Tonight I am going to sit down and plan my week that will start tomorrow! From meals, exercise, water intake and daily tasking, the organisation starts tomorrow! The response I received from you all on my last post really gave me hope! You all showed me that I am not alone.
Today I went out shopping with the family after a Fathers Day breakfast and we ended up in TKmax. I hate shopping... I really dislike it unless its for someone else but shopping for myself is something that I find a true bore, at times even frustrating. The temperature today has been ridiculously hot and so the jeans and top I had dressed myself in this morning just became an uncomfortable soggy hell to walk in. I needed a sundress ASAP because I was turning into the Hulk in the clothes I was wearing in that heat.
ANYWAY I picked out a few maxi dresses all a size 20 to try on. I got into the changing rooms which were completely air-conditioned so the whole fitting room was bliss to be in until... I undressed myself. Now I undress everyday and see myself in a mirror on a daily basis but today was different. I couldn't believe that the body looking back at me was mine. I couldn't believe I had let my body become this deformed blob with lumps of fat in odd places. I quickly got dressed and left the fitting room and told my mum I simply didn't like the dresses... Which was a lie I couldn't bare to put the clothes on the body that I saw in that mirror.
I feel that it wasn't that long ago I was looking in the mirror and thought to myself, "you know what? You aint that bad" I can believe how much my form has changed in the last month or so. Anyway I told myself that I am not allowed to wallow about my experience and the body staring back at me. Instead I reminded myself that only I can make a change.