harsh...but it may have triggered you to return here...because you are here and I am glad you made it here. You show you do want to lose weight... So that's great. Well done you for coming here and sharing your feelings , that is sometimes hard but I hope you are feeling a little more hopeful.

    I'm 51 and started yet again in March 16. I am so up and down but have managed 2 stone...(although I am away from home for a couple of days and haven't been good so it's probably less than 2 stone now).

    There are some very inspiring stories on here.. people who have been our age and older who have lost colossal amounts of weight...

    My motto is slow and steady...just little changes at a time. Don't eat too little as that's a trap many fall into...use the NHS bmi page as a guide to calories. I don't know if you use a food tracker but they help many. I use My fitness Pal.

    A few years ago I lost about two and a half stone and what helped was keeping a food diary...literally I worked all my calories out .. hence now the tracker app...saves a little time.

    I cut out some day, not all. And I still like a treat.

    I also put it all back on again...but am now trying again and am determined to keep it off even though I am a bit stuck at the moment...

    There's so much psychological stuff for food lovers/ dieters and sometimes THAT is what is so hard to overcome.

    Have some strategies in place for when you know you may be tempted. We gave a. Snack trolley at work...and if having a crap day I want KitKats... So I avoid taking money and try to have something alternative in my desk...maybe a healthier snack. I also have a bottle of water by my side ( and a spare in the work fridge with juice in it... If I finish the water bottle my reward is the juice bottle..which is what I really want 😁 The fluids can sometimes ward off those peckish pangs.

    Just little things...

    I programmed My fitness Pal to help me lose 2lb a week and it allowed me 1390 Cal's...and every day I went over, then got demoralised then comfort are about 1000 Cals of carbs... I reduced my target and it allows me 1700... I stay under that quite easily, get pleased and then don't comfort eat. Little things...

    Anyway you probably know a lot of these things anyway if you're an on off dieter...but do look round the forum again, pinned posts etc and don't be afraid of posting a question however daft it might seem. o one will judge and some great answers will arrive...and asking the question might help someone else who was too shy to ask...

    Enough of my ramblings...good luck STTM67

  • You're so sweet and not rambling. I thank you and appreciate all the tips and encouragement. It's a journey that I have to get back on! I've been humbled by the overwhelming response to my post. So much more helpful and constructive. I am definitely an emotional eater. I really need to work on that. I am going to make sure I drink more water, which I'm really bad about! I need to plan and pack more healthy snacks. We have a snack drawer at work that is loaded with candy. We just grab from there when it's too busy to eat. Not the best alternative. Gotta stay away from that drawer!!!! Thanks again.

  • I think all snack drawers should be festooned with crime scene tape! Maybe then we'd think twice about eating from it. :)

    Maybe find a way to get healthy snacks included in the snack drawer too? If there's one thing I've learned it's that you're never the only one around work that wants/needs to lose weight or eat more healthy! :D

  • Yep! The crime tape needs to happen πŸ˜‚ It's true, there are others that are eating healthier to lose weight. I need to follow their lead. Thank you.

  • And something else that is one of my major downfalls is lack of sleep. We need good sleep to help the weight...and how many hours do I go for a night...well quite often 3-4

    Up late tonight as I have just arrived home... It's 0115. And this will be an early night believe it or not... I'll be up at about 0630 so quite long lol

  • Oh. I wish you had more sleep. I too struggle with this. Sadly, since my body hurts so much, I haven't slept in an actual bed for about 9yrs now. I start out on the couch and move to a recliner where I can put my feet up. Keep staring at the clock too because I have to get up to work. Hope this changes soon.

  • Good point about reviewing your calorie target and making it manageable. Doesnt matter if it takes longer, it is proven to stay off more easily. I took a year for 2st and kept it off over 2yrs. Keep going!!

  • That's wonderful! My biggest struggle has ALWAYS been maintenance!!!! Haven't figured it out. Not sure why. I work hard to lose the weight. You would think my brain would tell me that I don't want to do that again!

  • That is so sad. I went through the same thing with my doctor once, she made me so mad I lost weight so it worked!

  • I'm sorry for your experience. I'm glad for your success!!! We just need to be treated with respect. Like I've replied earlier, I understand it's their obligation to discuss health issues with us, they need to be professional and respectful. She was neither!

  • Please don't give up. That gynochologist certainly handled things badly without sensitivity for your feelings. But Im pretty sure you already knew these facts yourself, but had just found it hard to find a way forward. That can change today!!

    This site can help, if you really want it to. We all have bad days and good days with overeating, self esteem, wanting to hide away. Several years ago I refused loads of social occasions because I felt fat, or I did accept them then had a hissy-fit at the last minute and refused to go because my dress wouldn't fit.. My low mood played a big part in the break up of my marriage.

