The dark side of motivation

I am losing weight in order to save my knees ... however I find the prospect of being thinner than my sister on our holiday in Rome (October) and for her daughter's wedding (November) an even greater incentive. That's why I haven't told her (heh, heh!). She's both younger and taller than me.

[Janecad 1 stone]

Ahhh sibling rivalry, you can't beat it. Hey, if it helps, I say go for it.

Just one problem, you can loose weight but can you get any taller 😁😁😁

My sister is 5 yrs older than me and people think we are twins, so the question is,

does she look younger ,or .......😭😭😭😭😱💧

[Hidden in reply to Janecad]

Well she's a grandma now and I'm not so that helps when I tell people I'm really the youngest!

[NannyEJ]

Very devious Hidden , but motivation is motivation 🤷‍♀️. Good luck and hope you are successful. I am sure you will be looking fabulous by October, and sylph-like by November. EJ

[Ceals]

Whatever motivation works is well worth using. Have fun.

[Daisy1925]

Sisters!

My sister and I have both gone up and down in weight over the years but over past twenty years I have tended to be the slimmer one. This has been a source of friction between us. She wouldn't even see me one whole year because of this. Unfortunately she has been ill and put on weight and I have lost 3 stone so once again I am a persona non grata. Personally I think it is very sad because losing weight was mostly about improving my health and life expectancy and I wish I could help her make the lifestyle changes. We are 62 and 64 respectively and our mother died at 69 mostly as a result of eating, drinking and smoking too much. I don't want to go the same way.

[elliebath Maintainer in reply to Daisy1925]

I can see how this might happen. When you lost weight your sister felt she lost the 'real' you ... especially If you previously looked quite similar. She might also have felt the same if, for example, you were both brunettes and suddenly you went blonde.

It is sad though if it meant you fell out for a year. You cant make her lose weight and talking about your own weightloss techniques may just alienate her,she really has to want it for herself .

From the outside it sounds easy just to say: "please eat healthily too, cuz you're my sister and I don't want to lose you prematurely " , but I know it is really difficult to have this sort of conversation even with our loved ones. I have an overweight sister too , but I now accept she seems quite happy as she is, she is 74.

[Daisy1925 in reply to elliebath]

I don't even mention my weight loss and certainly don't suggest she follows my example. It is always like walking on egg shells, I know she is very sensitive but I think she just can't bear the sight of me at the mo. And your right I don't want to lose her prematurely.

[elliebath Maintainer in reply to Daisy1925]

I too certainly hope you don't . Ive had the same fear as my sister is my only sibling. Our mum died when I was 16 and dad 8 years later ... long time ago , but still ....

[Gillma in reply to elliebath]

Middle one of three sisters here: you made me think, jealousy is almost never about what it appears to be about. fear of losing each other so you push each other away- maybe? Sisters are a bit like mums - make you feel vulnerable and then a bit cross? No idea how sib issues relate to food. Interested.

[Gillma]

I'd blame the receptionist's eyesight!

[elliebath Maintainer]

Gillma Hi, I'm not a professional (altho I did work 8 yrs in a counselling unit ) but I reckon our food issues can trace back to all aspects of our life history . .. parenting, siblings, school /work issues, marital status, kids, bereavement.....etc ...Hopefully your 3 sister situation has not affected your eating or weight. 😊

[Gillma in reply to elliebath]

Thanks elliebath - technical query. How do you make a name 'live' when addressing someone in a post? Also, no our threesome all rather similar in height/weight/eating habits - nothing extreme. I can see how sib issues cd affect food though. Even in our 60s we ceaselessly compare and sometimes jealousy looms - helpful to embrace it though? I feel when I can name its face (takes a while) I can give it a decent burial. But maybe jealousy could be 'stuffed down' with food? After all most of us have spent a long time being ashamed of jealousy. Now VERY curious.

[elliebath Maintainer in reply to Gillma]

So are both sisters overweight, and you're now the slim one?

Thats more tricky as you're now the odd one out i guess. Ive no magic answer other than to subtly demonstrate that you're feeling fine ( even if they're not ) and continue with the hand of friendship, invitations, sisterly love. Time should help.

Re the technical question, to alert an individual member insert the @ sign before typing their name, it will then show up in blue and they get notified that you've mentioned them in a post.

[Gillma in reply to elliebath]

Oh thanks @elliebath. I think this answer was mostly meant for @catmint though?

[Gillma in reply to Gillma]

Hmm - didn't work