You know that the balance in your life is very wrong when you finally open your ipad and switch on your personal emails to find 312 unopened staring back at you, when your friends have forgotton what you look like and when your own daughter 'books' herself into your diary. These things and a few more have just slapped me in the face like a cold wet flannel, and I feel like crying. I hate to let people down, especially my friends and children, I have even let this forum down over the last few weeks as I haven't posted my steps on the Kilometre challenge ( apologies moreless 🙁) My life feels like a permanent 'Merry-go-round' that I can't get off. Today I have made a decision to cut my work hours so I can concentrate on myself, it is so scary and my heart is pounding at the thought, but the long hours have taken too much of a toll on me ( I work permanent nights). For too long work has relied on me to breach the gap, but working 60+ hours every week and sleeping little through the day is quite literally killing me. So at 9am today I had a difficult conversation and stated I would be working a standard 42 hours from now on, no on call, no giving up my days off, no sacrificing my annual leave....etc.... and do you know what? I feel lighter already, panicky but lighter.
So today is stretching before me free from appointments, appraisals, updating files..... just free.. For a split second I felt adrift, being so used to having my time 'allocated' the panic rose in my chest like a tidal wave......then it dropped....the preverbial penny, I am free to look after my health and not someone elses, I can socialise to look after my mental health, I can batch cook and slow cook, pour over recipe books at leisue and look after my weight healthily, I have time to do the exercise I want to do to look after my physical health, I can be with my children, my siblings, 'Mom', my extended family without looking at my watch or trying to juggle the never ending 'job list' to fit time in with them......and now my panicky heart is singing.
I am losing weight, I don't know how much as I am not weighing myself at all, but my clothes are looser and I have already deposited a couple of bags at the door of a charity shop. From today that weightloss will be coupled with a more conscious knowledge of the nutrition I am having, so that my inside will be as healthy as I want my outside to eventually be.
I thought I would start this momentous day in my life with a 'sunny' italian inspired brunch, Italian style scrambled eggs and mushrooms panfried in basil oil..
'Italian scrambled eggs'. Blitz 2 eggs with 6 basil leaves, 5g finely grated pecorino cheese, 1 tbsp skimmed milk, and a pinch of celery salt, then finely chop 15g smoked bacon ( you can use pancetta, but the final taste is no different, just the cost) Smear 1/2tsp basil oil in a frypan and heat, then slice 120g large 'meaty' mushrooms and lay in a single layer, cook for 3 minutes and flip over. Heat another frypan ( a really good nonstick one) and pour in the egg mix, leave for 15 seconds, then using a wooden spoon stir to break up, keep stirring and breaking up for anout 1 minute ( depends how you like your scrambled egg) Serve with the mushrooms. 300kcals.
Now I am going to don some gardening gloves and reclaim my once beautiful patio, then get out the drill and put up the sail cover that I purchased 7 years ago, fill a bucket of soapy water and scrub the outdoor lounging suite and if still got time this afternoon I will run up some new cushions and seat pads for the said suite too..
Oh happy day indeed...