    Fast forward 12 years, and I dealt with it ... not easy but now at 64 , am a happy, healthy weight with a loving partner. This site is a great support for you, me and the thousands of others on here, all with the same aims and same issues. STICK WITH US, just give it 3 months and see.

  • So true. Like I've replied elsewhere, I know it's her obligation as a clinician to discuss health issues with me. I was just not expecting her to be that unprofessional and disrespectful. Of course I know I'm overweight. Unfortunately I've lost and gained 100's of pounds in my adult life. Not proud of it, but it's the truth. I feel like I'm trapped in a cycle were I have to remember how much I weighed the last time I saw someone. Then I decide if I can face people or not. Most of the time I can't. Why do I do this to myself? Still haven't figured it out. Once a friend told me unless I figure it out, I will never be successful with maintenance. She's right!!!! Time and time again, I've worked so hard to lose the weight, only to regain it. Makes no sense. This has definitely put a strain on my relationship as well. I can't ask my husband to put his life on hold, so he just goes without me. Yes it makes me depressed and sad. I sit alone often. You would think I could snap out of this?!? Soooo. Having the doctor shame me was a little more that I could bear at the time. It's been a couple of days, so it's not as bad. Nothing I will ever forget though. Just so tired of failing all the time. I know I need to get back on track.

  • Hi and welcome. I hope that awful doctor puts lots of weight on due to a medical condition and get the same treatment from her doctor! I believe in karma so she will get her just desserts in time.

    Meantime she did you a good turn in a way because you have come in here. We will support and help you all the way so today is the beginning of the rest of your 'thinner life'.

    I have an urge to slap that doctor now.... Grrhhh.

  • Your post made me smile 😊 It was harsh, but you're right, I'm here. The support has been so amazing and kind. Thank you for your post. I know I have to get back on track. Hoping a can post a weight loss in the near future on my journey.

  • Harsh? it was quite restrained for me :) One of my sisters had 2 boiler fitters in and she was very upset when they said things to her such as 'How can you live like this'? Her flat at the time was a complete tip.

    After a week or so when she had calmed down she realised they were actually right and she did get a company in to get rid of loads of stuff. She herself said they did her a favour, she still refused to have them back though :)

    You will get there with the help and support from all the amazing members on here.

  • Oh No! I didn't mean YOU were harsh dear. I mean the doctor was harsh. You are very sweet to reach out to me, as others have. Sorry your sister was made to feel badly. It never feels good. Glad she was able to make some positive changes because of it. My goal too😊

  • wow that is just . . . wow. There are ways and means of discussing weight loss with a patient and that certainly isn't it. Berating and criticising only works on a certain type of person and not many overweight people are that type.

    Don't give up on yourself, you can do it. I know how hard it is with fibro especially exercise. people don't understand that you can't just push through the tiredness without there being sometimes devasting consequences. You do really well to do the 10'000 steps, so well done on that score.

    When I came on here I was told to ask myself why I want to lose weight and it seems such an inoccuous question but its amazing when you really look into your motivations what is in ther. Is it for other peoples view of you? Your health? Your own emotional and physical well being? etc.

    I personally found once I really sat down and thought about my motivations I decided I needed to change them. I was mainly thinking about what other people saw in me and my weight, plus for my health so I decided to change why I wanted to lose weight. I decided I don't care what other people say I want to lose weight for myself, to feel good when I put on clothes in the privacy of my bedroom and look in the mirror to find they are fitting better or are simply too big. To feel proud of myself when I step on the scales in the privacy of my bathroom and see the numbers have dropped. To feel the renewed joy in life with the variety of wonderful food instead of just snacking on all the rubbish with satisfys a momentary craving. To feel healthier and happier generally. Being able to share the results with others in definitely a bonus but doing it for me seems to have really helped.

    Don't be discouraged by the doctors words, you can do this.

  • You are so right! I am not that type for the "tough love" approach. I do need to do a little soul searching. I care way too much about people's perceptions. Being overweight makes me feel so inadequate and insecure! It's actually turned me away from so many things! It's easier to just stay home than to be judged. I really need to do this for my health! I'm not getting any younger, and if I want to be around, I need to change my ways. So glad you're successful with your journey. It's wonderful to read the success stories. Thank you for reaching out to me.

  • Don't give up! Try the NHS 12 week plan to help reduce weight. It encourages awareness of what foods you eat, how much exercise you do and the calorific content of food and if you stick with this you will start the ball rolling with your weight loss.

    Good luck and don't despair.

    AlanBG

  • Thank you for your encouragement and advise. I will check out the NHS plan. Hopefully I can post so weight loss soon.

  • Ok big breath and let's regroup! I'm sorry your visit to the doc felt so humiliating and rough. In my opinion there is no need for a doc to do that to a patient. Some docs just have no people skills.

    I know it doesn't seem like it now, but if that doc didn't care a fig about you and your health she would have said nothing. She's trying to save your life by pushing you and getting tough on you. I would presume she doesn't realise how hurtful and personal it feels to be on the receiving end of that lecture.

    You are wounded by this rough bedside manner and I understand why. But I also see you're in pain from your circumstances. You feel life is passing you by. You can change that. You can stay here in this group and you can make small positive changes.

    We are all behind you and we will support you every day if you make that choice.

    Eff that doc and her bad manners, start again down the right path!

  • Thank you. You're right. I know her motives were to get me back on track. Just didn't appreciate how unprofessional and disrespectful she was at conveying it. It's been a few days, so the sting is not as bad. I do feel bad about my circumstances. How many times am I going to have to lose this weight? What's wrong with me that I can't keep it off? I does make me sad. Life IS passing me by.... I need to lose weight to get healthier for myself. I know that. It's such a hard journey. I've replied before that I have gained and lost hundreds of pounds in my adult life!!! Certainly not proud of that fact. I know I need to get back on track. Thank you for reaching out.

  • Your doctor sounds like they need a personality transplant. I was told similar a few months ago when I asked for a referral to the lymphoedema clinic. I was told that when I was referred 10 years ago I was a similar weight to what I was. At the risk of sounding rude I actually thought "What a pr@@k, if you cant say anything helpful don't say anything." You have now come to the right place though and you will get all the support and advice that you need. I want to say show the doctor how wrong they were but no, don't do that, do it for yourself and your health and fitness. Don't give up WE are going to be fitter and healthier this year. I look forward to reading your future posts. X

  • You're post about the doctor needing a personality transplant made me laugh πŸ˜‚ You're right, I have to do it for myself. So sorry you encountered rude treatment. I really think they have no clue how bad they make people feel. I know her intentions were to get me back on track. Just quite an unprofessional way of doing it! Thank you for reaching out. The support here has been wonderful.

  • Oh dear. It sounds dreadful.

    It is true that deep down we may know what is making us eat badly and gain weight... but most of the times is not because we are lazy cows.

    It seems the doctor only saw you as a patient with a number and contrasted figures. They are supposed to offer advice, to guide us and help us see what is wrong and needs changing.

    Imposing and judging will only have the opposite effect.

    So don't give up, do it for yourself. Take a moment to analyse your daily routines. Are there any meals you skip? What choices do you make when you are out? Do you over eat? ... bad habits?... etc. Compare it with the 12wks plan and you will spot what you are not doing right.

    Good luck and keep sharing!!

  • Thank you for the advice. I know her intentions were to get me back on track. Just was handled unprofessionally and disrespectfully I know others have posted about the 12 week plan. Going to look at it once I reply to call the kind people who have reached out to me.

  • Change Doctors !!! you are lovely no matter what you weigh, personality counts higher than any weight issues.Best wishes xx

  • Thank you for your kind words. A few days have past, and I'm realizing that. I will change doctors. No one deserves to be disrespected. There is a proper way to convey health concerns. This wasn't the way!

  • Good for you, you need praise and good will not her skepticism ( a good word for a Saturday, don,t you think?) I surprise myself sometimes. Both you/me and the many other good people on this site will win through doing it together.xx

  • I agree. That's right. Love your Saturday word!😊 Doing it together IS winning!

  • Hi 2lbs loss this week, the going is good !!! that makes a total of 2st 2lbs since starting this healthy eating thingy, still have5st to go but it is certainly encouraging seeing the scale speedo going in the right direction for once. Oh my, I'm feeling the love x

  • She needs shooting for treating you so badly. My husband's GP is like that -whilst sitting at his desk which supports his own belly .A joke .Mine is lovely -and as thin as a lath! You are worth so much more .

  • Sorry your husbands doctor is like this! Thank you for your kind words. Feeling better since a few days have past. Just catches you completely off guard.

  • Hi there. I am really annoyed on your behalf..... I wish I had been there with you ..... how bloody dare he/she.... I'm so sorry you were exposed to this insensitive person... being a doctor doesn't mean they are automatically understanding, knowledgeable, or sympathetic to people who carry weight and the many many issues surrounding it. Please ask to see another gynae, state your reasons or I'll pen it for you, this shouldn't go unchallenged, it really shouldn't. I've come across similar, but on a teeny scale, nothing like this.

    Doctors are, ( and I support this ) being encouraged to ask people, overweight people to think about making life style/food choices etc..... they are not being encouraged to ridicule, belittle and be scornful of patients. The 'truth' is not always pleasant, and yes, there are times we possibly need to hear it, BUT it needs to be balanced with understanding/support/kindness/knowledge of patients history.

    Please complain.

    I'm sending you my biggest hug, cwtch, cuddle xxxxxxxxxxxxx😘😘😘😘

    Not all doctors are equal; some are wonderfully supportive and kind.

  • You are so sweet. Thank you. I agree completely. As a clinician, they have an obligation to discuss health issues and concerns. I Would NEVER speak to someone in this manner! It was unprofessional and disrespectful. I'm feeling better now. Appoint was a few days ago. I will seek out another gyne. I'm not denying I have things I can work on, I just don't need to be shamed and disrespected.

  • 'Cwtch'.......nothing better !

  • Hi. DO NOT GIVE UP! You are worth it. I get days...ok weeks when I think "sod it" & eat rubbish and drink beer. But on those few days when I'm in the right frame of mind I can do really well. Just take 1 day at a time. Record what you eat/drink. My fitness pal is a great app. Prove to yourself and your doctor you can beat this. You can. πŸ™‚

  • Thank you. I'm feeling better since. It's a balance and you're right, one day at a time. It has been so wonderful to have so many people reach out. Very humbling.

  • Hi don't give up, change your doctor!!! How awful I'm so sorry you had to go through that! Success is the best way to show them!! Keep going we're all here for you x

  • Thank you for your kind words. Really took me by surprise. I am considering changing doctors. I understand as a clinician, they have an obligation to discuss health issues. However, it needs to be done professionally and respectfully! A couple days have past and I am realizing her intentions were there, but the delivery was horrible!

  • Thank you. I won't give up. It was awful. It's been a few days since, so I'm not as disturbed. Just so disrespectful and unprofessional. Thank you for your support. All have been amazing!

  • It is more than a little frustrating being told you 'just need to eat less and move more'. Like Gary Taubes says, imagine you went to a seminar on how to get rich and they said the key to Bill Gates' success was he earned more money ;-)

  • So true. A little advise or direction would go a long way. I'm glad I found this site 😊

  • You really have taken the first and most important step for you. You are brace and strong and can feel even better with our help here. Research has shown that scare tactics don't work so even from a medical intervention point of view this Doctor is an ass.You need to do this for you. For the person you are, not for who you one day want to be. You are cool, love yourself now and the future you deserve will be yours. Stay in touch xxxxx

  • You are so sweet. I believe it's true. Scare tactics don't work. What they can do, is make people not want to go to the doctor at all, because they are overweight. This can be detrimental, because something serious might be missed. I need to work on the self-love part. The good thing is I'm getting a lot of it from this site 😊

  • It took me 55 years to learn self love is the key to physical and emotional health. Seek out and find your passion, what makes you happy and grab it with both hands. Life is 😊. You are πŸ‹πŸΌβ€β™€οΈ.

  • Thank you. I need to seek out my passion. Not sure what it is yet. That's part of the journey. I'm really ready to be happy😊

  • You might find it in sport πŸŠπŸ»β€β™€οΈπŸš΅β€β™€οΈπŸŽ½πŸ‚πŸ€Ίβ›ΉπŸ»β€β™€οΈ xxxx

  • Mine turned out to be working with really disadvantaged kids in a college setting. This came after years of stress in child protection and school teaching. Something just clicked. I have lost over 4 stone in weight and genuinely am happier now than I have ever been . I travel on the train an hour to and an hour from work so do around sixty hours per week but so so grounded. Your time will come too, stop searching, be still and wait. Oh and cut out the mars bars too πŸ€¦β€β™‚οΈ

  • Please don`t feel bad about yourself. I help many ladies with weight loss and a large majority who find they can`t stick to diets have self esteem issues. This is often the core problem- NOT the food and bad eating habits, but the REASON for that emotional need which in turn drives that urge to turn to food to try to resolve the way you feel. Eating certain foods can connect to feeling better in that moment, only to mentally beat yourself up afterwards. If this sounds familiar, it`s your emotional well being that needs to be addressed and take the focus off food and unwanted eating habits.

    If this resonates with you, I advise you to go see a hypnotherapist- ( a registered one ) - most of us give a free consultation, then you can decide for yourself if this is a way forward.

    Your inner mind, the subconscious, controls the urge to continue habits so it makes perfect sense to work with that part of you. Hypnotherapy connects you directly to that subconscious part of you, so you can make the necessary changes, so ending the conflict you face if you try to lose weight by using willpower and conscious desire only. That`s because the conscious mind looks to the subconscious for validation. Both parts agree- bingo, you automatically drop weight .

    Best of luck !

  • Hello, you have my utmost sympathy.

    What a horrible doctor you have. You should put in a complaint about her. This is NOT how doctors are meant to address weight loss.

    It's not clear if you're based in Britain and this was an NHS doctor. If so put in a written complaint to the hospital and ask to be referred to someone else.

    If she's a private doctor, stop seeing her and get another doctor!

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